One-Eyed Jack

I have come to believe that historically cold and snowy places have a tendency to bake in a certain weirdness in the population. Take Maine for instance. This place is an icebox for five long months in the late fall and winter. Snow is everywhere, all the lakes freeze over, and after that the spring brings mud and lots of it. So what are a people to do when faced with this sort of dreariness? Well, for starters, they do stuff like this…

Meet One-Eyed Jack, an otherwise nondescript maple tree here at Fernwood Cottage. Someone—it would be presumptuous to assume its the owner of Fernwood—went to the trouble of adorning this tree a full twelve feet from the ground. The droopy eye, puckered lips and aristocratic nose suggest a level of sophistication. Did he/she start out with two eyes only to lose one during a particularly violent winter storm or was he born this way? It only adds to the mystery. It would be one thing if this was a one off. But in our years up here we have encountered these type of anomalies all over the Maine woods. There was one on a gravel path at Crawford Pond several years back who we fondly nicknamed Donald Trunk. You take enough hikes down random trails up here and you will meet all manner of decorated trees, weird stick men engaging in sword fights, the occasional display of gnomes decorated with outlandish beads and trinkets. It’s like a museum of oddities.

This guy here, One-Eyed Jack, is placed directly in the line of sight of whoever happens to be cooking dinner on the grill out on the back deck. At first it’s kinda cool, but after a while you start to think that he’s mocking you—“Look at this Virginian trying to cook steaks on the grill. He wouldn’t last ten minutes here in February. And how about that accent?! What a hick!” You can practically smell his attitude! 

But the snarky vibe that this guy gives off isn’t limited to dinner time. Yesterday I went for a kayak trip that was quite extensive…

 

It took over an hour and a half to paddle this 5.3 miles. As I was walking up the path to the cabin I passed One-Eyed Jack and could have sworn I heard him say…If you were a real Mainer you would have gone all the way around the lake. What a wuss!! It could have been my imagination, but honestly I wouldn’t put anything past him.

A Gorgeous Morning and an Annoying Swimmer

This is my view at the moment. It’s only my second morning here and yesterday’s was plagued by that rarest of conditions up here—humidity. But this morning, order has been gloriously restored. 67 degrees and a cool dry breeze drifts through these screens. The only ripple on the lake is being made by a single swimmer, slowly cutting through the silky water, a wide v-shaped wake drifting behind. The nerve of that guy, reminding the rest of us how out of shape and lazy we are. He probably will swim five miles then head back to his camp and eat plain yogurt for breakfast. Me? I’m thinking about doing some pushups, then I’ll broil up four English muffin halves, slather them with peanut butter and jam and thank Almighty God that I will never be forced to choke down yogurt in this or any other life.

It’s hard to concentrate on writing this blog out here on this porch. Except for triathlon dude, every sound I’m hearing is being made by something other than human beings. I am surrounded by a chorus of birdsongs, four specific melodies that I can pick out and a lone woodpecker tapping away in the distance. Every once in a while a loon call drifts across the lake. The clouds in the distance are slowly taking on a pink and orange glow which, blending in with the Carolina blue morning sky, reminds me of the cotton candy stand at the State Fair. Now that buzz-kill bro is gone the lake is still again, the only blemish coming from insects touching down here and there, their presence sending tiny rings out on the water’s surface. Now, another woodpecker, closer and from the north, this one whacking a softer tree. It’s almost unbearably beautiful.

I got my first sales numbers in from my publisher for A Life of Dreams. They weren’t very good. It was only for the month of May but still, I couldn’t help being disappointed. I’m a competitive guy. I’ve generally succeeded at most things I’ve taken on in this life, so I naturally took the low sales numbers personally. But then last night I got a text from a friend who wanted to let me know that her and her husband had just finished reading the book and they both loved it. She was by no means the first reader to tell me that the story had brought her to tears. The encouragement of her words helped my sour mood with the sales numbers. It also reminded me that I am not even halfway through spending six weeks in Maine and feeling sorry for myself is a very bad look. 

And here comes Mister Showoff back from his Olympic trial run…I must say that his swimming stroke looks quite awkward and choppy. Wait..hold on…it’s a woman. Great. Oh, and now that I’ve got the binoculars out I can see that she is a quite elderly woman. Wonderful. Yeah, well…but is she happy? That’s what I want to know. But, even if she is, there’s a bowl of plain yogurt in her immediate future. Pssshh! No thanks!

Moved In at Fernwood Cottage

Today was moving day #2. We packed up and left Summer Dreams around 9:00 am and took up residence at Fernwood Cottage on the west side of Quantabacook. There will be pictures to come later. So far we are loving the place. Also, Ron and Paula arrived today much to the delight of Lucy who continues to live her best life here at the lake.

This blog is about the one indispensable institution in the town of Searsmont—especially on moving day. Of course, I could only be referring to the Fraternity General Store. For lunch I picked up sandwiches, for dinner we ordered a pizza. Each meal was delicious and reasonably priced. The store is only 1.5 miles from our camp. Around 6:00 we were all sitting on the dock enjoying the gorgeous views and feeling the delightfully cool breezes blowing in our faces when someone said something about what we were going to do about dinner. Within a few minutes Pam was on her cell phone with Fraternity ordering our pizza and was told that it would be ready for pickup in 30 minutes. Paula made the wry observation of how incredible that we could be in such a secluded slice of Maine natural beauty and be enjoying a slice of fresh pizza in a mere thirty minutes!

So, I thought I would share with all of you just what sort of place Fraternity is. Each town, village, and glorified intersection in rural Maine has a store very much like Fraternity General…

As the sign says, it’s a combination cafe/general store/deli-bakery/produce stand/ pizza joint. Oh, and in its spare time it’s also a game inspection station.

This bakery produces some killer delicacies, everything from whoopi pies to blueberry muffins. But the real action takes place in this piping hot kitchen where an assortment or sandwiches, Italian subs and pizzas are expertly prepared on a daily basis.

Now, we try not to make a habit of eating meals from Fraternity. It’s the kind of food that could put 25 pounds on you quicker than a knife fight in a phone booth. But, when you’ve packed up one house, unpacked at another and are tired and sweaty, it’s nearly the best food in the world.

I do have one photo to share from our new home. This one was taken down near the dock around 7:30 or so. Look at the big smile on Lucy’s face, hoping that Uncle Ron might reel in a fish!!

A Lobster Roll Picnic

A wonderful July 4th experience was had on the lake yesterday. You know you’re in Maine when your Independence Day cookout features lobster rolls…

Here’s how this worked out. The folks who own the camp we’re staying at right now,( Summer Dreams), Matt and Sharon, invited us to a picnic at their other camp on the lake (Piper Cove) which happens to be next door to Loon Landing. Next door to Piper Cove is another great camp owned by Gill and Charles. The folks who own the place next to us here at Summer Dreams (Matt and Tuesday)were also invited to this picnic. It was a crowd of wonderful long time camp owners on Quantabacook…and us.

So, Early yesterday morning Matt drives into Lincolnville Beach and picks up a bunch of fresh caught lobsters directly from a lobster boat, brings them back to camp and cooks them up. Then, the indomitable Carolyn May (owner of Loon Landing) spent hours picking all the meat from these lobsters. Pam along with Matt and Sharon provided a salad, a bunch of snacks and adult beverages and of course Carolyn thought to bring a dozen or so oysters on the half shell. We ate this feast at an outdoor table just steps from the water as the setting sun splashed its reflection across the lake’s surface. Pam and I listened to their stories about lake life with great interest and just a twinge of envy. Around 8:30 or so we heard the first explosion of fireworks from the north end of the lake which was our cue to head back to camp to comfort poor Lucy. We found her curled up in a ball in the tiny bathroom, her nose scrunched firmly under the bottom edge of the vanity. This morning she seems to have recovered…

I approached Matt at the party and asked him where and how he managed to find that really cool Maine-shaped rock  right at the entrance to the dock at Summer Dreams. He looked at me with a confused expression—“What Maine-shaped rock?” I said, “You’re kidding me, right? The one right near the dock!” Nope, no recognition at all. I told him that I would take a picture of it and text it to him so I did this morning. You guys be the judge…

Here’s the State of Maine…

And here is their rock…

I think its a dead ringer!

July 4th Observations

Happy July 4th, everyone. Here on Quantabacook there will be the famous July 4th Boat Parade. Then a cookout with some homeowner friends where lobster rolls will be served. After that poor Lucy will have the worst night of her life trying to endure the fireworks show! Pictures will follow from all the fun.

So, yesterday something popped up on my Facebook wall from someone I didn’t know, probably a friend of a friend sort of thing. It was a 4th of July meme thing and it said—Chose wisely in November or this might very well be the last time you will be able to celebrate the 4th of July. 

STOP! For the love of God, just stop.

This type of political hyperbole is the bane of my existence. It infuriates me what politics has done to us, worse than that it infuriates me that we have given politicians this much power—to turn otherwise rational adults into blithering idiots. This particular poster did not tell us who she or he supports for President, so it could have been either of them. It doesn't matter because in either case this message is complete horseshit. I will here and now declare without equivocation that next July 4th I will celebrate our nation’s independence with great enthusiasm regardless of who wins the election!! And, so will you!!!!!!

Here’s the thing, people. I have been in the financial advisory business for over 4 decades and every Presidential election year its the same old story. Maybe 10% of my clients are what I would call political partisans, the sort of people who are really into politics.(not that there’s anything wrong with that). They are roughly evenly divided by party affiliation. Every election its the same story—“Doug, if candidate A wins this election I’m going to sell everything I have with you because if he/she wins the country is finished!!” I spend days, sometimes weeks talking them off the ledge. Oh, the horror stories I have heard from these folks telling me what was about to befall the country if their candidate loses. The economy was going to be destroyed, religious liberties revoked, gay people dragged from their beds, homeschoolers arrested, and microchips implanted in every brain in America. I have been warned about the nefarious intentions of Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, Al Gore, Tipper Gore, George Bush, Dick Cheney, Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, Donald Trump, Joe Biden, Kamala Harris. Everyone of these people was going to usher in the four horses of the apocalypse. Oddly enough, the only President and First Lady that got a pass from these folks was George H. W. Bush and Barbara. Go figure. I shouldn’t have to point this out but in none of these cases were the dire predictions true. Not even close! All of these Presidents enjoyed booming stock markets and largely thriving economies.

The question I have always anted to ask these partisans is a simple one…Has any American president in your lifetime had a major negative impact on your life? Here’s my answer—no. Republicans come and Republicans go. Democrats come and Democrats go. My life continues on its merry way, its quality almost entirely dependent upon my actions and my decisions. Do Presidents have any influence? Sure they do. Some policies that have been enacted over the last 40 years have not been my preferred prescription for how to run the country. This is also not to say that politicians cannot do major harm to the pursuit of happiness. They can and do from time to time. But every election year I listen to the dire warnings, I take note of all the people who promise to leave America of so-and-so wins the election but without fail—they never do. Somehow they just can’t bring themself to quit America. And neither will you!! 

So, just knock it off with your doom and gloom. This nation has survived much worse than either Joe Biden or Donald Trump. Turn off your TV. Shut down your computer. Go for a walk. I’m betting that there’s another Barbara Bush in our future.

Hard Choices

I have been informed by my creditors that I will not be given a six week grace period on paying my bills, this after intense debate with them over the fairness of charging me for electricity while I’m not even living in the house. Unfortunately, Big Utility won the argument so I must spend the morning paying them along with a host of other unused products and services I continue to be billed for while I am away. The struggle is real.

In other news, yesterday was our most glorious weather of the trip and today promises more of the same. High temperature 79, very low humidity with sunny skies and diminished winds. Ideal conditions exist for fishing, kayaking, swimming and anything else it is possible to do legally while out of doors. The only thing that will be missing are our kids. Kaitlin and Jon aren’t here because this summer is their 10th wedding anniversary and they have a big trip planned to the British Isles in store for much of July. Meanwhile, Patrick and Sarah just celebrated their 6th anniversary spending a long weekend in Philadelphia. They plan to visit us when we are up here for four weeks in the Fall. So it turns out that our kids have lives of their own. Although this revelation has been disappointing to us we are told that it is totally natural and in fact healthy. Whatever…

At some point very soon Pam and I are going to come up with the resolve necessary to actually drive into town for dinner at a restaurant. One would think we would have done so already. First of all, we’ve been here for eleven days now and second of all, Camden and Belfast are packed with so many fine eateries, an embarrassment of culinary riches. All it requires of us is the effort it takes to come inside, take a shower, get properly dressed and pick a restaurant. So far this has seemed like a daunting task to us. It sounds like such hard work and it would require pro-active decision making on our part. This isn’t nearly as easy at it appears at first glance. Feel like Italian food? Well, there’s Ports of Italy and Delvino’s. Try making that decision! Or maybe you’re thinking seafood. There are only a half dozen great places to decide between. Good luck. Then, there’s the lake. If we leave here to go into town for dinner it would be just like Quantabacook to put on a light show of a sunset while we’re gone, and we would miss it! Either that or a dozen loons would show up in our cove and perform an hour long concert in our absence. I mean…do we risk it?

Here’s What We’ve Been Up To

Now that we are firmly ensconced into Week Two here in Maine it would be a fair question to ask—What have we been doing? Well, aside from an unscheduled emergency room visit, things have gone swimmingly… see what I did there? When you’re up here you have lots of time to hone your dad joke skills.

So, there have been a few highlights. First, our introduction to a new place to get fat—Ruckus Donuts in Rockland, Maine.

These babies take five hours to make from scratch, taste like heaven, and the owners promise to give you 25% off your first bypass operation.

Last night Pam and I had a delightful sunset paddle. It’s been quite windy here since we arrived but last night the breeze tapered off just in time for a sunset show.

We even got a glimpse of a rainbow.

As sunsets go here on Quantabacook, this one was nothing special, but it was so peaceful out there on the water watching the changing colors, listening to the loons and watching Pam in her element.

Of course, Lucy and I have had many long conversations about life…

She does this a lot. She will see me seated in a chair and immediately plop herself across my lap where she expects me to tell her what a good girl she is. After I have sufficiently extolled her many virtues for ten minutes or so she plops down and goes about her business. We also take naps together…

Yeah, so that about covers it. We eat delicious food, we spend lots of time in and on the water, we take naps, read books, fish, Pam does cross-stitch and we talk about things.

Just living the lake life.