A Bridge Too Far

Today, Pam and I were in the middle of a delightful excursion to a part of Mid-Coast Maine that we have largely ignored during our many trips here, the gorgeous Rockport Harbor, when I received a text from my friend informing me that she, her husband and grown daughter had all tested positive for COVID. I found a picnic table, sat down and got the details. They are all feeling pretty rough. Surgery that had been scheduled for this week had to be postponed (for the second time) and now all three of them have to go in to quarantine for two weeks. I don’t need to point out the dangers involved when someone, who’s immune system has been weakened by chemo for a year, gets COVID. I am worried sick about her. She ended our conversation with this...I’m not afraid of COVID either, Doug. God’s got this...to which I replied with all the honesty I could muster...Well...I sure wish God would change tactics. I think you’ve had quite enough of this shit.

I’m very aware of God’s mysterious ways and all that, and I also realize that he owes me no explanation for every single bad thing that happens in this world. But news that my friend had come down with COVID seemed like a bridge too far. I’ve watched my friend endure a living hell for over a year now. Every bad thing that possibly could have happened during her treatment, has happened. And now, when she has battled through everything and is within sight of the end of her treatment...she gets freaking COVID?? It’s devastatingly unfair, and it pisses me off. And yet, there she is, sore back, coughing, fever and pains in her joints, stuck in a house with two others that feel every bit as rotten as she does, and what does she do? Assure me that she fears nothing because God is in control. 

Pam and I continued our walk around the harbor taking pictures...

When we got back to the house, I texted her again with a question that had been rattling around my head all afternoon, “Who in the world is going to take care of you guys if you’re all three sick and in quarantine? She answered with, “Some friends we go to church with left our dinner on the porch tonight. We are doing alright...”

When things like this happen, I get angry and sometimes that anger gets directed at God. The thing is...I don’t think he minds the times when I’m most honest with him. I imagine he prefers honest anger to empty, repetitive prayers that we don’t even mean or believe. Usually when I lash out, something soon happens that reminds me of God’s sovereignty in the world. But the fact that I get angry so often is probably evidence that I’m not the world’s greatest Christian, but then again, I’ve never claimed to be. All I know is I have a good friend who is a much better person than I am, who has been sick as a dog for 14 months now and desperately needs to catch a break.