Cheesy Baked Beans

As many of you know, on occasion Pam asks me to fix dinner. Usually she does most of the prep and my job is simply to put everything in the oven at the right time, set the table and have it ready to serve when she gets home. Thus was the case the other night when I was tasked with grilling up some brats on the grill to serve with Pam’s famous baked beans which she had already mixed up and placed in the Pyrex dish for me to pop in to the oven for 30 minutes prior to go-time. Everything was going swimmingly, after all, I have done this enough times to know the drill. But then…

Ok, every now and then I get out of my lane. Such was the case on an evening last week as I stood over the rich, dark brown dish of baked beans. I saw the bacon in there, the diced green peppers and onions floating around in that tantalizing brown sauce, the tangy aroma of Worcestershire sauce thick in the air.  I remember thinking, “That really looks brown.” Then a wild thought came into my head. When I had opened the fridge to get the beans I had noticed a container of fresh parmesan cheese by itself in the corner. I am something of a cheese freak. I love all kinds of cheese, by itself or slathered on top of basically anything. In a flash of inspiration I thought, “You know, those beans could use a little color…the yellow of the cheese would be perfect…and cheese makes everything better, right?” Before I could stop myself, there I was sprinkling a handful of fresh Parmesan cheese over the top of the beans. It looked amazing. I thought of how proud Pam was going to be of me and my culinary initiative. 

She got home and sat down at the table. I served up the brats and placed the cheese-soaked beans in little glass bowls and set them down in front of her. At first she didn’t even notice. We said the blessing and then turned on our show that we were watching. Eventually Pam placed a spoon into her bowl of beans and when she withdrew it there was a long string of cheese hanging off both sides of the spoon. Her reaction was not what I expected.

Pam: What is this? What the heck? What’s wrong with my beans??

Doug: There’s absolutely nothing wrong with those beans!! Thats some cheese I added. What do you think?

Pam: (giving me the kind of look one might give someone upon discovering that they had used Miracle Whip instead of Mayonnaise on the BLT’s) Why on Earth would you ruin my beautiful baked beans by putting cheese in them??!! What were you thinking?

At this point I realized that offering an excuse that included my idea that the dish needed some color would be problematic. So, I immediately backed off of defense and went for damage control instead…

Doug: Have you tasted them? The cheese makes them creamy!

Pam: Creamy?? Nobody wants creamy baked beans. Who ARE you??

This was over a week ago. You would think she would be over it by now. But just a while ago she asked me if I had any ideas for dinner. When I didn’t answer right away she adds—“And you better not say cheesy baked beans”

Ok, ok. I get it. Never monkey around with a woman’s recipes. But I’m still thinking that cheesy baked beans needs to be given a chance. They might end up being the next big thing, like fried Brussels sprouts. Whoever thought that would happen?