A Resumption of Hostilities

Many people are taking advantage of all this social isolation to devote themselves to a whole host of self improvement projects, yet another unintended consequence of the Coronavirus. I’ve seen the pictures on Facebook and have been quite impressed with the vigor and industry on display. People are baking like never before. Cross-stitching seems to be making a comeback. Attics are being rummaged through, long-delayed yard work is being attacked with pent-up vengeance. It is all so creative and inspiring...so much so that I have determined to renew an old passion of mine as well...

Yes, I have for too long now neglected the menace that is the squirrel population in my back yard. During the winter, I usually cease hostilities due to the fact that there is nothing left for them to destroy. The temporary armistice starts around Christmas and ends around Mother’s Day. But, thanks to COVID-19, I am determined to open my Spring campaign early this year, hopefully catching them napping. Lucky for me, after four months of peace, the little tree rats have gotten extraordinarily cocky and as a result are over confident. My Daisy-35 is fully loaded and I am ready to once again turn my back yard into the squirrel killing fields. On a related topic, I certainly hope that the CDC is exploring what role squirrels may have had in the spread of this virus. Although I have no scientific data to back up this claim, anecdotal evidence is everywhere around us, not the least of which is the very expressions on their little pinched and drawn faces. Nevertheless I will do my part despite the lack of concrete evidence..out of an abundance of caution.

6

It hadn’t taken Jack long to figure out that coming to Maine without Evelyn had been foolish. The place was practically a shrine to her. What was he thinking? It was as if everything he did, every decision he made, revealed itself as perfectly ridiculous in hindsight. But this wisdom never manifested until after he’d executed some ill-advised plan. 

Jack sat in his recliner, staring across the lake at nothing, feeling worse than he had in months, when his cell phone rang. Bobby Landry. While ordinarily this intrusion would have provoked an eye roll, Jack found himself answering with surprising eagerness.

“Hey, Bobby. I suppose you want to schedule our ‘state of the cottage’ meeting . . .”

“You read my mind, Mr. Rigsby. How about I come over a little later this morning?”

Jack was about to agree when another oddball plan hatched, fully formed and of questionable origin. He heard himself saying, “Bobby, instead of you coming out here, how about we meet at the Midcoast Café in about an hour?” 

“Well, sure Mr. Rigsby . . . but we always meet at the lake so I can show you stuff I’ve done and stuff that needs doing, you know . . .”

“Yes, I’m aware of what we normally do, Bobby, but this year is different. So if you want to have this meeting, I suggest you meet me at Midcoast in an hour.”

“Okay, Mr. Rigsby, you’re the boss.”

“One more thing, Bobby. How long have you been my caretaker? Ten, fifteen years now? Enough with this Mr. Rigsby shit, okay? My name is Jack. I don’t call you Mr. Landry, do I?”

“No, you don’t. That’s a fact.”

“So from now on, I’m Jack. I’ll see you in an hour.”

Jack placed his phone on the coffee table and marveled at the words that had come out of his mouth. He marveled every minute of the twenty-minute drive into Camden, then parked around the corner on a side street by the library and waited for Bobby’s truck to appear. When it did, he briefly entertained the idea of bolting, standing him up, driving back to the lake. But then he found himself walking in the door and hearing the cheerful voice of Emmett Waller—owner of the Midcoast Café, home of the best pancakes in central Maine. Said so right on the sign above the door.

“Well, if it isn’t Jack Rigsby! What in the world are you doing in my place in April, for God’s sake?!”

“Hey, Emmett. I just had to have me some of your pancakes, couldn’t wait another day. You got any country ham?”

Jack spotted Bobby at a table in the back overlooking the bay, acknowledged him with a wave, and listened to Emmett complain about the price of ham or bacon or something. Exchanging a quick smile and a handshake with Emmett, Jack then pulled up a chair next to Bobby, who looked as nervous as he’d ever seen him. In that moment it occurred to Jack that he knew virtually nothing about the man he’d employed for over a decade, other than the superficial exterior stuff he’d picked up from other locals—his Social Security disability dodge, his epic gossiping powers, and his marginal skills with small engines and carpentry. Was he married? Did he have a family? As Jack sat down, he looked closer, saw the nervousness clearly now. 

“Bobby, relax. You think I’m going to fire you or something?”

“Well, it had crossed my mind.” Bobby glanced at the front door expectantly. “. . . Ms. Evelyn be joining us?”

“No Bobby. Evelyn is dead.”

It was the first time he had ever spoken the words. For the past seven months, it had been implied. But here he was, in a Café overlooking the Penobscot Bay, speaking those three words for the first time with a virtual stranger. Bobby’s face registered the shock with strained wrinkles and a quivering lower lip.

“Holy shit, Mr. Rigsby . . . what happened?”

“She was murdered by a drug addict while I was buying beef jerky . . . and remember, it’s Jack.”

More wrinkles, more lip quivering. Jack recognized sincerity in Bobby’s tortured face, felt his empathy, and it startled him. Still, he forged on.

“It happened in September. All of us are trying to recover from it, with varying degrees of success.”

Bobby leaned forward and cupped his hands around his coffee mug. “A drug addict, you say? A worthless piece of human scum like that killed your Evelyn? Mr. Rig . . . Jack, I don’t know what to say. Your wife was a beautiful person . . . I hope that punk rots in jail for the rest . . .”

“Nope, afraid not,” Jack interrupted, newly eager to share the story. “The bastard cheated the hangman. The police killed him in a shootout at a roadblock just a few hours after the murder. So, although he is no doubt rotting somewhere at the moment, it’s not in jail.”

Emmett placed three steaming pancakes on the table in front of Jack, along with a small plate stacked with fried country ham. He poured coffee into Jack’s mug, looked at Bobby, and asked, “Sure you don’t need anything to eat, Bobby?”

“I’m good, Emmett.”

Suddenly, Jack discovered that he had an appetite. He looked at the food in front of him and realized he was hungry enough to eat it—all of it—ravenously. He started with the ham, carving off a healthy piece and shoving it in his mouth, overwhelmed at its salty perfection. He hastily spread butter between each pancake, then smothered the stack with maple syrup—the real stuff, not the knockoff Aunt Jemima grocery store stuff. Mid-bite, he glanced up at Bobby and noticed his eyes, wide and brimming with tears. Jack put his fork down and picked up a napkin to wipe the syrup from the corners of his mouth, suddenly embarrassed by his own behavior. Apparently, there was more to Bobby Landry than met the eye. 

“I’ve never known anyone . . . never had a friend to get murdered.”

“Me neither, Bobby.”

“How are you holding up?”

Jack had been asked this question a thousand times and had answered each inquiry with something disarming and perfunctory like, “I’m hanging in there,” or the even more meaningless, “about as well as can be expected.” But sitting in the Midcoast Café, looking into the wounded eyes of his caretaker, Jack tried honesty.

“Actually, Bobby, I’ve been going through the motions. Most of the time it feels like I died along with her. Since she’s been gone, I’ve just gotten out of bed each morning and searched for a life to live—a new one, really, because my old life isn’t coming back.”

Jack gathered himself, sipped his coffee, surveyed the ancient, moss-covered rocks surfacing at low tide, watched the birds balancing on the rocks, sunning themselves, teetering in the morning breeze.

“I thought I might come up here early, recapture some magic from her favorite place in the world. But the thing is . . . this was always her favorite place. I had forgotten that part until I got here. That’s the thing, Bobby—I’m not thinking clearly when it comes to Evelyn. Any fool could have told me that coming up here was the worst possible move, since all it would do is remind me that she’s gone. But I didn’t think it through. It seems like I don’t think anything through anymore. So here I am, eating pancakes at Waller’s place in freaking April, having our annual ‘state of the cottage’ meeting at a café ten miles from the cottage. Ha!”

Bobby studied Jack Rigsby as if he were a total stranger. He had no idea who this man was. He preferred the old Jack Rigsby—the guy who held him at arm’s length, who patronized him a little but was fair, even generous. He liked to know where he stood with his owners, hated the ones who tried to act like they were old pals, who pretended to care about him, always asking about the family and whatnot. He never had to worry about that sentimental crap with Jack Rigsby. Jack was strictly business, with a sharp wit and a refreshingly sarcastic attitude. But what was Bobby to make of this new man across the table? He even looked different, his face drawn and colorless, his eyes bigger somehow and fixed on one thing at a time instead of darting all over the place like before. Now, after admitting how lost he felt, he’d attempted a joke? What the hell?

“ . . . So, what’s new with Loon Magic?”

Wait . . . what? Were they supposed to talk about the cottage now? After all of this? Bobby hadn’t even begun to comprehend that someone as sweet and lovely as Evelyn Rigsby had been murdered, and now he was supposed to discuss their leaky faucets? 

“Listen, . . . Jack, this is a lot to take in at one time. I don’t even know how to talk about cottage repairs after hearing this terrible news. I . . .”

“It’s okay, Bobby. I understand.”

Jack returned to devouring his breakfast. Bobby, more uncomfortable with each passing minute, desperately sought a way to excuse himself, but his brain didn’t work like Jack Rigsby’s. He wasn’t quick-witted, could never mitigate awkwardness with clever remarks. 

“ . . . Looks like you might have to put some new tires on the dock, the old ones have dry rotted.”

“You warned me about those last year, didn’t you?”

“I may have said something about them, yeah. They lasted what, twelve years?”

“Ten years. But if they need to be replaced, then replace them.”

Bobby took another sip of coffee, glanced out the window at the birds. “The kids planning on coming up in July?” It felt easier having this conversation while looking at something else . . . anything else.

“I imagine they will, yes. I haven’t heard from them definitively on the subject, though. What would you do if you were them?”

Bobby felt a strange wave of panic rising in his heart. How to answer such a question? Why was he even asked in the first place? 

“Oh, I don’t know . . .” Bobby began cautiously, ready to stop on a dime and deliver a new opinion if his answer distressed this suddenly bizarre man eating pancakes in front of him. “I would think that Liz and Kevin would want be at the lake, especially this year. I imagine it would be comforting, ya know?”

Jack picked up his napkin to wipe his mouth, then emptied his coffee mug. “See . . . that’s what I thought. I thought that exact same thing. I thought that if I came up here and spent some time at the lake, it would be just the ticket to get me over the hump . . . that being up here at that house surrounded by nothing but good memories would do the trick. But you know what I’ve discovered, Bobby?” Jack leaned forward, placed his elbows on the table, and redirected his glare from the birds to his mystified caretaker. “Those good memories don’t belong to me anymore.”

Jack snatched the check from the table, glanced at it, dropped a twenty-dollar bill, then stood and backed away from the table. He reached out to shake Bobby’s hand, muttering something about seeing him again before he left, and then disappeared out the door without looking back. Bobby lowered himself into his chair. He scanned the bay for the birds, but they had flown away. 

Bobby sat for the rest of the morning, trying to understand what had just happened. Poor Ms. Evelyn. Bobby had always had a soft spot in his heart for Jack Rigsby’s wife. She was everything that Jack wasn’t . . . kind, big-hearted, and approachable. He remembered the year when it had rained so much in July that one of the skylights in the master bedroom sprang a leak. Bobby had gone out on the first clear day and re-caulked it while the rest of the family was in town for lunch. He’d been surprised to find Evelyn there. She hadn’t felt well or something and decided to stay behind and oversee his work, greeting him with a characteristic smile and immediately offering to fix him something to eat. 

“No, I’m good, Ms. Evelyn . . . but I will take a cup of that coffee.”

They spent the better part of the afternoon chatting about everything that came to her mind, which was a lot. As he busied himself with his work, she expressed her adoration for Maine, the lake, and her wonderful house. She asked him all about his life—his family, his health, everything. Bobby remembered how easy it was to answer her questions, how little effort it required to talk with her. After an hour of conversation with Evelyn Rigsby, he would have confessed his deepest, darkest secrets if she’d asked. Then, her voice changed, became melancholy, as she began to talk about her husband.

“I just wish Jack could learn to love this place as much as I do. He bought this place just for me because he loves me, but he doesn’t love it like I do. He just can’t let go of things and relax, you know? His mind is never here—right here in the present. He’s always thinking about what’s next. For Jack, it’s always the next big adventure out there. I guess that’s why he’s been so successful. He’s really quite driven, my Jack.”

Bobby had been astonished at her honesty, but it wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable to hear. She was just discussing what she cared about . . . with a caretaker she hardly knew. When he had finished up, she walked him to his truck. 

Suddenly, the last thing she’d said to him that day resurfaced in his memory: You know, I’ve always said that I hope Jack dies first, because if I die first, he would be a disaster without me. Ha!

Bobby left a couple dollars on the table, glanced out at the bay one more time. The tide was coming back in. The rocks had disappeared under the sea. 

Friday Rant

Ok. It’s Friday and time to rant.

Let’s get something straight. When we come through this Coronavirus in a few months—and we most certainly will—it’s going to be important that we remember who the stars were. Who exactly was it who saved our collective asses?? Here is a partial list of those who didn’t save anything:

Donald Trump

Nancy Pelosi

Mitch McConnell

Chuck Schumer

Bernie Sanders

Joe Biden (remember him??)

Any Celebrity 

Any Athlete

Any CEO

Any Hedge Fund Manager

Any political pundit or talking head on television 

Any Journalist

I’ll tell you who the heroes of this story were:

Emergency room doctors

Nurses

Hospital workers

Grocery store clerks

Pharmacists 

Truck drivers

Cops

Food banks

Teachers

Volunteers who kept free lunches coming for needy school kids

Moms and Dads who didn’t incessantly whine on Facebook about having to be cooped up with their kids for a few weeks as if they were living at Auschwitz

Pastors, Priests, and Rabbis who kept encouraging us via technology

Kind neighbors who looked after that old couple down the street.

Hard-pressed millennials who chose to tip extravagantly whoever showed up at their door with a delivery

Ordinary people everywhere who took the threat seriously without resorting to panic and fatalism

Everyone working in the trenches to see to it that our electricity and internet continued to work.

In other words, the heroes are those all around us who didn’t have time to fear monger, pontificate about the politics of pandemics, or grandstand on Social Media from the comfort of their 20 million dollar estates...because they were too busy working their fingers to the bone saving the day.

Learning A Few Things About Myself

I have lost track of the days, the month of March having slipped into a timeless warp, one day indistinguishable from the next, the workweek and the weekend having been melded together. The only reliable, and for me significant marker, has been the hours that the markets are open and the hours when they are not. So, at 4:00 in the morning Wall Street sleeps. Maybe that’s why I gravitate to this hour.

Like all of you, I have learned a few things about myself during this extraordinary time, some good and some bad. I’ve discovered that I’m a lot moodier than I thought. There are many days when I wake up imbued with great optimism, itching for a fight, ready to battle this thing. But other days I have to fight the temptation to curl up in a ball in the corner. Luckily I am able to overcome that defeatist inclination quickly, there being no future in surrender. 

I have learned how much I crave order and routine, now that it has been taken from me. For three weeks now I have been denied admission to American Family Fitness, thus ending a nearly 17 year run of three workouts a week at that reliable institution. I cannot tell you how much I miss it.

My office has been transformed from one of the most comforting, familiar places in my life to a place of great heaviness. It’s hard to explain, this heaviness. When I am there I feel a weight descending. Normally my office is where great foolishness and mayhem happens, most of it courtesy of my childish pranks and incessant trash talk. Consequently, it's great fun to be there. My colleagues are exceptional people, very much like a family. March has changed the dynamic, made it a place of great seriousness. A sober realism has come to visit. There isn’t an ounce of panic in the place, but anxious concern is palpable. Its heavy and at times suffocating...an inescapable gravity.

I have been disabused of the naive assumption that in my 62 years I had built a secure life impenetrable by the vicissitudes of life. I had started to take on the conceit that I had somehow shielded myself and my family from most of the dangers of life by my commitment to industry and ingenuity. It turns out that there were more than a few weaknesses in Fortress Dunnevant. While I am far less vulnerable than most, I am not safe. None of us are safe.

I have also learned how important other people are to my well being and happiness. I suppose this isn’t a new realization, but it has become much clearer over the past thirty days. My children, my wife, my brother and sisters, my small group from church, my closest friends, my clients, all of the people who have populated my life are suddenly so dear. I find myself suddenly so much more solicitous of my neighbors, so much more aware of the man across the way from me at the gas pump, or the lady behind the cash register at the drug store, even the anonymous customer service voice in Des Moines. How are they holding up, I find myself asking...not as polite small talk but because I sincerely want to know. Is there anything I can do to help, I wonder? In a raging sea of bad outcomes, this is a great blessing. Humanity, empathy and compassion are making a comeback. 

I have also relearned something I’ve always known. I picked the right woman. I come home every day to her. She is always here, busy doing something useful and practical, reassuring me that this will eventually blow over, reminding me...sometimes against overwhelming evidence...that I am a good man and that she is proud of me. Her steadfast love redeems the day.

She is right. This storm will blow over. We will come out the other side. When we do, hopefully we will be better people than the ones who stumbled into the COVID-19 battle full of pride and arrogance.

Another Day in Paradise

Woke up at 3:00 with a start from an anonymous dream. As my head cleared I heard the steady roar of the rain. Made my way downstairs, rain coming down in buckets, a dreary 43 degrees out. Perfect. Weather straight out of central casting, my 60 hours of freedom over. I stood at the back door and watched the downpour. Maybe everyone would stay at home today, never turn on their televisions, refuse to take in more bad news. Maybe they won’t call today, I think, knowing that they will. They always do on Mondays. Its always worse after a weekend of breathless, caterwauling from the Barbie and Ken dolls that fill American television screens with the latest dispatches from the apocalypse. The latest news this morning is the failure of the Democrats and Republicans to agree on a relief plan. The collapse of weekend talks is supposed to be a horrible thing. Maybe. Maybe not. But oh, they will call alright.

I will tell them what I know of our strange new unknowable world. They will ask me what they should do and I will answer based on my education, training and experience. It is all I can do. I will tell them what I believe is true. I will council patience and calm. I will ask them not to act out of fear, but it is hard to hear, harder to do. Then the phone will ring and I will do it again. In between I will scan the universe of information at my disposal, trying to make sense of conflicting sentiment. I will sort through the latest data looking for both confirmation and contradiction. I cannot give in to stubborn rigidity at a time like this. I have to be willing to change horses even in the middle of so turbulent a stream. If the weathermen are right, the heavy rain will submit to a driving drizzle by afternoon.

I will come home for lunch. My house is only a mile and a half from my office. I will make myself some lunch and eat it while listening to Colin Cowherd on I-Heart radio. He’s a sports talk show host and I have found it mildly amusing listening to a sports talk show host do his job when there are no sports happening anywhere. He still finds things to yak about for three hours everyday. He’s a professional.

After lunch, I go upstairs and sit in my recliner and worry about my kids for a while. I put some music on in the background and try to rest my mind and body for thirty minutes, an hour if I’m lucky. Then, I will go back to the office and start returning calls and making a few of my own. There will be new headlines to decipher. The markets will take turns skyrocketing and swooning over rumors. When the bell finally rings at 4 o’clock I will do my best to either ponder the remarkable rally or survey the damage from another relentless sell-off. My resolve will have been tested, my faith challenged, my nerves rattled. Then I will make the quick drive home, get the mail out of the mailbox, go inside and immediately wash my hands while singing Penny Lane is in my ears and in my eyes, there beneath the blue suburban skies.

I will check in with my friend who has endured the exact same day as I have...while recovering from nine months of cancer and recent  major surgery. We will commiserate, exchanging war stories, understanding completely what the weight of responsibility feels like during this crisis. At some point, I will attempt to lighten the burden by cracking jokes. Sometimes they make her laugh. Other times they fall to the ground and burst into a million pieces.

Incredible...

With the Coronavirus dominating this space for the past couple of weeks I haven’t talked about how my friend is doing. I still talk with her every morning, still tell her stupid jokes, still try to keep her spirits up. Imagine for a moment how you would be handling this Coronavirus thing if you were weakened by cancer, recovering from a painful and invasive surgery, and worried sick about your hundreds of clients losing money in the stock market? Yeah...I can’t even...

So, a few days ago, she was understandably distraught. She has good days and bad ones like the rest of us, but her bad days are made so much worse by her weakened condition both physically and emotionally. She was telling me how she was feeling and she used a certain phrase that I had never heard from her. It’s sentiment startled me, alarming me like nothing she had ever said. So, as is my unfortunate tendency, I unleashed a stern rebuke:

“Listen to me carefully...YOU WILL NOT GET SICK AGAIN. I mean it. This may slow down your recovery, but you are not going backward over one stupid bear market caused by one lousy virus. I will not stand for it. Do you understand me? You have endured too much, conquered too much ground to turn back. I have had quite enough of cancer and so have you...so I don’t want to hear you say that ever again. Ok?? I don’t mean to be ugly about it...but I don’t want to hear that type of negativity from you. If you speak that way you open the door for it. You need to speak positive thoughts into your life. That’s what I have been doing for you for nine months now and for the most part you have been amazingly positive. Negative words and thoughts lead to negative outcomes.”

I immediately felt guilty for the tone of the remarks and apologized. She thanked me for my honesty and said she needed to hear it.

Fast forward to yesterday after the end of another brutal week of losses on Wall Street. It was around 5:00 in the afternoon and I was really down. This time it was my turn to let loose with a string of negative comments. Throughout this past month I have stayed relentlessly positive, not to offer false confidence to my clients but because its how I actually feel, what I actually believe in my heart—that this is a temporary setback and we will all recover and that recovery will be both swift and eventually—complete. But I’m also a human being and as such I am susceptible to despair. Yesterday was a low point and I couldn’t hide it from my perceptive friend. Her response to my negativity was breathtaking:

“I think sometimes someone needs to cheer the cheerleaders. You’ve been strong through all of this and I know the Lord will see us through. Our Lord knows what we are going through and for me its my third storm in 2 and a half years. Do you know what the Bible says to do when we face trials?...PRAISE him in ALL circumstances! Start praising God that he’s working all things out for good! I know its hard to do but I have to tell you I did it when I thought I was going to lose my daughter, I did it on days when the chemo was peeling the skin off my hands, I did it on the days when I was so sick and humiliated by the cancer I couldn’t even move. But, the Lord needs to know that you trust him no matter what. You and I and your clients know that we have no control over what has happened. So, put on some praise music and praise God through the storm! PS...I’m not fussing at you, I’m just telling you like it is. You can do this Doug! I’m an old fashioned woman and I believe the Bible. The mountaintop experiences are for our joy, but the valleys are for our maturing.”

That this woman who has endured such a grueling ordeal could say such things to me was astonishing. But her words steadied me. After all, if she can keep the faith, if she can find joy amidst this nightmare...we all can.

Ready For A Fight?

I’ve come a long way in a month.

There are a whole host of factors that contribute to the establishment of a world view. Education, training and experience are certainly three of them. Then there are the more subtle factors like personality, family, religion, how much and what you read etc..For me, all of these influences have produced a deeply ingrained suspicion of not only government but authority in general. To my parent’s eternal frustration I was the kid who questioned everything. I refused to accept their word for things, very seldom gave anyone in authority over me the benefit of the doubt. Gatekeepers of information were especially suspect. For me, Journalists weren’t people who reported on events but rather ideologues who pushed an agenda. Government officials weren’t civic minded public servants, but feather-bedding bureaucrats interested in nothing quite so much as self preservation and power. Enter the Coronavirus.

My initial reaction to COVID-19 news was annoyance. Here we go again, another media created frenzy...we’re all gonna die unless we revoke the Bill of Rights and give the federal government more power!! Then my instinctive biases took over...what the hell, it’s the stinkin’ FLU for crying out loud. where’s the fire??

My world view has benefited me in ways great and small. A healthy mistrust of government has proven throughout human history to be a quite rational and justified suspicion. Questioning authority has produced many of the most beneficial advances in human history. However, at times it can be an impediment to receiving and processing the truth. Since the early days of this crisis, I have voraciously consumed a wide variety of news from every source imaginable. As time has passed I have forsaken most news organizations entirely in favor of scientific and medical organizations. What I read there is much more boring, far less sensationalized, free from grandstanding and the competition for eyeballs and ratings. By doing so, my understanding of events, while not foolproof or by any means complete, has changed dramatically. I no longer dismiss the reality of what we are facing. The Coronavirus is a substantial threat to our country. The deaths that it will bring will be significant, the damage it will do to our economy and our own personal fortunes is considerable. 

But, there is a reason why I have not given myself over to despair. It’s another result of that world view thing. Here’s what I know about the world in general and America specifically. Human beings are a resilient bunch, and Americans are the most energetically inventive and creative people in the world. We have thousands of brilliant people working heroic amounts of hours trying to beat this thing back. Scientists, doctors, researchers and entrepreneurs are grinding away trying to get a grasp on it, figure it out and find a way to overcome it. They will. That’s what I’ve learned about my country in 62 years. We are an unholy mess during peace time, a nation of feuding tribes who spend most of the time at each other’s throats. But when existential threats appear, the ranks close quickly. Our collective attention gets focused on the threat and not on each other. And that’s when magical things start happening.

When the histories of the Coronavirus are written it’s going to be about that woman in the lab in Maryland who figured out X, and that guy from Detroit who did that amazing and gutsy thing that turned the tide. It’s going to be about the nurses and teachers, the garbage men and cops, the truck drivers, the pharmacists, the shelf-stockers. We will look back and marvel at the work done by churches and food banks, and the thousands of community organizations who held life together.  We will be amazed at the thousand kindnesses that passed between strangers. What the doomsayers predicted would destroy us is going to be remembered as perhaps one of our finest hours.

So, yes. I’m still suspicious of authority. I still distrust government. But I have chosen to put some of that aside in favor of being part of the solution...and part of the solution is using this blog to remind all of you of who we are. We are Americans...stubborn, self-obsessed and petty most of the time...but ferocious and heroic when cornered. We will beat this thing. We will win this fight. 

Count on it.

Counting Our Blessings

The Coronavirus has swiftly and dramatically altered daily life in America. An awful lot of wealth has been, at least temporarily, wiped out. People are growing more fearful by the day. However, not everything associated with this crisis is...bad. The answer to the eternal question, is the glass half empty or half full, depends on one’s perspective. To that end, I have compiled a short list of positives associated with this mess. Let’s all count our blessings for a moment:

- We have gone weeks now with practically no news about the Presidential campaigns.

- The U.S. Senate took a vote yesterday on a huge Coronavirus relief package and it passed 90-8. We haven’t seen this level of bi-partisan cooperation since the 100-0 vote to make Mother’s Day a thing.

- Traffic on West Broad Street in Short Pump is finally manageable. But in fairness, that’s because most of the cars are in the drive thru at Chick-fil-A.

- Bernie Sanders can shut down his campaign secure in the knowledge that there are far fewer billionaires in America now than when he started.

- If we get to the point where everyone 70 and older must shelter in place, would the last one leaving the Capital building turn out the lights?

- Sports gambling losses in America have plummeted.

- Hot Yoga classes have been cancelled throughout the Country, raising the cumulative IQ of the nation by ten points.

- The Meme business is booming.

- Gasoline has gotten cheap.

- Peloton owners have become even more smug and obnoxious than normal, proving that literally anything is possible.

- We are all about to discover the truth of our Lord and Savior’s words from the Gospel of Luke that, “A man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”

- This will be remembered as the Golden Age of Dogs.

This Ain’t The Blitz...

Apparently there is something called Google Hangout which allows you to have a video conference call with multiple parties. I’m sure there are other similar services out there in the amazing world of technology. But leave it to my wife to find one that not only works like a glitch-free charm, but is FREE. Anyway, there we were last night, Pam downstairs on the sofa, me upstairs in my recliner, with all four of my kids and both of my Grandpups appearing like magic on my iPad screen. We talked and laughed and shared our concerns about this stupid virus for over an hour. Occasionally one of the pups would do something adorable on screen and we would all laugh. We each shared our concerns about working from home and potentially being locked down. We talked about food supply, money issues, etc. Pam and I got to see their faces, a huge relief for both of us. And it costs us nothing.

Listen folks, as disturbing as all of this is, lets be clear...this ain’t the Blitz, people. This isn’t London in 1940. We’re not hunkered down in bomb shelters praying that our number doesn’t come up. This isn’t Europe in the Middle Ages when the Black Death swept thru and killed 50 million people, six out every ten people. Heck, this isn’t even the Spanish Flu of 1918 which not only killed untold millions but diabolically targeted the young. I am not minimizing anything. This COVID-19 thing is a deadly serious public health crisis. But we have tools to help us get through the inconvenience and isolation of the remedy in ways that our ancestors couldn’t possibly have imagined. It is, despite the current evidence, a marvelous time to be alive.

Speaking of things that are marvelous...

Apparently in Germany panic buying of sausage and cheese has broke out...

It's the Wurst Käse scenario.

COVID spelled backwards is DIVOC.

Which is appropriate since I have no idea what DIVOC is going on.

Everywhere I look on the internet there are memes with word play about the Coronavirus.

It’s a global pundemic.

I just landed a small part in a new movie about the Coronavirus.

I’m a Corona extra.

Did you guys here about the Mosque here in Richmond that got hit with the Coronavirus?

The entire congregation has been placed in a Qurantine...

What’s Your Story Going To Be?

In his famous book, Leviathan, Thomas Hobbes observed that life for men in the state of nature was “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.” Perhaps no writer in the English language has ever penned a more accurate description of what life was like for the typical person for the vast majority of human history. “No arts; no letters; no society; and worst of all, the continual fear of violent death.”

In our time, life has taken on a much calmer aspect, at least for most of us in the West. We live longer, fuller, happier lives than our ancestors could ever have dreamed possible. But, just when we are at the peak of our opulent and arrogant leisure, along comes a hurricane or a line of tornados as a reminder of how powerless we are against the forces of nature. And now the Coronavirus arrives on the scene of our brave new sheltered life and we are momentarily disoriented. It knocks us off of our high horse. In time, and I believe soon, we will once again find our bearings and be on our way. But, just for a minute, while we are down on the ground, let’s take a good look at ourselves and take inventory.

My dad observed that hard times don’t build character, they reveal it. At crunch time, what’s down in the well, always comes up in the bucket, he would insist. My dad was a wise man.

It would do us all well to consider that our kids are watching us right now. Younger generations are looking to the grownups for cues on how to react to the unprecedented. One day, our grandchildren will want to know what it was like to live through the great pandemic, or whatever name the historians will assign to COVID-19. They will ask us what we did. What will we tell them?

Will we tell them that we spent our time mocking those who took it seriously enough to take precautions? Will we have to admit that we were too busy going on vacations and publishing pictures of our carefree frolicking in an attempt to shame our more cautious friends? Or will we have to tell the embarrassing story of the trips to the grocery store where we bought a pickup truck full of toilet paper and hand sanitizer? Will we be one of those who have to admit that we gave in to our greed and jacked up the price of some scarce commodity to make a fast buck? Will we have to tell our grandchildren that at the time we were so addled by partisan politics that all we cared about was how the crisis was affecting our side, rendering us useless to our neighbors.

But, make no mistake...history will judge us. What I hope I am able to tell my grandchildren (whenever I finally have some!) is that I kept my wits about me. I showed up for work, did my job under difficult conditions with vigor and confidence. I looked out for my neighbor, took special care of the vulnerable. I helped people stay focused on what was important, not be terrified into mistakes great and small. I kept my sense of humor about me, refused to lose heart, refused to give myself over to undue pessimism and despair. I kept the jokes coming.

The kids are watching us. Let’s create a great story to tell.

Thoughts That Came at 3:30 in the Morning

“We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed.”

2 Corinthians 4:8-9

Move forward. Keep your head up. Work with diligence the task set before you. Look out for the needs of others, not just yourself. Attack this day with the steadfast confidence that comes from faith in God and faith in each other. Banish inordinate fear from your heart. Today...this day...is what we have all been given. Let’s make the best of it.

The Assembly

My church, along with many others, made the decision to cancel services today. Instead of four separate meetings with over 700 people crammed into one auditorium, they will have one service at 9:30 which will be live-streamed with only essential personnel in the building. I believe this was wise and proper, and I will be watching, but...I will miss the assembly, the gathering, being together.

The early Christians warned us not to forsake the assembly. There have been times in my life when practically any excuse to skip church was sufficient. But as I have gotten older, and especially since Pam and I found Hope Church, it has become the highlight of our week. There is something reassuring about being together under one roof and for one purpose at a vibrant church. It’s unique in that every other meeting I attend is comprised of largely similar constituencies; investors, businessmen, brokers, advisors. But when I gather together with 700 people at the eleven o’clock service at my church, its a smorgasbord of diverse people from every background, socio-economic class, and life experience you can imagine. Honestly, the vast majority of them I don’t even know, couldn’t tell you their names if my life depended on it. In a church the size of Hope this is unavoidable. On any given Sunday Pam and I will know maybe forty people. But as I glance around the room there are flickers of recognition and camaraderie. I recognize that face. We smile at each other. Something warm is exchanged from across the room. 

When we all stand for worship and the music begins, we are all asked to leave behind the cares of the week—and this week there would have been much to leave behind—and give over our attention to prayer and the worship of God. Of the 700 people in the room many would prefer different music from what is provided. Others love the music just the way it is. But once it begins and we hear each other’s voices ringing out as one it doesn’t matter so much any more. We are reassured by the lyrics, uplifted by the melodies, reminded that all over the world at this hour hundreds of millions of voices are being raised for the same purpose. It grounds you in the moment and suddenly the burdens you entered the room with begin to lighten. We are in this together. Some lift their hands, some sway back and forth, others are solemn and still, heads bowed eyes closed, but there is freedom in this moment.

Then, the pastor shares the message, long planned, tenderly prepared, and we all hear the same words and we all respond differently. To some of us the message will be soothing. Others might take offense, still others will feel that they are the only ones in the room and the pastor’s words are meant just for them. Some will feel the discomfort of conviction, others will find hope and reassurance. Such is the complex group dynamics at play when we come together in the assembly. I will miss it. I will tune in to the live-stream and be thankful that we have the technology to do so, but I will miss the gathering together, the smiles from across the room, the delightfully discordant mixture of the corporate voice raised. Maybe next week or the week after that we will be back together. I hope so.

My Night As A Prisoner of War

People of a certain age will remember that old video we all saw in 11th grade world history class showing the black inky expansion of Nazi dominance across Europe. With ominous Wagner music pounding in the background, the Nazi menace slowly expanded into every crevice of the European map looking evil and malignant with bad intentions...

Now, all these years later, I finally know how poor little Spain felt in this picture. You see, my house, what used to be referred to as my castle, has been overrun by a pack of female invaders. I have been forced to retreat into the last foothold left to me, upstairs in my 12x10 last stand of a hideout. I have been given an eleventh hour pardon by the invaders and told that if I remain hidden, neither seen nor heard, I might be spared. What provocation brought on this naked aggression, you may be asking yourself. Let me attempt an answer.

This past week, two female members of my wife’s family—the White’s—had birthdays, my sainted Mother in Law and Pam’s kid sister, Angie who as fate would have it turned the big 50. Of course my wife simply couldn’t let such an event pass without an appropriate celebration. Thinking about this led inexorably to the seed of a plan hatched somewhere in the dark, jungle-heated corners of her brain whereby it was decided that all of the female members of the White family would come over here for a fiftieth birthday bash, sleepover  and facial party/movie night. Practically rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it? 

Just before I was banished upstairs I was able to take a few pictures for the upcoming war crimes tribunal...

Gift bags...better known as munitions, or if you prefer...weapons of mass hysteria.

Provisions, featuring not one, but TWO fondue pots. Chocolate or cheese. Pick your poison.

Behold my rations. This will be exhibit A in my petition to The Hague  pursuant to my rights under the Geneva convention. Len Tuck, call your office!

Plunder.

Perhaps the cruelest cut of all are the little bags of Linder Truffles place on every bed in the house except whatever cot they have planned for me.

Although Lucy is clearly furious at this humiliating turn of fortune, she did appreciate the fact that she was given a bag of truffles and I wasn’t.

So, after the toughest week of my professional career, my reward is submission to the Imperialist Invading Force. There is no baseball to watch. No March Madness. No hockey or pro basketball. Just me and my faithful dog with the Coronavirus lurking out there waiting for me to make a mistake.

Your prayers would be appreciated.

Fight Back

Friday, at long last, is here. These are the sort of weeks that try men’s souls. You’re just trying to limp over the finish line, a week that you must simply endure because there is no alternative that doesn’t involve assuming room temperature. I don’t know about you, but whenever something monumentally disturbing happens in the world I go through several stages. First, I feel overwhelmed. Then I start scrambling for information, trying to wrap my head around events. Then I begin battling the thing. But after a while with me, its always the same, I get angry and defiant. Who the hell does this Coronavirus thing think he is coming in here and throwing my world into chaos? I’m not gonna stand for this a minute longer! I’m gonna...It’s always been my pattern. After a while I get tired of being frightened and simply get annoyed. That’s when I start cracking jokes. To some it might seem inappropriate for the gravity of the moment. Too flippant and unserious. That’s fair. But for me its my best defense. If I can make fun of something, make light of a dark thing it makes me feel empowered. This thing will not win. I will make it the brunt of jokes and bring it down to size.

We will survive this. Eventually we will get a handle on the virus and it will recede from our lives. Eventually, markets will regain their footing. When? How long will it take? I don’t know. Nobody knows. But let us not give in to despair. Let us not take on the posture of the helpless victim. Let us regain our swagger, even if it’s wearing a mask...

I got a call today from some guy trying to sell me a coffin. 

I said, “that’s the last thing I need.”

Today I was at the bank when two men walked in wearing masks.

I was so relieved when I discovered it was just a bank robbery.

What happened when the cannibal was late for the dinner party?

He was given the cold shoulder.

Imagine the Titantic with a lisp...

It’s unthinkable.

I got Yakuza and Suzuki mixed up the other day.

Now I’m in trouble with the Japanese mafia.

What do you call a Petri dish of Coronavirus?

A cancel culture.

Because of the Coronavirus, the NHL season is on ice.

What do you do with a chemist with the Coronavirus?

If you can’t Curium or Helium you must Barium.

Did you hear that Tom Hanks has Coronavirus?

BIG news. I sure hope he doesn’t castaway his career...

What do you call a You-Tuber with the Coronavirus?

Just another influenzer.

Last night my cat started with a cough.

I’m afraid he has caught the...purrrrona virus.

I took a viagra pill yesterday morning and it got stuck in my throat.

I had a stiff neck all day.

Did you hear that cows can give you the Coronavirus?

It’s fake moos.

My Plan For Fighting the Coronavirus

On February 10, 2020 I wrote the following words about the Coronavirus:

 “Do I plan on visiting China anytime soon? No. But am I planning on losing one minute of sleep over the latest pandemic apocalypse? Puhleeze.”

In literary circles this is what is known as irony. In regular circles its called being wrong.

I suppose that technically speaking I could claim that I am not, in fact, losing sleep over the virus itself but rather its effects, specifically on the equity markets. But, losing sleep I am. Unfortunately for me, I cannot while away the wee hours staring into my new 55 inch TV at some random sporting event, because they have all been cancelled. I was perfectly fine when they cancelled the NCAA tournament. I shed not one tear when I heard that both the NBA and NHL seasons had been dropped. But when I discovered that baseball’s spring training had been cancelled and opening day postponed a minimum of two weeks? Well, that’s when it got serious.

I don’t remember where I was or what I was doing at the time, but I had an epiphany of sorts about all of this the other day. Somebody was listing all of the at risk groups, the ones with the most to fear from catching the thing. It was on in the background. I was only half paying attention. When suddenly I picked up a couple of phrases that got my attention:

Over 60. History of heart issues including blood pressure. History of lung issues, including asthma. People who have had strokes.

Somehow, in all the hoopla and hysteria running rampant throughout the country, I had completely missed the salient point that...I am at risk. 

First of all, how can this be? How on earth did this happen? How in the name of all that is Holy have I become a 61 year old man? Here I was worrying about my wonderful, elderly clients, spending all my time worrying about the friends I have who are older and currently not in the greatest of health. It had seriously never dawned on me that I might actually be vulnerable to the thing.

So, what’s my plan? Do I plan on flipping out and running all over town snapping up every available roll of toilet paper like the number one symptom of COVID-19 is Diarrhea? Heck no! Am I going to cancel all activities of daily living and cloister myself in a closet in my house? NO! What I am going to do is exactly what the professionals at the CDC tell me to do. I’m going to wash the hell out of my hands like it’s my job, singing a complete verse of Penny Lane while doing so—exactly 20 seconds long. I’m going to greet people with an elbow bump. No hugging, no hand shakes. I’m not going to touch things like bathroom doorknobs, or grocery cart handles without either gloves on or a handkerchief in my hand. I will cover my mouth before coughing or sneezing in public. In addition, if I have the slightest fever or feel even slightly ill—with anything— I will stay the heck home and do my business from my home office.

Eventually this country will recover (including the stock markets) from this virus. But until we do, I will make prudent changes in my routine and my behavior out of naked self interest, but also for the love of my neighbors and friends. In time of National crisis, this country has always pulled together to help each other through. Why don’t we all bypass the clowns in Washington and start doing the wise, smart, and loving things like helping each other, taking care of each other? Maybe we will collectively shame them into bringing the power of government into this fight for the benefit of everyone.

Be safe out there, ladies and gentlemen. And keep a sharp eye out for someone who might need your help.

Two Pictures

Both my friend and I are dealing with lots of stress associated with our chosen profession. Obviously it has been harder for her, with all of the physical challenges she faces, but its been no bed of roses for me either. Sleep has become a rare commodity. So, I came up with an idea during our text conversation this morning. I asked her to go through all of her pictures and pick out one or two that make her the happiest, the ones that make her heart smile the brightest. I would do the same. Then we would share them with each other. During the day today, whenever pressure starts to build, we will have these photographs handy. They will serve to remind us of what is real and what is essential amidst all the mayhem. 

She sent me these two pictures:

I sent her these two:

What are your two pictures?

My Nightmare

Yesterday’s brutal slog was followed by a restless, fitful sleep which featured lots of tossing, turning and bizarre dreams. Mercifully, I finally woke up for good at 4:00 in plenty of time to take our house guest of the past four nights to All Saints Episcopal Church to catch his bus back to Nashville. The Chambers Singers Spring tour of 2020 was a raging success and Deen Entsminger was a delight to have in our home. A big thank you goes out to Leigh Anne Fort and Becky Baldwin for hosting seven young women in their homes since Friday. They treated their girls like queens and were the talk of the ensemble.

The subconscious mind is a strange place full of discordant, brooding inclinations that manifest themselves, I’m told, during periods of great stress. Yesterday would certainly have qualified as stressful, so I probably should have expected bad dreams last night. The one I got was a doozy.

We have neighbors in our culdesac who have a wonderful dog named Maverick. He’s a black lab and a world class sweetheart. We noticed recently that he didn’t look well, and learned late yesterday afternoon that he had to be put down. Such a sad thing to lose a beautiful, sweet dog. He was one of Lucy’s best pals. With that loss serving as a backdrop, my dream proceeded like this:

Overcome with empathy for my neighbor’s loss, I decided that I would loan them Lucy for a week or so to help them through their grief. The trouble began when it was time to get Lucy back. They refused to give her up, insisting to me that I had said they could keep her forever. Then, in the maddening way of dreams, I found myself in a excruciating loop of waking up every morning, walking around the culdesac and seeing Lucy out in their front yard, unable to come to me because of the electronic fence they had hastily erected. Lucy would whine at me each time I passed the yard. It was as close to a nightmare as I have ever experienced. When I awoke with a start at 4:00, I looked down at the end of the bed, and there she was stretched out to her full length like she owned the place. I have never been so glad to see a dog in my entire life. Even now as I write this, she is at my side, much earlier than usual...

As I was sharing this dream with Deen on our way to the bus this morning he said that I should try to find the mental file where it was stored and shred it immediately.

I agree.

Pandemics and Me

I have had a long and stressful day. I am exhausted. I have grown tired of the sound of my own voice. 

Among many, many other things, over the past few hours I have been doing some research on the history of flu pandemics in the United States during my lifetime, courtesy of the Centers For Disease Control. The CoronaVirus is the fourth such pandemic to hit this country in my nearly 62 years on the Earth. I will print here what I have discovered about the previous three without any editorializing. Each of you is free to come to your own conclusion about what you read.

The Asian Flu. Summer of 1957 thru early 1958.

The Asian Flu was first detected in Singapore in February of 1957, Hong Kong by April, and finally reached the coastal United States in the early summer. Total deaths associated with this Flu were 1,100,000 worldwide, with 116,000 deaths in the United States. Economic growth as a result of this pandemic cratered to a -10% by the second quarter of 1958, only to rebound by the end of the year to a growth rate of 7.8% for five consecutive quarters.

The Hong Kong Flu September 1968 thru March 1969.

First detected in China in July of 1968, it eventually would kill a million people world wide although it had a very small death rate. 34,000 people perished in the United States. This pandemic, unlike the Asian Flu would cause very little economic pain or disruption.

The Swine Flu 2009-2010

It is estimated that the Swine Flu was contracted by 11-21% of the world’s population in 2009 or roughly 700 million to 1.4 billion people. Despite this astounding number, only 575,000 people died of the disease, and only 4,000 of those in the United States. Again, much like the Hong Kong flu, no significant economic disruptions occurred as a result.

The Coronavirus late 2019 to present

First discovered and identified in the 1960’s, the recent outbreak started in Wuhan, China in late 2019. So far there have been 114,000 confirmed cases worldwide, with over 4,000 deaths. In the United States there have been 500 cases confirmed and 22 deaths. 

Since the 19th of February when the first news reports started coming in, the Dow Jones Industrial average has dropped nearly 5,500 points or 18.7%

Since this is me you’re talking about, and in keeping with my long term view that it is always a good time for a bad joke, I offer you this:

Some people aren’t shaking hands because of the Coronavirus.

I’m not shaking hands because people have run out of toilet paper.