I went 3-3 last week and I’m not happy about it. UofR decided to employ a daring new strategy of playing NO defense at all just for fun, and just see what would happen. Well, what happened was a 45-43 loss, at home. Then UVA takes yet another two steps backwards as a program by losing to Southern Miss. Ahhh, the ACC, that college football juggernaut, whose teams last week lost to the likes of : Southern Miss, Temple, Kansas State, and Cincinnati. So I guess you can hardly blame them for running out THESE stellar opponents in week 5: Towson, Bethune-Cookman, Idaho, and Florida International. Please. Somebody needs to defend this pathetic conference to me because ripping them every week is getting boring. Here we go….
Virginia Tech vs. Clemson
So I guess these two teams represent the cream of the ACC crop. Clemson has looked somewhat impressive so far but I’m not entirely convinced that they can play defense. VT, has hardly broken a sweat in the softest opening 4 games in the 5000 year history of competition, so I have no way of knowing who they are either. But, they are at home, the lunch pail will get its obligatory sideline shot, Tech fans will get to pretend that they are a serious contender and Tech wins 38-35 proving that , in fact, Clemson cannot play defense.
Alabama vs. Florida
Meanwhile, over in the SEC where real contenders live, Alabama goes into the Swamp to take on the Urban Meyer-less Gators. I am totally convinced that Alabama not only plays defense, they play it better than half the teams in the NFL. Alabama’s linebackers look like real grown men to me so you’re not going to catch me picking against them, at least not this week. Roll Tide 24-10.
Nebraska vs. Wisconsin
A lot of red. Russell Wilson Heisman talk ramps up big time after this one. Badgers win 35-20 when the famed “black shirt” defense is mistakenly put on a plane to Kansas State out of force of habit.
Texas A&M vs. Arkansas
The Aggies faithful are positively giddy over the announcement that they have been accepted into the SEC for next year. After this week, buyers remorse sets in. “ Wait a minute,” a coach is overheard saying after the game, “you mean to tell me that we have to play against guys like THIS each and every week?? Where in hell are the Iowa State’s on the schedule? Whose idea was this anyway??” Look on the bright side Aggie fan, at least you won’t be in the Longhorn shadow anymore. That’s gotta count for something, right? Razorbacks 28-21.
JMU vs. UofR
Madison lost their star quarterback to a failed drug test, proving that Division I-AA has come a long way, baby. Wasn’t too long ago when the only time a Division I-AA school lost a player was when they failed a Physics test. But now we’re out there recruiting drug users with the big boys. Lucky for the Dukes, Richmond plays no defense, so JMU could throw their equipment manager out there under center and still win this one. JMU 37- 24. Sigh…
Auburn vs. South Carolina
In Columbia, the student section rocks with the hearty cheer, “ GO COCKS, GO!! “, a somewhat creepy double entendre. For the last 30 years or so, that’s about the most fun Gamecock fans had, the chance to shout an obscenity in public without censure. But now, under the obnoxiously reprehensible leadership of Steve Spurrier, and a game-changing running back named Marcus Lattimore, they are finally relevant. Actually, they are quite good from what I’ve seen so far this year. But something tells me that Auburn wins this game. I know, I know…last time I went with my “trick knee” Florida State let me down. But I am nothing if not unteachable. Tigers win 40-35.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Friday, September 30, 2011
Why I Envy Liberals
After observing politics for the past 35 years, it occurs to me that being a political liberal is, by a hundred miles, the easiest thing in the world to be. In fact, I have come to the place where I actually envy men and women of the left. I do not envy them their beliefs, or their tortured associations, or their all-encompassing guilt. But I do envy them two things, as follows.
I envy them their eternal and never failing ownership of the moral high ground. The basic assumption is always that liberals have big hearts. Liberals are filled to overflowing with compassion for the downtrodden. They are always the champions of the little guy, the protector of the powerless. It cannot even be argued, it is taken as an article of faith, especially in American politics. It matters not what the results of their compassion have been. If, for instance, an intellectual argument is made that the very welfare apparatus that liberals so champion has had the deleterious effect of destroying the black family in inner city America by eliminating any need for a father in the home, the point is often conceded but liberals suffer no blame. Liberals always seem to escape any blame for the consequences of their policies because they are never judged on the results, only the intentions. Liberals’ hearts are always in the right place, you see. Conversely, if one is a political conservative in America, one must first and foremost prove that he has a heart. The basic assumption for him is that his heart’s desire is to starve little children and turn old people out of their nursing homes in the middle of the night. If a conservative begins talking about trying to rein in deficits its always because he loves the rich and despises the poor. If any conservative policy actually ends up helping the poor it is considered a cosmic accident. Which brings me to the second source of my liberal envy.
Liberal policy prescriptions are always unfalsifiable. I remember back in the 80’s when Ronald Reagan claimed that by lowering taxes across the board revenue to the treasury would increase. While admittedly counterintuitive, he turned out to be wildly correct. Revenues skyrocketed once taxes were lowered and the old tax avoidance schemes lost their appeal. But even though liberals were proven fantastically wrong in their claims, their reply was simply, “Well, sure , revenues increased…but Reagan is still evil because now the system is even more “unfair”.” Then later in the 90’s the left cried us all a river about the tail of woe which would befall the republic if “welfare reform” were passed. There would be tent cities in every corner of the country, hundreds of thousands of children would literally starve to death. When the legislation finally passed without the promised calamities, liberals merely changed the subject and were allowed to. And more recently we arrived at the stimulus bill of 2008. We were told by liberals that if this bill was passed, unemployment would drop to 8% and millions upon millions of jobs would be created or saved. I can’t even remember the exact number…800 or 850 billion dollars had to be printed or borrowed, but it didn’t matter because this thing was going to save the day. Three years later unemployment is still over 9%, the economy is still hemorrhaging jobs and the response of the liberals to all of the disappointing results is simple…”it failed because it wasn’t BIG enough. Instead of 850 billion, it should have been 1.5 trillion!”, an utterly unfalsifiable claim. Hell, if 1.5 trillion would produce 2 million jobs and drop the unemployment rate to 8, why not borrow 3 trillion and create 4 million jobs and drop the rate to 6???
Getting back to Reagan. While he was right that cutting taxes would increase revenue, he was wrong on his campaign promise that he would simultaneously cut taxes, increase defense spending AND lower the deficit. The first two he did, but he failed to lower the deficit, something with which liberals have been beating him up over for the last 30 years. I see no similar culpibility by liberals for the results of their disastrous policies. In fact, they will not even acknowledge any problems exist. What dependency crisis? What entitlement unsustainability? What’s wrong with a 1.5 trillion dollar yearly federal deficit for as far as the eye can see? Nothing, because liberals care too much about the little guy to fret over silly numbers. And because they care, everything will be ok.
Liberals never have to worry about answering for their mistakes and they can peer down on the rest of us from the commanding heights of their moral superiority. Pretty sweet deal.
I envy them their eternal and never failing ownership of the moral high ground. The basic assumption is always that liberals have big hearts. Liberals are filled to overflowing with compassion for the downtrodden. They are always the champions of the little guy, the protector of the powerless. It cannot even be argued, it is taken as an article of faith, especially in American politics. It matters not what the results of their compassion have been. If, for instance, an intellectual argument is made that the very welfare apparatus that liberals so champion has had the deleterious effect of destroying the black family in inner city America by eliminating any need for a father in the home, the point is often conceded but liberals suffer no blame. Liberals always seem to escape any blame for the consequences of their policies because they are never judged on the results, only the intentions. Liberals’ hearts are always in the right place, you see. Conversely, if one is a political conservative in America, one must first and foremost prove that he has a heart. The basic assumption for him is that his heart’s desire is to starve little children and turn old people out of their nursing homes in the middle of the night. If a conservative begins talking about trying to rein in deficits its always because he loves the rich and despises the poor. If any conservative policy actually ends up helping the poor it is considered a cosmic accident. Which brings me to the second source of my liberal envy.
Liberal policy prescriptions are always unfalsifiable. I remember back in the 80’s when Ronald Reagan claimed that by lowering taxes across the board revenue to the treasury would increase. While admittedly counterintuitive, he turned out to be wildly correct. Revenues skyrocketed once taxes were lowered and the old tax avoidance schemes lost their appeal. But even though liberals were proven fantastically wrong in their claims, their reply was simply, “Well, sure , revenues increased…but Reagan is still evil because now the system is even more “unfair”.” Then later in the 90’s the left cried us all a river about the tail of woe which would befall the republic if “welfare reform” were passed. There would be tent cities in every corner of the country, hundreds of thousands of children would literally starve to death. When the legislation finally passed without the promised calamities, liberals merely changed the subject and were allowed to. And more recently we arrived at the stimulus bill of 2008. We were told by liberals that if this bill was passed, unemployment would drop to 8% and millions upon millions of jobs would be created or saved. I can’t even remember the exact number…800 or 850 billion dollars had to be printed or borrowed, but it didn’t matter because this thing was going to save the day. Three years later unemployment is still over 9%, the economy is still hemorrhaging jobs and the response of the liberals to all of the disappointing results is simple…”it failed because it wasn’t BIG enough. Instead of 850 billion, it should have been 1.5 trillion!”, an utterly unfalsifiable claim. Hell, if 1.5 trillion would produce 2 million jobs and drop the unemployment rate to 8, why not borrow 3 trillion and create 4 million jobs and drop the rate to 6???
Getting back to Reagan. While he was right that cutting taxes would increase revenue, he was wrong on his campaign promise that he would simultaneously cut taxes, increase defense spending AND lower the deficit. The first two he did, but he failed to lower the deficit, something with which liberals have been beating him up over for the last 30 years. I see no similar culpibility by liberals for the results of their disastrous policies. In fact, they will not even acknowledge any problems exist. What dependency crisis? What entitlement unsustainability? What’s wrong with a 1.5 trillion dollar yearly federal deficit for as far as the eye can see? Nothing, because liberals care too much about the little guy to fret over silly numbers. And because they care, everything will be ok.
Liberals never have to worry about answering for their mistakes and they can peer down on the rest of us from the commanding heights of their moral superiority. Pretty sweet deal.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Whats Missing In Christianity
I started reading G. K. Chesterton’s “Orthodoxy” last night. What I can’t figure out is how come I’m 53 years old and am just now discovering this book. You get to a point in life when you take on the conceit that you are reasonably “well read”, whatever the heck THAT means, then you stumble on the giant of a man that was Chesterton and you realize what a complete Philistine you actually are. I’m only 60 pages in and already I know that I’m reading a work of genius. I will do a complete review of this thing once I’m finished, but finishing will take some work. Humbly, I must admit that I have to read some sentences and a few entire paragraphs twice, even three times before it sinks in to my thick and slow head. But just about the time that I’m feeling stupid and over matched, he comes through with a line so hilarious, so engagingly witty, I at once feel totally comfortable and at home. Which brings me to a point that dawned on me in a flash 20 pages in, it’s what Christianity is missing, and has been missing for most of my life, a public, boisterous, joyful, intelligent wit.
Chesterton publicly debated the celebrated atheists of his day like H. G. Wells, George Bernard Shaw, and Bertrand Russell. Even though they disagreed about nearly everything, they were able to remain friends and live together in mutual respect. Most who attended these debates declared Chesterton the winner, even and especially his opponents, who couldn’t possibly compete with his infectious and garrulous personality and his biting yet disarming charm and wit. At 300 pounds, Chesterton took lots of abuse for his appearance, but did so with disarming humor like the time during World War I, when spotted walking down the street by a woman in London and asked accusingly, “Why aren’t you out at the front?!” He replied, “Dear lady, if you go round to the side, you will see that I am!” Once, when debating the views of Oscar Wilde he said, “ Oscar Wilde says that sunsets can’t be and shouldn’t be valued because we can’t pay for them. But Oscar Wilde is wrong because we can pay for them…by not being Oscar Wilde.” Chesterton was famously absent minded, which only added to his likability.
He once sent his wife an urgent telegram, “Am at Market Harborough. Where should I be?” To which
she relied, “Home.”
When people from the Christian community actually do try to engage the world today they do so in a dour, finger-pointing sort of way, hands wringing at the rampant immorality in our decadent world. While there is a ton of immorality out there, and in many ways our decadence owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology, I long for a new Chesterton, who with intellect, clear thinking and brilliant wit, can make the case for biblical Christianity, and make a few friends along the way.
To be continued…
Chesterton publicly debated the celebrated atheists of his day like H. G. Wells, George Bernard Shaw, and Bertrand Russell. Even though they disagreed about nearly everything, they were able to remain friends and live together in mutual respect. Most who attended these debates declared Chesterton the winner, even and especially his opponents, who couldn’t possibly compete with his infectious and garrulous personality and his biting yet disarming charm and wit. At 300 pounds, Chesterton took lots of abuse for his appearance, but did so with disarming humor like the time during World War I, when spotted walking down the street by a woman in London and asked accusingly, “Why aren’t you out at the front?!” He replied, “Dear lady, if you go round to the side, you will see that I am!” Once, when debating the views of Oscar Wilde he said, “ Oscar Wilde says that sunsets can’t be and shouldn’t be valued because we can’t pay for them. But Oscar Wilde is wrong because we can pay for them…by not being Oscar Wilde.” Chesterton was famously absent minded, which only added to his likability.
He once sent his wife an urgent telegram, “Am at Market Harborough. Where should I be?” To which
she relied, “Home.”
When people from the Christian community actually do try to engage the world today they do so in a dour, finger-pointing sort of way, hands wringing at the rampant immorality in our decadent world. While there is a ton of immorality out there, and in many ways our decadence owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology, I long for a new Chesterton, who with intellect, clear thinking and brilliant wit, can make the case for biblical Christianity, and make a few friends along the way.
To be continued…
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Its Sunday morning....time for Church
I’m all dressed and ready for church. Apparently, my pastor will be holding forth on yet another obscure Old Testament Hebrew ritual, something having to do with the feast of the tabernacle or some such thing. I’m sure he will weave an amazing tapestry that will somehow provide real world application to the struggles we Christians deal with in the world of today. At some point during the message we will see pictures on the screen of some distant hillside in Israel taken during one of his pilgrimages. Maybe there will even be Jewish dancers and robust Hebrew songs. After thirty minutes or so of this inspiration, I will be thoroughly equipped to face the rigors of the week to come. Shalom.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Week 4. Time for humility?
5-1 last week and 14-4 for the season. At this point some might expect me to start with my famous trash talk. That will have to wait until week 5 because I don’t have tons of confidence in this week’s picks. College football is a crazy, volatile game. Trying to predict how a bunch of 19-20 year olds will perform in front of 80,000 derelict fans is problematic. So far I’ve been on quite a roll, but all it takes is some star wide receiver to have a nasty breakup with his girlfriend on Friday night, or some quarterback to learn that he’s going to be a father two hours before game time and my picks are screwed. So, with humility as my guide, I offer these games for your consideration:
Florida vs. Kentucky
Everyone who reads this blog will assume that I’m picking this game because I need an easy win, everyone that is except Michael Slagle. Michael has requested some love for his Wildcats and I always live by the adage, “give the people what they want” , so Michael, your Wildcats will get throttled by the Gators. It will get ugly. But if you think this week is bad, just wait until next week when LSU knocks the “K” off your helmets. Matter of fact, I only see 2, maybe 3 more wins in your schedule. But hey, basketball season is right around the corner. Florida 38-17.
Arkansas vs. Alabama
This will be the best game of the day. Although the Razorbacks are plenty good, there’s no way they get a win in Tuscaloosa. This is probably the only game of the year where Nick Saben isn’t the scummiest coach on the field. If Bobby Petrino lives to be 100, wins 5 national championships, and saves 10 golden retriever puppies from drowning, I will still never forgive him for the way he walked out on his players when he was coach of the Falcons. Sorry. Roll Tide 42-20.
LSU vs. WVA
Two undefeated teams with two passionate fan bases. West Virginia fans famously set sofas on fire after Mountaineer victories, sometimes forgetting to drag them out into the yard first….advantage LSU. WVA plays no defense. LSU is a defensive beast. This is consequently no contest. LSU wins 28-10.
Florida State vs. Clemson
Florida State comes off a devastating loss to Oklahoma because for the Seminoles it was to be a statement game. But the only statement that was communicated was, “We aren’t very good”. Clemson played a terrific game against a good SEC team so they come in with tons of confidence. Clemson is playing at home, and Florida State’s starting quarterback is hurt and a red-shirt freshman named Clint Trickett is starting in his place. This all adds up to me picking Florida State for some weird trick knee sort of reason. If Clemson wins I will be kicking myself, but if Florida State pulls this off, I will be impossible to live with next week!! Florida State 27-24.
UR vs. New Hampshire
My spiders begin their very tough CAA schedule with a home game against New Hampshire. For those of you who think that only the big boys play exciting football, think again. This will be a great game between two evenly matched teams, both of whom are ranked in the top 10 in Division I-AA. Two things favor Richmond, the home team in this series almost always wins, and the spiders have way cooler uniforms. Richmond 21-10.
UVA vs. Southern Miss
The Cavaliers were horrible last week against UNC. They played 11 freshman during the ggame and it showed. By the end of the season, these freshmen will be better but right now its tough to watch. But, who the heck is Southern Miss? I mean, they are a major college in Mississippi and they aren’t in the SEC? Who cares?? What, Brett Favre played for them back in the day? Well, unless number 4 suits up in the second half and leads them on a historic comeback, Southern Miss is going down. UVA 30-17.
Florida vs. Kentucky
Everyone who reads this blog will assume that I’m picking this game because I need an easy win, everyone that is except Michael Slagle. Michael has requested some love for his Wildcats and I always live by the adage, “give the people what they want” , so Michael, your Wildcats will get throttled by the Gators. It will get ugly. But if you think this week is bad, just wait until next week when LSU knocks the “K” off your helmets. Matter of fact, I only see 2, maybe 3 more wins in your schedule. But hey, basketball season is right around the corner. Florida 38-17.
Arkansas vs. Alabama
This will be the best game of the day. Although the Razorbacks are plenty good, there’s no way they get a win in Tuscaloosa. This is probably the only game of the year where Nick Saben isn’t the scummiest coach on the field. If Bobby Petrino lives to be 100, wins 5 national championships, and saves 10 golden retriever puppies from drowning, I will still never forgive him for the way he walked out on his players when he was coach of the Falcons. Sorry. Roll Tide 42-20.
LSU vs. WVA
Two undefeated teams with two passionate fan bases. West Virginia fans famously set sofas on fire after Mountaineer victories, sometimes forgetting to drag them out into the yard first….advantage LSU. WVA plays no defense. LSU is a defensive beast. This is consequently no contest. LSU wins 28-10.
Florida State vs. Clemson
Florida State comes off a devastating loss to Oklahoma because for the Seminoles it was to be a statement game. But the only statement that was communicated was, “We aren’t very good”. Clemson played a terrific game against a good SEC team so they come in with tons of confidence. Clemson is playing at home, and Florida State’s starting quarterback is hurt and a red-shirt freshman named Clint Trickett is starting in his place. This all adds up to me picking Florida State for some weird trick knee sort of reason. If Clemson wins I will be kicking myself, but if Florida State pulls this off, I will be impossible to live with next week!! Florida State 27-24.
UR vs. New Hampshire
My spiders begin their very tough CAA schedule with a home game against New Hampshire. For those of you who think that only the big boys play exciting football, think again. This will be a great game between two evenly matched teams, both of whom are ranked in the top 10 in Division I-AA. Two things favor Richmond, the home team in this series almost always wins, and the spiders have way cooler uniforms. Richmond 21-10.
UVA vs. Southern Miss
The Cavaliers were horrible last week against UNC. They played 11 freshman during the ggame and it showed. By the end of the season, these freshmen will be better but right now its tough to watch. But, who the heck is Southern Miss? I mean, they are a major college in Mississippi and they aren’t in the SEC? Who cares?? What, Brett Favre played for them back in the day? Well, unless number 4 suits up in the second half and leads them on a historic comeback, Southern Miss is going down. UVA 30-17.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Its Gut Check Time
It’s gut check time in Doug Dunnevant’s America. On so many fronts, things are coming down to the wire, palms are getting sweaty, butt-cheeks are tightening. The sublime agony of suspense is in the air. Let me count the ways.
My Red Sox, once a virtual lock to make the playoffs are now hanging by a thread in the AL east. Tampa Bay is only two games back with seven to play. Boston is down to two reliable starting pitchers. Their bullpen is suddenly choking away leads in the late innings. Twenty year old Red Sox fans who have never known the team of the Curse are about to be introduced to what older fans endured for 90 years, a talented team that inexplicably falters down the stretch. Even if they somehow hang on, a World Series appearance seems out of the question with the likes of John Lackey, Eric Bedard, Tim Wakefield and two wild-eyed rookies at the back end of your rotation.
My Braves are gasping for breath over in the NL east as well. Just a few weeks ago this pitching heavy team seemed a lock for the wild card. Now, the terrific but very young bullpen is faltering, and the time honored adage about pitching being 90% of baseball is about to be tested. While in a short series pitching does indeed dominate, you’ve got to have SOME hitting. The Braves only clutch hitter is 41 years old and their only power threat is hitting .230 and strikes out more often than a fat guy with a cold sore at a singles bar. A two and a half game lead over St. Louis with seven to play seems shaky. I miss Bobby Cox.
The broker-dealer change go date is fast approaching. The paper work is flying. Trees all over America are paying the ultimate price. With mind-numbing complexity, the process grinds on. Errors and omissions are starting to mount. I’ve participated in more conference calls in the past two months than I had in all of my previous 53 years. But as insane as the thing has been up to this point, it is destined to get worse once we actually move. Then I’ll be treated to a confusing new world of strange computer systems, an unreadable payroll , and that terrible feeling of being the new kid, where everyone else understands everything except you, the slow one. Its like being the blind guy in a crowded apartment. Just when you start feeling comfortable with the place, some wise-guy rearranges the furniture.
Speaking of being the new guy, that’s where my daughter is at Wake Forest. New city, new apartment, new roommate, new university, new level of scholastic competition, and very old and reliable feelings of inadequacy. In this area of life she is her mother’s daughter, and I feel worthless trying to help her with the adjustments. The advice that I give is the sort of thing that she would never in a million years do because that’s not how she’s wired. So I listen, feeling helpless, and rely on my wife to talk her through. And, she will make it through because deep inside, beneath all of the angst and doubt, there lives a bulldog of a competitor, one of the things she got from me.
My Red Sox, once a virtual lock to make the playoffs are now hanging by a thread in the AL east. Tampa Bay is only two games back with seven to play. Boston is down to two reliable starting pitchers. Their bullpen is suddenly choking away leads in the late innings. Twenty year old Red Sox fans who have never known the team of the Curse are about to be introduced to what older fans endured for 90 years, a talented team that inexplicably falters down the stretch. Even if they somehow hang on, a World Series appearance seems out of the question with the likes of John Lackey, Eric Bedard, Tim Wakefield and two wild-eyed rookies at the back end of your rotation.
My Braves are gasping for breath over in the NL east as well. Just a few weeks ago this pitching heavy team seemed a lock for the wild card. Now, the terrific but very young bullpen is faltering, and the time honored adage about pitching being 90% of baseball is about to be tested. While in a short series pitching does indeed dominate, you’ve got to have SOME hitting. The Braves only clutch hitter is 41 years old and their only power threat is hitting .230 and strikes out more often than a fat guy with a cold sore at a singles bar. A two and a half game lead over St. Louis with seven to play seems shaky. I miss Bobby Cox.
The broker-dealer change go date is fast approaching. The paper work is flying. Trees all over America are paying the ultimate price. With mind-numbing complexity, the process grinds on. Errors and omissions are starting to mount. I’ve participated in more conference calls in the past two months than I had in all of my previous 53 years. But as insane as the thing has been up to this point, it is destined to get worse once we actually move. Then I’ll be treated to a confusing new world of strange computer systems, an unreadable payroll , and that terrible feeling of being the new kid, where everyone else understands everything except you, the slow one. Its like being the blind guy in a crowded apartment. Just when you start feeling comfortable with the place, some wise-guy rearranges the furniture.
Speaking of being the new guy, that’s where my daughter is at Wake Forest. New city, new apartment, new roommate, new university, new level of scholastic competition, and very old and reliable feelings of inadequacy. In this area of life she is her mother’s daughter, and I feel worthless trying to help her with the adjustments. The advice that I give is the sort of thing that she would never in a million years do because that’s not how she’s wired. So I listen, feeling helpless, and rely on my wife to talk her through. And, she will make it through because deep inside, beneath all of the angst and doubt, there lives a bulldog of a competitor, one of the things she got from me.
Monday, September 19, 2011
In Praise Of A Good Woman
My day started at 4 am. I was awakened by an oppressive, fiery pain in my right shoulder, the sixth straight early morning visitation, only this one was excruciating on a whole different level. I rolled out of bed, chewed up two extra strength Tylenol and turned the water up as hot as I could stand in the shower. As I stood underneath the flow somehow the thought popped into my head that Patient First was open 24 hours. As is my habit when confronted with a strange new pain, I had put off getting this shoulder looked at for six days, thinking that it would heal itself. Plan B was now operational. I threw on some clothes and headed over to the dark parking lot of Patient First where I learned that relief would have to wait until 8 am. Back home, I fired up the heating pad and laid down on the sofa downstairs watching Sports Center reruns hoping I would fall asleep. No such luck.
When the blessed hour finally arrived I was x-rayed and examined thoroughly by a lovely Indian doctor with a beautiful accent, who with an economy of words informed me that my shoulder was “terribly inflamed even to the point of being warm to the touch”. She prescribed pain killers and heavy duty muscle-relaxing anti-inflammatories and then produced a sling for my right arm, with instructions to wear it for three days. Arriving at my office in said sling produced howls of derision from my mean-spirited colleagues, with many references to my age and the shocking rapidity of the physical decline it has brought upon me. The rest of my day was filled with my left hand awkwardly trying to do a series of two-handed jobs. On a good day I have a great deal of trouble concentrating for long periods of time on one thing. I think that the term teachers nowadays use is, “staying on task”. Well, after the cocktail of pain meds and muscle-relaxers I had downed at Patient First, my attention span was shorter than Richard Dawkins’ prayer list. I would dial up a client and by the time he answered I had forgotten why I called. By the end of the day, every muscle in my back was confused and rubbery. Some days it just doesn’t pay to wake up in pain.
But then, I got home. Pam was busy at the computer. I was in no mood for idle conversation so I took the latest dose of my medicine and collapsed in the reading chair in our bedroom. I dosed off for thirty minutes or so, maybe longer, and then heard her voice calling me downstairs for supper. As she has done a thousand times before, she redeemed the day. She made something wonderful out of nothing. My wife is able to transform me. She proves her love for me over and over with a thousand little graces that are easy to miss at times. I don’t have to pour out a tale of whoa for her to know that things aren’t going well. She pays attention to those she loves, to her friends, family, her children, and especially on days like today, to me. The plate before me was a feast of manly comfort. There was a hearty potato au-gratin dish that she had thrown together from scratch. It bubbled with sharp cheddar and smelled like autumn. Beside it were crisp, cold , sliced apples that made a juicy snapping sound when bitten into. The main course was a thing of beauty. She had sliced up onions and green peppers and fried them up until they were limp and caramelized and to this heavenly concoction she had added sliced polska kielbasa, the smoky kind that wafts in the air of the parking lot at the State Fair. This was a dinner for someone who needed some healing. I don’t recall ever being served this exact meal before. How she knew that it was exactly what my soul desired is a mystery, as she is a mystery. All I know is, that at times like this I know with cosmic certainty that mine is an arranged marriage. A compassionate God had mercy on me and gave me a woman of style, beauty and grace who, if given the chance, would be a huge star on The Food Network with a show called, “How to feed your hurtin’ man”.
When the blessed hour finally arrived I was x-rayed and examined thoroughly by a lovely Indian doctor with a beautiful accent, who with an economy of words informed me that my shoulder was “terribly inflamed even to the point of being warm to the touch”. She prescribed pain killers and heavy duty muscle-relaxing anti-inflammatories and then produced a sling for my right arm, with instructions to wear it for three days. Arriving at my office in said sling produced howls of derision from my mean-spirited colleagues, with many references to my age and the shocking rapidity of the physical decline it has brought upon me. The rest of my day was filled with my left hand awkwardly trying to do a series of two-handed jobs. On a good day I have a great deal of trouble concentrating for long periods of time on one thing. I think that the term teachers nowadays use is, “staying on task”. Well, after the cocktail of pain meds and muscle-relaxers I had downed at Patient First, my attention span was shorter than Richard Dawkins’ prayer list. I would dial up a client and by the time he answered I had forgotten why I called. By the end of the day, every muscle in my back was confused and rubbery. Some days it just doesn’t pay to wake up in pain.
But then, I got home. Pam was busy at the computer. I was in no mood for idle conversation so I took the latest dose of my medicine and collapsed in the reading chair in our bedroom. I dosed off for thirty minutes or so, maybe longer, and then heard her voice calling me downstairs for supper. As she has done a thousand times before, she redeemed the day. She made something wonderful out of nothing. My wife is able to transform me. She proves her love for me over and over with a thousand little graces that are easy to miss at times. I don’t have to pour out a tale of whoa for her to know that things aren’t going well. She pays attention to those she loves, to her friends, family, her children, and especially on days like today, to me. The plate before me was a feast of manly comfort. There was a hearty potato au-gratin dish that she had thrown together from scratch. It bubbled with sharp cheddar and smelled like autumn. Beside it were crisp, cold , sliced apples that made a juicy snapping sound when bitten into. The main course was a thing of beauty. She had sliced up onions and green peppers and fried them up until they were limp and caramelized and to this heavenly concoction she had added sliced polska kielbasa, the smoky kind that wafts in the air of the parking lot at the State Fair. This was a dinner for someone who needed some healing. I don’t recall ever being served this exact meal before. How she knew that it was exactly what my soul desired is a mystery, as she is a mystery. All I know is, that at times like this I know with cosmic certainty that mine is an arranged marriage. A compassionate God had mercy on me and gave me a woman of style, beauty and grace who, if given the chance, would be a huge star on The Food Network with a show called, “How to feed your hurtin’ man”.
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