I have gotten several messages from perplexed readers asking for some sort of explanation. It actually deserves clarification because the actually story is quite hilarious.
So, I don’t fly all that much anymore, only once every three years or so. Years ago Pam and I flew all over the place at least once a year to some exotic location and I always considered flight great fun. This is no longer true due to a variety of reasons, 9/11, COVID, and the fact that human beings are horrible. But, I digress. The issue at hand is what to make of the coat of many colors draped over the middle seat of row 44 on Delta flight 2681 headed for Atlanta.
Before boarding this flight I had made the decision to engage whoever happened to be sitting beside me in conversation, perhaps make a friend, and make the trip go by faster. When I arrived at row 44 I was taken aback by the sight of a large woman wearing a solid pink track-suit with silver gemstones sewn throughout the fabric which gave off a porcupine-like spiked effect. Of course, in order for me to get to my window seat, this lady had to get up and let me in, which turned in to something resembling absurdist theatre. Now, I was facing being trapped against the fuselage of this airplane for the next two hours, unable to escape without a repeat of the difficulties alluded to in that absurdist theatre blast. Anyone who knows me will understand the dread that overtook me at this prospect. But, it had to be done. It was a full flight. There were no other seats available, and I am not a child. I am a grown man and I would have to step up and make the most of this hellish situation. Besides, I had that “make a friend-strike up a conversation” thing going for me.
Once we were all sufficiently wedged into place I thought to begin the conversation by asking her name, but then I noticed that she had earbuds jammed into her ears, attached to her cell phone. No worries, I thought. It can wait. Then I caught a glimpse at the expression of the terrified guy who completed our threesome. He wouldn't even glance in our direction, his right leg dangerously close to being in the line of fire of any future beverage carts later in the flight.
After what seemed an eternity of taxiing down several miles of concrete, the pilot floored it and we were launched down the runway. The next thing I know, my seat mate whipped out this blanket and proceeded to cover herself with it…from head to toe. I caught a glimpse of aisle-seat guy as this was happening and he looked as baffled as I did. She said nothing to either of us while she was engaged in the great covering, but it didn’t take a genius to see that there would be no conversation between me and blanket-lady. So, I settled in and tried my best to drift off to sleep. But then something truly remarkable happened. About an hour or so into the flight I felt a sneeze coming on. Considering the close quarters I tried my best to limit the damage but the sound was probably heard by the good people in row 25. But then suddenly the blanket moved ever so slowly as if the woman was turning her head towards the sound of the sneeze. Then a voice from underneath the fabric, “bless you.” Stunned, I replied, “uh..thank you?” And that was it, the sum total of our conversation. The blanket stayed securely in place until we touched down in Atlanta, whereupon she removed it, stashed it in her carry-on bag without a word, jostled her hair back in place and silently exited the plane.
It should be noted that despite this bizarre experience, my whirlwind 24 hour trip to Atlanta was a raging success. I got to see the Nationals play the Braves with my Son!
Always an adventure in the air! Glad you got a double blessing - seeing your son and the one on the plane!
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