Friday, April 29, 2022

College Loan Forgiveness

Here are just a few random thoughts banging around in my head on this Friday morning:

Worried about the stock market? Its like my proctologist told me last week, “This too shall pass.”

I’ve been hearing a lot about college loan forgiveness lately. It’s a very complicated issue the results of which could have some positive and some negative effects. But whenever this issue comes up I think about the 20 year old prospective lobsterman in Maine. Stay with me!



For some reason, many young men from Maine aspire to one day become lobstermen, owning their own boat and everything, despite it being one of the most physically demanding and dangerous jobs in America. But the State of Maine makes it extremely difficult to do. First, the kid has to enter a two year apprenticeship, providing evidence of a minimum of 1,000 hours of work therein. Then he has to be sponsored by an existing lobsterman, then he has to submit a lengthy and costly application, after which he must wait—sometimes years—before being granted a license. But to make serious money as a lobsterman, you really need to have your own boat, an even costlier obstacle. But even after buying the boat, becoming a successful lobsterman will require a lifetime of grueling work. Those who make it through this gauntlet of training and bureaucracy can make a six figure income—a rarity in Maine. Those who are unfortunate enough to get injured lose everything. So…what does this have to do with forgiving college debt?

Are there any plans in Washington to forgive the $80,000 loan this 20 year old kid from Maine took out to buy that lobster boat? Why not? Is the profession of lobsterman not as valuable to Americans than that of investment banker, lawyer, architect, physician, teacher, salesman?

I fully acknowledge the fact that the cost of a college education has gone up to ridiculous heights over the years, partly because we have convinced millions of high school kids that anything short of a college education will render them unemployable, but mostly because universities are governed as much by greed as any other giant business. I also fully acknowledge that predatory lending practices in the college tuition space have been epidemic and shameful. Additionally, it is a huge problem for our economy that an entire generation have found themselves burdened with college debt to the point where they have opted out of the consumerism that is vital for our continued economic vitality. So, I am open to some form of relief. However, I find it particularly galling that the same government which helped CREATE the problem by making cheap loans available to practically anyone who could fog a mirror are now stepping in to fix the problem they were instrumental in creating!

Then there is the issue of fairness. My understanding of the plan being proposed by Senators Sanders and Warren are that the loan forgiveness will be blankit and NOT means tested which current forgiveness and forbearance plans are. That struggling teacher with $50,000 of college debt making $45,000 a year will get her loan forgiven—-but so will that young podiatrist making $200,000 with $100,000 worth of debt. In addition, the fact of the matter is that this debt forgiveness plan will go down in history as one of the biggest tax-payer giveaways to upper middle class white people since the mortgage interest deduction! The vast majority of the beneficiaries of this largesse will be white kids from suburbia. Once its done, what possible objection can anyone make to whatever reparation package gets introduced for African Americans? I can hear old Al Sharpton now, “So you guys were more than happy to bail out all the white kids with college loans but nobody wants to hand out $50,000 payments to black folks??”

Which brings me back to my lobsterman. What about him and people like him, men and women who decided against college in favor of a trade? Kids who decided to become electricians, plumbers, carpenters, roofers, truck drivers and…lobstermen? Did none of them have to take on debt?

I am not persuaded that blanket debt forgiveness is the answer. I would prefer targeted relief for those most hamstrung by the debt load, using some formula of amount of debt in relation to income etc..As far as those parents like me who financed our kids education? What about us? That’s in the past. There’s nothing that can be done about that. To resent the fact that this relief came too late to help me is both foolish and petty.

Blanket debt relief sets up an already overdrawn government as the savior, the Santa Claus of last resort. It also pays off the debts of both the wise and the foolish, that plucky kid from the projects desperate for a better life along with the entitled and pampered kid from Connecticut who spent $150,000 getting a French Poetry degree and partying like a rock star for six glorious years.

What could possibly go wrong?

Thursday, April 28, 2022

Administrative Assistant Day

Today is Administrative Assistant Day, or rather yesterday was. Luckily for me, the estimable Kristin Reihl was off yesterday since I naturally forgot. For the past eight or nine years (maybe ten), it has been Kristin’s job to see to it that I not forget stuff. No one in America has more job security than Kristin Reihl. A few observations are in order.

Kristin is very much a no nonsense, self-starting, blunt instrument kind of person. Never will she use long flowery sentences when telling me of one of my many mistakes when a simple, “You’re dumb” will suffice. Others will know her as the fiery red head unofficial mayor of Ashland, but around here she is known as the woman who keeps Dunnevant out of jail.

Over the years I have noticed something kinda creepy about her though. Although Kristin and Pam are so different in so many ways, there is an almost cosmic connection between the two when it comes to an alarming number of things. I will start describing something I did or plan to do and she will flash me one of her famous eye rolls and blurt out almost the exact words that Pam blurted out when I described it to her the previous day! In other words, when it comes to my sketchy ideas, the two of them form a monolithic alliance in opposition to me! Its almost like a conspiracy, if I must say so. It goes something like this:

Me: So, I decided to cut the grass, then go for a four mile run on the hottest day of the year yesterday.

Pam: You are an idiot.

Kristin: You are a f***ing idiot

But, aside from this annoyance, Kristin has proven her worth to me a thousand times over since the day I hired her. Pam lives in constant fear that one day Kristin will decide to quit. So do I.

Seriously, it is a rare thing to have an employee who turns out to be a dear and trusted friend. Lucky me.

Tuesday, April 26, 2022

Order

Spend four days helping your kids move into their new house and you learn some things about yourself. For me it was this…I had no idea how much I crave order.



The process of purchasing a home, then moving clear across town from an old apartment to a new place is one of the most stressful things any couple has to go through, especially when you are first timers. My kids handled it beautifully, at least on the outside. They were level headed and composed throughout. One thing that helped in this regard was the absolutely gorgeous Chamber of Commerce weather we enjoyed all weekend long. Delightful breezes, sunny skies and perfect temperatures made all the traipsing up and down stairs much easier than it would have been if it were 90 degrees and humid. But, its a grind, man. The older I get the less able I am to deal with the never ending parade of…stuff…and the boxes that come with it. As of this hour, only one of the 16 million of them has gone missing, one filled with valuable electronics—naturally. I have no doubt that it will turn up eventually. 

We have gotten a couple of pictures from them showing us their organizational progress, here a recognizable office has taken shape, there a tidy bedroom. They are plugging along.

It was only after the nine hour drive home when I walked into my own house that I noticed it…the palpable relief I felt when each room I entered was perfectly in order with no boxes in sight, no evidence of transition anywhere, everything settled. That, and the wildly enthusiastic greeting I received from Lucy, settled my mind and soul. Perhaps you don’t realize how much you value order until you experience its absence for four days. Although the routine of my life may not always be perfectly ordered, disruptions being as dependable as the tides, at least my house is, something that I have now discovered is vital to my sense of well being.

Another thing I have discovered? I am no longer capable of doing 100% of the driving on our many long car trips. Cramping hamstrings combined with sleepiness forced me to relinquish the wheel for a couple hours both ways. Grrrr…

And now this…a friend of ours who has been valiantly fighting an illness has made the decision to call in hospice. We have watched his noble battle via Facebook for quite a while and have marveled at his bravery. He fought the good fight. May God bless him and his family.

Monday, April 25, 2022

Proof of Life

I’m sitting alone in the lobby of the Hampton Inn, choking down really bad coffee, trying to psych myself up for a 9 hour drive back home. My body is a collection of sore, aching joints and unidentifiable pains brought on by three days and nights of loading and unloading, packing and unpacking, and lots of yard work. In addition, a dozen 35-40 minute commutes from southwest Nashville to northwest of Nashville, has taken a toll on the nerves. Nevertheless, it was a productive weekend. The kids are all moved in to their lovely new house. Now the really hard part comes as they must sort through the rooms filled with boxes, and transform the place into a home. At some point, pictures will follow. For the moment, this short dispatch will have to serve as evidence that Pam and I survived and are on our way home to Short Pump.

Wednesday, April 20, 2022

News of the Ordinary

I haven’t posted much here of late, at least compared to my normal output, not because there hasn’t been anything to write about but rather because I have been distracted by other pursuits. Business has been brisk, and the novel I’ve been working on for nearly two years now has been pouring out of my head in torrents after having been reduced to a trickle for months. Last night I wrote a lot because Pam was at a meeting with friends, leaving me on my own for dinner. Since I didn’t feel like going out anywhere I opened the fridge and threw some things together…

There was ham left over from Easter dinner. Accordingly, I opted for a ham sandwich on a toasted English muffin with cheese. To this I added three left over deviled eggs and a helping of Fritos. To round out the meal I decided on heating up three flour tortillas, spreading peanut butter and marshmallow fluff meticulously throughout and rolling them up to resemble cigars…for dessert, washing it all down with a Stone IPA. I’m not sure where this meal would have landed on the food pyramid, or whether of not there was any nutritional value involved, but it was delightful.

What was not delightful was what greeted me this morning on the Drudge Report:



These are the news stories deemed of most interest by this famous aggregator. Take a close look. Not a word about the ongoing war in Ukraine, but everything you could possibly want to know about a washed up actor’s defamation trial. There’s a breathless update about the British Prime Minister’s latest troubles, and the disturbing news that Prince Harry has decided that what America needs is the most pampered and entitled refugee in history. 

It is easy to look at this and come to the conclusion that you live in the most unserious nation on Earth. But the truth is that the vast majority of my fellow citizens never read the Drudge Report. Although more of them know who Johnny Depp is than can name their Senators, the fact is that most of us are not the deranged narcissists that social media tells us we are. We are busy working, raising our families, volunteering our time, buying groceries, bringing all the plants inside the garage to protect them from a late frost, and helping our grown kids move into their first house. But can you imagine how boring it would be to pull up a news aggregator site with those stories splashed across the headlines?

Sunday, April 17, 2022

Happy Easter

It would be very difficult around my house to escape the fact that today is Easter Sunday…











He is Risen…






Friday, April 15, 2022

Hire a Professional

Ahh yes, April 15th. Tax day, the day that we are held to account for calling ourselves American citizens, whereby the price of that citizenship is set. Forty years ago, I was given maybe the best piece of advice I ever received from Dean Horger, a gentlemen not known for dispensing particularly good advice, who said to me, “Dunnevant, if you’re smart you’ll get an accountant to do your taxes for you. I know a guy.”

At the time, it was quite debatable whether or not I was “smart”, but I took Dean’s advice and called his guy…Carl Woo. As a consequence of that call, I haven’t prepared a tax return in over four decades now and wouldn’t know where to start. I often have thought that if some unfortunate accident or illness were to befall Carl, I would be forced to leave the country, forfeit my citizenship and go into hiding. On the downside, I have paid the man a small fortune over forty years. On the upside, he has saved me countless hours of grief, outbursts of profanity, peptic ulcers and mountains of money. Take 2021 for example:

2021 was an unusually profitable year for Dunnevant Financial, made so by a particular transaction upon which I knew that a capital gains tax would become due. As a result of this transaction, I made intentional increases in the amount of taxes I pay the Feds and the Commonwealth of Virginia each month. In addition, to minimize the impact of this transaction on my tax bill, I increased the amount I contribute to my SEP plan, church etc…Even with these moves being made, I had a gut feeling I might still owe a little bit. There was perhaps an outside chance that I might get a small refund, but the chances weren’t good. I made these assumptions solely on instinct since I have no idea how Carl does what he does. All I know is what I earn and what I pay and after forty years you get a feel for these things. A side note—I am not one of those guys who hates paying taxes and feels put upon on April 15th every year. On the contrary, I kinda like safe streets that are paved and well lighted, schools that aren't falling down, a functioning legal system etc, etc. So, as a general rule I have never gone in for Byzantine tax avoidance schemes. I’ve always told Carl, I want to pay every dollar of taxes that I legally owe…but not a penny more.

So, I nearly fell out of my chair yesterday afternoon when I got a two sentence email from the estimable Mr. Woo:

Federal and VA refund of $**,*** and $*,*** respectively.  Will mail returns to you.  attached are the efile authorization.  you and Pam can sign and return at your convenience via email or fax 804 ***-****.  we have filed extensions so no rush.
 
Carl

So, the lesson here is pretty simple. If you are a young business owner out there struggling to establish yourself in the world, find yourself a young accountant who will grow along with you. Hire him. Pay the man or woman the money. Turn your taxes over to a professional. Rid yourself of the headaches and perpetual frustration. In this world you get what you pay for. Then forty years from now you too will be planning on naming a wing of your lake house after your accountant.

Tuesday, April 12, 2022

A Night in the Life

My new “get better sleep routine”.

7:30 pm. Bring up Nationals game on MLB app. Bemoan lack of clutch hitting.

7:45 pm. Start searching archives for terrible Dad Jokes to send to long suffering friends and colleagues.

8:30 pm. Work on latest chapter of novel.

9:30 pm. Take 10 mg Melatonin pill

9:30 pm. Continue writing.

10:00 pm. Escort Lucy outside for famous Last Pee perambulation.

10:02 pm. Encourage Lucy to consider doing her business at some point soon.

10:04 pm. “While we’re young, Lucy…while we’re young!”

10:15 pm. Instruct Alexa to “Turn out the den lights.” Freak Lucy out!

10:25 pm. Perform nightly hygiene routine.

10:30 pm. Climb into bed. Ten minutes later, sound asleep.

3:50 am. Eyes pop open. Glance at clock. Heavy sigh. Nearly break neck tripping over Lucy in route to the bathroom.

4:00 am. Get back into bed, followed closely by Lucy who now wants to sleep where my feet are supposed to be.

4:15 am. Tossing and turning while listening to Pam enjoying the deep sleep of the just.

4:20 am.  Give up on sleep and head downstairs to empty dishwasher, make coffee and write this stupid blog.




Monday, April 11, 2022

Newest Listing in Wythe Trace

I’m beginning to think that the housing market is getting out of hand…


NEW LISTING in fashionable Wythe Trace. $349,000.
Cash offers only.
Inspection waived.
Buyer pays all closing costs.
Title doesn’t necessarily convey.
Great curb appeal.



Sunday, April 10, 2022

Did It.



This morning I read the last chapters of Revelation, completing the 90 day reading plan. There was a much more efficient and tech-savvy way to keep record of my progress of course, but I am irredeemably old school in this regard, preferring as I do the one page tally sheet where I can highlight each day’s reading with a yellow marker. Most days I read, but occasionally I took advantage of the audiobook app on my cellphone. I started out using The Message version of scripture and indeed used it more than any other over the 90 days, but whenever certain books like Psalms came up, I reverted back to the King James because of the beauty and familiarity of the language.

What did I learn? Many things, actually. Most I already knew but needed a reminding. Some things I had never noticed before in previous readings. Some of what I read was disturbing, uncomfortable words to hear in the 21st century. I read things that were profoundly beautiful and soothing, other things that felt like a rebuke. The one thing that strikes you about the Bible is how vulnerable are the heroes. All of the saints and mighty characters of the Old and New Testament are presented in all of their flawed humanity. King David’s bravery and love for God is clearly conveyed, right along side his adultery, murder and cowardly treachery. Moses and Abraham were presented as the powerful men of faith that they were, but we were also told of their missteps, their lying and disobedience. In Jesus’ disciples we see men who were painfully dim-witted, often petty, and nearly universally uneducated, making their heroic deeds post-resurrection seem like maybe the most miraculous thing in all of scripture. In other words, the entirety of scripture seems brutally honest in the extreme. Lest we be tempted to venerate someone, we are told of their worst possible moment, cutting them down to size. This feature of the Bible is encouraging to me and always has been. Perfection of character is not a requirement for approaching God. Good thing.

There are plenty of themes that run throughout all 66 books. Here are just a few I picked up:

- God hates the prideful
- God has a heart for the sick, widows, orphans and the poor and expects us to look after them
- The Law was designed as a guide for human flourishing, keeping the Ten Commandments are still the best way to avoid poverty and human suffering.
- Anything God creates, human beings ultimately screw up.
- No matter how much we screw up, God has bottomless reservoirs of compassion.
- Forgiveness is the most vital ingredient for human happiness and the most difficult to both give and receive.
- The concept of grace is perhaps the most beautiful thing in all of creation.
- There’s a lot of messed up stuff in the Bible…human beings are nuts!

Yes, there are many more themes in the Bible and many of them are of far greater theological importance than these I have listed, but these are the ones that jumped out to me…this time.

Saturday, April 9, 2022

What I’ve Been Up To

I haven’t been posting as often as normal here at The Tempest of late. Its not because I have had nothing to say. There have been many things happening in the world that I could easily have written about. The problem has been that for the past six weeks or so I have been hard at work on my latest novel, one that I started writing almost two years ago, then went dark on for several months, and now have suddenly been churning out chapter after chapter. Back at the end of January, when I was in the fourth month of having written nothing, I decided to publish the first chapter of it here…


Soon afterwards, the floodgates opened and I’ve been busy on it ever since. However, the story’s tone has changed sharply from that opening chapter. I started out writing a somewhat light-hearted story with comic themes, but somewhere down the line the plot got much more serious, so much so that now that opening chapter seems out of tune with what has followed. But, if I’ve learned anything about writing fiction over the years its that you have to go where the characters take you. Who knows, before I’m through they may take me back to the comic themes I started with…or not. I’m still nowhere near finished and at this point—30 chapters in—I still don’t know how it will end. Here’s what I do know..its been great fun.

Now, I suppose its time for another tease…this time Chapter 13. Since it has not been edited or properly proofed, I apologize for any typos, misspellings or dangling modifiers.

13. Breakfast




 The call had been brief, pleasant but perfunctory. “Let’s have brunch at the Phoenix,” Felicia had said. “I’m worried about you.” Kate had accepted partly because she could find no justifiable reason to decline an invitation from a friend who had also been caught flat footed by Danny’s disappearance, but mostly because she hoped to be enlivened by the presence of this particular friend, the one with all the vigor and life. But as she pulled into the parking lot and recognized several of the cars, she questioned her decision. She wasn’t anxious to be on the receiving end of the curious glances, of everyone who had heard all the gossip, each with their own version of the story. The most sinister of them would be delighted to stop by the table to offer their heartfelt concern about all that Kate must be going through face to face. Felicia’s presence would keep the table visits to a minimum. It was convenient, on occasions like this to have an intimidating friend.


Kate saw Felicia from across the large dining room. She glanced down at her watch and noticed that she was ten minutes early. Odd that Felicia would already have been seated. Felicia noticed Kate at the front desk, smiled and lifted her hand in a beauty pageant wave. Felicia stood as Kate approached and gave her a brief hug and whispered, “Thank you so much for coming” into her ear.


The waitress poured black coffee in delicate china cups and placed two leather menus on the end of the table, then retreated leaving them staring at each other, neither knowing how to begin. Finally Felicia began with, “So, Danny called Harry last night. I take it that he also called you. Have you heard anything else from him?”


Kate was surprised by her tone. This was not the Felicia Monk that she knew. There was no lightness, no mischievous grin. She was tense. Serious. Kate hesitated, bought some time by pouring cream into her coffee, watching the bronze gold swirls in the cup. “Yes. He called. He’s coming back home in a few days.”


“A few days?” Felicia seemed suddenly rattled. “It was Harry’s understanding that he would be returning right away.”


The waitress returned and relieved Kate of the burden of having to respond.

“Have you ladies decided on anything?”


Felicia seemed agitated by the interruption and quickly took it upon herself to order for the both of them. “We will both have the eggs Benedict with the melon tray and blueberry scones...unless you want something else, love?” Kate shook her head, grateful for not having had to make a decision. As soon as the waitress took the first step away Felicia began. “Kate, I’m worried about Danny. Something isn’t right. Nothing about him has been right for some time...”


Kate stiffened and found her voice, “You’re worried about Danny? Don’t you mean Harry is worried.”


Felicia, again tense and defensive, “We both are worried, if you must know. But no more than you, I assume.”


Kate took a sip of her coffee. She had known Felicia for many years now. They were people who probably would not have chosen each other as friends. They had been forced together by circumstantial events, yet they had worked well together. But theirs was a friendship with shallow roots, one that had never been tested, never having to endure many dark clouds largely as a result of the raging success of their husband’s collaboration. But now the blue skies were gone. They found themselves sitting across the table from each other at an establishment which had always held great charm for their relationship, but now suddenly felt unfamiliar.


“Honestly, I don’t know what to think of any of this at the moment, Felicia. I listen to him speak and none of it sounds like my husband. I watch him, even the way he carries himself seems...foreign, like I know its him but there’s a seed of doubt. I mean...he was in Mississippi...” the word trailed off unanswered, unanswerable. 


“He needs help, Kate. Professional help.” Felicia extended a hand across the table and gave Kate’s a tender squeeze. “We should have known earlier what with that horrible fight he got into and then...promoting Wayne like that. He’s clearly not thinking right.” 


Kate felt herself bristle at the questioning of Danny’s business decisions but as soon as she thought of a defense, the waitress appeared with a tall skinny man in a dark suit holding their meal aloft and placing it down in front of them one delicate piece at a time. The mustard yellow sauce of the Eggs Benedict running in four rivers down each side of the muffin and ham looked especially small on the large gilded plate. The blueberry scone was glazed with sugar crystals and came with an embroidered napkin draped over the edge of the plate, the melons cut in thin slivers fanned out in the muted colors of out of season tropical fruit. What little appetite either of them had, disappeared with the perfectly set table.



                                                        ###




A bell tingled overhead as Danny entered the mostly empty diner. A heavy set middle aged women, behind what looked like a piece of furniture that might have been a pulpit in a previous life, looked up from her magazine long enough to say, “Sit anywhere you like.” 


Danny looked over the place and wondered where all the Chevy, Ford and Dodge pickup truck owners were. There were empty booths everywhere and only a few tables with paying customers. In the middle of this forlorn enterprise was a long counter  which ran almost the entire length of the dining room. Behind the counter was a waitress and a very large man with enormous forearms wearing a white apron. Danny asked the hostess, “May I sit at the counter?”


“Anywhere you like includes the counter...wait a sec, hon, Billy...does anywhere you like include the counter today?”


The man with the Popeye forearms answered without looking up from his work, “Let me see now...today Saturday?”


“Last I checked...”


“Then the counter is wide open.”


Danny took a seat near the middle where the big man was laboring over a skillet, running a wet sponge over it as steam rose up into his face. The waitress handed him a plastic menu that felt slightly wet to the touch. Danny could feel the cold air from an air conditioning vent overhead, which combined with the heat and steam from the skillet made it feel simultaneously chilly and humid.


“Coffee?”, the waitress said after she had already filled a thick brown mug. “There’s cream and sugar by the napkins.” Then she flitted around Billy and disappeared behind a pair of swinging doors. Danny glanced at his watch. 10:00 AM. He couldn’t resist engaging Billy in conversation, “Your parking lot is nearly full. Where is everybody?”


“You shoulda been in here 4 hours ago. Place was packed. But its Saturday. They all come here for breakfast then leave in two or three vans heading up to Oxford.”


“What’s in Oxford?” As soon as the question had escaped his lips Danny knew he had probably stepped in it. Could he look or sound any more like a stranger?


“I don’t suppose you’re from Missipi...”


Wait, I know this one. Its football and its either Mississippi State or Ole Miss, right?”


The waitress was back and laughed out loud, “Lawdy, don’t say that too loud around here, Mister. It wouldn’t be good for your health! Around here the correct answer is always Ole Miss. So, what can I get ya?”


Danny smiled and answered, “Speaking of things that aren’t good for my health, how about three eggs over hard with three pieces of bacon?” Danny noticed her name tag for the first time...Darlene.


“You want the three peep then.”


“Excuse me?”


“The three peep.” Darlene smiled back. “Its right there on the menu, center column half way down...Three Peep.”


Danny found it. The Three Peep was in fact three eggs any style, three pieces of bacon, or three sausage patties and three pieces of wheat, white or rye toast for $6.99.


Darlene was now leaning on the counter, “You know how when your favorite football team wins a championship then everybody wants them to repeat? Then if they do that, they want them to do it again and if they do they call that a three-peat? And you know that cute little sound that baby chicks make...peep, peep?”


“ A Three Peep. It’s perfect. Then I’ll take bacon and rye toast.”

Danny took a sip of coffee and watched Billy go to work. With his left hand he grabbed three large brown eggs out of a clear plastic container, tapped each with the edge of the spatula he held in his right hand. With an almost indiscernible twitch of his fingers each egg was cracked open, deposited on the skillet and the cracked shells tossed expertly into a hole in the skillet in the back corner, all in one mystifying, one-handed motion. With his empty left hand he picked up two metal salt and pepper shakers, misshapen by use, and deftly covered the now bubbling eggs. Then he opened a small refrigerator box beneath the counter and peeled off three thick slices of bacon from a slab covered in wax paper. They made a sizzling sound when he slapped them next to the eggs on the skillet. The smell was heavenly. Danny watched in fascinated admiration for a while longer before saying, “Looks like you’ve done that a few times.”


“Damn near every day for twenty five years,” Billy replied as he flipped the eggs over with his wooden handled 18 inch spatula which looked as old and weather beaten as Billy.


“That long? That’s amazing.”


“It’s either amazing or its all I’m good at doing, one of the two.”


Danny smiled as Billy dropped rye bread into a toaster. “Well, everybody needs to be good at something, I suppose.”


Billy turned from his work and looked at Danny for the first time. He was wearing thick glasses covered in grease. “So, what are you good at?”


Danny was stunned at the sight of him, but equally thrown off balance by the question. He momentarily thought of saying that he ran an advertising business but that wasn’t really an answer to the question. Instead, he froze a tick too long staring at the man with the coke bottle glasses. Billy threw him a lifeline, “Don’t worry about these glasses. They’re just for show. I can’t see a damn thing with or without them.”


“Then how do you cook?”


“Sense of smell, my friend...and 25 years worth of muscle memory.”


Billy had turned back to his work and busied himself with removing the bread from the toaster, lathering the toast with butter, then flipping the bacon. He reached to a shelf above him and retrieved a thick white oval plate, sat it directly on the skillet and placed three fried eggs, three pieces of bacon, fanned out the toast on the edge of the plate, then wheeled around and placed it perfectly centered in front of Danny, right between the knife and fork on the napkin at his left hand and the spoon at his right. Danny was amazed but decided on silence for the first time in weeks. As he took his first bite of egg, the hostess appeared at his side and in a half whisper said, “Don’t fall for that horse-shit. Billy can see plenty good enough when a cute little skirt walks in here. He could see a lot better if he’d clean those glasses once in a while.”


Billy laughed, “I heard that!”


Then Darlene raced by and added, “Ever notice how every pay day he acts like he’s blind as a bat. Claims he can hardly see where to sign!”


Billy laughed again, louder this time. “Some days are better than others when you’re damn near legally blind”


As Danny ate his breakfast the back and forth continued. It was easily the most delicious bacon and eggs he had ever had. The eggs were crispy around the edges. The bacon thick and crunchy, tinged with the flavor of maple syrup. But as he ate and listened he continued to be haunted by the question...what are you good at? The answer lay somewhere between, “I’m good at advertising” and “I’m nowhere near as good at anything as you are at making bacon and eggs.” 


Danny placed a twenty dollar bill on the counter, thanked everyone for the delicious breakfast then found his rental car in the parking lot. He looked back at the diner and felt a cold sliver of darkness pass through him.















Thursday, April 7, 2022

What a Day!

What a day this is going to be! Its baseball’s Opening Day, and the first round of the Masters.

First, baseball.



There are two teams for all of us to hate, the Yankees and the Dodgers and largely for the same reason—huge market, bloated payroll, and lineups of the biggest stars money can buy. At the other end of the spectrum you have my Washington Nationals who traded away their best pitcher and second best position player last year for prospects. Our lineup this year features Juan Soto, the best hitter in baseball, and a collection of has-beens and never was’. Nevertheless, on April 7th everyone is in first place. Maybe all the stars will be aligned, maybe Strasberg comes back better than ever. Maybe Patrick Corbin can throw strikes. Maybe Nelson Cruz becomes the first player in baseball history to hit 40 home runs after becoming eligible for Social Security. Maybe Victor Robles learns how to hit. If not, it will be fun watching Juan Soto walk 175 times.

Now, The Masters.




The 2022 version is all about Tiger Woods and frankly, it should be. The fact that he is even playing at all is a miracle. The idea that after nearly losing his leg 17 months ago, the dude thinks not only that he can compete, but that he can walk Augusta National is beyond my comprehension. I have walked that course as a spectator and it wore me out. I was sore for two days! Its easily the hilliest golf course I have ever seen. But this is Tiger Woods we’re talking about. What do I think will happen? I don’t think he will make the cut. What will happen? I would put absolutely nothing past him, but I will say that if Tiger Woods wins the Masters, it will be the most miraculous athletic accomplishment in the history of sport. If he even makes the cut, the debate over who is the best golfer of all time will be over for me. Will I be watching on Sunday if Tiger is in contention? Are you kidding? Me and 100 million other people around the world!

Other agenda items for Thursday, April 7, Day five of the week of my birthday.



A workout featuring sit-ups, pushups and various exercises with 15 pound dumbbells. A 3 mile run. A writing session for the novel I’m working on. Paying April’s first half bills. A full house vacuuming session.

…life on the razor’s edge.

Tuesday, April 5, 2022

Birthday Thoughts

My 64th birthday is now in the books. I spent it with my wife and daughter down in Columbia, South Carolina. Spending time with my adult children is a rarity at this point in our lives, so it was a special time. Kaitlin knows her father quite well, as was evident when I opened my present from her…


Just in case you are unable to read the fine print, this is a collection of exotic meats jerky, everything from alligator to camel and come with Buffalo Bob’s Big Game freshness guarantee. The collection comes complete with four hot snacks, elk smothered in jalapeño pepper sauce, and a special Cajun spiced alligator stick. This box of delicacies will give me literally weeks of taste bud thrills as I count down the days until Maine. Plus, I can mail in the logo from the front of the box back to Buffalo Bob and get a free 25 count bottle of Pepcid! As an added bonus, these jerky strips have so many preservatives, the box says, “consume by August of 3022.”

The rest of the week of my birthday will be spent in leisurely pursuits as I use the week to get away from the pressures of my profession. I will play some golf, do some writing, and putz around in my yard getting it ready for summer.

Like many people my age I am finding that each year I enjoy my birthday less and less. Somewhere along the line I discovered that I wasn’t a huge fan of being reminded of my age. Don’t misunderstand, I’m not one of those guys who constantly wishes he could turn back time and be young again. Absolutely not! I can’t think of anything worse than being asked to live again as a 30 year old. No thanks. Those were terribly difficult years. Paying the bills every month was a stomach-churning high wire act. No, I have no desire to endure the hours I put in working in my 30’s. My problem with birthdays now is the conflict I feel between gratitude for life’s many blessings and the sometimes agonizing feeling that I am running out of time.

I have enjoyed my share of success in this life. I have an amazing family and wonderful friends. When I took a moment yesterday to read through all the birthday wishes on Facebook it was a reminder of how many terrific people I have had the good fortune to meet during my life. But every year as April 3 approaches, I begin to feel a gnawing discomfort. It’s hard to describe accurately, partly because I’m not even sure what it is myself. What it boils down to is the feeling that I haven’t done that one big thing yet…something great. Sure, I married the right woman, brought two amazing people into this world, both could reasonably be described as great accomplishments. But, I can’t shake the thought that it isn’t enough. There has to be something else that I need to do. If there is, then at 64…I am running out of time to do whatever it is that lives nameless and rent free in my head.

But, until I figure it all out, I have a box of exotic dried meat From Buffalo Bob to distract me.

Saturday, April 2, 2022

Our Spring Break Plans

So, this morning Pam and I are heading down to visit our daughter in South Carolina. Her husband is out of town and she is by herself and since this circumstance coincides with her mother’s Spring Break she naturally thought that the ideal Spring Break for Pam would be coming down to Columbia and waiting on her hand and foot. To remind me of what we are in for, late last night she sent me some screenshots of one of our text conversations from several years ago. Her comments are in the dark gray, my dumbfounded responses are in the light gray…








….fathers and daughters.