What to Do Between 4 and 6 o’clock in the Morning?

For the second morning in a row I have woken up during the 4 o’clock hour. Both times I had been having one of those frustration loop dreams where you are on the cusp of a breakthrough at something then something strange happens to prevent you from accomplishing whatever it is. Yesterday morning, I had somehow snagged an interview with some hot shot book publisher in New York City and I was pitching my latest novel idea to him. He was nodding enthusiastically. But when I reached for the manuscript to hand to him a wind comes in through the window and blows it everywhere. I spent the rest of the dream trying to put the pages back in order, all the while the big shot book publisher is getting more and more annoyed. It was horrible! This morning was worse…I was in a line of cars at a toll booth and everyone in front of me was paying with pennies, getting out of their car, taking their sweet time while having lunch etc. Meanwhile, all the other lanes were EasyPASS lanes and Pam kept telling me that we should get in the EasyPASS lane but I couldn’t get over to save my life.

I need a vacation.

Luckily for me, I have a friend who is also usually awake in the wee hours. Pam from Buena Vista, cancer survivor and fellow advisor, also is plagued by occasional insomnia, so I usually send her a text and she answers right away. This morning it went like this:

Me: as bad as waking up at 4 in the morning is, you know what the best part is?

Pam: It’s Friday?

Me: Nope.

Pam: Almost Maine?

Me: Nope.

Pam: Futures are up?

Me: Nope

Pam: We are alive??

Me: Nope.

Pam: What then???

Me: No matter when I wake up in the morning, I’m still handsome.

Pam: Good Grief!! You’re such a punk.

Then I started thinking about Mom. She’s been gone ten years now and I still think about her at the oddest times. I wonder what she would think of me now if she were still here. Lots has changed since she passed away, not the least of which is Pam and I are members of a Presbyterian church! She probably would ask me the same thing that Pam did one day when we were pulling out of the church parking lot—“Do these people even know who Lottie Moon is??” (Baptist Humor).

By this time its 6 o’clock and I find a couple of decent dad jokes:

* Apple is bringing out a new device that tells a Dad Joke every time you press a button. They are calling it the iRoll.

* My neighbor’s little girl came over the other day and asked me where poo comes from. So, I gave her a basic scientific description of the biological process that produces poo. She looked terrified and I thought she was going to burst into tears. Then she asked, “…but what about Tigger?”

So, this is what happens between the hours of 4 and 6 in the morning. Are there more productive ways for me to have spent this time? Absolutely. But clearly, I don’t do my best thinking this early.