My Role in Columbia

There’s a tradition in my family where each time we take a vacation, someone is named the Least Valuable Vacationer, or LVV. This designation is for the one person who did the least amount of work, contributed the least to the proper functioning of the house, etc etc…For the past 15 years or so Kaitlin has had an almost uninterrupted reign as the LVV, and it hasn’t even been close. While our time down here in Columbia isn’t a vacation in the traditional sense of the word, if a LVV were to be awarded I think I would win in a landslide. Everyone in this house has been insanely busy. Kaitlin has had the heaviest load, feeding this ravenous new human being. Pam has been like one of those wind-up bunnies on those battery commercials. Jon has lost as much sleep as anyone and has shouldered the lion’s share of diaper duty. So, what have I been doing? 

My only shift seems to be the one between around 6:30 to 9:30 in the morning. After Kaitlin finishes feeding him she calls me on my cell to come pick him up while she tries to get three hours of sleep. So, I have him for three hours on my own. Sometimes he gets a little fractious, most of the time I have to change his diaper. The rest of the time I just sit in this amazing chair in the early morning light watching him sleep…

Eventually when my back starts cramping up I take him in the living room and put him in his little bassinet while I do a little writing. Once everyone else wakes up to begin the day I become basically useless. There are far more skilled personnel on the job so I am reduced to doting spectator…

I am occasionally asked to provide musical entertainment which I do by playing the guitar for him and singing him silly songs along with some classic Beatle tunes that no infant is ever too young for. In addition to my musical skills, I am given grocery store duty from time to time. While out today on one such Publix run I picked up lunch for the house from Bojangles, which was a big hit.

Tonight another one of Kaitlin and Jon’s friends brought over some delicious potato soup, homemade rosemary bread and peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. After dinner Kaitlin was describing how the last ten days had been a haze and she wanted to make sure she had “thanked” us for coming down to help out. It was a sweet sentiment but what she doesn’t understand is that we wouldn’t have traded this time with them for all the money in the world. Even though Silas will not remember any of the brilliant life lessons I have shared with him while rocking him asleep in my arms, I will never forget these days.