What Makes a Smart Plug…Smart?

As many of you know, I am married to a woman who is a technology freak. She loves all things having to do with computers and all the various and sundry gadgets that have proliferated from them over the last decade or so. While most women’s eyes light up when you give them jewelry, Pam’s eyes light up when I buy her a new gadget. It’s kinda creepy. Anyway, near the top of her Christmas list this year was something called a Smart Plug. When I did a bit of research into the thing I discovered that it was a new Amazon gadget whereby you could transform anything that needs to be plugged in into something that would respond to voice commands like—Alexa, do the laundry, or…Alexa, bring me breakfast in bed. Just kidding…but not by much.

So, I come down the stairs this morning at 5:50 am, in my usual early morning stupor. I walk into the family room. Its dark like it always is at this hour. I absently shuffle over to the lamp next to the sofa to turn on the light. Nothing. Didn’t I just replace that bulb? Cheap Chinese crap! So, I walk across the room and turn on the other lamp. Same thing. What are the odds? Two blown bulbs! But, its early and I’m not thinking as clearly as I normally do. I continue my shuffle into the kitchen. I proceed with the morning ritual of brewing my coffee. Once that’s finished, I shuffle over to the dishwasher. Pam, knowing my routine as she does has prepared a note for me…

What in the Sam Hill is this woman up to now, I think to myself. Because its early and I am vulnerable to exploitation, I obey,  “Alexa, let there be light.” Basically the entire downstairs explodes with incandescent light. It startles me. I actually jump a little…What the heck??!! I walk over to the recycling and see them all there and realize that this is basically my fault. See, her Christmas list asked for “a”…as in “one” smart plug. When I went to buy the thing I think for a minute, “Wait, she’s probably gonna want more than just one. She loves this crap.” So, overcome with Christmas generosity, I click the number 4 in the checkout cart, and last night while I slept, she struck. 

Of course, as I sit here in the luminous glow of electric light it occurs to me that she has the power to change the magic word on a whim, plunging me into darkness. I could come down here tomorrow and say, Alexa, let there be light, and nothing…while she’s upstairs laughing her head off. Another thing, I see that she did not tell me what the magic word is to turn all these lights off. Smart plug indeed!