Preserving the Good and Beautiful

I have discovered something about becoming a grandfather. It makes you think about the future. What will their life be like? How much of it will you get to see? Will you live long enough to watch them graduate from college, get married, have children of their own? But, its not just their future you think about, its everyone’s future. Let me try to explain.

Yesterday I flew back home from Columbia. It had been a while since I had been on an airplane, but it was just as tedious as I remembered. Almost missed my connection in Atlanta so by the time I got to my middle seat on row 14 I was sweating like a pig. Luckily my two seat mates were of normal height and weight, the guy on the aisle zoned out with headphones on, while the college aged girl on the window was well-dressed and had the guts to wear heels. After we got settled, I offered her a Laffy Taffy which she politely refused, but soon after introduced herself as a student at Hampton University who wanted to know if I liked popcorn. When I answered in the affirmative she immediately asked if I would be interested in buying some from her—she was raising money for some project at her school. I admired the confidence and the enthusiasm, so of course I bought three bags of gourmet popcorn!

As the flight progressed she told me a bit of her background and her summer internship with Ernst and Young, her plans to eventually go to law school. She was bright and determined. I offered some business advice/life lessons that I had picked up over a 40+ year career. We talked about faith and the importance of generosity. I came away from the encounter confident in her future.

Meanwhile, the three seats directly in front of us were occupied by a Mom, Dad, and two children about 3 and 5. When I first saw them sitting there I thought, Aww man…this might be a long flight. But then I remembered how insanely hard it is to travel with two little ones. I remembered how nobody on the entire aircraft is more nervous about those two kids than Mom and Dad are. I watched them put on a master class in patience and preparation. The kids were angels the entire flight. About halfway through I tapped the Dad on the shoulder and told him what an incredible job they were doing. He laughed and said, “Don’t speak too soon!!” Then he thanked me for saying so. Another reason to be confident about the future.

But of course I also worry. Each generation bares some responsibility for preserving the good and beautiful things in this world for those who come after us. I’m not going to engage in generation-bashing because it’s cheap and untrue. Life is complicated. Every generation brings strengths and weaknesses to the table. I’m a Baby Boomer and our record is mixed. There are 73 million of us, I’m told. In a group that large there will be plenty of saints and sinners. As a new grandfather I feel an overwhelming desire to create a clear path forward for not just Silas, but every young person out there with children or thinking about having children. Raising kids has always been devilishly difficult business. Think about the electricity and medicine-free life of parents in the Middle Ages, or the pioneers who traipsed across this continent in covered wagons. But although compared to the vast majority of history we have it relatively easy by comparison, it’s still hard work. Parents today have it in many ways harder than Pam and I did because of one simple thing—the internet. Sure, they can watch a YouTube video about how to change a diaper but they will also face unprecedented judgement from their peers on social media, then have to guard their children form the filth it will bring to their children’s minds in about ten years. I can’t even imagine how I would have dealt with that.

So, in my retirement years my job is going to be preserving as much of the good and beautiful as I can. Silas deserves that. My new friend from Hampton University deserves that, as do the wonderful parents in row 13.

My Role in Columbia

There’s a tradition in my family where each time we take a vacation, someone is named the Least Valuable Vacationer, or LVV. This designation is for the one person who did the least amount of work, contributed the least to the proper functioning of the house, etc etc…For the past 15 years or so Kaitlin has had an almost uninterrupted reign as the LVV, and it hasn’t even been close. While our time down here in Columbia isn’t a vacation in the traditional sense of the word, if a LVV were to be awarded I think I would win in a landslide. Everyone in this house has been insanely busy. Kaitlin has had the heaviest load, feeding this ravenous new human being. Pam has been like one of those wind-up bunnies on those battery commercials. Jon has lost as much sleep as anyone and has shouldered the lion’s share of diaper duty. So, what have I been doing? 

My only shift seems to be the one between around 6:30 to 9:30 in the morning. After Kaitlin finishes feeding him she calls me on my cell to come pick him up while she tries to get three hours of sleep. So, I have him for three hours on my own. Sometimes he gets a little fractious, most of the time I have to change his diaper. The rest of the time I just sit in this amazing chair in the early morning light watching him sleep…

Eventually when my back starts cramping up I take him in the living room and put him in his little bassinet while I do a little writing. Once everyone else wakes up to begin the day I become basically useless. There are far more skilled personnel on the job so I am reduced to doting spectator…

I am occasionally asked to provide musical entertainment which I do by playing the guitar for him and singing him silly songs along with some classic Beatle tunes that no infant is ever too young for. In addition to my musical skills, I am given grocery store duty from time to time. While out today on one such Publix run I picked up lunch for the house from Bojangles, which was a big hit.

Tonight another one of Kaitlin and Jon’s friends brought over some delicious potato soup, homemade rosemary bread and peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. After dinner Kaitlin was describing how the last ten days had been a haze and she wanted to make sure she had “thanked” us for coming down to help out. It was a sweet sentiment but what she doesn’t understand is that we wouldn’t have traded this time with them for all the money in the world. Even though Silas will not remember any of the brilliant life lessons I have shared with him while rocking him asleep in my arms, I will never forget these days.

Silas’ First Book Reading By Pops

I promise that at some point very soon I will stop posting content about my grandson. It’s just that right now he is everything.

This morning he has an appointment with his pediatrician. All of them just left, leaving me alone in this suddenly quiet house with Jackson, who by the way, has been super chill with his new baby brother. He gives him the occasional sniff and sometimes seems disturbed whenever Silas is placed on the floor since Jackson thinks that the floor is his exclusive domain. Example:

But other than that Jackson is adjusting well.

I got to give Silas his bottle this morning and then watch him sleep and stretch for thirty minutes or so. Each time I do this I am mesmerized, all of his delicate features so perfect but as vulnerable as a feather in the wind. This tiny creature is totally dependent on us, utterly helpless and hopeless without people who love him. Sometimes when I watch him sleeping my heart will suddenly break over the thought of babies born and thrown in dumpsters, babies who die from neglect, babies nobody ever knew. I have no idea why these types of thoughts find their way into my consciousness at times of such great joy. It’s how I’m wired, I guess. Whenever I am overwhelmed with the greatest of blessings is the time when my heart reminds me of those in despair. It’s maddening, but thankfully brief.

On a lighter note. My daughter got me a wonderful Father’s Day present yesterday—a book especially for me to read to Silas…

Before all of you ladies out there start with the eye-rolling, I would like to point out that this book is a New York Times #1 bestseller, proving what I have always said that nothing is funnier than well-timed flatulence. So, since it’s never too soon to introduce the boy to classic humor, last night I read it to him. He was clearly transfixed and captivated by my delivery…

Picture Commentary

Kaitlin and Jon have officially shared photographs of Silas on social media. Finally!! So, I thought I would share some commentary on some of them…since I have so much to say at this point about this little boy.

This was our first glimpse of him a little after midnight this past Friday evening/Saturday morning. Pam looks overjoyed. I have no idea what my face represents. I don’t remember this reaction, but trust me, I was elated and my heart was beating fast, I do remember that part.

These kids are amazing. Tough. Resilient. Fierce. Loving. Sleep-deprived. Overwhelmed. Determined. In love. Now, as soon as things calm down a little we’re gonna have to see about having that medical device removed from Jon’s forearm.

Book Review: The illustrations were fascinating but the plot was a bit thin.

No. He does not have a tail.

Alright, I think I’ve been very patient up to this point, but enough with the pictures already.

He’s Home

Silas came home yesterday. We spent most of the day waiting, straightening up, then waiting some more. We made a trip to the grocery store just as a heavy downpour began to fall. Of course, my wife did her thing…

But in this she received some unexpected help. The woodland theme has dominated Silas’ entry into the world. For one thing, his father is a Park Ranger, but it also happens to be pretty adorable. His nursery looks like a set of Animal Kingdom. So imagine our delight when as we were leaving the house for the grocery store—And this guy paid a serendipitous visit…

Soon after he got home, they sent me on some errands to a Publix on one side of town and a Target on another. When I got back, Pam had ordered Jon and Kaitlin to bed for a nap while she looked after Silas. It was then that I got a turn holding him for almost an hour. He was asleep for most of it, so I just sat there talking to him, singing him some songs and talking nonsense. I had been waiting for this moment for about ten years. I was not prepared for the avalanche of conflicting emotions. On the one hand I was so proud of my kids and their abilities as parents, but on the other hand I wanted to do everything for them, shielding them from the hard parts. 

I am struck by the irony of the fact that I am newly retired, a time when most people reward themselves with new toys and new adventures here there and everywhere—but all I want to do is make sure that this little boy has everything in the world he needs. It’s a foolish wish, not to mention unattainable. He will never have everything he needs. Life doesn’t work that way. He will have struggles in this world. But it’s the struggling that brings growth and inspires accomplishment. Having everything handed to him would ruin him for all time. But where is the line between blessing and spoiling? I guess I’ll figure it out in time.

For now I hold him and watch his little feet kick into the air. I watch his little hands flop around. He is so tiny, remarkably fragile, yet fiery and resilient. Every once in a while he will open his eyes and look around, then fix those beautiful eyes on me. He will stare at me with great intensity. I will say some nonsensical thing in response while I feel my throat tighten. I’m not sure I have ever been this proud of another human being in my life—and he’s done absolutely nothing to deserve it. I love him because of who he is, not what he’s done. I may have finally grasped the concept of grace.

What a Day

We left the house Friday morning at 7:09 headed to Lexington Medical Center in Columbia, SC for the birth of our first grandchild. The trip took a record 7 hours on account of the fact that A.we stopped for a brunch consisting of Bo Bites and dirty rice at Bojangles and B. Several ridiculous traffic backups of no discernible cause. Nevertheless, we made it unscathed and after navigating the Byzantine hallways, elevators and catacombs of this huge and beautiful hospital we finally found the Labor and Delivery waiting room. Thus began a very long, exhausting and exciting wait for Silas Nathaniel Manchester’s entrance into the world.

By 4:30, the decision was made for Pam and I to run by the house, unpack, rest a bit then grab something to eat at a deli right across the street from the hospital. Soon after we arrived back Kaitlin and Jon’s foxhole friends—Matt and Bailey—showed up to sit with me while Pam went back to be with Kaitlin. In so doing, these two incredible people earned full Dunnevant Family membership rights for the rest of their lives. While their incessant badgering about buying a condo down here so we can visit anytime and often was tiresome, they made up for it by laughing at my jokes and watching my favorite “grandfathers behaving inappropriately” videos.

Around 8:00 pm I was starting to get exceedingly antsy. My backside was sore from all the sitting. Matt and Bailey eventually had to leave. I had at this point still not seen my daughter. Pam would send occasional non-specific text updates like, “K doing great. She’s a rock star.” Then I would hear medial jargon concerning levels of effacement and dilation, all of which was supposed to suggest great progress…yet, the hours wore on.

Right across from where I was sitting was this super cool mural that I kept being drawn to…

This thing contained tiny photographs of 15,000 babies. I would go over and stand in front of it in fascinated wonder, each of them a wonder, each a miracle.

Then, suddenly at 10:39 we get a text from Jon—Okay, we are ready for the final leg! Dr. has been called down, so not long now! Kait is doing GREAT. Seven minutes later and only 35 minutes after she began pushing, Silas was born, the doctor having barely enough time to put on her gloves!! Jon sent us a picture of mother and child. We gawked at it, enlarged it a million times, holding our breath.

Finally, a little after midnight, Jon escorted us into the room and we got to hold him for the first time. It was magical and he is perfect.

Pictures have been taken, some of them incredible, but we are keeping them to ourselves until Mom and Dad are ready to share. This is their time, their miracle.

So far this morning Mother and child are doing great. Kaitlin and Jon are both exhausted right now, but clearly overjoyed.

Countdown Week

This is countdown week. Our first grandchild will enter the world any day now. Kaitlin is feeling great but getting nervous—but not nearly as nervous as I am. Every time I walk in the house the first thing I ask Pam is—Heard anything from Kato? At some point today I plan on packing a bag so I’ll be ready when the call comes. The plan is for Pam and I to head down to Columbia as soon as she goes into labor so we will be there when she brings the baby home. In this effort, Pam will be indispensable. I will be worthless since I can offer no practical help to a new mother, I bring no helpful skills to this enterprise other than great enthusiasm, pride and check-writing capability.

In the meantime, we have been introduced to our two summer interns, Adam and Treson, who will be living here for the next eight weeks. The presence of two quite large and ravenous college boys in the house has been a huge blessing since they have distracted me from much of the pre-grandchild angst. Last night there was a third intern at the table for dinner. Feeding young people is one of my wife’s greatest gifts. She will probably spoil them rotten while they are here so apologies to their parents in advance. Of course, Lucy is over the moon to have two new humans around. Just what her ego needs—two more people telling her what a good girl she is. But these two boys are terrific and we are glad to have them. Although, I made the mistake of checking my credit card statement a minute ago. I might have to start one of those GoFundMe pages to pay for groceries.

So, unless Silas Nathaniel arrives early, the plan is for Kaitlin to be induced early this Friday morning. Keep her in your prayers.