My Other Life

Recess is apparently over. Since my parents did not leave me a sizable fortune when they passed, and since I didn’t marry a rich girl, and since I have not already accumulated a vast personal fortune (probably because I keep going to Maine for months at a time), today I head back to the office. Once there I will endure a gauntlet of trash talk from my friends. The air will be thick with invective, and mock-vitriol. I will be called lots of unflattering things. Comments will be made about my abysmal work ethic, how awesome the work environment has been since I left, the amount of weight I have put on, along with pleading entreaties begging me to return for a winter adventure in Maine! “Great, Dunnevant’s back. That means the average IQ of this office just took a hit.”

Actually, that’s something I would say. None of them are nearly as clever. But, I have taught all of them everything I know about trash talk, and every time I return from Maine, I feel an odd sense of pride. They all get better every year. I guess I’m just a natural teacher!

As I return to my other life, I must re-engineer my mind back to Business-mode. I must start thinking about business-y things again. I am helped in this regard by reading through the Wall Street Journal for an hour or so at the crack of dawn. It gets me caught up on all the latest information in the marketplace. Yesterday, I went in to an empty office to clear the detritus that had accumulated in my absence. Fortunately, my crack assistant had already cleared most of it away, leaving my desk clear and ready for action. While I have been away, she has been busy cleaning out and organizing my filing system. I have sensed a great disturbance in the force as she has been so engaged, even from a safe distance of 800 miles. My fast and loose organizational skills have been a constant source of irritation to her over the years. I fear that my name was used in vain on many occasions over these past four weeks. 

But I’m ready. For the most part I like what I do for a living. I enjoy the people I work with. Plus, our offices have heat, air conditioning and working toilets. What’s not to like?

Finally, in preparation for getting back to the grind, I had to consult my life-coach...Gary Larson:

Now I’m ready.