“Do I plan on visiting China anytime soon? No. But am I planning on losing one minute of sleep over the latest pandemic apocalypse? Puhleeze.”
In literary circles this is what is known as irony. In regular circles its called being wrong.
I suppose that technically speaking I could claim that I am not, in fact, losing sleep over the virus itself but rather its effects, specifically on the equity markets. But, losing sleep I am. Unfortunately for me, I cannot while away the wee hours staring into my new 55 inch TV at some random sporting event, because they have all been cancelled. I was perfectly fine when they cancelled the NCAA tournament. I shed not one tear when I heard that both the NBA and NHL seasons had been dropped. But when I discovered that baseball’s spring training had been cancelled and opening day postponed a minimum of two weeks? Well, that’s when it got serious.
I don’t remember where I was or what I was doing at the time, but I had an epiphany of sorts about all of this the other day. Somebody was listing all of the at risk groups, the ones with the most to fear from catching the thing. It was on in the background. I was only half paying attention. When suddenly I picked up a couple of phrases that got my attention:
Over 60. History of heart issues including blood pressure. History of lung issues, including asthma. People who have had strokes.
Somehow, in all the hoopla and hysteria running rampant throughout the country, I had completely missed the salient point that...I am at risk.
First of all, how can this be? How on earth did this happen? How in the name of all that is Holy have I become a 61 year old man? Here I was worrying about my wonderful, elderly clients, spending all my time worrying about the friends I have who are older and currently not in the greatest of health. It had seriously never dawned on me that I might actually be vulnerable to the thing.
So, what’s my plan? Do I plan on flipping out and running all over town snapping up every available roll of toilet paper like the number one symptom of COVID-19 is Diarrhea? Heck no! Am I going to cancel all activities of daily living and cloister myself in a closet in my house? NO! What I am going to do is exactly what the professionals at the CDC tell me to do. I’m going to wash the hell out of my hands like it’s my job, singing a complete verse of Penny Lane while doing so—exactly 20 seconds long. I’m going to greet people with an elbow bump. No hugging, no hand shakes. I’m not going to touch things like bathroom doorknobs, or grocery cart handles without either gloves on or a handkerchief in my hand. I will cover my mouth before coughing or sneezing in public. In addition, if I have the slightest fever or feel even slightly ill—with anything— I will stay the heck home and do my business from my home office.
Eventually this country will recover (including the stock markets) from this virus. But until we do, I will make prudent changes in my routine and my behavior out of naked self interest, but also for the love of my neighbors and friends. In time of National crisis, this country has always pulled together to help each other through. Why don’t we all bypass the clowns in Washington and start doing the wise, smart, and loving things like helping each other, taking care of each other? Maybe we will collectively shame them into bringing the power of government into this fight for the benefit of everyone.
Be safe out there, ladies and gentlemen. And keep a sharp eye out for someone who might need your help.
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