Not Looking Forward to THIS Phone Call

I will be the first to admit that my memory isn’t what it used to be. Oh, my brain is still jammed full of useless information that I can recall in a nanosecond, like the starting lineup of the 1962 New York Mets or the lyrics to every Beatle song ever written or every word of dialogue from Blazing Saddles. However, when it comes to things that would be useful to remember, my memory seems to be getting worse every day. I’ll be working on something at the office, spin around to the computer on my credenza and forget what I needed on that computer the second my fingers are poised on the keyboard. I’ll walk downstairs to ask Pam something only to have forgotten the question as soon as I find her. Readers of a certain age will understand this condition referred to in medical circles as temporary adult recall delay syndrome, but best known by senior citizens as GFS*.

I bring this up in relationship to an incident from yesterday which began with a trip to the mailbox. I should say that practically nothing good results from a trip to my mailbox anymore. When I was a kid the delivery of the afternoon mail was an exciting time full of possibilities. Back then I was constantly sending in box tops from cereal boxes or dashing off requests for autographed 8x10 photographs of my favorite baseball players. There was no telling what wonders awaited me in that rusted old mailbox. Now its only bills, sale flyers from stores I’ve never heard of, or political ads. But yesterday there was a rather thick 5x7 envelope from Anthem/Medicare.

I have been on Medicare since April 1st of 2023 and have been singing their praises to anyone who would listen ever since. The money that I have saved since that happy day in April is staggering. The total bill for all the heart related testing and procedures I endured during 2023 finally came in at the princely sum of $75,000. My cost after Medicare? $1247.00 What a deal!

So, imagine my surprise when I found this information inside the Anthem/Medicare envelope…

Although the part that said, Total You Pay: $0.00, was quite the relief, I stared at the column on the far left for several minutes trying to shake off an unusually severe case of GFS. Try as I might I could not recall ever being treated for incontinence, so therefore couldn’t possibly imagine what supplies I would have needed for such treatment. Additionally, I couldn’t fathom why such supplies would have cost anyone $2090 a month. Moreover, why would Medicare have paid for such ludicrously expensive treatment? Making matters much worse was the revelation that I had been under such treatment for 6 months. Now, having admitted to having an increasingly faulty memory, I would think that if I had been treated for incontinence for six consecutive months—I would have remembered it.

So tomorrow I will call the patient complaint line at Anthem/Medicare to discuss this problem and I’m not looking forward to it…

Me: I just received a bill for six months of incontinence treatments, but I have never been treated for incontinence.

Anthem/Medicare Customer Care Professional: Yes, Mr. Dunnevant. Would you mind if I asked you a few questions for our files?

Me: Sure.

Anthem/Medicare Customer Care Professional: What is today’s date and who is the President of the United States?

* Geezers Forgetting Stuff