Beware The New Killer in the Kitchen

I recently read a scholarly article that made the case that we are currently living in the most peaceful time in the entire history of the world. That may be true, but that doesn’t mean that modern life isn’t without grave dangers. Sometimes, those dangers are an unintended consequence of what we euphemistically call...progress. For example, in our panicked rush to save the planet we have unleashed a new and deadly killer into our midst...

That’s right, metal straws. In our zeal to eliminate waste, to cleanse landfills of billions of one-use plastic straws, some wise guy came up with the idea of metal straws. My wife fell for them hook, line and sinker...

And while the concept is good, it’s always the unintended consequence, the potential for misuse that winds up biting you in the backside. Take this ghastly story, for example...

BOURNEMOUTH, England – A retired jockey died when she fell onto an eco-friendly metal drinking straw which impaled her eye, an inquest heard.

Elena Struthers-Gardner, 60, who was known as "Lena," suffered brain injuries in the accident at her home in Broadstone, England.

She was carrying a mason-jar style drinking glass with a screw-top lid in her kitchen when she collapsed. The 10-inch stainless steel straw entered her left eye socket and pierced her brain.

Her death has led to a coroner warning that metal drinking straws should never be used with a lid that fixes them in place, and “great care should be taken” while using them.

This poor woman was minding her own business, basking in the serenity of her well earned retirement from horse racing, when she suffered her tragic end at the hands of her metal straw, a possibility that the metal straw manufacturer surely knew was inevitable. Was there a product warning on the straw advising users to refrain from falling forward and being impaled through the eye? No. And even if there were, who would have the eyesight necessary to read such tiny print? Certainly not 60 year old retired jockeys.

Question: Have you ever heard a coroner warm anyone to take “great care” when using a plastic straw? I think not. In the old days, we didn’t need to walk around on pins and needles while sipping our sweet tea from Tervis Tumblers lest we get run through the eye with our straw! We all know not to run with scissors, but I suppose now it’s going to be...don’t run with scissors or walk with straws.

Is this really progress?