Once every seven years, Christmas and New Year's Day both fall on a Sunday. So, once every seven years, everyone's celebratory clock gets screwed with. Take today for example. Since New Year's Day was yesterday, a Sunday, today. . .a Monday, everything is closed. Here I was all geeked to get my business year off to a rousing start and I realize that nobody's at work. The banks are closed, the mail doesn't run, the stock market is shut down, even my broker-dealer is closed. To make matters worse, it's pouring down rain and 40 degrees outside. And, to make matters even more worse, my wife just left for work. Apparently, the public schools have had quite enough of all of this time off. So, here I am alone in my house wondering what I will do with myself today. Actually, there are quite a few things competing for my attention...
1. I could take down all of the outside Christmas decorations. But, it's raining and 40 degrees. Not gonna happen.
2. I could give Lucy a bath. Chances of this happening are better than 50/50.
3. I could head over to American Family for a workout, but I would have to fight the resolution rabble, what with their brand new fluorescent spandex outfits, wristband gizmos, constantly checking their pulse rate every couple of minutes. The place will be a madhouse. No thanks.
4. I could spend a couple of hours trying to figure out why our new A.I. device, Alexa, is so much dumber than Siri. I mean seriously, this machine has to be taught everything. If you want her to do anything, or even know anything, you have to download a bunch of what they refer to as skills. Siri already came with skills! Alexa's favorite response to any question seems to be, "I don't understand the question you asked." She does play Jeopardy with you though, so that's pretty cool. Still, in a battle of wits, Siri would wipe the floor with her.
5. I could get on Facebook and troll all of my friends who are Redskins fans, but that would be a mean spirited way to start the year. The 2016 election season sort of sucked all of the mean-spiritedness out of me. I've got nothing left.
6. I could load my Amazon gift card into my iPad and start downloading some books. First on my list will be Hillbilly Elergy by JD Vance.
7. I could use this dreary day to go over to Golfsmith and get fitted for some new clubs.
8. I could see if there's a movie theatre anywhere still playing Hacksaw Ridge and go see it, since Pam would never agree to go with me.
9. I could turn my undivided attention to gutting, then rearranging our dreaded Tupperware cabinet. I bet I'm not the only who has one. You know what I'm talking about...that place where you store all of your rubber/plastic containers in the kitchen. You start out with everything neatly stacked in an organized fashion and within a week every time you open the doors to the thing stuff falls out. Pretty soon it is a crapshow of cups and lids haphazardly stacked together cattywampus style, mocking you. Of course, it never fails that the one you need is always on the top shelf at the very bottom of a tower of two quart casserole dishes and when you finally pry the thing loose, the lid is God knows where.
10. If I were a real man, I would do all of the above. I mean, I've got all day.
I'll get back with you all tonight to let you know how I did.
1. I could take down all of the outside Christmas decorations. But, it's raining and 40 degrees. Not gonna happen.
2. I could give Lucy a bath. Chances of this happening are better than 50/50.
3. I could head over to American Family for a workout, but I would have to fight the resolution rabble, what with their brand new fluorescent spandex outfits, wristband gizmos, constantly checking their pulse rate every couple of minutes. The place will be a madhouse. No thanks.
4. I could spend a couple of hours trying to figure out why our new A.I. device, Alexa, is so much dumber than Siri. I mean seriously, this machine has to be taught everything. If you want her to do anything, or even know anything, you have to download a bunch of what they refer to as skills. Siri already came with skills! Alexa's favorite response to any question seems to be, "I don't understand the question you asked." She does play Jeopardy with you though, so that's pretty cool. Still, in a battle of wits, Siri would wipe the floor with her.
5. I could get on Facebook and troll all of my friends who are Redskins fans, but that would be a mean spirited way to start the year. The 2016 election season sort of sucked all of the mean-spiritedness out of me. I've got nothing left.
6. I could load my Amazon gift card into my iPad and start downloading some books. First on my list will be Hillbilly Elergy by JD Vance.
7. I could use this dreary day to go over to Golfsmith and get fitted for some new clubs.
8. I could see if there's a movie theatre anywhere still playing Hacksaw Ridge and go see it, since Pam would never agree to go with me.
9. I could turn my undivided attention to gutting, then rearranging our dreaded Tupperware cabinet. I bet I'm not the only who has one. You know what I'm talking about...that place where you store all of your rubber/plastic containers in the kitchen. You start out with everything neatly stacked in an organized fashion and within a week every time you open the doors to the thing stuff falls out. Pretty soon it is a crapshow of cups and lids haphazardly stacked together cattywampus style, mocking you. Of course, it never fails that the one you need is always on the top shelf at the very bottom of a tower of two quart casserole dishes and when you finally pry the thing loose, the lid is God knows where.
10. If I were a real man, I would do all of the above. I mean, I've got all day.
I'll get back with you all tonight to let you know how I did.
