A Wedding and a Vaccine

Big, eventful weekend. Went to The Wedding. Got my first COVID vaccine.

After a long, frustrating, and sometimes tortuous journey, my nephew Isaac Nunn married the girl of his dreams, Bernadette Murphy on a stunningly beautiful March Friday afternoon at the Hanover Arts and Activities Center on the railroad tracks in Ashland, Virginia...the Center of the Universe. Thus comes to an end Bernadette’s ten month stay at our home. In that time, we have gotten to know her, which is another way of saying...we have learned to love her. Of course, we have also gotten to spend lots of time with Isaac since he was over here for dinner practically every night. I have never known a couple who deserved a beautiful wedding more than these two. Although there seemed to be one obstacle after another in their path for the past year, they overcame each one with mostly good humor and truckloads of grace and hard work. To all of the professional finger wagging scolds out there worried about the future because of the alleged deficiencies of the next generation...put a sock in it. I’m here to tell you that we are in excellent hands.

Although Pam and I will miss her terribly, I think that Lucy will have even a harder time. Our dog fell in love with Bern right from the start and, if it were even possible, fell even harder for Isaac. Every evening around 5:30 Lucy would park herself at the front door and peer through the window to wait for their cars to arrive. If for some reason they didn’t she would become agitated. It will take a while for her to stop this habit. She is very much a creature of habit, as well as a dog filled to the brim with love and devotion to her family, to whom Bern and Isaac are now members. Lucy’s wedding gift to the kids was especially heart felt since she “wrote” it herself. Isaac and Bern read it on their way to the mountains and immediately sent this reply:

“We opened Lucy’s card!! Very endearing. We can’t thank her enough for sharing with us and will think about her at dinner this week. However, we do have some questions about how Luce acquired these funds. Is she hanging around with nefarious folks? Is she selling something on the side? Is this just part of her weekly allowance? Regardless, we are honored.”

I offered this by way of explanation:

“This was her the other night trying to figure out if she could afford one bone or two?

As far as my vaccine goes, it was uneventful. The setup at the Richmond International Raceway was very well organized. The legions of volunteers that it took to run an operation like this was impressive. I thanked everyone who I encountered. So far my only side effects are a slightly sore shoulder, a slight fever in the middle of the night and some body aches this morning which by noon had gone away. I did learn something that I didn’t know about the vaccine that I would like to pass along to my readers:

Apparently, the COVID vaccine causes constipation. The nurse who gave my the jab told me that I would have to wait 3 whole weeks to ...get number 2.

Ready for the Next Adventure?

My quarantine is coming to an end. I have tested negative and have had zero symptoms, a very good thing. Most mornings have been fine. My routine is filled with the same things it normally is filled with only I’m in my library instead of my office...oh, and I haven’t shaved in a while. But the afternoons I start to get stir crazy. That’s when I start doing antsy things, going for walks, picking up sticks in the yard, going through the drive-thru at the bank for no good reason, checking Zillow to see if the lake house of our dreams has suddenly materialized since the last time I checked an hour ago.

Yesterday I spent some time chatting up my friend in Buena Vista. It’s been 18 months since her cancer diagnosis. She has completed her course of treatment and is now making the adjustment back to normal life. She has good days and bad days, just like the rest of us. But yesterday she said something in passing that stuck with me. She had remarked about a thirty minute nap she had just taken and said, “Now, I’m ready for the next adventure.”

What an amazing statement.

Here’s someone who has been buffeted by one catastrophe after another since September of 2019, the latest being one of her best friends receiving a cancer diagnosis, and yet she wakes up from a nap prepared for the next adventure. That, my friends, is simply a marvelous way to live. It’s so full of hope and optimism. The great songwriter, Steven Curtis Chapman, calls it...the glorious unknown. It takes a great deal of confidence to live this way, eagerly awaiting the day, confidence in the future. There are many ways to come by this confidence, but for people of faith it amounts to confidence in the one who holds the future. Still, there are days when its easy to fall back into pessimism and hopelessness...days like yesterday, when a young man walks into a grocery store and starts killing people. But even the most devastating news serves as a reminder of the words of Jesus more than 2000 years ago, “In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world.”

So, this morning, I am choosing to prepare for the next adventure, charging into the glorious unknown with confidence. 

Just to be on the safe side...no news for me today!

Another Mass Murder

A week or so ago now a deranged young man went on a killing spree at a massage parlor in Atlanta, Georgia. Although reports were that he might have been mentally ill, suffering from some sort of sex addiction, the narrative which arose out of his horrific acts was that it was a hate crime, specifically since the shooter was a white male and all of his victims were Asian women. The incident has sparked a nationwide conversation about the spike in anti-Asian violence that has accompanied the COVID-era landscape in the United States.

Now, today we have another young man on a killing spree. This time in Boulder, Colorado. The killer also is said to have been mentally ill, suffering from being bullied in high school and being highly anti-social. Using a Ruger pistol he had purchased just one week ago, this young man walked into a grocery store and began randomly killing people. As of this moment his victims include 5 women and 3 men, one of which was a police officer. It is not known whether this shooting will spark a similar nationwide conversation about hate crimes, since the shooter was a Syrian born Muslim and all eight of the dead were white. I am unfamiliar with the mechanics of hate crime law, but I imagine that the designation probably will not apply unless the victims are members of a minority population.

Regardless, both of these mass murders are horrific. No matter what the motivations might have been, once again in our country, a bunch of innocent people are dead at the hands of a mentally unbalanced man with a firearm.

A Surprising Pun Throw-down

My soon to be er...niece-in-law(?), Bernadette, did a brave yet odd thing yesterday. There I was, minding my own business, when out of the blue she sends me the following texts...

Bern: Did you know that the earthworm is one of millions of kinds of worms? And they’re not even native to the US. Once they arrived here they had already taken over the rest of the world. It was called...global worming.

Ok, up until this point, the poor girl had only been on the receiving end of the various puns and dad jokes I routinely send out. Now, she had inexplicably decided to go on offense. Her next text was informative as to her state of mind...

Bern: I’m really thrilled to be on this side!

At this point I still wasn’t sure what was happening. Then this:

Bern: Nematodes, a type of worm, make up four fifths of ALL animals in the world. When they fall in love, they’re called soil mates.

Wait...was this child challenging me to a pun-off??

Bern: I once saw 2 silkworms get in a race. It ended in a...tie.

Yes. Bernadette was challenging me. She was boldly walking into my family domain. Obviously, I had to do something and fast!

Me: ...of course you know this means war.

How did the earth room react to being cut in half? 

....he was beside himself.

What is an earthworm’s favorite food?

...wormicelli.

My dad had a earthworm farm once. He named all the worms Jason. When I asked him why he answered...

“because they’re all bait, man.”

Where do earthworm’s play baseball?

....Wiggly Field

Bern: Darn. That was good...

Gotta hand it to her though. The kid has guts. She’s going to fit into this family quite nicely. 

I just hope she doesn’t try to compete with me in the one area where I currently have no rival...the after dinner belch.

Poor Isaac...

Quarantine Day One in the Can

Day one of my quarantine is in the can. The first half of the day was productive. I answered several emails, talked to a couple clients on the telephone, even submitted a case. Just before lunch I even had time to write a limerick. A friend of mine, Len Tuck, challenged me with this: “I see a limerick using the word “quarantine” in your future.” I came up with this:

There once was a boomer who quarantined

A situation which was quite unforeseen

With so much spare time

And killing squirrels on his mind

Soon his poor wife had to intervene

Not great, but you try to rhyme something with quarantine twice!

The second half of the day was agonizingly slow. Lucy sat for long periods of time staring at me as if to say, What the heck are you doing home all day on a Friday. You don’t look sick to me. Don’t kid yourself. She knows the days of the week. Lucy picks up on every change in routine around here. If something is amiss she is all over it. I had many conversations with her like the following...

Lucy: (sitting next to me at my desk in the library, dubious expression on her adorable face)

Me: Would you knock it off? You are driving me crazy with that stare. I’m quarantined, Lucy. It’s no big deal. Go take a nap or something...

Lucy: (unmoved and unconvinced, she offers me her left paw as if she thinks I need to hold somebody’s hand)

Me: Alright...look. Here’s the deal. I have been exposed to someone who has COVID. That means I have to stay around here all day, everyday, for a while. Don’t worry, I didn’t like lose my job or anything. Your kibble will not be interrupted...

Lucy: (mid-sentence of my explanation, she walks over to the front door, then turns around and gives me one of her inside barks) Woooofph...which in Lucy speak means, well, if thats the case, why don’t you do something useful like take me for a walk around the culdesac?

After the second such walk, I started to feel imaginary ailments cropping up inside my body. Wait, is this a headache?  Am I getting warm or is it just from the walk and this jacket? Every fifteen minutes or so I would go to the refrigerator and eat something...just to make sure I still had working tastebuds.

When Pam got home, she saved the day by suggesting that we get Wong’s Tacos takeout. When we went on the website we noticed that for the first time in over a year they had blanco tacos on the menu!! My absolute favorite taco in the universe was now available for the first time post-COVID. We ordered a bagful along with Mexican street corn and Brussels sprouts. We ate like kings and I could taste every delectable morsel. All is well.

The Return of COVID

Just about the time you’re starting to imagine what life will be like after COVID, the virus returns with a vengeance. Yesterday morning I learned that someone at work had been exposed to someone with COVID. This person is someone who I work closely with and he was at that very moment getting a rapid test to determine if he was positive. Thirty minutes later we got the answer...yes. 

Pam and I have spent a lot of time in the last 24 hours on various governmental websites trying to sort out the impossibly complex rules and protocols of exactly what it is that I am to do. We have learned the meaning of the word close contact, and the even more problematic notion of qualifying exposure. Measuring my qualifying exposure with this close contact, we have determined that I must begin home quarantine immediately, wait five days to be tested, and then if that test is negative, I can exit quarantine after seven consecutive days have been completed in isolation as long as I have no symptoms. If I test positive the quarantine has to last either ten or fourteen days, depending on what phase the moon happens to be in on day six of the quarantine. A more nuanced reading of the rules might suggest that technically I have not even been exposed since I was never closer than six feet from the close contact for more than fifteen minutes at a time during my exposure. Of course, estimates of time and place are very subjective things and men are notoriously bad at estimating length...I’m told. So, here I am, beginning my isolation on the 19th of March, a day that promises high winds and snow flurries. Interestingly enough, my close contact got COVID from a guy who he played golf with over the weekend...someone who “doesn’t believe in the vaccine.” Beautiful. You know what I don’t believe?? I don’t believe that the impeccable comic timing of irony is a coincidence.

So, I will be confined to my home for a while, which means I will be slowly losing my mind, like Chinese water torture, wait...like going crazy one drop of water at a time over the next several days. Every body ache, sniffle, or dull throb in my head will send my imagination to places it shouldn’t go. I will be on pins and needles until I get a negative test next Monday morning. To celebrate my confinement, its time for an Irish  limerick:

There once was a man named McBride...

Who fell in an outhouse and died...

His heart broken brother

Soon fell in another

And now they are in turd side by side...

Wednesday Trifecta

JUDGE: You know, I must say I’m disappointed in you. I saw you in my courtroom two years ago for the same offense, stealing a pair of shoes.

DEFENDANT: I don’t know what to say, Your honor. They just don’t make shoes like they used to.

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Luke and Obi-wan walked into a Chinese restaurant. ten minutes in to the meal, Luke was still having trouble with his chopsticks, dropping food all over the place. Obi-Wan finally snapped at him and said, “Use the forks, Luke...use the forks...”

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