Marco Polo

Photo credits: Chip Hewette 

So, about a month or so ago my wife organized this Marco Polo group text thing among some of the Dunnevant ladies. For those of you who might not know, Marco Polo is this app that allows you to send video texts to people. Anyway, she named the group, The Hip Sisters. They’ve been going hot and heavy ever since. No guys are allowed, but sometimes Pam lets me watch some of the back and forth and I am here to tell you, these ladies talk about...everything. Sometimes it’s terribly serious and earnest where they share very personal stuff about the kids and struggles at work etc...Other times it’s silly stuff. But, do they ever go on and on. They all talk about how great it has been in bringing them closer together. The whole thing has gotten me thinking about what this Marco Polo thing might work if it were...just the men in the family. I can’t imagine anything in the world more painfully awkward than a group video text with a group of...dudes. Any group of dudes. Especially, the guys in my family. Hmmm...I wonder how it would go?

Me: Ok, since this was my idea, I suppose I should set the ground rules. The purpose of this thing is to bring us all closer together so we can, you know, like share our feelings and stuff...about life, or whatever.

...long awkward silence...

Bill: Ok, I’ll go. I feel a little constipated. Not terrible, but its been a couple of days now...

Ron: ExLax works well for me. But just one. Took two once and won’t make that mistake again...

Patrick: I’ve heard that natural remedies work far better than those corporate laxatives with their harsh chemicals. Sarah swears by baking soda and warm water.

Me: My son...the laxative expert. What do you know about being backed up? You’re too young to even know what it feels like!!

Bill: Back in my day Mom made us eat baked beans three meals a day.

Matt: Guys, I don’t think this was what they meant when they said, “talk about your feelings.”

Paul: Yeah...

Jon: I saw a red-breasted sap-sucking grouse the other day. First time ever.

Ryan: Who cares?

Patrick: Whoa dude, that’s harsh!

Ryan: Look, I’m just on this thing because Mom has made such a huge deal about it. 

Me: Listen guys, I get it. This whole thing is weirding me out too, but we’ve got to make an attempt here. Ok, how about I throw out a question for everyone to answer as a way to stimulate some discussion?

Matt: Who died and put you in charge?

Patrick: Yeah Dad...who elected you dictator of Marco Polo??

Donnie: Wait, can anybody hear me? How do you turn this thing on?

Me: Ok...how about this...does anybody have any prayer requests?

Ryan: Yeah, how about we pray for a massive collapse of the Marco Polo server?

Bill: And if that didn’t work it was broccoli for a week.

Jon: Bill, we’re not talking about constipation any longer...

Ryan: Or bird watching, thank God!

Donnie: How come everybody looks upside down on my screen?

Matt: Jenny tells me they laugh a lot over at The Hip Sisters Marco Polo.

Patrick: Well, Matt...maybe you should go join their group!

Paul: I already tried that. They have a strict NO MEN ALLOWED policy.

Bill: Isn’t that sexist?

Me: Let’s not get into politics...

Donnie: Now you are all side ways!!

Yeah...I think we’ll leave the Marco Polo to the ladies.