Labor Day is such a dumb holiday. First of all, it comes during a time of year of general sadness. Summer vacations are all over. The school year is out there like a menacing storm, about to unleash all of its fury. The body clock is telling you that Fall should be near with its beautiful leaves and chilly nights, but you know that September is going to be hot as Hades. Those leaves want to change colors and gently fall, but they keep putting it off. Soon you haul down your Fall junk from the attic, the goofy scarecrow, the oak tree wreath. Then you scatter some gourds, pumpkins, and a deathly dry bail of hay on the front porch as if these decorations will somehow induce the season. But it doesn’t, in fact, the next 98 degree day you worry that the display will spontaneously ignite and take the rest of the house with it!
Such is the malaise into which Labor Day arrives. And even though the news is full of reports of parades and speeches and the television blares loudly about the great deals available for those in the market for cars, mattresses, and replacement windows, you know in your heart that this is no holiday. You know what this really is. Labor Day is the end of something, the end of play, the end of relaxation.
And then there’s the irony of this day. We are asked to celebrate work by not doing any. We celebrate labor by avoiding it at all cost. Its as if this holiday was created by a committee. Well, in the spirit of the day, might I suggest a few similarly illogical holidays for your consideration.
Fidelity Day….where we celebrate faithfulness by cheating on our spouse.
Marriage Day….where we celebrate marriage by filing for divorce.
Republican Party Day….where we drop our recycling off on our way down to volunteer at the homeless shelter.
Democratic Party Day….where we all take a shower and head down to the Chamber of Commerce to hear Sarah Palin read a chapter of Atlas Shrugged.
Reality Television Day…where we celebrate by becoming suddenly appalled, shrinking away from the television set in shame.
Sobriety Day…where we celebrate by getting drunk
Nutrition Day…where we wash down those cheesy-fries with a triple-chocolate shake.
Baptist Day…where we celebrate by becoming relevant
Higher Education Day… where we celebrate by tolerating views that aren’t liberal.
Post Office Appreciation Day….where we celebrate by tweeting all of our friends and sending an e-mail to our mailman.
Such is the malaise into which Labor Day arrives. And even though the news is full of reports of parades and speeches and the television blares loudly about the great deals available for those in the market for cars, mattresses, and replacement windows, you know in your heart that this is no holiday. You know what this really is. Labor Day is the end of something, the end of play, the end of relaxation.
And then there’s the irony of this day. We are asked to celebrate work by not doing any. We celebrate labor by avoiding it at all cost. Its as if this holiday was created by a committee. Well, in the spirit of the day, might I suggest a few similarly illogical holidays for your consideration.
Fidelity Day….where we celebrate faithfulness by cheating on our spouse.
Marriage Day….where we celebrate marriage by filing for divorce.
Republican Party Day….where we drop our recycling off on our way down to volunteer at the homeless shelter.
Democratic Party Day….where we all take a shower and head down to the Chamber of Commerce to hear Sarah Palin read a chapter of Atlas Shrugged.
Reality Television Day…where we celebrate by becoming suddenly appalled, shrinking away from the television set in shame.
Sobriety Day…where we celebrate by getting drunk
Nutrition Day…where we wash down those cheesy-fries with a triple-chocolate shake.
Baptist Day…where we celebrate by becoming relevant
Higher Education Day… where we celebrate by tolerating views that aren’t liberal.
Post Office Appreciation Day….where we celebrate by tweeting all of our friends and sending an e-mail to our mailman.
The entire concept of Labor Day [today], to me, is total irony. It was created in 1882 to honor the social & economic achievements of US workers. How's that for irony? President Grover Cleveland [a Democrat] signed the bill creating Labor Day into law in 1894(fascinating fact: he was the only President to marry in the White House, the Blue Room to be exact). The enactment of Labor Day has, not surprisingly, political undertones. About a week before the bill was signed into law, the Pullman Strike occurred, in which a number of workers died at the hands of the US military and US Marshals. The Labor movement had a nasty, political "brawl" with Congress and wanting to avoid further conflict, Congress unanimously voted to pass the legislation, which Cleveland then signed. You see how political appeasement repeats itself with every Administration since the first one? It seems to be a political inherency. So, we have the "labor movement" and trade unions to thank for this "holiday."
ReplyDeleteI also unabashedly blame them for ruining a perfectly fine birthday every several years, as my special day falls on Labor Day. My friends are all on vacation and I am left to wonder how I am going to make it meaningful with just...me.
I also unabashedly wear white AFTER Labor Day...and the labor unions can just stick their heads in a vat of liquid chocolate if they don't like it. ;-)
The day when this country institutes Nutrition Day as you've described, I am running for the hills! I will be tempted to criss-cross every door of every restaurant chain and greasy spoon with crime scene tape. And I will push for such eateries to be deemed in violation of the welfare of the American public. I will make a creative legal argument. :)
In the meantime, I will celebrate Labor Day without any political undertones...for me, it is the start of everything apple, cinnamon, cider, apple picking, corn mazes, apple & pumpkin pies, sweet potato recipes, long walks in the cool of the evening, changing leaves, hiking, and autumn "trench" jackets.
In this spirit, I say, "Bring on Labor Day, the best, non-sensical "holiday' ever!!
"Reality Television Day…where we celebrate by becoming suddenly appalled, shrinking away from the television set in shame."
ReplyDeletePAHAHAHA
Thankfully I've never needed that holiday. I just don't watch TV. Problem solved.
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