Like everyone else in America, I have watched the story of Tim Tebow unfold over these past 8 weeks. Each week it’s the same thing. The kid looks woefully overmatched for three quarters. Then in the fourth quarter he becomes something else. It’s as if his body gets taken over by the ghost of Johnny Unitas. Then he gets an infusion of Joe Namath from 1969 and Joe Montana from 1989, and the next thing you know, the Broncos have won another game.
The camera pans to a shot of John Elway looking awkwardly flabbergasted. Afterwards, all the football talking heads are left blubbering on and on about his terrible mechanics, horrendous stats, and the annoying kneeling and praying on the sidelines. Internet chat rooms then ignite into flames with apoplectic rage at his sermonizing, at his goody-two-shoes corn-pone personality, and especially at his virginity. Then across the virtual street another universe of chat rooms are positively gushing over his wholesomeness, impeccable manners and humility. The battle lines have been drawn. If you’re a Christian, you’ve gotta love him and if you’re a heathen, you’ve gotta hate him. It’s tremendously fun and must see TV.
What I find most compelling however, are his press conferences after the games. I’ve watched four of them now and they are amazingly consistent. So, in keeping with the latest trend in journalism, I will now run a Fact-Check on his remarks to determine whether Mr. Tebow is, in fact, honest. Each week he makes essentially the same comments as follows:
“Our defense played great the entire game and if not for them we never could have staged a comeback at all.”
FACT CHECK: TRUE
“ On those last two drives, my offensive linemen were amazing. Their blocking made me look much better than I am.”
FACT CHECK: TRUE
“ I was so proud of ( insert running back, wide receiver, or kicker) on that last drive. He really stepped up and made great plays all over the field and I couldn’t be any happier for him because he’s such a great guy.”
FACT CHECK: First part true. Hard to corroborate claim of “great guy” but at this point I will take Tebow’s word for it.
“I’m just working as hard as I can in practice every week and trying my best to get better”
FACT CHECK: TRUE
“We got a few breaks there in the last few minutes that sure helped us”
FACT CHECK: Like opposing defenses going to the prevent and guys fumbling the ball and running out of bounds for some inexplicable reason?? VERY TRUE
What’s my view of Tebow? Well, he looks more like a tight end to me. I don’t think he’s a great quarterback, not even sure he’s a good quarterback, but I do think he’s a great football player. He has the leadership ability and charisma required to inspire his teammates and that counts for a lot. There is something comforting about seeing a guy succeed at something that all the smart people told us he couldn’t possible do. The reason it’s a comfort to me is because it reminds me that the “smart people” aren’t always right. When I watch him fail for 3 quarters and keep pushing and pushing and working and striving and then finally breaking through to victory it helps me not to give up when I’m struggling. I also like seeing an athlete demonstrate humility in front of a nest of microphones for once.
Why do so many people loathe Tebow? Some may resent his constant public affirmations of faith. For many people faith is a private matter. Some may resent his success, his good looks, because most of us are neither. Some may just suspect that he’s a hypocrite who hasn’t been caught yet. In the era of Joe Paterno, Anthony Weiner, and Tiger Woods, this is an understandable reaction. A better explanation may be that in 2011 America, we don’t know what to make of 1950’s character when we see it. It strikes a discordant note in our public psyche to observe a rich, good-looking, athletic ,young man who isn’t a womanizing, self-absorbed, egomaniacal brute. We don’t know how to deal with our past come back to life, for if Tim Tebow lived in the 1950’s he would not be the subject of such cultural fascination, he would simply blend in. Now, we parse his every utterance looking for evidence of phoniness. Soon, teams of TMZ employees will be combing through his trash looking for used condoms. It just can’t be true. He cannot really be that nice, can he? Is it possible for a young man to take Christianity seriously enough to bet everything on his faith, to live out the teachings of Jesus not just at church but in every corner of his life, even the NFL?
Watching him these past 8 weeks, I wouldn’t bet against him.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
The "On Your Own" Economy
The other day our President went to give a speech in Kansas in which he once again railed against the 1%. In the midst of the speech he constructed an impressive straw man, referring to those of us who disagree with his understanding of finance as “simplistic” and then blamed our current woes on this “ you’re on your own” brand of economics. Question: who out there throughout the fruited plain feels left alone by our government? Seriously? 9% unemployment, 15 trillion dollars of debt and 1.5 yearly budget deficits as far as the eye can see is the result of negligent government? Our government isn’t involved enough in our lives…THAT’S the problem? We should be so lucky.
Let’s see. The government enjoys a monopoly on public education, spending more money per student than any country on the planet with the exception of Switzerland. This largesse has resulted not in ever improving test scores. It hasn’t produced legions of first class scholars and it hasn’t resulted in lower and lower delinquency rates. What it HAS produced is a gigantic bloated education bureaucracy and a public sector teachers union that fights any attempt to reverse these catastrophic trends. If a graduate of this system desires to attend college he is forced to borrow huge amounts of money from the government monopoly that took over the student loan business, thereby subsidizing and artificially boosting the cost of higher education.
Once the lucky scholar gets his degree and by some miracle gets a job, he will soon want to purchase a home. The chances are better than 50% that his loan will be obtained through Freddie Mac or Fannie Mae, the two government sponsored institutions that helped bring us the mortgage crisis of 2008.
If our aspiring American Dreamer ever gets sick and needs to go to the doctor, he will be served by a government who determines how much treatment he can receive and at what price.
If this bright guy ever gets it in his head to start a business he will be forced to run the gauntlet of federal and state agencies , boards and commissions with each of their licensing fees and mountains of paperwork.
If somehow he makes it through the many hurdles put in his way and actually starts his business, he better hope and pray that no one slips on a banana peel in the lunch room , because the lawyers at OSHA will be on him like white on rice.
If, against all odds he produces an evil profit at the end of the year he better hire himself three accountants to prepare his tax returns, because if he makes a mistake, the boys at the IRS ( the most negligent of ALL government agencies ) will show up with swat teams from the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms to raid his business looking for illegal profit making stuff.
When our hero leaves the office after the raid and walks the streets of downtown, his every step will be monitored by video surveillance cameras. If he stops at the ATM to withdraw money to get drunk the transaction will be monitored by his friends at Homeland Security.
If he does get drunk and makes the mistake of revealing to his bar mates ( one of whom is a government social services worker)that he has three young children waiting for him at home, his kids will soon be plucked from his home and transferred to the custody of the state.
After his wife leaves him and he is forced to sell his home at a loss, he will sit down and write a soul-bearing letter to the editor of his local paper telling his cautionary tale only to have the letter lost by the government run monopoly that controls mail delivery.
This is an “on your own economy” ?? One wonders what Obama envisions as an energetic, and involved government?
Let’s see. The government enjoys a monopoly on public education, spending more money per student than any country on the planet with the exception of Switzerland. This largesse has resulted not in ever improving test scores. It hasn’t produced legions of first class scholars and it hasn’t resulted in lower and lower delinquency rates. What it HAS produced is a gigantic bloated education bureaucracy and a public sector teachers union that fights any attempt to reverse these catastrophic trends. If a graduate of this system desires to attend college he is forced to borrow huge amounts of money from the government monopoly that took over the student loan business, thereby subsidizing and artificially boosting the cost of higher education.
Once the lucky scholar gets his degree and by some miracle gets a job, he will soon want to purchase a home. The chances are better than 50% that his loan will be obtained through Freddie Mac or Fannie Mae, the two government sponsored institutions that helped bring us the mortgage crisis of 2008.
If our aspiring American Dreamer ever gets sick and needs to go to the doctor, he will be served by a government who determines how much treatment he can receive and at what price.
If this bright guy ever gets it in his head to start a business he will be forced to run the gauntlet of federal and state agencies , boards and commissions with each of their licensing fees and mountains of paperwork.
If somehow he makes it through the many hurdles put in his way and actually starts his business, he better hope and pray that no one slips on a banana peel in the lunch room , because the lawyers at OSHA will be on him like white on rice.
If, against all odds he produces an evil profit at the end of the year he better hire himself three accountants to prepare his tax returns, because if he makes a mistake, the boys at the IRS ( the most negligent of ALL government agencies ) will show up with swat teams from the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms to raid his business looking for illegal profit making stuff.
When our hero leaves the office after the raid and walks the streets of downtown, his every step will be monitored by video surveillance cameras. If he stops at the ATM to withdraw money to get drunk the transaction will be monitored by his friends at Homeland Security.
If he does get drunk and makes the mistake of revealing to his bar mates ( one of whom is a government social services worker)that he has three young children waiting for him at home, his kids will soon be plucked from his home and transferred to the custody of the state.
After his wife leaves him and he is forced to sell his home at a loss, he will sit down and write a soul-bearing letter to the editor of his local paper telling his cautionary tale only to have the letter lost by the government run monopoly that controls mail delivery.
This is an “on your own economy” ?? One wonders what Obama envisions as an energetic, and involved government?
Friday, December 9, 2011
My Customer Service Experience
9 days ago the hard drive on my 18 month old laptop computer died, emitting a metallic scream seconds before spitting out the dreaded blue screen of death. With smug confidence that it was covered under warranty, I drove over to BestBuy and dropped it off with the Geek Squad where I was informed that it would be ready in 3-5 days and if something unforeseen came up, I would get a phone call. 7 days later, having gotten no such call, I dropped in on the Geeks to check the status of my repair. A sad faced young man, with emo glasses and unwashed hair hanging across his ironic face, informed me that they had tried repeatedly to reach me to tell me that a restore disk needed to be provided to them so that they could re-install Windows. If I didn’t have said disk, I could order one for $28.30 from my computer maker by calling a 1-800 number.
“That’s strange," I said. “I haven’t gotten any calls from you guys.”
“says here that we called twice…”
“What number did you call? When I dropped it off you guys asked for the best number to reach me and I gave you my cell number.”
“Yeah…but we lost it and so we used the number on file which I think was your home number”
“You lost my cell phone number?”
“Yeah..it sucks, I know man..”
So this morning, day nine without my computer, I called the 1-800 number to order the disk. The phone was finally answered by a human after 3 exchanges. This particular human sounded like an innebriated Pakistani with a mouth full of marbles. After taking 10 minutes to confirm that my first name was in fact..DOUG, we proceeded to the problem at hand. At minute 26 of this call I was transferred to another department. Ordinarily this would have caused me raging gastro-intestinal distress, but I was actually encouraged when my new customer service technician came on the line. Robert’s melodious Scottish accent informed me that I had three choices:
“If you want the disk by December 13 it will be $28.30. If you want it by December 15 it will be $21.50, but if you can wait until December 20 it’s only $14.00”
“Robert, is it?” I replied, “I have been on this phone for 31 minutes trying to order a restore disk for a computer that you guys manufactured a short 18 months ago, and whose hard drive couldn’t even last 2 years. Now you’re telling me that the soonest I can get this disk is 4 days from now? How about you guys overnight the thing to me for free and we can call it even.”
Apparently the customer service technicians at HP don’t understand sarcasm when they hear it. A long silence followed. Eventually I was forced to add…"Just kidding…” After finally taking all of my credit card info at minute 39 Robert asked me if I wanted to participate in a “brief 10 question
survey concerning my service experience." This time, the awkward silence was all on me.
If anyone wants to know why the United States is losing its status as the most powerful economic country in the world, they would have to look no further than my 40 minute call.
“That’s strange," I said. “I haven’t gotten any calls from you guys.”
“says here that we called twice…”
“What number did you call? When I dropped it off you guys asked for the best number to reach me and I gave you my cell number.”
“Yeah…but we lost it and so we used the number on file which I think was your home number”
“You lost my cell phone number?”
“Yeah..it sucks, I know man..”
So this morning, day nine without my computer, I called the 1-800 number to order the disk. The phone was finally answered by a human after 3 exchanges. This particular human sounded like an innebriated Pakistani with a mouth full of marbles. After taking 10 minutes to confirm that my first name was in fact..DOUG, we proceeded to the problem at hand. At minute 26 of this call I was transferred to another department. Ordinarily this would have caused me raging gastro-intestinal distress, but I was actually encouraged when my new customer service technician came on the line. Robert’s melodious Scottish accent informed me that I had three choices:
“If you want the disk by December 13 it will be $28.30. If you want it by December 15 it will be $21.50, but if you can wait until December 20 it’s only $14.00”
“Robert, is it?” I replied, “I have been on this phone for 31 minutes trying to order a restore disk for a computer that you guys manufactured a short 18 months ago, and whose hard drive couldn’t even last 2 years. Now you’re telling me that the soonest I can get this disk is 4 days from now? How about you guys overnight the thing to me for free and we can call it even.”
Apparently the customer service technicians at HP don’t understand sarcasm when they hear it. A long silence followed. Eventually I was forced to add…"Just kidding…” After finally taking all of my credit card info at minute 39 Robert asked me if I wanted to participate in a “brief 10 question
survey concerning my service experience." This time, the awkward silence was all on me.
If anyone wants to know why the United States is losing its status as the most powerful economic country in the world, they would have to look no further than my 40 minute call.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Virginia Tech Football.....Sigh...
Living in the State of Virginia, there is only one school that matters nationally when it comes to division 1 football and that’s Virginia Tech. Their fan base is rabid. They sell out every game, and every home game is a great college football environment and experience. They are justifiably proud of the program that Frank Beamer has built. Each year they send multiple players to the NFL. But many of us here in Virginia look at Tech fans as an anthropologist might look at a newly discovered tribe of three-eyed giants in New Guinea, with perplexed fascination.
Each year it’s the same story. Virginia Tech is ranked absurdly high in pre-season polls for some unknown reason. Might Frank Beamer have incriminating photos of key sports journalists? Anyway, then they plow through their cupcake schedule of Appalachian State, Arkansas State, East Carolina and Marshall, steadily climbing in the polls even while beating absolutely no one. Then they get to feast on the pathetic ACC competition of Duke, N.C. State, Boston College etc.. But eventually, even Tech has to play a quality opponent. This year it was Clemson. And every year it’s the same thing. Whenever Tech is faced with a big important game against quality competition, whether it’s a bowl game or just in the regular season, they get rolled. This year the two games against Clemson were lost by a combined score of 61-13. And yet….
Just three days ago, facebook was aglow with Tech fans advising the world of how it was going to go down, the many scenarios that would no doubt produce a national championship matchup between the Hokies and LSU. I kid you not. Hokie nation never doubts the justice and inevitability of Tech playing for a national title. Put aside the fact that the team they would have to beat to get their mauled them on their home field seven weeks earlier. Put aside the fact that nothing that Tech has accomplished in the last 20 years would make any sane person believe that they could stay on the same field as a LSU. It simply doesn’t matter to Tech loyalists. The delusions of grandeur that infect Hokie minds is something to behold. Yes, the Hokies are the best football team in the State of Virginia, they could beat the Cavaliers with both hands tied behind their backs, and yes, moving their program to the ACC was a stroke of genius all those years ago, as it has allowed them a ticket to national prominence by being the best of a terrible conference….but PLEASE….enough with the national championship contender crap!! Until your record against top 10 ranked teams improves from 2 wins against 19,000 losses or whatever it’s up to now, just leave it alone guys. Enjoy your place as big dog in the Old Dominion.
Each year it’s the same story. Virginia Tech is ranked absurdly high in pre-season polls for some unknown reason. Might Frank Beamer have incriminating photos of key sports journalists? Anyway, then they plow through their cupcake schedule of Appalachian State, Arkansas State, East Carolina and Marshall, steadily climbing in the polls even while beating absolutely no one. Then they get to feast on the pathetic ACC competition of Duke, N.C. State, Boston College etc.. But eventually, even Tech has to play a quality opponent. This year it was Clemson. And every year it’s the same thing. Whenever Tech is faced with a big important game against quality competition, whether it’s a bowl game or just in the regular season, they get rolled. This year the two games against Clemson were lost by a combined score of 61-13. And yet….
Just three days ago, facebook was aglow with Tech fans advising the world of how it was going to go down, the many scenarios that would no doubt produce a national championship matchup between the Hokies and LSU. I kid you not. Hokie nation never doubts the justice and inevitability of Tech playing for a national title. Put aside the fact that the team they would have to beat to get their mauled them on their home field seven weeks earlier. Put aside the fact that nothing that Tech has accomplished in the last 20 years would make any sane person believe that they could stay on the same field as a LSU. It simply doesn’t matter to Tech loyalists. The delusions of grandeur that infect Hokie minds is something to behold. Yes, the Hokies are the best football team in the State of Virginia, they could beat the Cavaliers with both hands tied behind their backs, and yes, moving their program to the ACC was a stroke of genius all those years ago, as it has allowed them a ticket to national prominence by being the best of a terrible conference….but PLEASE….enough with the national championship contender crap!! Until your record against top 10 ranked teams improves from 2 wins against 19,000 losses or whatever it’s up to now, just leave it alone guys. Enjoy your place as big dog in the Old Dominion.
Friday, December 2, 2011
My 2011 Christmas List
As I have mentioned before , the Dunnevant family takes a very 21st century, high-tech approach to the business of Christmas. the “Christmasistas “of the family, ( and you know who you are), generally start asking everyone for their Christmas lists the day after Halloween. Slowly but surely the lists start trickling in to my wife who then downloads them to the Dunnevant Christmas Central website. Once posted, everyone can check to see who has bought what for whom, the idea being that this will prevent the dreaded “double gifting” plague of Christmas’ long ago. One particular year Nanny received 4 glass tea pitchers, all of which she was “thrilled” with and each indispensably unique that they couldn’t possibly be parted with. “You never know when 20 people might show up for dinner,” she said. “ You can never have too many glass pitchers!” However, the problem with the website, I mean the problem BESIDES the over the top Target-Ladyesque nature of it all, is the fact that everyone is on the honor system. We are all trusted NOT to click on our own names to see what people may have bought for us. Now, I’m not making any accusations here, but let’s just say that over the last few years we are either getting awfully predictable in our gift buying or this family needs to take some acting lessons…
Matt: Wow!! Look everybody…it’s a Canon EF 50mm f/1.4 USM lens ! Doug, how did you know that this was what I’ve always wanted??
Doug: Just a lucky guess! Even though the 1.4 USM lens was 3 times as expensive as the 1.8 version, something told me that you would LOVE it!
So once again this year, I am the last Dunnevant to turn in his list. For this I should get a lump of coal, no doubt. But in my defense, it IS only December the 2nd. There are still 22 shopping days left until the big day, so hopefully I haven’t inconvenienced anyone too badly. Without further delay, here is my 2011 Christmas List:
• A special edition Santa PEZ dispenser. I happen to know that they are readily available at the checkout counter at Ben Franklin and are very reasonably priced
• Gift certificates in any denomination ( even Methodist) to Barnes and Noble
• a cut in the capital gains tax
• world peace
• money…that I can donate to Nanny’s give-away fund
• Titlelist Pro-V1 golf balls
• Gear from the UR bookstore ie..coffee mugs, long sleeve shirt (red) large or anything cool that you think I might like…surprise me!
• tax free bailout money from my fellow citizens via the federal government since I am clearly too big to fail
• Season one and/or two of Parenthood
• switches…..I used to worry every Christmas Eve that I would get them but I never did so a part of me has always wondered what it would be like
• A book of great April Fool’s ideas ( for the office)
• Sunglasses, not the real expensive and pretentious ones …but not the Walmart specials either, something in the middle. Black and sinister if available.
• a big honkin’ bag of Dunkin Doughnuts regular ground coffee
• an online subscription to the Wall Street Journal
Feliz Navidad
Matt: Wow!! Look everybody…it’s a Canon EF 50mm f/1.4 USM lens ! Doug, how did you know that this was what I’ve always wanted??
Doug: Just a lucky guess! Even though the 1.4 USM lens was 3 times as expensive as the 1.8 version, something told me that you would LOVE it!
So once again this year, I am the last Dunnevant to turn in his list. For this I should get a lump of coal, no doubt. But in my defense, it IS only December the 2nd. There are still 22 shopping days left until the big day, so hopefully I haven’t inconvenienced anyone too badly. Without further delay, here is my 2011 Christmas List:
• A special edition Santa PEZ dispenser. I happen to know that they are readily available at the checkout counter at Ben Franklin and are very reasonably priced
• Gift certificates in any denomination ( even Methodist) to Barnes and Noble
• a cut in the capital gains tax
• world peace
• money…that I can donate to Nanny’s give-away fund
• Titlelist Pro-V1 golf balls
• Gear from the UR bookstore ie..coffee mugs, long sleeve shirt (red) large or anything cool that you think I might like…surprise me!
• tax free bailout money from my fellow citizens via the federal government since I am clearly too big to fail
• Season one and/or two of Parenthood
• switches…..I used to worry every Christmas Eve that I would get them but I never did so a part of me has always wondered what it would be like
• A book of great April Fool’s ideas ( for the office)
• Sunglasses, not the real expensive and pretentious ones …but not the Walmart specials either, something in the middle. Black and sinister if available.
• a big honkin’ bag of Dunkin Doughnuts regular ground coffee
• an online subscription to the Wall Street Journal
Feliz Navidad
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Handicapping The Presidential Candidates...Part Two
Rick Perry was at one time an attractive candidate, that time being before he was an actual candidate. Here was a tall, handsome, and successful governor of the large and important state of Texas. And let’s face it, there’s something about Texas that Americans grudgingly admire and envy. Texas is what the entire country once was, aggressive, proud, and going places. The rest of the country might be falling apart but those Texans are still kicking ass somehow. So when Perry finally entered the race there was great enthusiasm. Unfortunately, in his debate performances, an old Texas saying comes to mind…”all hat and no cattle”. There was one particular clip I watched that wasn’t even about him but rather showed Ron Paul in full throat-ed passion about the dubious constitutional origins of the Federal Reserve with Perry looking on with an expression that was part astonishment and part bewilderment. It was as if Perry was thinking to himself…”Wish I woulda paid more attention in Econ..” Perry is the sort of guy who looks much better from a distance. He probably needs to spend eight years attending state funerals as the VP or something while he reads up on the problems facing the rest of the country before we hand him the keys to the White House gym. Plus, there’s that whole “Rick” thing. I rate his chances at 50 to 1.
Mitt Romney knows one thing and that one thing is that it’s his turn. Mitt knows the Republican party like the back of his hand and he knows that the Republican party always nominates guys like him who have paid their dues. This is the party that nominated old Gerald Ford over Ronald Reagan in 1976, the party who trotted out old Bob Dole in 1996, and John McCain in 2008 because it was their turns. Mitt is the establishment guy with the great suits, impressive resume and central casting smile, and he ran and lost in 2008 so now it’s his turn. No one doubts that he would at least be a competent President since by all accounts he’s smart and has both business and governmental executive experience, skills that would have served the current occupant well. With Romney, the question that lingers in the mind for me isn’t his Mormonism. In fact I would probably prefer it to the Protestant potpourri of Episcopalian, Lutheran, and Baptist doctrine that would be unleashed in the Ron Paul White House. Can you imagine the theological confusion that the Paul kids had saying their prayers at night growing up? No, the problem with Romney is that nobody really knows what he truly believes about stuff. Movement conservatives are convinced that no successful politician from Massachusetts could possibly be one of them. Liberals are equally suspicious of his business background and his personal fortune, for them, evidence of membership in the evil 1%. But Romney is a man of actual accomplishments in life and seems by all accounts to be free of vices both major and minor. If the Republican party holds true to form, this guy will be the nominee. I place his chances at 3 to 1.
Newt Freaking Gingrich. In a previous blog entry I laid out the case against Newt. But this guy has overcome a total lack of money and being abandoned by his staff. He has overcome everything for one reason…the debates. The first time I ever saw Newt on TV was back in the late 80’s on C-Span. That’s back when he was a back-bench bomb thrower. He was smart, witty, and an intellectual heavyweight who would give long speeches to an empty chamber extolling the virtues of free enterprise. Once he became Speaker of the House, by crafting the Contract With America it was all downhill from there. The very skills that got him that job made it impossible to govern effectively. Since leaving government he has made a fortune first as a lobbyist and adviser to Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, the two government sponsored enterprises at the heart of the mortgage collapse, and then as a historian and author. He has probably written more books than Rick Perry has read. In the debates he toys with the other candidates, knowing that he has the intellectual chops to wipe the floor with any of them at will. He goes out of his way to humiliate the press, having long ago given up any hope that any of them will ever give him a fair shake. Newt is always the smartest guy in the room and can be annoying as hell because of it. But maybe the times we find ourselves in require us to consider a guy like Gingrich. This dude knows where all the bodies are buried. He’s forgotten more about underhanded political tactics than the rest of the field has ever known. Someone who is tactically ruthless, a brilliant practitioner of situational ethics, and unhindered by a desire to be liked by the press may actually make a serviceable President after all. If we will all drop our insistence on electing Presidents that we personally admire, Gingrich might work out. Don’t we all want someone who can go into a room of politicians and blackmail and browbeat them into submission? Aren’t we tired of getting rolled by two-bit dictators and United Nation types? Aren’t you tired of hearing your President apologize for our many national sins? Wouldn’t it be great to hear a President call a reporter from the New York Times an idiot for asking such moronic questions? Yes, yes and yes! But there’s still something about Newt that bothers me. He’s one of those guys who believes in American Empire more than the American Republic and this is not a distinction without a difference. Newt loves his country a little too much for my blood. I’m done with the empire stuff. I’m ready to drop the global cop routine, reinstate the Monroe Doctrine and be done with it. Newt will give Mitt a run for his money but his chances are only 10 to 1.
So, there you have it. I would take any of these guys over Obama….wait, except Bachmann…or Santorum….Huntsman…or…whatever.
Mitt Romney knows one thing and that one thing is that it’s his turn. Mitt knows the Republican party like the back of his hand and he knows that the Republican party always nominates guys like him who have paid their dues. This is the party that nominated old Gerald Ford over Ronald Reagan in 1976, the party who trotted out old Bob Dole in 1996, and John McCain in 2008 because it was their turns. Mitt is the establishment guy with the great suits, impressive resume and central casting smile, and he ran and lost in 2008 so now it’s his turn. No one doubts that he would at least be a competent President since by all accounts he’s smart and has both business and governmental executive experience, skills that would have served the current occupant well. With Romney, the question that lingers in the mind for me isn’t his Mormonism. In fact I would probably prefer it to the Protestant potpourri of Episcopalian, Lutheran, and Baptist doctrine that would be unleashed in the Ron Paul White House. Can you imagine the theological confusion that the Paul kids had saying their prayers at night growing up? No, the problem with Romney is that nobody really knows what he truly believes about stuff. Movement conservatives are convinced that no successful politician from Massachusetts could possibly be one of them. Liberals are equally suspicious of his business background and his personal fortune, for them, evidence of membership in the evil 1%. But Romney is a man of actual accomplishments in life and seems by all accounts to be free of vices both major and minor. If the Republican party holds true to form, this guy will be the nominee. I place his chances at 3 to 1.
Newt Freaking Gingrich. In a previous blog entry I laid out the case against Newt. But this guy has overcome a total lack of money and being abandoned by his staff. He has overcome everything for one reason…the debates. The first time I ever saw Newt on TV was back in the late 80’s on C-Span. That’s back when he was a back-bench bomb thrower. He was smart, witty, and an intellectual heavyweight who would give long speeches to an empty chamber extolling the virtues of free enterprise. Once he became Speaker of the House, by crafting the Contract With America it was all downhill from there. The very skills that got him that job made it impossible to govern effectively. Since leaving government he has made a fortune first as a lobbyist and adviser to Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, the two government sponsored enterprises at the heart of the mortgage collapse, and then as a historian and author. He has probably written more books than Rick Perry has read. In the debates he toys with the other candidates, knowing that he has the intellectual chops to wipe the floor with any of them at will. He goes out of his way to humiliate the press, having long ago given up any hope that any of them will ever give him a fair shake. Newt is always the smartest guy in the room and can be annoying as hell because of it. But maybe the times we find ourselves in require us to consider a guy like Gingrich. This dude knows where all the bodies are buried. He’s forgotten more about underhanded political tactics than the rest of the field has ever known. Someone who is tactically ruthless, a brilliant practitioner of situational ethics, and unhindered by a desire to be liked by the press may actually make a serviceable President after all. If we will all drop our insistence on electing Presidents that we personally admire, Gingrich might work out. Don’t we all want someone who can go into a room of politicians and blackmail and browbeat them into submission? Aren’t we tired of getting rolled by two-bit dictators and United Nation types? Aren’t you tired of hearing your President apologize for our many national sins? Wouldn’t it be great to hear a President call a reporter from the New York Times an idiot for asking such moronic questions? Yes, yes and yes! But there’s still something about Newt that bothers me. He’s one of those guys who believes in American Empire more than the American Republic and this is not a distinction without a difference. Newt loves his country a little too much for my blood. I’m done with the empire stuff. I’m ready to drop the global cop routine, reinstate the Monroe Doctrine and be done with it. Newt will give Mitt a run for his money but his chances are only 10 to 1.
So, there you have it. I would take any of these guys over Obama….wait, except Bachmann…or Santorum….Huntsman…or…whatever.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Handicapping The Presidential Candidates...Part One
Now that we’re finally within a year of the 2012 Presidential election, I suppose it’s time for me to access the strengths and weaknesses of each candidate and give my opinion of their chances of success. Up until now I have silently( for the most part ) watched them give their stump speeches and I have read postmortems of the many debates that they’ve had, although I must confess to not having seen one single debate. It’s not that I don’t care, or that I’m a disengaged citizen, but 11 debates? Really?? Anyway, here we go:
Michelle Bachmann is the only female candidate. She is a Congresswoman from Minnesota and apparently is not related to the guy who started Bachmann, Turner Overdrive, the Canadian rock band in the 1970’s. Although early on in the campaign she was “takin’ care of business” and even spent a few weeks as the front runner with speeches that thrilled her enthusiastic crowds with the phrase, “you ain’t seen nothin’ yet”. But recently her campaign has run short of money and sufficient intelligence. I rate her chances of winning the nomination as roughly the same chance that Adam Sandler will win an Oscar for best actor.
John Huntsman was once the governor of Utah and after that was our Ambassador to China. He was given that job by the man he now wants to replace as President. He has perfect hair, a great tan, and very attractive daughters. He’s the only Republican candidate about whom liberal reporters and commentators ever have anything good to say. He’s a Mormon, I think, but nobody seems to mind because nobody thinks he’ll ever become President. From the debates he seems like one of those guys who thinks he’s hilarious but really isn’t. His chances of winning the nomination are about the same as Mel Gibson winning a lifetime achievement award from B’nai B’rith.
Herman Cain has never held elective office, has never held a position in government of any kind. But if his distractors are to be believed, he has held many of his female employees. Herman was chugging right along there for awhile on the strength of his business success, his sincere and forthright performance in the early debates and frankly because he had no political experience, and here was a black man who seemed to actually adore his country. But then the ladies began to speak out about his roving eye ways back in the day, and finally a woman came out who claimed a 13 year affair with this devout and loving husband and father. While this sort of thing is perfectly fine if you’re Jack Kennedy or Bill Clinton, America isn’t ready for a black president who can’t keep it in his pants. Cain’s chances of winning the nomination are somewhere between slim and none, and I believe none just left town.
Ron Paul has been running for President for what seems like the last 50 years, but dang it, this time he means it! He is a Congressman from Texas and has been since 1978 which I suppose qualifies him as a Career Politician, the very thing he rails against most convincingly on the stump. I must confess here that I love this guy. He is the only Libertarian in the race and of all the candidates, his positions on the issues are closest to my own. However, he’s also a tad cranky. His father was of German extraction and his mother was Irish, a strange and dangerous witch’s brew of DNA. ( Think, power-hungry drunk.) He and his wife have 5 children who were all baptized as Episcopalians, while oddly he was raised Lutheran, but later became a Baptist. ( Think, upper class redneck. ) If by some miracle he were to be elected President, he would take the oath at the ripe old age of 77, making Ronald Reagan look positively prepubescent by comparison. However, like Reagan, everyone will know what he believes and that he will have the fortitude to act on those beliefs if given the chance. I rate that chance at 100 to 1.
Rick Santorum is a former Senator from Pennsylvania. He is a devout Catholic and to prove it has seven kids. He is most commonly identified as being for Intelligent Design and against homosexuality. In the debates he comes across as the guy you would least want to have dinner with, what with his scolding tone and high degree of rightness. I’m thinking that with all hell breaking out in the world and western civilization struggling to survive, a candidate better have something else besides, “aren’t gay people terrible?” Besides, the American people aren’t going to elect a President named “Rick”.
To Be Continued….
Michelle Bachmann is the only female candidate. She is a Congresswoman from Minnesota and apparently is not related to the guy who started Bachmann, Turner Overdrive, the Canadian rock band in the 1970’s. Although early on in the campaign she was “takin’ care of business” and even spent a few weeks as the front runner with speeches that thrilled her enthusiastic crowds with the phrase, “you ain’t seen nothin’ yet”. But recently her campaign has run short of money and sufficient intelligence. I rate her chances of winning the nomination as roughly the same chance that Adam Sandler will win an Oscar for best actor.
John Huntsman was once the governor of Utah and after that was our Ambassador to China. He was given that job by the man he now wants to replace as President. He has perfect hair, a great tan, and very attractive daughters. He’s the only Republican candidate about whom liberal reporters and commentators ever have anything good to say. He’s a Mormon, I think, but nobody seems to mind because nobody thinks he’ll ever become President. From the debates he seems like one of those guys who thinks he’s hilarious but really isn’t. His chances of winning the nomination are about the same as Mel Gibson winning a lifetime achievement award from B’nai B’rith.
Herman Cain has never held elective office, has never held a position in government of any kind. But if his distractors are to be believed, he has held many of his female employees. Herman was chugging right along there for awhile on the strength of his business success, his sincere and forthright performance in the early debates and frankly because he had no political experience, and here was a black man who seemed to actually adore his country. But then the ladies began to speak out about his roving eye ways back in the day, and finally a woman came out who claimed a 13 year affair with this devout and loving husband and father. While this sort of thing is perfectly fine if you’re Jack Kennedy or Bill Clinton, America isn’t ready for a black president who can’t keep it in his pants. Cain’s chances of winning the nomination are somewhere between slim and none, and I believe none just left town.
Ron Paul has been running for President for what seems like the last 50 years, but dang it, this time he means it! He is a Congressman from Texas and has been since 1978 which I suppose qualifies him as a Career Politician, the very thing he rails against most convincingly on the stump. I must confess here that I love this guy. He is the only Libertarian in the race and of all the candidates, his positions on the issues are closest to my own. However, he’s also a tad cranky. His father was of German extraction and his mother was Irish, a strange and dangerous witch’s brew of DNA. ( Think, power-hungry drunk.) He and his wife have 5 children who were all baptized as Episcopalians, while oddly he was raised Lutheran, but later became a Baptist. ( Think, upper class redneck. ) If by some miracle he were to be elected President, he would take the oath at the ripe old age of 77, making Ronald Reagan look positively prepubescent by comparison. However, like Reagan, everyone will know what he believes and that he will have the fortitude to act on those beliefs if given the chance. I rate that chance at 100 to 1.
Rick Santorum is a former Senator from Pennsylvania. He is a devout Catholic and to prove it has seven kids. He is most commonly identified as being for Intelligent Design and against homosexuality. In the debates he comes across as the guy you would least want to have dinner with, what with his scolding tone and high degree of rightness. I’m thinking that with all hell breaking out in the world and western civilization struggling to survive, a candidate better have something else besides, “aren’t gay people terrible?” Besides, the American people aren’t going to elect a President named “Rick”.
To Be Continued….
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