A few days
ago the sports world was repeatedly beaten over the head with the “very
important news” that Michael Sam, star linebacker of the Missouri Tigers and
hot NFL prospect, had openly declared his homosexuality. We were assured by
breathless sports reporters and talk show hosts that this was “huge” and
consequently just had to be talked
about ad nauseam for three days. In much the same way as Jason Collins, a
washed up seven foot tall basketball player, was canonized a year ago when at
the end of his career he went public with his sexual preferences, sports fans
now know every detail of Mr. Sam’s life. He appears to be a great guy.
Of course, if Michael Sam gets drafted and makes an
NFL roster he will by no means become the first homosexual to do so. He will
just be the first one we have known of beforehand, which I suppose is
newsworthy…I guess. Maybe it’s just me, but the only thing I would care about
as an owner or general manager of an NFL team would be…can he play? Actually, that’s not entirely true. I would also want
to know what kind of character he possessed. Was he an arrogant, trouble making
egomaniac in college with poor work habits? If so I would pass. By all accounts
Mr. Sam was a model citizen. He was also Defensive Player of the Year in the
mighty SEC last year, so if I need an undersized outside linebacker who can get
after the quarterback, I would pick him in a New York minute.
Listening to sports talk radio the past three days
has been like peering into a petri dish full of something terribly noxious yet
unidentifiable. Some guys are opposed to an openly gay man being inside an NFL
locker room, some squeamishly so. Other guys thought that it would change the
entire culture of the locker room, forcing everyone to walk on eggshells for
fear of saying something politically incorrect. Still others didn’t care one
way or the other. I count myself among that group.
And yet, there was one objection that kept coming up
to which every single talking head I listened to was unanimous in their
condemnation. Every host from the national shows and two of the three local guys
were condescendingly dismissive of anyone who brought up the question of how appropriate
it was to have a homosexual man walking around a locker room full of naked men.
Wouldn’t that be weird and borderline sketchy? Anyone who dared broach this
topic was subjected to a withering smack down by the snarky host, the primary
point being something along the lines of, “Dude, just because someone is gay
doesn’t mean that he gets all turned on by the sight of a naked guy. That’s
insulting!!”
Ok. Humor me for a second. Let’s do a little thought
experiment. Suppose in the distant future of sport in America, it becomes
acceptable for men to play traditionally women’s sports. A young, handsome and strapping
20 year old man would then be allowed to roam the locker room of his predominately
women’s tennis team. Our straight young man would be showering with Maria
Sharapovas as far as the eye could see. Would anyone have a problem with that?
I mean, besides his girlfriend. What’s the difference between this hypothetical
and the real situation that Mr. Sam will be presented with this summer? As a
heterosexual man, I am naturally attracted to women, especially the female
form, and in the case of lithe, athletic 20 year old tennis players, double-especially. Mr. Sam has shared
openly his preference for men. He will be surrounded by 40 of the most
physically fit and elite male forms known to exist on this planet. Are we being
asked to believe that this is a total nonissue? If the tables were turned, I
can say without hesitation that my wife would not at all be happy with my
presence in a locker room full of naked women, even if I never acted
inappropriately, because…it’s just wrong
and dangerous for a man to subject himself to that sort of temptation. Not
because men are uncontrollable ass grabbers, but simply because it isn’t appropriate or healthy. End of thought experiment.
I wish Michael Sam every success in the NFL. And I eagerly
await one of my hipper friends explaining to me why my thought experiment is
terribly flawed.
