But this isn’t a blog about a bridal shower, which will come as a huge relief to my male readers, no doubt. No, this is a blog about Lucy. In the week leading up to this shower she has been walking on eggshells what with all the boxes and furniture rearranging and what not. Lucy isn’t a big fan of things moving around in her house. Whenever we put all the leaves in the dining room table she knows that something big is in the works and begins snooping around giving everything the side eye. So yesterday, about an hour before the guests were due to arrive, we banished her to the upstairs for the duration. Then we were free to garnish the downstairs with the final flourishes which included several balloon bouquets like the one in the above photograph. Fast forward to four hours later...
It was time for Lucy to be released from jail and taken out for what was sure to be a long awaited constitutional. But half way down the stairs she stopped in her tracks when she spotted the balloons tied to the banister at the foot of the stairs. No, no...this would not do. Lucy was not about to budge until the horrifying balloons were dispatched! Pam quickly removed them and eventually the poor girl was persuaded that it was safe to continue. I then grabbed the leash and told her it was time for a potty break which she was very happy to hear. As soon as I opened the front door, she eagerly bolted for the porch....only to immediately slam on the brakes when confronted with yet another balloon bouquet monster attached to the rail at the bottom of the porch steps!! If it were even possible, this batch was even more terrifying than the first since these danced in the wind!! “What da hek?” I somehow managed to coax her to slink down the front steps ever so slowly, keeping a sharp eye out for sudden movements from the hecking balloon demons. As soon as she was clear, she bolted down the sidewalk and around the corner, then raced down the driveway to her favorite urinating spot. But, what’s this???? Again, she applied the brakes. There, tied to the mailbox was a third grouping of the sinister new terrors to invade her happy home. That was it. She immediately squatted down and relieved herself right in the driveway...a first...and turned around to head back to the house. But there was no way she was going back up the front steps. So, I took her back through the garage, a balloon-free zone.
This morning, Lucy still hasn’t come down the stairs. Fortunately for her, the balloons are gone...except for one that somehow in the night broke free from the porch railing and drifted into the night sky, only to become lodged in the pine tree branches in the front yard. Hopefully Lucy will not notice. If she does, I will have to employ my BB gun to deflate the monster.
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