2022 Predictions

Every year around this time I write a Predictions post. The 2012 post was my best since I absolutely nailed my first two predictions—2012 ended without peace in the Middle East, and the Federal Government did spend more money in 2012 than they did in 2011. But, I must admit that some of my more recent prediction posts haven’t exactly been Nostradamus-like. This beauty from 2016 comes to mind— President Obama, exhausted after seven years of being both a Christian and a Muslim, declares himself the first Buddhist president. 

Lucky for readers of The Tempest, I am not discouraged by miserable failure. So, without further delay, may I present to you…

2022 Predictions

1. Just about the time when the world thinks it has finally beaten back the COVID pandemic, scientists discover the Zebra variant, which originates in a diner in Canada, and whose primary symptom seems to be transforming it’s victims into polite human beings.

2. Joe Biden will survive the second year of his Presidency, costing members of his caucus a fortune since they all took the under on 18 months.

3. A team from the SEC will win the college football National Championship for the 12th time in the past 16 years, which will bring calls to reform the playoff system to allow more inclusion and equity. Suggestions include forcing SEC schools to play with only 9 players.

4. Speaker of the house Nancy Pelosi will die from a fatal reaction to a new anesthetic drug administered during her record 9th face lift operation. Fortunately for the Pelosi family, her husband, venture capitalist Paul Pelosi had recently shorted the drug makers stock.

5. Former President Donald Trump announces plans to build a five star luxury casino inside the Vatican. He promises that all the proceeds from the venture will go to Catholic charities. In an unrelated move, Trump announces his conversion to Catholicism.

6. The 2022 Major League Baseball season is cancelled by the ongoing labor dispute between the grossly overpaid and coddled players and their insanely wealthy and coddled owners. In a last ditch effort to save the season, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is brought in to mediate based on the fact that she once was a waitress at a sports bar.

7. Senator Joe Manchin upsets the political balance in the Senate by declaring himself a Republican. In response, Bernie Sanders, figuring what the hell?, finally decides to declare himself a Communist.

8. The much anticipated 2022 midterm elections set a modern record of being referred to as the most consequential election in history a staggering 6 million times by the media. After all the votes were stolen, faked, forged, and finally counted The Republican Party takes control of both houses of Congress. Barbara Streisand, Bette Midler, and Michelle Obama announce plans to move to France. The French government immediately closes its border.

9. The stock market continues to move up and down wildly in ways that no human being alive or dead can explain or predict.

10. Doug and Pam Dunnevant finally buy their dream lake house in Maine.