Top Ten Things I don’t want to see on the inside of my hardcover books

I am told by informed sources that my long awaited order of the hardcover edition of A Life of Dreams will be delivered to my doorstep between noon and 2:00 pm today, Tuesday, the 11th of 2024. This delivery will kick off a fevered scramble to deliver them all before Pam and I depart for Maine on the 21st of June. When I open the boxes, my heart will be in my throat, since the last time I opened such a box was such an unmitigated disaster. What follows are my Top Ten List of things I DO NOT want to see between the covers:

10. The author’s named spelled incorrectly.

9. A 25% discount coupon for Donald Trump’s God Bless the USA Bible.

8. My 2013 tax return.

7. A product placement on the inside fly leaf from CoffeeMate with the tagline, A Life of Creams.

6. Right after the title page a note that says, “We’ve been trying to contact you about your car’s extended warranty.”

5. Poetry. Anyone’s poetry. Any kind of poetry.

4. A fund raising letter from Joe Biden.

3. Prose. Any kind of prose not written by me.

2. An invoice.

And, the Number 1 thing I DO NOT want to see between the covers…A language other than English.