Election Day

Getting ready to go vote. I must make a choice among a field of candidates for Governor, Lt. Governor, and Attorney General. Then I have to approve or disapprove a proposal that would allow Henrico County to impose a 4% “meals tax” on all prepared food, the proceeds of which would be earmarked for schools.

Terry McAuliffe vs. Ken Cuccinelli offers up the classic matchup between a big government carpet-bagging liberal and a dreary right wing scold. For three months now Mr. McAuliffe has been warning me about Mr. Cuccinelli’s plans to outlaw abortions, and deny women their birth control pills. Seriously, that’s it. That’s all I know about Cuccinelli. He apparently has it in for women. For the past two months and three weeks, all I heard about Mr. McAuliffe was about how much he was planning to raise my taxes, $1746. Only over the past week have I heard that a vote for McAuliffe would be equivalent to a tacit approval of Obamacare. At this point, I would be willing to pay both of these guys $1746 to shut up already! I suppose I should point out that there is also a Libertarian candidate on the ballot as well, some guy with a bi-racial family who wears sear sucker suits and goes around pointing at McAuliffe and Cuccinelli saying, "I'm not them!"

Then there’s the most worthless office ever created, Lt. Governor, the guy who sits around for four years waiting for the governor to die, while piling up cash for his own run for governor. This year I must choose between some guy named E.W. Jackson and the Democrat candidate who wouldn’t shake his hand after their last debate. The fact that I can’t recall his name says something either about his candidacy or my poor citizenship. A quick Google search informs me that he is one Ralph S. Northam. That’s too bad, since the name “Ralph” doesn’t have much of a resume in modern politics. All I know about Mr. Jackson is that every politically active member of my church is in love with the guy, plastering my Facebook wall with testimonials to their undying devotion to this Harvard educated, fire-breathing social conservative, who lists as qualifications the volatile combination of preacher and lawyer. I haven’t seen a single add for either candidate.

The Attorney General race has been a mud-slinging tour-de-force, with Mark Obenshain and Mark Herring accusing each other of being notorious, pathologically lying bastards. So, there’s that.

The meals tax thing has been recently pitched by its proponents as “for the children." Whenever any political cause is presented to me on these terms I instinctively throw up a little in my mouth. Generally, it’s never truly about the children. It’s usually about manipulating you into paying higher taxes so the teacher’s union can finally have that convention in Hawaii next year. Any political movement pimped as being for the children is almost always really about the people who make money off the children. Sorry. No deal.

So, there you have it, Election Day in the Commonwealth of Virginia.