Old and Stupid

The arrival of my new cell phone has unleashed a flurry of glitches that make the Obamacare website debacle look like a miracle of innovation. It’s so complicated I can’t even find the words to describe the trouble. It has something to do with my failure to back up my old phone to the cloud, the fact that I have too many pictures and videos, and maybe something to do with not having enough storage capability. Whatever it is, we are now on our third setup regime and I am temporarily phone-less.

This is always how it is with me and new stuff. There is always a glitch, usually multiple glitches. I am always left feeling old and stupid by the process. Once it all gets fixed I am happy with the new thing. But while my wife is at her happiest upon being presented with a new technological devise, I feel nothing except apprehension, a great disturbance in my sense of well-being.

One of the first strategies we employed yesterday to try to fix the phone was to go through all my videos and erase the ones I could live without. As it turned out I found that I could live without almost all of them, one in particular.

Most of the videos were of Lucy doing something puppyish that I thought was adorable at the time, but now that she has done the same thing a thousand times…not so much. There were videos of Nationals Park and Camden Yards, scenic vistas of the Shenandoah Valley, that sort of thing. Then I stumbled upon a video I took of my dad maybe a week before he passed away. I had gone over to the nursing home one night and was feeding him some ice cream. At the time I thought he was having a very good day and I wanted to take a video to send to Linda to encourage her. When I pushed “play” I was shocked at how weak and feeble he looked. Why on Earth had I thought that he was having a “good” day? I suppose that near the end this was good. I immediately deleted the thing and fought back a wave of tears suddenly welling up inside me. That’s not the way I want to remember him.

So, thanks Apple for forcing me to stumble upon such a depressing memory!

Stupid technology!

Lamest. Analogy. Ever.

Yesterday, The President of the United States took to the microphone in the Rose Garden to compare the manifold failings and glitches that accompanied the rollout of Obamacare to the glitches that Apple experienced with the recent introduction of its new operating system.

“I don’t recall anybody saying that Apple should stop selling iPhones or iPads and threatening to shut the company down if they didn’t.”

Thus, Barack Obama will go down in history as the President who employed the most moronic analogy of all time.

Where to begin? Mr. President, I realize that it’s important for you to appear hip and with it and all, and God knows there’s no better way to connect with us than by referencing our gadgets, but if you knew anything at all about business, you never would have brought up Apple, especially in comparison to the Rube Goldberg contraption that is your signature legislative accomplishment. Yes, when Apple introduces any new device glitches happen. But Mr. President, there’s a line snaking out of every Apple retail store in America for a good reason…they manufacture and sell exceedingly popular and insanely profitable products. The reason nobody wants the company to stop selling products and shut down is because people LOVE their products! Your government, on the other hand, has a long and storied history of glitches. The product you are selling is not universally adored, and people are not willing or able to pay through the nose for it. Not only that Mr. President, but the American people have countless real world examples of what it’s like to deal with government run enterprises like the IRS, the DMV, and the Post Office, and let me tell you, it ain’t pretty. The other reason you shouldn’t have brought up Apple is this little business of money. See, although you’re right that Apple products have been known to have glitches now and then, if they had as many glitches as we’ve seen in Obamacare, they would pay a huge price. They would lose market share, their share price would tank, and those responsible for the glitches would quickly be canned. What price will government pay for these Obamacare glitches? Whose head will roll if this boondoggle blows up? You know as well as I do, nothing will happen. No matter how awful this thing is, no one will pay a price for its failure except the users of the product. That’s because government is immune from the disastrous results of the policies that they foist on the rest of us. Oh, and one more thing. Last time I checked, Apple turned an 8 billion dollar profit in 2012 selling amazing products that people are willing to buy. The glitch machine that is your government went in the hole for a trillion dollars during that same year.

Lamest. Analogy. Ever.

 

Just an observation about yesterday’s Blog. My wife pointed out a few things about it that deserve a comment or two. I should have pointed out the fact that all non-essential employees are not created equal. For example, if I had planned a vacation to Yosemite with my family, the Park Rangers that run that place would be extremely essential to me. This is a fair point. I’m sure that many of the 800,000 furloughed workers do good and valuable things. My larger point was that 40% of the Federal workforce is deemed non-essential. That is a mind blowing percentage that you would never find in a profitable private sector company. Considering the financial condition of our country, that percentage is unfathomable. I envy none of the 800,000 furloughed workers, and if I were them I would be furious with everyone on Capitol Hill still receiving a paycheck.