The Perfect Vacation Photograph

Like all families who go on vacations we have a “shared photo file.” That’s the twenty first century gift bequeathed to us by our digital overlords that offers a way for all vacation participants to send their favorite pictures to one common depository where everyone else can make comments. So far there are over 120 pictures in Fernwood Fun 2026…and we’ve only been here six days. It will come as no surprise to any of you that the vast majority of the total feature either Silas or Frisco in some form of adorability. However, the photograph that I have included with this post is not one of the 120. I took it at 6:20 this morning because as I opened the screen door to walk down to the dock it struck me as the perfect vacation photograph. Let me explain.

This particular shot featured no human beings and no animals. There was no staging involved. No one complained about it being unflattering. Nevertheless you will rarely see a photograph that communicates better than this one. If I had to give it a title I would say—proper use of a lake house deck. This picture tells lots of stories and all of them speak well of the inhabitants of this camp.

Hanging over the railing you see evidence of yesterday’s adventures. There are two adult swim towels, one toddler swim towel and two exhausted and drying adult male swim trunks. Here’s a pro-tip—if your lake house deck railings are not similarly festooned with these items at the end of the day you are not doing vacation correctly.

Moving on we notice the grill. We see that one emptied propane tank covered with sauce stains has already been used up and set aside. The plastic cover that covered this grill when we arrived is in a heap behind the spent tank where it will remain until we leave.This is a working grill, not a store display. We have so far worn this guy out with four triumphant meals featuring three different kinds of meat, grill baskets full of vegetables, naan and pineapples. It has all winter to rest.

You will notice the lovely red Adirondack chair with the matching side table. If I had taken the opportunity to better stage this picture I would have dragged the second chair in to the shot to make it feel more symmetrical. But, currently chair number two is serving the higher purpose of blocking the stairway down to the lake so Frisco doesn’t go rogue on us and make a break for it. However, the contents on the top of the side table are instructive.

First, you notice a can of sunscreen. SPF 30–which translated means, the number of years until you die of skin cancer. To the right of this can-o-death alert viewers will notice the battery operated swim float inflator. That giant blue syringe is the hand-operated version, for those of us who are concerned with the environmental impact of all those used D batteries. Frankly, this device seems for decorative purposes only since I have seen nobody using it.

Finally, you will notice the small red tennis-racket looking thing. This is a battery operated bug zapper to protect the grill master from the most common predator in the State of Maine…the black fly, or stinging fly, sometimes referred to as that f&^%**ing piece of s*#@!!!! Last night was a particularly rough night for the grill master. The meal took 50 minutes and dinner was served later in the evening—their feeding hour apparently. The sound that this device makes on the rare occasion when it actually connects with one of these monsters is quite satisfying..ZZAAPPPPPPPP!!!!

So, there you have it, the perfect vacation photograph that tells you every single thing you need to know about how the vacation is going.

Go thou and do likewise.