Game Six. A Beautiful and Ugly Thing

I was there, in front of the TV, for every pitch of game six in 1975 when Carlton Fisk delivered. I watched every gut-wrenching inning of the epic game seven dual between Jack Morris and John Smoltz in 1991. I nearly cried when poor Bill Buckner let Mookie Wilson’s slow roller through his legs in game six in 1986. But nothing in my wild and varied baseball history prepared me for what I witnessed last night in St. Louis. It was simply the most thrilling, exciting, baseball game I have ever seen. Ever.

First of all, I should point out the fact I have no dog in this fight. I hold no strong feelings for either club. I have watched nearly every inning of all six games of this series because, well, because I am an unrepentant baseball guy and that means that no matter who is playing in the post season, you watch. As the series has played out I have found myself leaning towards the Rangers, primarily because their manager is a whirling dervish of little league, wild-eyed joy in the dugout. Also, they appear to be the better team, with more depth, and at least on paper, a better bull-pen. But, my loyalty to the game has rewarded me handsomely in this series. Each game has been an edge-of-the-seat thriller, culminating last night in what can only be described as a collision of Shakespearean drama and Greek tragedy.

I am not a sports writer so if you want to know the pitch by pitch details you’ll have to consult Sports Center or Yahoo Sports. Suffice it to say that if a script writer turned in this whooper in Hollywood, the suits would laugh him out of the room. The two remaining teams in the big leagues , on the games’ biggest stage committed 5 errors in the first 7 innings, some, the comic variety, including David Freese who dropped a routine pop up at third base. A pitcher threw a pick off attempt wildly into center field. An all-star outfielder dropped a fly ball. There were botched double plays, wild pitches, and balls being bobbled around all over the place. But it wasn’t just the players doing weird things, the two managers put on a clinic of how NOT to manage a baseball team. Tony Larussa ran out of position players in the 8th inning of what turned out to be an 11 inning game, leaving him no choice but to send pitchers up to pinch hit. And Ron Washington, while a fresh and entertaining personality isn’t exactly a tactical genius. His decision making process with regards to the use of relief pitchers is, lets just say, a thing of profound mystery. No, this game wasn’t awesome because it was a showcase of virtuosity. It was awesome because each player on both teams over the last 3 innings just refused to give up, refused to lose.

After going ahead 7-4 on back to back home runs in the seventh inning, the Rangers lead looked safe even after St. Louis got a run back in the eighth, because the Texas closer, Neftali Feliz would pitch the 9th. With two outs, two on and two strikes on the Cardinal batter, the Rangers were one strike away from glory when David Freese,( yeah, THAT David Freese, the one who dropped the pop-up ) , tripled off the right field wall to tie the game and send it to extra innings. In the top of the 11th, the Rangers best player, Josh Hamilton who has been battling a painful groin injury the entire post season, came up with a man on base. It has been painful to watch this kid try to swing a bat. Every time he swings and misses, its everything he can do to keep from grabbing his crotch and doubling over on national TV. He has been reduced to weak arms only swings that have produced ground ball singles and not much else. Until now. In Kirk Gibson fashion, he pounds a ball deep into the right-center field stands and everyone in the stadium and everyone watching on television had the feeling that they had witnessed one of the greatest home runs in world series history. It was perfect, the struggling star guts it out the whole series and finally hits a miraculous bomb that leads his team to victory. Unfortunately for Hamilton, his home run is only a footnote because the bottom of the 10th had to be played. This time the Rangers would once again come within one strike of a world championship, and once again a Cardinal hitter would somehow come through with a clutch hit to tie the game and send it deeper into the night.

I looked at the clock. It was 12:45. I had been watching this game for 4 hours and 30 minutes. The lead off hitter for St. Louis in the 11th was our friend Mr. Freese. Did I mention that the kid is actually from St. Louis? Yeah, he’s a home town boy. The eighth pitcher of the night for Texas threw a 95 mph fastball and the kid hit it 400 feet into the grass field right behind the center field wall. 10-9. The Cardinals win and there will be a game seven tonight for the first time since 2002. I have no idea who will win. Can the Rangers recover from being within one pitch of victory not once but twice? Will the Cardinals have used up their ration of clutch hitting and suffer a mental and physical let down after so dramatic a win? I have no idea, but I will be watching. Won’t miss a pitch. These are the boys of summer, and at a time when much of life in America disappoints, these guys never do in October.

Week 8...I've got a bad feeling...

My 31-11 record over these past seven weeks makes me think that either I have an intuitive proclivity for this business ….or, I am living on borrowed time and the law of numbers is about to bite me in the “you-know-where”. This weeks’ games are all difficult. Something tells me that I am due for an off week. So, with all of that negativity and foreboding working against me, here I go:


Auburn vs. LSU

Although LSU remains unbeaten and is ranked number 2 in the nation, each week, it seems, they lose yet another player to some sin of the flesh. This week they are without the services of their best defensive player, who along with two of his teammates, just couldn’t resist firing up a “synthetic “ joint. Luckily for the Tigers, the suspension expires just in time for the stars to return for the big game against Alabama in a couple weeks. Funny how that worked out. So, looks like Auburn is catching a break. Won’t matter, since the back-ups for LSU are probably better than Auburn’s starters. LSU 28-17.

Wisconsin vs. Michigan State

Ok, here’s the deal. I watched some of the Michigan State win over Michigan and I’m here to tell you, the Spartans have an offense that is offensive to watch. They set back the forward pass decades. Even Woody Hayes thinks they need to open up the play book! But those dudes look pretty stout on defense. Wisconsin on the other hand comes in with a gaudy record of pounding the day-lights out of pathetic teams. Who can forget their epic battles with the likes of UNLV, South Dakota, Northern Illinois, and Indiana? Well, its October 22 and they are finally getting ready to play an away game against a quality foe. Love Russell Wilson. Michigan State seems to have an awful lot of white guys, usually a bad sign in big games. Hmmm. Wisconsin wins but not impressively enough to keep from dropping in the polls…20-14.

Washington vs. Stanford

Yes. I have a bias against west coast football. This will be my first and probably last time picking the winner of a Pac-10 game ( …or is it Pac 12??). The reason I don’t care for west coast football is because there’s just something incongruous about California and football. I know, I know USC used to be awesome. But for me, football is the south and the Midwest. California is for surfers. It’s a place where all the girls want to be actresses and all the guys want to be ..girls. I don’t know man, just not feeling any Washington vs. Stanford vibe. So I’ll go with the team that has the best quarterback. Stanford wins 33-28.

N.C. State vs. UVA

Last week Mike London and the boys got their signature win against the 12th ranked team in the country, Georgia Tech. Good for them. But to make that win have real meaning, he needs to follow it up by beating a team that UVA should beat. The wolf pack stinks in just about every way and even though UVA stinks probably just as bad, they should be able to win this despite playing in front of the worst football fans in history…” Why Buffy, I do believe we missed the entire third quarter because you insisted on getting that mint-julep recipe from Millicent Fenweather. But not to worry, my love, we still have more runs than the other team.” UVA 19-13.

Maine vs. UR

My spiders are in a rebuilding year. That’s what you say when you used to be great and now you suck. We have a decent quarterback who throws the ball all over the field. Unfortunately, we have a defense that lets the other guys run all over the field more. Maine’s only loss was a 35-29 near upset of division 1 Pitt. They are tough, play terrific defense, and they all have annoying down-east accents. Maine will throttle my spiders 40- 28.

St. Louis vs. Texas

In case you weren’t aware, the World Series is being played. But since neither the Yankees, Red Sox, or Phillies are playing there are like 16 people in the country actually watching the thing. Well, you idiots are missing out. They have both played some terrific baseball. Although I don’t have a rooting interest in either team, the Rangers have been growing on me, especially their wild man manager Ron Washington, who seems to be in love with the game and shamelessly cheers like a proud parent every time his team does something good. Its quite charming to watch someone so overflowing with joy in the midst of so much pressure and seriousness. To watch Ron Washington in the dugout in a rally is to be reminded that it is after all a game and should be above all else...fun. Rangers 6-5.

Parenthood, best show on TV

Tonight Pam and I settled in with a marvelous dinner to watch Tuesday nights’ episode of Parenthood. For those of you who don’t know, Parenthood is the best show on TV since “24”, and possibly the best family drama of all time. However, this particular episode was a classic illustration of the difference between men and women, and more importantly why every family needs a strong father. The fact that Pam and I saw the same scene so differently just serves to prove my point.

Sarah is one of the main characters in the show and although quirky and semi-adorable at times, she is also a complete train wreck at other times. She has two teenage children and is raising them as a single Mom with prodigious amounts of help from her siblings and especially her Dad, Zeke ( one of my favorite characters on the show ). The father of Sarah’s two kids is a drug-addicted, ne’er do well who was so violent and despicable when he was her husband, that she was forced to leave him three years ago and move back home with her parents back when the show started. So, in this episode, good old Seth shows up out of nowhere, gets into a drunken brawl in a bar and calls Sarah to come rescue him literally from the gutter. By the end of the episode Seth has made the decision to enter rehab and Sarah goes to Zeke for some money to pay for it all. Seth and Sarah hold hands in front of their two incredulous kids and determine that they will get through this together “as a family”.

Here’s where the whole differences between men and women come in. Zeke absolutely refuses to pay a dime for Seth’s rehab. You know why? Because Zeke had to watch the hell that this bum put his daughter through the entire time he was whoring around and doing drugs when he should have been providing for her and their children. Zeke has had to stand by helpless as he watches his grandchildren struggle with feelings of inadequacy because their bum of a father couldn’t be bothered with raising them. Zeke is doing what every good father is wired to do, look after the best interests of his family and protect them from deadly predators.

So Sarah goes to her sister Julia, the well-off lawyer and her stay at home husband Joel for the money. Of course Joel says yes and in an impassioned speech says to a frustrated Zeke words to this effect…”Sarah has made a decision with her heart and you need to honor that.” Pam practically swooned at the sweetness and support that Joel showed in the scene, and I must admit, I do like Joel but get real. It’s one thing to show all this support and sweetness when you have no skin in the game. Sarah isn’t HIS daughter. Joel wasn’t around when Seth was beating Sarah up when the kids were toddlers. Besides, Joel is a stay at home Dad, and as such has probably lost a few mph’s on his fastball. I would also suggest that Joel will be singing a different tune 20 years from now when some drunk loser breaks little Sydney’s heart.

Every family needs a Zeke, someone who isn’t afraid to be the bad cop and put an end to all of the bleeding heart, give peace a chance nonsense that would abound if Mom’s and Sisters ruled the world. Here’s whats going to happen . Seth is going to get through rehab by some fakery, then further worm his way back into Sarah’s life to the point that she will then plead with Crosby and Adam to give him a job at their recording studio ( Seth was a musician in a rock band back in the day ). He will then succeed in poisoning the entire Braverman family dynamic. All because the women of the family ( and Joel ) wouldn’t listen to Zeke when he reminded them all that Seth had never done anything good for their family in his entire life.

Its ok Zeke. At least you tried to warn them!

The Disappearance........the conclusion

After travelling the back roads of the southeast for six months, camping at night and drifting about during the day, he found himself at the southern end of Route 1 in Key West, Florida. And it was here that he settled. He grew a beard and took up the name, Sandy Baker. He found a room to rent and landed a series of jobs as a dish-washer, grounds-keeper, and finally as a first mate on a private charter fishing boat ironically named the “Escape”. Everyone who knew Sandy liked him. He worked whenever he could and when he couldn’t, spent lots of time in small, out of the way bars as far away from the big crowds of Duval Street as possible. He found himself drinking a lot, and enjoying it quite a bit. Although if he had too much, he had a tendency to talk, so he tried to keep his heavy drinking to a minimum. He made no close friends but was friendly to everyone he met. The 100,000 bucks was holding up rather well, even after three years. It was amazing how far money would go when you didn’t own anything, he thought. In his poverty, he had become rich.

He thought about his family very little and about the life he had left behind even less. Every once in a while, usually after a night of drinking, he would allow himself to wonder how the family was getting along without him. One particular night he found himself in a discussion with a twenty-something year old kid named Bobby, who was in deep trouble with his girlfriend and his little son.
“What do you really want to do kid?” Sandy asked. Tears were in Bobby’s eyes and his hands began to shake. He looked up from his drink and whispered, “What I really want to do is get in my car, drive as far and as fast away from here as I can, and never look back.”
Sandy smiled and whispered back, “ Why don’t you do it then? Just disappear!”
“Are you nuts? I couldn’t do that…I could never ever do that. What about my kid?”
“You know what your trouble is Bobby?” Sandy began to sober up and his voice became clear, his diction precise. “Your trouble is that you don’t understand your calling. You are born into this world to be free. But with the passage of time you become enslaved by family and other so–called moral obligations, and before you know it, half of your life is over and you’ve done nothing for yourself. We aren’t placed into this world for the benefit and comfort of others, Bobby. Every man should be a king.”
Bobby stared back at the bearded middle-aged sun burnt face as if seeing it for the first time. “ So, what the hell are you the king of?”
“The rest of my life Bobby, the rest of my life.”
“Well, from the looks of things, the rest of your life is off to a rousing start.”

Only every once in a while would Sandy allow such conversations.

One day it all began to unravel. The Escape got chartered by a group of 10 very loud and boorish salesmen from some bank in New York. One of them, an older man, kept looking at Sandy with a puzzled expression….”Don’t I know you from someplace?,” he slurred, already hammered at 10 in the morning. Sandy glanced up from his lines of bait and hooks only quickly enough to say, “Nope.” For the rest of the day Sandy tried as best he could on such a small boat to avoid the man, but as the sun began to go down and the captain headed back to port, Sandy’s heart began to beat heavily in his chest as a glimmer of recognition flashed in his mind. He had met this man at a trade show in Chicago some years back where he had been manning a a booth promoting his software company. They had a long conversation and had even gone to dinner to discuss business. He couldn’t remember his name and he hoped and prayed that the now totally drunk banker couldn’t either. Sandy felt a hand slap on his back, and the unsteady banker hugged his neck and whispered loudly in his ear, “ I do know you!! It was Chicago, right? You had that software company, I think it was. Yeah!! Well, what the hell happened to you man??! Whatcha doin cuttin’ bait in freakin’ Key West??”

Sandy calmly shuffled away with busy work to occupy his hands. Without lifting his eyes from the work, he assured the banker that he was mistaken. That night Sandy went back to his room and counted his money. Still $42000 left. He really didn’t want to leave the Keys, everything was perfect there. Maybe the guy would never give it another thought. Maybe he was so drunk he wouldn’t even remember it tomorrow. Or maybe the stubborn old bastard would sober up, Google up the whole story and then go to the police.

From the Key West tip the FBI eventually cornered Sandy outside of a Waffle House in Sarasota. When they took him in he had $7800 left. Even without the beard he was unrecognizable and had lost 70 pounds since his lunch of teriaki wings four and a half years earlier. Two days after his arrest and just six hours before his wife was to come and make an identification, they found him dead on a cot in his holding cell. His heart had stopped beating. He had laid out to his full length, folded his arms neatly over his chest and calmly expired. It was as if he had willed the end to come, king of his swiveled life to the very end. He left no note and no explanation of the last four and a half years. His wife said simply, “ Yes, that’s him,” without a trace of sadness, bitterness, or regret. No tears shed for James Duncan. No tears shed for the king.

The Disappearance.........a short story

James Duncan was by all accounts a success. 51, handsome, wealthy, and well-liked by all who knew him. Married 25 years to the same woman, the mother of his three children, all of whom were grown and successful in their own right. He lived in a fine house, drove a nice car, dressed well and was in excellent health. He held no uncomfortable opinions and was thought by most people to be an ideal husband, father, businessman, and citizen. One day, to the horror of his family, and a shock to his community, James Duncan disappeared. He drove to work, had an uneventful morning, seemed perfectly normal and pleasant to everyone he encountered. Then he left the office around 12:15 in the afternoon to grab a quick lunch and vanished without a trace.

They found his Lexus locked and parked in the lot outside the Buffalo Wild Wings. There had been no sign of foul play and the people in the restaurant confirmed that he had in fact eaten his lunch, a dozen teriaki wings with bleu cheese dressing and ice water, and then…nothing. He had simply dropped off the face of the earth. Surveillance cameras had shown him walking into the restaurant but not walking back out. The story had been a sensation and for months the local paper had been full of the latest details of the case. There were rumors of marital problems, business reversals, and personal failings of every carnal description. But, all of the rumors had been put to rest one by one as the investigation consistently turned up exculpatory evidence confirming his sterling reputation. The longer the case wore on, the more grave the outcome seemed destined to be. After 6 months the authorities had exhausted every lead and the trail had grown cold. Hope that James Duncan would ever be found alive diminished with every passing day. In the last press conference on the subject the lead detective made the cryptic observation that Duncan was either dead or brilliantly determined never to be found.

What no one knew about James Duncan was that he had slowly and quietly lost his mind, but being a master compartmentalizer, had chosen to keep his madness to himself. To friends and family he was the indispensable man, a bedrock unchangeable guarantee in a world of disappointments. But in the private world of his thoughts he had simply given up on his life as it was and determined to make a change. For over 5 years he had planned and plotted his disappearance day. He had made sure that his wife would be set financially. His personal and family finances were clean and unburdened with debt. There was no reason to make anyone else suffer. It certainly wasn’t their fault. He saw to it that she would be a rich widow. There would be no tearful goodbye, no explanatory letter, just a clean break, swift and decisive.

He chose the winter to make his break. With the cold weather, his big leather jacket would arouse no suspicion. No one would be able to tell that the shiny gold silk lining had been gently unstitched and that $100,000 worth of 100 dollar bills in zip-lock plastic bags had been stuffed inside. He would have to survive whatever trip was to come and then establish his new life before the money ran out. Little thought had been given to what that life would look like or where it would lead. All of the meticulous planning and dreaming had been about disappearing. His new life would be left to fate.

He had slipped out of the back door of the Buffalo Wild Wings, out of view of the parking lot cameras. He had hidden patiently behind two dumpsters until he was sure that no one was in the alley, then he had slipped into the woods and walked the 680 feet north to where the power lines dissect a grove of tall pines. He walked along calmly, listening to the hum and pop of the high voltage current overhead. Another 400 feet and he located the motorcycle under the camouflage tarp. He walked the bike down a steep hill to the place that he had cut a hole in the barbed wire fence two days before. He maneuvered the bike up a short incline, took a deep breath, hopped on, cranked the starter, and made his way on to interstate 40 heading west, and he was gone. Just like that. Give James Duncan 5 years to ponder something and he could have split the atom.

He had felt nothing upon the execution of his plan, no fear and no regret. It wasn’t that he didn’t love his family. It was just that, upon deeper reflection, it had occurred to him that he would not miss them if he never saw them again. He had always provided for their every need and most of their wants and in his mind, that had been enough. Although he might end up preferring his old life to the one that awaited him, James Duncan was willing to take that chance. Above all else, he longed for freedom and the promise of newness.

To be continued

Week 7...Boring games this week but I'm on it!

Last week I went 4-2 bringing my record to a not too shabby 26-10. This week’s schedule is sorely missing any marquee matchups. It would be easy to pick the GT vs. UVA game, or the Villanova vs. JMU game but, what’s the point?? Any idiot could do that. No, I have decided to throw in a couple of baseball playoff picks in the mix to raise the degree of difficulty. Let no one accuse me of cherry-picking. Here we go…

Virginia Tech vs. Wake Forest

Last week I showed great disrespect to these Demon Deacons. I made light of their scholastic skills at the expense of their football prowess and I paid the price when they whipped the Seminoles. What is it with teams that Ryan Roop likes that makes them under perform? But, that is a subject for another day. So, do I finally pick against the Hokies? Umm, no. Sorry Kaitlin, Wake Forest just doesn’t impress me as being that good, despite their record. Tech 30-17.

Oklahoma State vs. Texas

Man-o-man what a complete butt-whipping the Sooners put on the Longhorns last week. For a minute I thought it was Texas STATE out there. So, now the question is, do they bounce back after hitting bottom, or have they simply been exposed as a bad team. Its not exactly like Oklahoma State has a great record of winning in Austin, I believe they are something like 2-16 or something. But this is a new day, these are new Cowboys, and Texas has a platoon system at QB with the unfortunate feature that neither of them are any good. Oklahoma State in a romp, 42-28.

Michigan vs. Michigan State

Words cannot express how little I care about the outcome of this contest. I know very little about either team, and they play in the most boring conference in the game. However, both squads come in ranked highly in the polls with great records so I can’t pretend that this game doesn’t exist. OK, let me see, um,…..Zzzzzzz..Sorry!! Where was I??, Ahh yes, Michigan State has a better defense so they win 21-14.

Baylor vs. Texas A&M

The State of Texas is getting way too much attention in this blog but, it is what it is this week. Baylor has a very exciting player in Robert Griffin. The guy can do everything, much like Cam Newton last year. Texas A&M, on the other hand has no very exciting players, but they are playing at home and have a 18-2 record against the Baptists, so the Aggies get the win 38-35.

Brewers vs. Cardinals

The Brew-Crew is a better team than the Cardinals. They smash the ball all over the place and they play terrific defense. But their pitcher for this game , Zach Greinke is a complete head case. He has terrific stuff, but is so easily rattled, you never know whether he’s going to be lights out or end up hiding in the clubhouse in the fetal position. The Cardinals win in a sea of red at home to go up 3-2 in the series, then go in to Milwaukee and lose two sending the Brewers to the World Series.

Tigers vs. Rangers

This series was always fated to go to game seven which means that the Tigers must win this one and they will. There’s the whiff of destiny with the Tigers. When a sure double play ball hits the third base bag and bounds over the head of the best third baseman in baseball for a double, something is up. Plus, there’s the weird winning vibe in Detroit what with the Lions undefeated and all. I’m going with it.

Not looking forward to THIS

Today I’m up early in preparation for an all day “Welcome to Cambridge” technology tutorial. Now, if you know anything about me you’ll know that this is the sort of thing that sends me into fits of catatonic despair, and then sends me to strong drink. But today I am committed to patience and forbearance. I will sit there at the table with my Cambridge note pad, Marriott Hotel complimentary pen, glass of water and mints, and listen as carefully as I can. I will nod knowingly when a speaker states the obvious. I will simply pretend to be taking notes when a speaker tells an obvious lie. I will refrain from making snarky comments, being vocally contrarian, and asking questions intended to embarrass the speaker. In other words, I will refrain from being myself and doing what comes most naturally to me in these settings. I cannot, however, promise that I will stay in my seat for more than 30 minutes at a time. The goal for the day, besides survival, is not to make waves, be branded a trouble-maker, or accidentally knock over a glass of water on the laptop. Perhaps when its all over, I will have learned something of value, my opinion of my new Broker-Dealer will have been enhanced, and I will feel better about the decision, that was forced upon me several months ago, to leave a perfectly fine BD for the greener pastures of Cambridge. Nothing would make me happier than to discover the wonders and benefits of this new firm and say a year from now, “best business decision I’ve ever made!”

It’s hard for me to warm up to any corporate thing, and this difficulty has caused me no small amount of grief over the years. Natural skepticism combined with my acerbic wit make for a volatile cocktail. I start any new corporate relationship with the unshakable conviction that I’m about to be screwed, that given an opening, the guy in the suit will take advantage of me financially. Whats best for me often isn’t for him. So despite all the platitudinous blather about “working together” and being on the “same team”, or that we’re all one big happy family, I know better. If I’m not on my game, I”ll get rolled. Many say that I have an unnecessarily confrontational attitude in matters such as these and , in fairness, they are probably right. My skepticism is not a virtue. Rather, it is the result of life experience. In a perfect world, and if I were a better Christian, I would be able to let past unpleasant business adventures go and give new adventures the benefit of the doubt. I’m working on that. I really am.

Columbus Day. How Do YOU Celebrate??

In 1937, Franklin Roosevelt, struggling mightily to get the nation out of the Great Depression, and having seen all of his prior attempts to bring down the unemployment rate fail miserably, decided that what the country needed was a brand spanking new Federal Holiday. “Columbus Day” was declared to be a paid vacation day for all Federal workers, to be celebrated on the 12th day of October. Back then, there was no such thing as political correctness, so there were no million-man marches on Washington decrying this shameful promotion of a man who came to our shores only to gouge our land for gold and introduce pestilence and disease to the virginal Indian population. That part would come much later when more enlightened governments like the Berkeley, California city council would rename the holiday, “Indigenous Peoples Day”.

In 1971, along came the most lionized legislation in government employee history. The Uniform Holiday Act came up with the brilliant innovation of moving all of the federal holidays from fixed days on the calendar to Mondays. This had the desirous effect of creating the much celebrated “long weekend”. Now, in the era of ballooning debt and impossible budget deficits, we are saddled with 11 of these babies. That’s right, there are 11 paid holidays for government workers. To be fair, its not just government workers anymore. Today, banks and all the evil Wall Street firms are in on it too, like those blood-suckers actually need a day off. Luckily for the rest of us, one of the 11 only comes around every 4 years. That’s right, Inauguration Day is a paid holiday too.

So, how are you celebrating Columbus Day? I'm sure you've set up your display of Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria models on the mantle over the fireplace. I’m sure you’ve hung that Indigenous Peoples wreathe on the door. If you live near any college campus in America, you could always take in the sights at the sack-cloth and ashes sit-in over at the People of Color Studies building. Or, you could commemorate the day by jumping in the car with the intention of driving to the beach, but end up in Des Moines instead.

Lest you think I’ve got something against all of these paid federal holidays, au contraire mon frère. I actually think we should add one more. Only this one would be on, say, the first Friday of every June. On this new holiday, all government employees would have to work while everyone else would get the day off with pay. We could call it “Private Sector Appreciation Day”. But we better get a move on. In another thirty years, we will all be government workers and there won’t be anything left to appreciate.

A Word About My Dog, Molly

My Golden Retriever, Molly, turns 10 this month. She has been, and continues to be, the surest affirmation of grace ever to have entered my life. Her intelligence, beauty, and zest for life have been a thing of legend in our family. It’s an exercise of profound mystery to consider the moral and ethical superiority of dogs to human beings. But, when I think of the colossal changes that have occurred in the world during Molly’s ten years, it becomes clear to me that Molly alone, among all of my family, friends and acquaintances, has been the immovable, steadfast north star. Not once in 10 years has she been angry with me, cool with her affection, bored with my stories, or anything else but delighted with my mere presence in the room.

Here’s what this dog provides for me and my family. Each morning she greets us with unbridled enthusiasm for the day. Every afternoon when any of us return home from work or school, we are greeted like rock stars, so uncontrollably thrilled is she with the celebration of our amazing and miraculous return. It’s as if she spent all day worrying that this time, we would never come home and she would never see us again. Every day she encourages us to take at least a few minutes to play. She brings us a ball with the hope that we will forget about whatever it was that put the anxiety and frustration on our faces. We never disappoint her. Even when we accidentally step on her tail, she yelps in pain and then scurries toward us, desperate to reassure us that it wasn’t our fault. To Molly we always are the person we so desperately want to be to everyone else, enchanting, charismatic, and heroic.

This isn’t to say that having a dog is all sunshine and roses. Having a 90 pound beast under foot is a game changer for any family. In Molly’s case it means the continuous and daily administration of three different oral medications. It means giving her a bath every week of her life with special shampoo and conditioner to keep her various allergies at bay. I have spent more money on medications and doctor’s appointments over the last 10 years on Molly than my two human children combined. It means never being able to eat a meal in peace. She is always at my elbow with her mournful countenance and hopeful whining. It means never being able to have a spontaneous moment where we throw everything in a suitcase and head to the beach or the mountains, because preparations always have to be made for Molly. Lucky for her and us, my sister and her family live right down the street and they too have fallen under Molly’s charms.

Lately I’ve noticed that she is aging. The fur around her eyes has turned snowy white. Her stamina isn’t what it once was. She doesn’t last as long on walks or fetch the sticks with endless enthusiasm like she once famously did. And lately, she has started having trouble navigating the stairs. It takes her awhile to stand when she’s been laying down. I have noticed the beginnings of a limp. With these disturbing visitations has come the stark, cold realization that Molly will not always be with us. We all make this bargain when we bring a puppy home. We embrace the beauty and wonder of a dog knowing that she comes to us with mortal strings attached. She will blaze through our life, lighting up our world with happiness, and then she will leave us entirely too soon. She is a loan, a grace note sent from God to help us deal with the brutality and disappointment that can often be our existence. We pay back this heavenly loan by learning to treat those we love like Molly treats us, with unconditional respect and gleeful appreciation. The debt can never be paid in full, because we just aren’t good enough. I will never be as wonderful as Molly thinks I am. But I will spend my life trying to be.

Week 6...Dang those Hokies!!

Last week I was once again reminded that every single time I exhibit even a trace of sympathy for Virginia Tech, it always ends up coming back to haunt me. Clemson rolls into Blacksburg and the Hokies look like a Pop Warner team on national television, prohibiting me from a perfect 6-0 record. The lengths they will go to humiliate me! Well, it’s week 6 and I have learned my lesson….I’m picking the bastards again!

Virginia Tech vs. Miami

No matter how much I might loathe Tech, picking the Miami Hurricanes over any team from Virginia is a bridge too far , even for a Hokiephobe like myself. Besides, Miami is dreadful. They were outplayed by Bethune Cookman for two quarters last week, for crying out loud. So, here I go again picking Tech to win for the 6th consecutive week. The game itself will be unwatchable, however with Tech escaping by a score of 20-17.

Oklahoma vs. Texas

The “Red River Rivalry” continues today in the Cotton Bowl. Oklahoma is the second best team in college football and Texas is not. The Sooners have a quarterback named “Landry Jones”. Any guess what pro team his Dad likes? Easy pick here. Oklahoma is better in practically all phases of the game and they will win 35-20. Yee-Haw!

Florida vs. LSU

In the second half of last week’s game against Alabama, it was hard not to feel sorry for the Gators. The beastly Bama defense had knocked Florida’s quarterback out of the game and into next week and the poor freshman they threw in there looked like a skinny, terrified 1st Century Christian being fed to the lions. Well, unless the kid received some sort of miracle talent and experience transfusion during practice this week, I suspect more carnage in Baton Rouge. LSU 28- 10.

Ohio State vs. Nebraska

I have a buddy who lives and dies Nebraska football. He constantly talks trash about the Cornhuskers, and Jae is about as fine a trash-talker as there is. But after the debacle in Madison last week, all of his dreams of Big 10 domination by the “black-shirts” will suffer a humiliating blow if Nebraska somehow loses this game. Seriously, Ohio State’s offense is so bad the St. Louis Rams defense thinks they suck. So, Nebraska better win this game or Bo Pelini will need to start polishing up his resume. Nebraska 24- 17.

Auburn vs. Arkansas

How would you like to be the Auburn Tigers? Here it is week 6 of the season and they are playing their 4th ranked opponent, three of them, including this one , on the road. But such is the life of the defending national champions. Arkansas comes off an amazing comeback victory over Texas A&M ( expertly predicted right here baby!!) while Auburn comes off another thrilling victory over a very good South Carolina team in Columbia. Hardest pick of the week , sports fans, but I’ll take Auburn, if for no other reason than the fact that Bobby Petrino is a dirt bag. Go Tigers, 27-24.

Florida State vs. Wake Forest

That’s right…Wake Forest. Who would have thought that this game would have actually meant something when the schedules came out last year? If not for an opening game overtime loss against Syracuse, the Demon-Deacons would be undefeated. They are 2-0 in the ACC and have the underwhelming Seminoles in Winston-Salem. The fact that my daughter is in grad school at Wake has absolutely nothing to do with this pick, because as much as I would love to see them win, they will not. Wake, after all, is an academic institution first and last, and Florida State is a football school first and last. Wake will hang tough but lose in the end, 24-16.

Occupy Wall Street....the End of Irony

I hereby declare the death of irony. Hipsters from every borough of New York City have converged on the financial district to “occupy Wall Street”. As if on cue, they have been joined by the usual Hollywood celebrities and various labor union bosses. Some have declared this to be a new “revolution” in America, a progressive answer to the Tea Party movement. While the Tea Party, as close as I could tell, was agitating for less and less government, the Occupy Wall Street crowd just can’t get enough of it. I checked out one of several lists of demands found on the official web site to get the flavor. The first four bullet points racked up a whopping 6 trillion in government spending. It takes a ton of money to raise the minimum wage to $20 an hour, give everyone a free college education, declare universal, single-payer health insurance for all, and guarantee every American a “living wage, regardless of employment”. Wow, a living wage guaranteed to me regardless of whether I work or not?? Sign me up!!! My personal favorite demand was an immediate default on “all debt”, whether its sovereign debt , college loan debt , or mortgage debt. How wonderful would that be? Although a problem might potentially arise when our defunded military-industrial-complex is faced with the Chinese army ,navy, and air force, who probably won’t be too thrilled with the fact that we just welched on over one trillion of Chinese government holdings. Still, imagine how cool it would be to tell all of your creditors to take a hike. Of course, if this idea ever did become law I would feel like a gigantic sap. 12 years ago when I built this house, the bank told me I could qualify for a $600,000 loan. But , like an idiot, I only borrowed $230,000. Can you imagine how much bigger a house I could have built if I had known that 12 years later my loan would be wiped out , thanks to a couple thousand college kids in New York??. Oh well, timing is everything.

So, why is this the death of irony? Watching and reading and listening to this thing unfold, and hearing the sad news of the death of Steve Jobs, it occurred to me that the Hipster generation has lost all connection to it's roots. We have been told that the home of irony is the hipster generation. Books have been written about it, the internet abounds with essential guides to Hipster Irony. And yet, practically everything I know about Occupy Wall Street has been delivered to me by products conceived and produced by the biggest, baddest capitalist enterprise on Earth…Apple Computer. Videos of all the action are filmed on I-Phones, dispatches posted to facebook via hipster i-pads and Macbooks, all the while, the sound track pounds through the earphones courtesy of i-pods. How could kids so manifestly anti-capitalist not see the profound irony in their complete devotion to and adoration of the products of a company so manifestly anti-union as Apple Computer ? But I give everyone of those kids up there a pass. Most of them are in their early twenties, and their active and eager minds have not yet been seasoned with enough life experience to save them from this sort of thing. But when the big-shots of labor unions start showing up at a movement whose goal it is to take down “Wall Street”. Well, then, that’s another story. Irony takes another blow at the sight of labor union bosses decrying the evil greed of Goldman Sachs, when their members’ pension plans are being managed by the very companies they seek to vilify. If a riot breaks out and the shares of US companies tank as a result, the rank and file union members will have their leaders to thank when they open their 401-K statements in January.

But, even though there are many reasons to roll the eyes at some of the stupidity on parade at Occupy Wall Street, there is an element of sincerity and righteous indignation for which I have great sympathy. They may have the wrong remedy, but their essential claim that something is terribly wrong with our financial system is true. At 53 I understand that the problem isn’t as simple and its solution isn’t as easy as demonizing banks, or even politicians. There is blood on all of our hands for the mess in which we find ourselves. Greed isn’t the sole possession of the rich, just as laziness and looking for a handout isn’t the sole possession of the poor.

I think I'm getting cocky

OK…Just for kicks, since I have gone a quite respectable 22-8 in my five week college football prognostication career, I will go out on a very precarious limb and offer up my NFL visions. I will include no attempts at wit or levity since there is nothing funny about the NFL. This week’s winners will be:

Chicago
Buffalo
Cleveland
Detroit
Houston
New Orleans
Minnesota
Philadelphia
Washington
Arizona
Atlanta
Green Bay
New England
San Diego
Baltimore

Feel free to ridicule the cluelessness of these picks.

WEEK 5 Time for redemption!

I went 3-3 last week and I’m not happy about it. UofR decided to employ a daring new strategy of playing NO defense at all just for fun, and just see what would happen. Well, what happened was a 45-43 loss, at home. Then UVA takes yet another two steps backwards as a program by losing to Southern Miss. Ahhh, the ACC, that college football juggernaut, whose teams last week lost to the likes of : Southern Miss, Temple, Kansas State, and Cincinnati. So I guess you can hardly blame them for running out THESE stellar opponents in week 5: Towson, Bethune-Cookman, Idaho, and Florida International. Please. Somebody needs to defend this pathetic conference to me because ripping them every week is getting boring. Here we go….

Virginia Tech vs. Clemson

So I guess these two teams represent the cream of the ACC crop. Clemson has looked somewhat impressive so far but I’m not entirely convinced that they can play defense. VT, has hardly broken a sweat in the softest opening 4 games in the 5000 year history of competition, so I have no way of knowing who they are either. But, they are at home, the lunch pail will get its obligatory sideline shot, Tech fans will get to pretend that they are a serious contender and Tech wins 38-35 proving that , in fact, Clemson cannot play defense.

Alabama vs. Florida

Meanwhile, over in the SEC where real contenders live, Alabama goes into the Swamp to take on the Urban Meyer-less Gators. I am totally convinced that Alabama not only plays defense, they play it better than half the teams in the NFL. Alabama’s linebackers look like real grown men to me so you’re not going to catch me picking against them, at least not this week. Roll Tide 24-10.

Nebraska vs. Wisconsin

A lot of red. Russell Wilson Heisman talk ramps up big time after this one. Badgers win 35-20 when the famed “black shirt” defense is mistakenly put on a plane to Kansas State out of force of habit.

Texas A&M vs. Arkansas

The Aggies faithful are positively giddy over the announcement that they have been accepted into the SEC for next year. After this week, buyers remorse sets in. “ Wait a minute,” a coach is overheard saying after the game, “you mean to tell me that we have to play against guys like THIS each and every week?? Where in hell are the Iowa State’s on the schedule? Whose idea was this anyway??” Look on the bright side Aggie fan, at least you won’t be in the Longhorn shadow anymore. That’s gotta count for something, right? Razorbacks 28-21.

JMU vs. UofR

Madison lost their star quarterback to a failed drug test, proving that Division I-AA has come a long way, baby. Wasn’t too long ago when the only time a Division I-AA school lost a player was when they failed a Physics test. But now we’re out there recruiting drug users with the big boys. Lucky for the Dukes, Richmond plays no defense, so JMU could throw their equipment manager out there under center and still win this one. JMU 37- 24. Sigh…

Auburn vs. South Carolina

In Columbia, the student section rocks with the hearty cheer, “ GO COCKS, GO!! “, a somewhat creepy double entendre. For the last 30 years or so, that’s about the most fun Gamecock fans had, the chance to shout an obscenity in public without censure. But now, under the obnoxiously reprehensible leadership of Steve Spurrier, and a game-changing running back named Marcus Lattimore, they are finally relevant. Actually, they are quite good from what I’ve seen so far this year. But something tells me that Auburn wins this game. I know, I know…last time I went with my “trick knee” Florida State let me down. But I am nothing if not unteachable. Tigers win 40-35.

Why I Envy Liberals

After observing politics for the past 35 years, it occurs to me that being a political liberal is, by a hundred miles, the easiest thing in the world to be. In fact, I have come to the place where I actually envy men and women of the left. I do not envy them their beliefs, or their tortured associations, or their all-encompassing guilt. But I do envy them two things, as follows.

I envy them their eternal and never failing ownership of the moral high ground. The basic assumption is always that liberals have big hearts. Liberals are filled to overflowing with compassion for the downtrodden. They are always the champions of the little guy, the protector of the powerless. It cannot even be argued, it is taken as an article of faith, especially in American politics. It matters not what the results of their compassion have been. If, for instance, an intellectual argument is made that the very welfare apparatus that liberals so champion has had the deleterious effect of destroying the black family in inner city America by eliminating any need for a father in the home, the point is often conceded but liberals suffer no blame. Liberals always seem to escape any blame for the consequences of their policies because they are never judged on the results, only the intentions. Liberals’ hearts are always in the right place, you see. Conversely, if one is a political conservative in America, one must first and foremost prove that he has a heart. The basic assumption for him is that his heart’s desire is to starve little children and turn old people out of their nursing homes in the middle of the night. If a conservative begins talking about trying to rein in deficits its always because he loves the rich and despises the poor. If any conservative policy actually ends up helping the poor it is considered a cosmic accident. Which brings me to the second source of my liberal envy.

Liberal policy prescriptions are always unfalsifiable. I remember back in the 80’s when Ronald Reagan claimed that by lowering taxes across the board revenue to the treasury would increase. While admittedly counterintuitive, he turned out to be wildly correct. Revenues skyrocketed once taxes were lowered and the old tax avoidance schemes lost their appeal. But even though liberals were proven fantastically wrong in their claims, their reply was simply, “Well, sure , revenues increased…but Reagan is still evil because now the system is even more “unfair”.” Then later in the 90’s the left cried us all a river about the tail of woe which would befall the republic if “welfare reform” were passed. There would be tent cities in every corner of the country, hundreds of thousands of children would literally starve to death. When the legislation finally passed without the promised calamities, liberals merely changed the subject and were allowed to. And more recently we arrived at the stimulus bill of 2008. We were told by liberals that if this bill was passed, unemployment would drop to 8% and millions upon millions of jobs would be created or saved. I can’t even remember the exact number…800 or 850 billion dollars had to be printed or borrowed, but it didn’t matter because this thing was going to save the day. Three years later unemployment is still over 9%, the economy is still hemorrhaging jobs and the response of the liberals to all of the disappointing results is simple…”it failed because it wasn’t BIG enough. Instead of 850 billion, it should have been 1.5 trillion!”, an utterly unfalsifiable claim. Hell, if 1.5 trillion would produce 2 million jobs and drop the unemployment rate to 8, why not borrow 3 trillion and create 4 million jobs and drop the rate to 6???
Getting back to Reagan. While he was right that cutting taxes would increase revenue, he was wrong on his campaign promise that he would simultaneously cut taxes, increase defense spending AND lower the deficit. The first two he did, but he failed to lower the deficit, something with which liberals have been beating him up over for the last 30 years. I see no similar culpibility by liberals for the results of their disastrous policies. In fact, they will not even acknowledge any problems exist. What dependency crisis? What entitlement unsustainability? What’s wrong with a 1.5 trillion dollar yearly federal deficit for as far as the eye can see? Nothing, because liberals care too much about the little guy to fret over silly numbers. And because they care, everything will be ok.

Liberals never have to worry about answering for their mistakes and they can peer down on the rest of us from the commanding heights of their moral superiority. Pretty sweet deal.

Whats Missing In Christianity

I started reading G. K. Chesterton’s “Orthodoxy” last night. What I can’t figure out is how come I’m 53 years old and am just now discovering this book. You get to a point in life when you take on the conceit that you are reasonably “well read”, whatever the heck THAT means, then you stumble on the giant of a man that was Chesterton and you realize what a complete Philistine you actually are. I’m only 60 pages in and already I know that I’m reading a work of genius. I will do a complete review of this thing once I’m finished, but finishing will take some work. Humbly, I must admit that I have to read some sentences and a few entire paragraphs twice, even three times before it sinks in to my thick and slow head. But just about the time that I’m feeling stupid and over matched, he comes through with a line so hilarious, so engagingly witty, I at once feel totally comfortable and at home. Which brings me to a point that dawned on me in a flash 20 pages in, it’s what Christianity is missing, and has been missing for most of my life, a public, boisterous, joyful, intelligent wit.

Chesterton publicly debated the celebrated atheists of his day like H. G. Wells, George Bernard Shaw, and Bertrand Russell. Even though they disagreed about nearly everything, they were able to remain friends and live together in mutual respect. Most who attended these debates declared Chesterton the winner, even and especially his opponents, who couldn’t possibly compete with his infectious and garrulous personality and his biting yet disarming charm and wit. At 300 pounds, Chesterton took lots of abuse for his appearance, but did so with disarming humor like the time during World War I, when spotted walking down the street by a woman in London and asked accusingly, “Why aren’t you out at the front?!” He replied, “Dear lady, if you go round to the side, you will see that I am!” Once, when debating the views of Oscar Wilde he said, “ Oscar Wilde says that sunsets can’t be and shouldn’t be valued because we can’t pay for them. But Oscar Wilde is wrong because we can pay for them…by not being Oscar Wilde.” Chesterton was famously absent minded, which only added to his likability.
He once sent his wife an urgent telegram, “Am at Market Harborough. Where should I be?” To which
she relied, “Home.”

When people from the Christian community actually do try to engage the world today they do so in a dour, finger-pointing sort of way, hands wringing at the rampant immorality in our decadent world. While there is a ton of immorality out there, and in many ways our decadence owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology, I long for a new Chesterton, who with intellect, clear thinking and brilliant wit, can make the case for biblical Christianity, and make a few friends along the way.

To be continued…

Its Sunday morning....time for Church

I’m all dressed and ready for church. Apparently, my pastor will be holding forth on yet another obscure Old Testament Hebrew ritual, something having to do with the feast of the tabernacle or some such thing. I’m sure he will weave an amazing tapestry that will somehow provide real world application to the struggles we Christians deal with in the world of today. At some point during the message we will see pictures on the screen of some distant hillside in Israel taken during one of his pilgrimages. Maybe there will even be Jewish dancers and robust Hebrew songs. After thirty minutes or so of this inspiration, I will be thoroughly equipped to face the rigors of the week to come. Shalom.

Week 4. Time for humility?

5-1 last week and 14-4 for the season. At this point some might expect me to start with my famous trash talk. That will have to wait until week 5 because I don’t have tons of confidence in this week’s picks. College football is a crazy, volatile game. Trying to predict how a bunch of 19-20 year olds will perform in front of 80,000 derelict fans is problematic. So far I’ve been on quite a roll, but all it takes is some star wide receiver to have a nasty breakup with his girlfriend on Friday night, or some quarterback to learn that he’s going to be a father two hours before game time and my picks are screwed. So, with humility as my guide, I offer these games for your consideration:

Florida vs. Kentucky

Everyone who reads this blog will assume that I’m picking this game because I need an easy win, everyone that is except Michael Slagle. Michael has requested some love for his Wildcats and I always live by the adage, “give the people what they want” , so Michael, your Wildcats will get throttled by the Gators. It will get ugly. But if you think this week is bad, just wait until next week when LSU knocks the “K” off your helmets. Matter of fact, I only see 2, maybe 3 more wins in your schedule. But hey, basketball season is right around the corner. Florida 38-17.

Arkansas vs. Alabama

This will be the best game of the day. Although the Razorbacks are plenty good, there’s no way they get a win in Tuscaloosa. This is probably the only game of the year where Nick Saben isn’t the scummiest coach on the field. If Bobby Petrino lives to be 100, wins 5 national championships, and saves 10 golden retriever puppies from drowning, I will still never forgive him for the way he walked out on his players when he was coach of the Falcons. Sorry. Roll Tide 42-20.

LSU vs. WVA

Two undefeated teams with two passionate fan bases. West Virginia fans famously set sofas on fire after Mountaineer victories, sometimes forgetting to drag them out into the yard first….advantage LSU. WVA plays no defense. LSU is a defensive beast. This is consequently no contest. LSU wins 28-10.

Florida State vs. Clemson

Florida State comes off a devastating loss to Oklahoma because for the Seminoles it was to be a statement game. But the only statement that was communicated was, “We aren’t very good”. Clemson played a terrific game against a good SEC team so they come in with tons of confidence. Clemson is playing at home, and Florida State’s starting quarterback is hurt and a red-shirt freshman named Clint Trickett is starting in his place. This all adds up to me picking Florida State for some weird trick knee sort of reason. If Clemson wins I will be kicking myself, but if Florida State pulls this off, I will be impossible to live with next week!! Florida State 27-24.

UR vs. New Hampshire

My spiders begin their very tough CAA schedule with a home game against New Hampshire. For those of you who think that only the big boys play exciting football, think again. This will be a great game between two evenly matched teams, both of whom are ranked in the top 10 in Division I-AA. Two things favor Richmond, the home team in this series almost always wins, and the spiders have way cooler uniforms. Richmond 21-10.

UVA vs. Southern Miss

The Cavaliers were horrible last week against UNC. They played 11 freshman during the ggame and it showed. By the end of the season, these freshmen will be better but right now its tough to watch. But, who the heck is Southern Miss? I mean, they are a major college in Mississippi and they aren’t in the SEC? Who cares?? What, Brett Favre played for them back in the day? Well, unless number 4 suits up in the second half and leads them on a historic comeback, Southern Miss is going down. UVA 30-17.

Its Gut Check Time

It’s gut check time in Doug Dunnevant’s America. On so many fronts, things are coming down to the wire, palms are getting sweaty, butt-cheeks are tightening. The sublime agony of suspense is in the air. Let me count the ways.

My Red Sox, once a virtual lock to make the playoffs are now hanging by a thread in the AL east. Tampa Bay is only two games back with seven to play. Boston is down to two reliable starting pitchers. Their bullpen is suddenly choking away leads in the late innings. Twenty year old Red Sox fans who have never known the team of the Curse are about to be introduced to what older fans endured for 90 years, a talented team that inexplicably falters down the stretch. Even if they somehow hang on, a World Series appearance seems out of the question with the likes of John Lackey, Eric Bedard, Tim Wakefield and two wild-eyed rookies at the back end of your rotation.

My Braves are gasping for breath over in the NL east as well. Just a few weeks ago this pitching heavy team seemed a lock for the wild card. Now, the terrific but very young bullpen is faltering, and the time honored adage about pitching being 90% of baseball is about to be tested. While in a short series pitching does indeed dominate, you’ve got to have SOME hitting. The Braves only clutch hitter is 41 years old and their only power threat is hitting .230 and strikes out more often than a fat guy with a cold sore at a singles bar. A two and a half game lead over St. Louis with seven to play seems shaky. I miss Bobby Cox.

The broker-dealer change go date is fast approaching. The paper work is flying. Trees all over America are paying the ultimate price. With mind-numbing complexity, the process grinds on. Errors and omissions are starting to mount. I’ve participated in more conference calls in the past two months than I had in all of my previous 53 years. But as insane as the thing has been up to this point, it is destined to get worse once we actually move. Then I’ll be treated to a confusing new world of strange computer systems, an unreadable payroll , and that terrible feeling of being the new kid, where everyone else understands everything except you, the slow one. Its like being the blind guy in a crowded apartment. Just when you start feeling comfortable with the place, some wise-guy rearranges the furniture.

Speaking of being the new guy, that’s where my daughter is at Wake Forest. New city, new apartment, new roommate, new university, new level of scholastic competition, and very old and reliable feelings of inadequacy. In this area of life she is her mother’s daughter, and I feel worthless trying to help her with the adjustments. The advice that I give is the sort of thing that she would never in a million years do because that’s not how she’s wired. So I listen, feeling helpless, and rely on my wife to talk her through. And, she will make it through because deep inside, beneath all of the angst and doubt, there lives a bulldog of a competitor, one of the things she got from me.

In Praise Of A Good Woman

My day started at 4 am. I was awakened by an oppressive, fiery pain in my right shoulder, the sixth straight early morning visitation, only this one was excruciating on a whole different level. I rolled out of bed, chewed up two extra strength Tylenol and turned the water up as hot as I could stand in the shower. As I stood underneath the flow somehow the thought popped into my head that Patient First was open 24 hours. As is my habit when confronted with a strange new pain, I had put off getting this shoulder looked at for six days, thinking that it would heal itself. Plan B was now operational. I threw on some clothes and headed over to the dark parking lot of Patient First where I learned that relief would have to wait until 8 am. Back home, I fired up the heating pad and laid down on the sofa downstairs watching Sports Center reruns hoping I would fall asleep. No such luck.

When the blessed hour finally arrived I was x-rayed and examined thoroughly by a lovely Indian doctor with a beautiful accent, who with an economy of words informed me that my shoulder was “terribly inflamed even to the point of being warm to the touch”. She prescribed pain killers and heavy duty muscle-relaxing anti-inflammatories and then produced a sling for my right arm, with instructions to wear it for three days. Arriving at my office in said sling produced howls of derision from my mean-spirited colleagues, with many references to my age and the shocking rapidity of the physical decline it has brought upon me. The rest of my day was filled with my left hand awkwardly trying to do a series of two-handed jobs. On a good day I have a great deal of trouble concentrating for long periods of time on one thing. I think that the term teachers nowadays use is, “staying on task”. Well, after the cocktail of pain meds and muscle-relaxers I had downed at Patient First, my attention span was shorter than Richard Dawkins’ prayer list. I would dial up a client and by the time he answered I had forgotten why I called. By the end of the day, every muscle in my back was confused and rubbery. Some days it just doesn’t pay to wake up in pain.

But then, I got home. Pam was busy at the computer. I was in no mood for idle conversation so I took the latest dose of my medicine and collapsed in the reading chair in our bedroom. I dosed off for thirty minutes or so, maybe longer, and then heard her voice calling me downstairs for supper. As she has done a thousand times before, she redeemed the day. She made something wonderful out of nothing. My wife is able to transform me. She proves her love for me over and over with a thousand little graces that are easy to miss at times. I don’t have to pour out a tale of whoa for her to know that things aren’t going well. She pays attention to those she loves, to her friends, family, her children, and especially on days like today, to me. The plate before me was a feast of manly comfort. There was a hearty potato au-gratin dish that she had thrown together from scratch. It bubbled with sharp cheddar and smelled like autumn. Beside it were crisp, cold , sliced apples that made a juicy snapping sound when bitten into. The main course was a thing of beauty. She had sliced up onions and green peppers and fried them up until they were limp and caramelized and to this heavenly concoction she had added sliced polska kielbasa, the smoky kind that wafts in the air of the parking lot at the State Fair. This was a dinner for someone who needed some healing. I don’t recall ever being served this exact meal before. How she knew that it was exactly what my soul desired is a mystery, as she is a mystery. All I know is, that at times like this I know with cosmic certainty that mine is an arranged marriage. A compassionate God had mercy on me and gave me a woman of style, beauty and grace who, if given the chance, would be a huge star on The Food Network with a show called, “How to feed your hurtin’ man”.

Week 3 The ACC looks for some self-respect

Once again Notre Dame makes a liar out of me. All they have to do is hold on to a 3 point lead with 30 seconds to play and I would have gone 6-0 like I promised, damn Catholics! Still, 5-1 isn’t too shabby. Week 3 finds the ACC in the spotlight. Sports talk show hosts in Richmond have been yakking all week about how vital it is for the ACC to make a “statement” this weekend. Well, that’s because the ACC conference has been a national joke in football for many years and they are desperate for a quality win against a quality non-conference opponent. We’ll see about that:

Auburn vs. Clemson

Auburn qualifies as a quality opponent. Although not as good as last years national championship team, they are still a SEC powerhouse. I learned in week one of this enterprise that I should never pick against the SEC in a “big, high profile game”. However, this game is neither, except in the fevered imagination of Clemson fan. I go out on a limb, against my better judgment and predict that Clemson actually wins this game 24-21.

West Virginia vs. Maryland

Maryland won against Miami only because of the blinding, audaciously hideous, nervous-system destroying shock and awe that was their uniforms. Millions of viewers all around the country spent the first 30 minutes of that game adjusting their TV sets and yelling obscenities at the cable company. It was as if these uniforms were designed by a team of sugared-up pre-schoolers, and graphic designers on acid. Well, unfortunately for the Terrapins, West Virginia will be ready for this visual tsunami, becoming the first college football team to play an entire game wearing 3-D glasses. The Mountaineers win 30-17.

Arkansas State vs. Virginia Tech

You can’t really blame Tech, I suppose. I mean, when every time you schedule a quality non-conference opponent, you get your ass kicked, after awhile you get tired of it. “Play somebody!!”, Tech haters are always saying. Well, enough of that. There are no Alabama’s or Boise State’s on this year’s schedule. Arkansas State will have to do. Tech wins again 20-10.

Ohio State vs. Miami

Too good to be true, this match up. It practically writes itself. The Buckeyes all show up at the Orange Bowl driving Escalades and showing off the latest in cutting edge body art. Then Miami’s entire squad pulls up at a nearby dock in a 100 foot party boat being served Dom Perignon by a bevy of strippers. If there ever was a game that perfectly captures what college football in 2011 is all about, its this one. Picking a winner here will make me feel dirty either way, so I will hold my nose and predict that Ohio State will feel overwhelmed by all the hot chicks hanging off the Miami players when all THEY got were those lousy tattoos. Miami 30- 24.

Oklahoma Vs. Florida State

This is the big kahuna for ACC fans seeking redemption and a measure of pride in their football prowess. But here’s the problem. The last 31 times an ACC school has teed it up against a non-conference team that was ranked in the top five in the country at kickoff, they have lost, mostly by embarrassing scores. The last win? In 2000, Florida State beat Florida. Yep, its been a long time. After today, its gonna be 32 straight. The Sooners win 38-14.

UVA vs. North Carolina

My finely tuned football instincts tell me that an ACC school will win this game. Although both teams are 2-0, they seem to be headed in opposite directions. After finally getting his first road win as coach last week against Indiana, Mike London finds that he really enjoys winning on the road. The Cavaliers go 3-0 by beating the Tar Heels 17-14. Then all the Hoos in Hooville completely lose their minds, actually thinking that their team doesn’t suck.

So, there it is. In this pivotal weekend for ACC pride, the conference goes 3-2. It will be lost on ACC fan that the game that put them over the top was the Hokies thrilling win over that perennial powerhouse..Arkansas State.

Wolf Blitzer vs. Ron Paul with a little assist from me.

The other night there was a Republican Presidential Debate. I didn’t watch it. But a bit of an uproar was caused by a hypothetical question posed to Ron Paul by debate moderator Wolf Blitzer. It went something like this:

“Suppose there is a healthy, prosperous, 30 year old man who decides that since he is young and healthy he doesn’t need to spend 200-300 dollars a month for health insurance. But suddenly he becomes extremely ill and needs 6 months of intensive care in a hospital. What is the responsibility of society to this man. Since he has no insurance, should society just let him die?”

The first uproar was caused by several members of the audience who shouted, “Yeah!!” and applauded heartily, leaving no doubt that this man should in fact be left to die. Set aside , for the moment, the wisdom of hypothetical questions, and set aside further what your position may be on the essence of the question. What kind of person could respond with such glee to the prospect of a 30 year old man struck down in the prime of life, being allowed to die?? Watching the clip chilled me to the bone. Really? That prospect was worthy of an enthusiastic roar of approval? However, the second uproar was caused by Ron Paul’s classically Libertarian answer which , boiled down to its essence, was … in a free society, you are free to make bad decisions, but society is under no obligation to shield you from the consequences of such decisions.

So, on the left, the outrage was over the mean-spirited lack of compassion. On the right, the complaint was that this was another in a long line of loaded, hypotheticals designed to make them look bad. For me, given 24 hours to think out my answer in the comfort of my office and safely away from the glare of cameras, I would have answered the question as follows:

Me: Wolf, First of all, I would like to thank you for throwing me such a perfect softball question!! This is sooo easy! OK, here’s the thing. Your hypothetical 30 year old is both healthy and prosperous, which means he has chosen not to have health insurance. He wasn’t denied coverage because of some pre-existing condition, or prohibited from obtaining coverage because of its’ outrageous cost. In fact, I happen to know that the monthly premium for a catastrophic major medical policy for a healthy 30 year old man runs from between $85 and $150 bucks a month, not the $200-$300 in your example. This sort of coverage would have covered 95% of his entire bill, even for a 6 month hospital visit. No, this 30 year old man decided as a free citizen to take a chance that since he was perfectly healthy, he would always be so. By foregoing insurance, he could spend that money on fun stuff, like a flat screen TV, a new I-Pad, or an awesome week in Cancun. Now, if your hypothetical 30 year old was sick and broke, then “society” has already made the determination that he should in fact be shielded from this type of fate. It’s called Medicaid. All of us pay taxes to provide funds for people who are needy and have health problems. Although Medicaid has serious financial and demographic problems , we as a society have already made the decision that the poor and sick need this part of the safety net. But instead, you are asking whether “society” should be obligated to take care of 30 year old prosperous men who make dumb life decisions. The answer is unequivocally “NO”. See, Wolf, here’s the thing. By using the word “society” you throw people off the trail. Society is a very nebulous and tenuous concept with no check-writing privileges. The correct word in your question should have been…tax-payers, as in , Should the “tax-payers” just let him die? Why should all of the responsible, not so prosperous 30 year old men be obligated to bail out their less responsible peers? I mean, are we free men or not, and do we live in a free society or not? If we are free men, then we must be free to fail. Otherwise, why should anyone do the right thing and provide for themselves if “society” will always be there to clean up after our stupidity?”

Wolf: But, Congressman Dunnevant, what if it were YOUR son? Where’s your compassion sir?”

Me: My son wouldn’t be foolish or immature enough to walk around with no health insurance. And I have plenty of compassion, especially for those struggling, hard working, tax-paying men and women out there who, after paying their health insurance premiums, don’t quite have enough money for an I-Pad or a vacation in Cancun”

Ground Zero as Rebuke

Tomorrow there will be a ceremony at ground zero to commemorate the tenth anniversary of 9/11. It’s been ten years. We still call it “ground zero” because there’s nothing there. Ten years, and nothing. Thirteen square blocks of the most valuable real estate in the country, and nothing has risen from that ground. Tomorrow the podium will be filled with politicians and bureaucrats. Mayor Bloomberg will be there. The Deputy Executive Director of Progressive Community Zoning will be there along with a hundred others just like him, leaving no room for the firemen. Just not enough room to include any firemen on the platform. There will be lots of important politicians there with lots of grave and profound speeches to make, but no firemen. 343 of them died on that day because they trudged into those buildings weighed down with 70 pounds of gear in the vain hope that they might save a few. While everyone else was fleeing in horrified panic, the firemen took the stairs up. But no room for the firemen tomorrow.

Ten years later, I don’t care about the terrorists. Al-Qaeda and global jihad are abstractions to me. I don’t even know what to make of the ten year war on terror. Reasonable people disagree about all of that, and maybe in another ten years I’ll have a clearer understanding of how to think about it all. But there is one thing about which I’m sure and confident. The empty hole in the ground at the corner Church Street and Broadway, right down the street from the New York Stock Exchange, stands as a mocking indictment of the United States of America and what we have become. Our ancestors would not recognize us, not just the founders, but even those from 80 years ago.

In the midst of the Great Depression, a heartier band of Americans took all of 410 days to construct the Empire State building. 27 months from architectural design to ribbon cutting ceremony, during the worst economic hour of our nation’s existence, the tallest building in the world rose in the middle of Manhattan. Today it would take 27 months just to get an appointment with the Deputy Executive Director of Progressive Community Zoning. The Hoover Dam, the most audacious hydro-electric project in human history took four years to build. The Golden gate bridge, four years to build. Can you imagine how long the environmental impact studies would take today for such projects? I’m guessing about four years. Then there would be the “competitive wage impact studies” that would add another couple of years and hundreds of millions to the price tag. Next, teams of lawyers would descend on the thing, extorting millions more. Eventually, the project would die, politicians would give speeches decrying the lack of jobs, and we would be left with a mocking hole in the ground.

This country once stood as a land of great possibility. This was the place where stuff got done. A man or woman with a dream, a capacity for hard work, and high gloss toughness could accomplish great things. That country is no more. It has been replaced by a nation that has tied itself in great central planning knots. The entrepreneurial spirit has been extinguished by crony capitalism. Lawyers and community organizers have taken over, and now there’s a thirteen square block rebuke where the Twin Towers used to be. That’s not the work of terrorists. Behold what timidity has wrought.

WEEK 2. This time I'll go 6-0!

OK sports fans, my debut week of college football prognostication was a raging success, marred only by two rookie mistakes. First, never pick your school’s arch rival to beat anyone, and secondly, never pick against the SEC in big , high profile games. But, other than those hiccups, I will take a 4-2 start. Onward, and upward. This week I plan on running the table with these 6 winners:

Alabama vs. Penn State

Two traditionally great programs with two traditionally and dependably boring uniforms. Bama and their plain, red helmets with white numbers will clobber Penn State with their plain white helmets with blue numbers. Not only will the Tide roll, but the Nittany Lions will not score a point, losing 24-0. But, not wanting to rub it in, and eager to prove that he indeed does have some class, Nick Sabin will offer Joe Paterno some warm Ovaltine and graham crackers at half time.

South Carolina vs. Georgia

Mark Richt has successfully turned the Bulldogs into a second tier program in the SEC the RIGHT way, by running a clean ethical program. What an idiot!! After their pathetic performance against Boise State last week he now faces the program that has replaced his in the top tier of the SEC, the gamecocks of South Carolina and their obnoxious “ball-coach” Steve Spurrier. Georgia is defeated again 42-17 and Mark Richt starts working on his resume.

Stanford vs. Duke

These two schools have the highest team GPA in division 1-A. The much anticipated cold fusion competition at halftime will be won by the Blue Devils, their third consecutive Golden Slide Rule. However, on the gridiron they will have no such luck. Andrew Luck plays for the other team and he will throw for 6000 yards in the second half alone. Stanford wins 65-28.

UVA vs. Indiana

Assuming anyone shows up to watch this game, it will be highly entertaining. The bottom-feeders of the Big 10 meet the bottom-feeders of the ACC. But, UVA is improving and Indiana is a basketball school, so despite a barrage of three-pointers by the Hoosiers, the Wahoos win 21-15. The Hoosiers and the Wahoos, two of the dumbest nicknames in sports.

Notre Dame vs. Michigan

The Fighting Irish, a team that year after year gets away with demeaning an entire race of people with a hateful ethnic slur, travels to the big house to play a Michigan team that year after year gets away with being called an elite program despite a police blog a mile long and losing to Appalachian State…at HOME! Hard to pick against the Pope and all and despite Brian Kelly’s purple-faced act on the side lines, his Golden Domers will win 30-27.

Virginia Tech vs. East Carolina

These two schools probably have the lowest team GPA in division 1-A. At half time there will be no academic competition, thank God, so both schools will be spared the embarrassment of not knowing how to spell “ C-L-A-S-S”. Unfortunately, the actual game won’t provide much competition for the Hokies either, as they blow out the Pirates 48-7. The “Hokies”..THE dumbest nickname in sports.

Labor Day. Dumbest Holiday Ever?

Labor Day is such a dumb holiday. First of all, it comes during a time of year of general sadness. Summer vacations are all over. The school year is out there like a menacing storm, about to unleash all of its fury. The body clock is telling you that Fall should be near with its beautiful leaves and chilly nights, but you know that September is going to be hot as Hades. Those leaves want to change colors and gently fall, but they keep putting it off. Soon you haul down your Fall junk from the attic, the goofy scarecrow, the oak tree wreath. Then you scatter some gourds, pumpkins, and a deathly dry bail of hay on the front porch as if these decorations will somehow induce the season. But it doesn’t, in fact, the next 98 degree day you worry that the display will spontaneously ignite and take the rest of the house with it!

 Such is the malaise into which Labor Day arrives. And even though the news is full of reports of parades and speeches and the television blares loudly about the great deals available for those in the market for cars, mattresses, and replacement windows, you know in your heart that this is no holiday. You know what this really is. Labor Day is the end of something, the end of play, the end of relaxation.

And then there’s the irony of this day. We are asked to celebrate work by not doing any. We celebrate labor by avoiding it at all cost. Its as if this holiday was created by a committee. Well, in the spirit of the day, might I suggest a few similarly illogical holidays for your consideration.

Fidelity Day….where we celebrate faithfulness by cheating on our spouse.

Marriage Day….where we celebrate marriage by filing for divorce.

Republican Party Day….where we drop our recycling off on our way down to volunteer at the homeless shelter.

Democratic Party Day….where we all take a shower and head down to the Chamber of Commerce to hear Sarah Palin read a chapter of Atlas Shrugged.

Reality Television Day…where we celebrate by becoming suddenly appalled, shrinking away from the television set in shame.

Sobriety Day…where we celebrate by getting drunk

Nutrition Day…where we wash down those cheesy-fries with a triple-chocolate shake.

Baptist Day…where we celebrate by becoming relevant

Higher Education Day… where we celebrate by tolerating views that aren’t liberal.

Post Office Appreciation Day….where we celebrate by tweeting all of our friends and sending an e-mail to our mailman.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL WEEK 1..Stone cold, lead pipe locks.

College football is great fun. It has also become somewhat of a guilty pleasure. One cannot help but feel a bit guilty for rewarding such a corrupt maniacal monolith as college football by watching game after game and contributing to the gargantuan ratings that serve as fuel to the beast. But, that is a topic for another time. The bottom line is, we love the game, every ridiculous, over-hyped, joyous second of it. We love the packed stadiums, the awesome tail-gating, the passion of the fans, ESPN Gameday…everything. So, today begins my weekly tradition of offering my stone-cold, lead pipe lock picks. I will concentrate mostly on the state teams but will also throw in prominent games of national interest. I, along with you, will keep a running total of my record. This will result in either blog after blog of interminable bragging or only occasional mention of my failures as proof of how corrupt the game actually is, not to mention scandalously horrible officiating. At this point I suppose I should declare my prejudices. I am a huge U of R fan, having matriculated from that fine institution. I also have always enjoyed the SEC brand of football, having spent three years of my youth in Louisiana/ Alabama. I’m not a huge ACC guy. Generally I believe Virginia Tech fans to be among the most obnoxious in the country, with their delusions of grandeur, their incessant whining at even the slightest snub, and their epically hideous uniforms. And I see from this years Tech schedule that they will be favored in every game, so I suppose I should prepare for more Hokie bravado. Ok..that’s about it. Here we go!

James Madison vs. UNC

If God cared about football, JMU should win this game. They are a good team, play in a great division 1-A conference, and UNC is a crooked program who fired their coach like three days before spring practice. But, God has a lot on his plate at the moment, so the tar heels will prevail 24-14 with the help of several mind-numbingly awful calls by an officiating crew clearly on the take.

William & Mary vs. UVA

This is a tough call for a bunch of reasons. Although W&M is a long time rival of my school, I have nothing but respect for Jimmie Laycock. Although UVA leaves me cold, and attending one of their home games is like going to a polo match featuring that gorgeous team from Saint Christopher’s with those heavenly Italian boots, while sipping mint juleps and catching up on the latest gossip about the pending engagement of Biff and Barbie…but I digress. The only good thing about UVA is their terrific young coach Mike London, who several years ago coached my alma mater to a national championship. ( For Hokie fans, that’s when your team wins the championship game and is crowned the best team in the country ). So I root for Mike whenever I can…..but not today. William & Mary upsets the cavaliers for the second year in a row 31-27.

Appalachian State vs. Virginia Tech

Once again, if it weren’t for all of the trouble in the middle east, and the fact that our own country is in the process of self destructing, God would be all over this and insure a victory for Appy State, if for no other reason to demonstrate the truth of his warning that “pride goeth before a fall and destruction before a haughty spirit”. But alas, absent divine intervention, Tech wins going away 35-13.

UofR vs. Duke

We have beaten the weak sisters of the ACC twice in a row, and despite losing our head coach a week ago for getting a DUI, we will do it again 20-3. Just a side note, can you imagine any big time SEC or Big 12 coach losing his job because he had a few pops and got pulled over by the cops? Me neither.

Boise State vs. Georgia

This is sort of a big game but I don’t care very much because its Boise State. Sorry, great program, and they can beat anybody, anywhere, anytime. But, they can do so because they only have to do it once or twice a year. Most weeks they simply wipe the floor with the San Hose States of the world while a team like Georgia is in the belly of the beast every single week in the SEC. But, Boise wins this game 21-20 and then proceeds to complain for the next 10 weeks about their ranking in the polls.

Oregon vs. LSU

LSU’s quarterback gets in a bar fight at 2 in the morning two weeks before this headlining game in a year where his team is picked to perhaps win the SEC championship. Oregon is in hot water over a $25000 payment its program paid to a sleazy recruiter in Louisiana that helped them gain the services of a talented running back. Is college football beautiful or what??!! Losing your QB two weeks before a game against an opponent as good as Oregon does not bode well for your chances. Oregon holds on for a 28-17 win that will probably have to be forfeited once the NCAA finds out that the sleazy recruiter guy was blackmailing Oregon coach Skip Kelly on account of their long-standing gay relationship. Just kidding.

So there you have it.

Predictions!

It’s the end of August. Time for predictions. Here are some things that will happen before the end of 2011. Mark it down.

1. The Boston Red Sox will play the Philadelphia Phillies in the 2011 World Series. At least one game will be played in snow flurries and the Phillies will win in 6 games because they have superior pitching. Actually that’s five predictions in one but as long as the Phillies win I will claim it as a vindication of my baseball prognostication genius.

2. The months of November and December will be exceptionally cold and snowy and this unusually bitter early winter will join the Japanese Tsunami, the European debt crisis, the Arab Spring, and hurricane Irene as things that President Obama will blame for the faltering economy.

3. The Cincinnati Bengals will have more players arrested than they will have wins by 12/31/2011.

4. The 2011-2012 NBA season will be cancelled and no one will notice until after the Super Bowl is over. But on the bright side, Lebron James will sign with the San Antonio Silver Stars of the WNBA and finally win a championship.

5. In a shocker, Wake Forest will kick a field goal as time expires to defeat Duke 3-0 to win the ACC championship in football after every other team in the conference is given the death penalty by the NCAA for multiple recruiting violations and other ethical lapses.

6. After John Boehner is tragically electrocuted in a bizarre tanning bed accident, Eric Cantor is elected Speaker of the House, becoming the first Jewish man to hold that position. He also becomes the first man in American history to actually have been born, potty-trained, learned to walk, celebrated his first birthday party, learned to read, had his first date and first kiss, got married, conceived all his children, and ate all of his meals actually on the grounds of the U.S. Capital.

7. Despite winning every internet presidential straw poll, and enjoying huge support from legions of non-voting college students, Ron Paul withdraws from the Republican nomination contest, citing the media conspiracy against his candidacy. Even up to the end polls showed solid support among gold coin collectors.

8. Mayor Bloomberg of New York announces a controversial new law making it illegal not to go into debt shopping for Christmas. “The fact is,” said the Mayor, “ New York needs the sales tax revenue and we cannot tolerate our citizens living within their means again this year.” Called the Anti-Scrooge law of 2011, it calls for each head of household to spend no less than one month’s take-home pay on his or her spouse by December 24 or face 30 days in jail. The ACLU immediately challenges the law on the grounds that it unfairly stigmatizes Jews and Muslims by leaving them out, a clear effort to marginalize Non-Christians.

9. Kris Humphries files for divorce from Kim Kardashian less than four months after their much celebrated wedding citing irreconcilable differences. “ I just found that we had drifted apart.” explained Mr. Humphries “ Since the NBA season was cancelled, I’ve had a lot of time on my hands, and frankly, a little bit of Kim goes an awfully long way.”

10. Danica Patrick crashes three cars in two days during practice sessions at Daytona Speedway leading up to her first fulltime season in NASCAR. “Its been a learning experience,” said a clearly annoyed Patrick to reporters afterwards. “I guess I shouldn’t be applying mascara while I’m on the track, but old habits are hard to break.”

Question: How Far Would You Go For Love?

In my now relentless pursuit of Dean Koontz novels, I am reading “The Husband”. Although it is predictably terrific, it is not my favorite by any stretch. However, it raises an intriguing philosophical question, ie…how far would you be willing to go for love? Would you die for love, would you kill?
Here’s the plot in a nutshell, all of which is revealed in the first twenty pages:

On an ordinary afternoon, an ordinary man, a gardener of modest means gets a phone call out of his worst nightmare. The caller says, “We have your wife. You can get her back for 2 million dollars cash. You have 60 hours. To prove our seriousness, see that man walking his dog across the street?” A second later the man is shot in the head by an unseen gunman. The caller doesn’t care that this gardener has only $11,000 in the bank and can’t possibly raise that kind of money in only 60 hours, or ever, for that matter. He’s confident that Mitch will find a way. “If you love your wife enough…”

Reading this book has forced me to ask myself what I would do if put in that situation. So now I put the question to any husband out there who happens to read this Blog. What would you do? How far would you go to get your wife back? Which of your devoutly held principles about the sanctity of life would you cast aside in the pursuit? Any wives out there can also respond by answering the question a bit differently, ie..How far would you expect your husband to go to attempt your redemption?

A few ground rules. Mitch cannot go to the police for help with this kidnapping since the bad guys have already planted evidence that implicates him in his wife’s future murder. He must operate entirely outside of the law, and for the purposes of this thought experiment, so must you.