Heaven on Earth

Now that the Yankees have been eliminated from the playoffs and the world is now back to spinning merrily on its axis, I can get back to other concerns. Of course by other concerns, I mean finding and disseminating the absolute worst Dad Jokes known to exist anywhere in the free world. Like:

Have you heard about that new strain of lice that are resistant to conventional treatments?

They have scientists scratching their heads.

What do you get when you divide a pumpkin’s circumference by it’s diameter?

Pumpkin Pi

I keep asking what LBGTQ stands for...

But I can never get a straight answer.

You may have noticed, (or not), that I haven’t been writing as many posts here recently. It’s because of this bizarre novel I’m writing. I’ve never experienced anything like it. My two previous books took between 6 and 8 months to write. This one has been flying out of my head and onto the page at all hours— morning, noon and night for just under 2 months now and I’m almost done. My friend with cancer says it reminds her of her diarrhea—which I found hysterically funny. The fact that she can find humor in her circumstances is remarkable. Anyway, between watching post season baseball and writing this story, The Tempest has gotten the short end of the stick. I intend to remedy this at some point very soon. I wouldn’t want any of you jumping out of windows from the overwhelming disappointment of not getting your Tempest fix. On the other hand, I’m sure there are plenty of you who are asking yourselves the question, “How can we miss him if he never leaves??” A fair point.

Getting back to the Evil Empire, watching the Yankees get beaten in the postseason every year for the past decade or so has been something very close to what I imagine heaven will be like. But last night was something special. There was their 330 million dollar walking hamstring pull, Giancarlo Stanton, riding the pine...their golden boy Aaron Judge getting doubled off first base, and their wife-beating closer getting lit up by the smallest player on the field, Jose Altuve. I mean if that’s not heaven, what is???