Time For The Halloween Hustle

Halloween. Trick or Treat. It’s perhaps the most family oriented of all holidays, being based as it is on the concept of extortion of the old by the young. Throngs of toddlers and other miscreants roam the neighborhood cleverly disguising their identities, approaching house after house demanding that adults hand over candy under the threat of the disturbing yet undefined trick that will befall anyone who doesn’t pony up. This, of course, is the infamous protection racket made famous by the Cosa Nostra of the Old Country and the Mob in this country during the late 19th and early 20th century. Despite its roots in organized crime, Halloween still persists and in recent years has even grown in popularity as more and more adults have started getting into the spirit of the day. One can hardly walk into any public accommodation on Halloween these days without seeing full grown men and women decked out in all manner of outrageous outfits. From personal experience I can attest to the fact that it’s quite difficult to take seriously a dental hygienist dressed as a tube of toothpaste...

But, I suppose it is all harmless fun, especially in 2020 when we have all been living in a virtual Halloween for the past 8 months. So, tonight Pam and I will participate in our neighborhood’s new socially distant Halloween protocols. We will set up our candy station at the end of our driveway. All of the candy will be prepackaged in individual bags to prevent the little darlings from thrusting their filthy, germ-besotted mitts into a communal bowl of treats...

Pam and I will be seated at a safe distance behind the extortion table, where we can see their adorable little outfits without fear of contamination. Behind us I will have made a roaring fire in our Solo Stove. This serves two purposes, to keep us warm and also as a place where I can place my blinking sign pointing into the blazing fire...

...warning what will befall any age-inappropriate participants.

Of course, we have set aside special treats for the three darlings who live next door. We can’t help ourselves. They are the sweetest things you ever saw. I apologize in advance to their long suffering parents for how we consistently spoil them rotten at every opportunity...