Peace-lite

I attended a Bible study last night at my church. This isn’t something our church does in mass very often. We are a small group oriented congregation. But last night’s study was entitled, The Gospel and…Peace. I was interested in the subject so I went.

It was led by David Dwight, our senior pastor, a super smart dude who has a gift for making even the most complex theological subjects accessible and clear. He talked and I listened.

We sat at large tables. The auditorium was packed, probably 250 people or more. I met a couple who were brand new to our church and brand new to Richmond. Nice people. There were cookies and coffee, a Q&A after the study and a time for table discussion. I left as flummoxed by the concept of peace as I have ever been.

David was eloquent. He explained all about the nature of peace and how it is defined in scripture etc etc. When it came time for discussion with my table mates I asked this question: Has anyone at this table ever been totally at peace? A couple of them answered in the positive, using examples from their lives that were quite comforting. My answer was and remains…No. Never.

The closest I come to peace is my time in Maine each year. Being on that lake, emerged in nature’s beauty, fishing in the quiet of the morning from my kayak is as peaceful as I have been. But it’s never complete peace. No matter how perfect the day, how idyllic the conditions, there is always a part of my brain that is alive with turbulence. It has always been so, and here’s the thing—I’m not sure I want complete and perfect peace. I don’t know what I would do with it. Let me explain.

I can only speak from my own experience on this subject and when I do I understand full well that I am an outlier. My mind is never at rest. Even my body is seldom at rest. The most difficult part of last night was sitting still for the entire hour and a half, (I couldn’t, incidentally, spending twenty minutes or so standing up in the back of the room). I am always thinking about what’s next, trying to anticipate what’s coming, consequently, there is never anything approaching mental stillness. If you’re thinking that this sounds exhausting and strange, you might be right. But in my 42 year business career it has served me well. It’s that very restlessness that motivates me to action and accomplishment. In addition, as a writer my mind is always searching and probing stuff trying to discover inspiration. For me I have always thought that peace isn’t attainable for people like me this side of eternity, and I suppose I’m ok with that.

I wish is wasn’t so. Being able to turn off the constant churning of thoughts and ideas bouncing around inside me would be nice. For now, I’ll settle for peace-lite.