# While many men complain about losing their hair later in life, my experience has been different. I not only maintain a thick head of hair, I am now growing hair in places I wouldn’t think it possible for hair to grow. It’s like all of a sudden somebody has slipped Rogaine in my shower water. I’m like a giant Chia-pet!
# Despite having established and maintaining a workout regime that has had me at the gym every other day for the past 15 years, my body betrays me in new and bizarre ways on nearly a weekly basis. The following are just a few of the discussions I have had to have with Patient First doctors of late...
Doc: So, Mr. Dunnevant, what brings you in today?
Me: I’ve thrown my back out.
Doc: Oh Dear...what were you doing? Lifting something without bending your knees? Trying to do too much yard work in one day? Moving a piano upstairs?
Me: No...I was plugging in the blow dryer.
Me: No...I was brushing my teeth.
Me: No...I was retrieving a coffee mug from the cabinet.
The latest bizarreness occurred yesterday...at church. I was in my customary aisle seat, and had just settled in to listen to a sermon from our new Youth pastor. I should emphasize at this point that I was...sitting in a chair...perhaps the least strenuous activity on the day’s agenda. As is often the case with those of us who have difficulty with the whole sitting down thing, I almost instinctively began to cross my legs by lifting my right leg off the ground and resting it over my left leg, a move that men have been executing flawlessly for roughly 4,000 years of recorded history. Suddenly, an excruciating pain shot up my right leg from my ankle to my knee, complete with heat. At first I actually thought I had severed a tendon, it hurt so bad. I grabbed it with both hands right after the offering plate had passed and pondered what the conservation was going to be like with the Patient First doctor...
Doc: So, Mr. Dunnevant, what brings you in today?
Me: I think I’ve blown out my knee.
Doc: Oh My...how did it happen? You training for a marathon? Were you doing wind sprints at the gym? Trying to do squats with too much weight?
Me: No...I was crossing my legs...at church.
After ten minutes of extreme discomfort, during which time I completely missed the sermon intro, the shooting pain stopped...completely and totally vanished. Twenty minutes later when it was time to stand up for the closing song, I cautiously applied weight to the leg...100% pain free.
It’s this sort of thing that is disconcerting about turning 60. You feel good, even look good (if grading on a curve), but you never know when your body is going to start screwing with you. Out of the blue, you will develope an irritating eye twitch, break out in a 24 hour rash, suddenly not be able to eat pizza after 9 o’clock at night with Pepcid, or all of a sudden, every time you blow your nose, tears start shooting out of your left eye. I mean, seriously? Tears shooting out of your left eye when you blow your nose? In the name of all that is holy, what in the wide, wide world of sports is going on here??(asking for a friend)??
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