A Note For My Future Self

The average life span of humans is made up of 80 years, give or take. That means that each of us are presented with roughly 29,000 days to live. That’s a lot of days….but, is it? First of all, you should probably throw out the first four or five years since you were too young to have developed any memory of them. Second, the average human being who lives 80 years spends over 200,000 hours asleep. If you’re doing the math, that’s roughly the equivalent of 8,500 days. So, what we really have is 19,000 days worth of being awake and aware. Everyone experiences a handful of truly memorable days throughout their lives, like Christmas, important birthdays and anniversaries, the birth of a child or grandchild, etc. But most of those 19,000 days can hardly be distinguished one from another. Or at least at first glance. Yesterday was an example of one such day. It was completely ordinary, as far removed from special as it possibly could be. But something tells me that when I’m 80 and barely able to get dressed in the morning I might look back on it and wish I could live it over again. But, since it was so ordinary, if I don’t write a record of what happened it will just fade into the mist of memory and never be recalled again, as if it never even happened. Consequently, I have decided to make this permanent record for my future octogenarian self to read about and hopefully recall with fondness.

6:30 I woke up to that wonderful feeling you get when you realize that the upset stomach you went to bed with the previous night has disappeared. Then I realized that Lucy was sound asleep squeezed snuggly between Pam’s head and mine. This could only mean that there must have been a thunderstorm during the night. Whenever that happens she jams her head under our pillows until her nose reaches the headboard, then begins trembling, turning our bed into a vibrating massage table. The odd thing was that usually once the storm passes, she hops down. Not this time. 

7:30 Pam is planning a birthday outing for her Mom and sisters today which involves lunch at Tarrant’s West, then some sort of craft show, then presents and cupcakes with tea back here at the house. That means that last night she made a batch of strawberry cupcakes that were waiting for me in the kitchen. I had one with my coffee while I read of the latest horror out of Ukraine.

12:00 For lunch I decided on Mezah, a little Mediterranean version of Chipotle here in Short Pump. I go there every time I want to feel like eating something fresh and healthy. For the first time ever, I didn’t finish. Apparently my stomach issues are still with me. Maybe, given all the tumult in the world lately I am developing a nervous stomach. Wonderful.

Time unknown: I notice that my right eye has started tearing up and will not stop. All day, it is running. So I carry a tissue around in my pocket. I remove my right contact early in the day and use some allergy drops, to no avail. It will be a constant irritant that lasts all day.

1:30- 2:30 I enjoy a nap.

2:30 I wake up from my nap and notice that it has started snowing hard outside. I worry about Pam and all her crew out in the east end driving in the mess. I leave to drive over to Hope Thrift for my 3:00 to 5:30 Saturday shift. On my way over, I take a picture of the March snow:

2:45 Since it’s snowing, windy and cold, I decide to stop by Dunkin and get the volunteer crew at Thrift something yummy. Eight medium Dunkincinnos should do quite nicely.

3:30 The higher ups at Hope Thrift have made the executive decision to close the store early at 4:00. But that still gave me time to make lots of trips out back to the dumpsters. These trips featured high winds, freezing cold windchills and horizontal snow pelting the face. But one particular trip redeemed the otherwise unpleasant experience. There was a collection of plates, saucers and cups that hadn’t sold and needed to be thrown out. I spent five minutes or so slinging each delicate piece violently against the back wall of the metal dumpster wall smashing each into a million pieces and enjoying that sensationally satisfying sound of breaking glass ringing in my ears.

6:00 Pam made it home safe and sound and had a fun time with the girls. I had cleaned up the kitchen from how they had left it but in so doing had thrown out a container of milk that shouldn’t have been thrown out. Good intentions, bad execution.

7:00 By this time I was getting hungry, since I hadn’t finished my lunch. We decided to order pizza from Leonardos. I ate six pieces of a smallish pizza and sprinkled each with crushed red pepper. Pam looks at me with that look she gets when I do something that puzzles her. “If your stomach has been bothering you, why on earth would you eat six pieces of greasy pizza and cover it with red pepper flakes??” I had no rational answer for her. But, I didn’t get sick either, so I was right.

7:15- 8:30 Pam and I enjoyed two episodes of the most well-written, best acted television show available these days..The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. It was delightful.

9:00 Watched a little basketball. Worked a little bit on novel number four, then settled in with my 90 day reading through the Bible thing. (I’m five days ahead!)

As I’m sure you have noticed, there is nothing at all special or memorable about this day, Saturday March 12, 2022. But on the other hand, it was a good day. It was a day that reminds you that the majority of life is lived in the ordinary. Sometimes, the ordinary brings a sense of gratitude. So, you write it down for your future self to recall.

You’re Welcome

https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/tavs0v/these_dogs_running_to_the_play_yard_wait_for_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Yesterday morning, my daughter-in-law sent me the above link. I had just spent twenty minutes combing over the depressing news from Ukraine and had settled in to a predictable funk over man’s inhumanity to man, when I noticed it on my phone. It is not an exaggeration to say that it totally saved my day. I attach it here in the hopes that some of you will watch at and have your day redeemed as well.

I am convinced now more than ever that dogs are God’s intentional gift to all humankind. He knew how hard life would be. He understood full well how overwhelming it can be some days. So, he made dogs and offered them to us free of charge so we could watch them and learn how to live well. 

When I arrived at the office, the mood was anxious, as it has been ever since the Russian invasion of Ukraine. I immediately went to work playing this video for everyone. It transformed the place in an instant. Everyone was laughing and smiling. One viewing wasn’t enough. Everyone wanted to see it again. I think you will too. The spaniel who takes the tumble towards the end is so positively perfect, words fail me. 

You’re welcome and have a wonderful day.

Stress Running

Yesterday around 3 o’clock I hit a stress wall. My eyes felt like they were melting from all the computer screens. Each new story seemed worse than the last, and there was still an hour to go before the markets closed. I had no afternoon appointments scheduled and I had been fighting off a headache since mid morning, and my lunch of leftover orange chicken had done nothing to help. The thought crossed my mind, “…and its only Tuesday…” 

Then, I made an executive decision, the impulsive kind for which I am semi-famous. I shut it down and went for a run.

It was sunny and 58 and the wind had finally died down. I threw on some shorts and a long sleeve pullover, picked out an appropriate cap—the one I bought in Chattanooga in 2008 commemorating the University of Richmond’s victory over Montana to win the National Championship of Division I football…

Like me, this hat used to be in much better shape, in fact, it used to be black. Now, after 14 years of running, yard work, and fishing in Maine, it has faded into a color that has no name and cannot even be found on a color chart. Nevertheless it is one of two go-to hats in my collection—the other being the one I bought to commemorate the 25th anniversary of Cappy’s Bar and Grill in Camden, Maine, which sadly is no longer in business, having been replaced by a local chain Pup. But, I digress…

I still run occasionally. According to my fitness journal, I had logged 45 miles since January 1st, so yesterday’s run was not particularly unusual. But just a few minutes in it took on a life of its own. Stress Running is what happens when you’re not really paying attention to what you’re doing, even to where you are running. You’re just moving along, driven by an unseen hand, thinking about absolutely nothing. After thirty minutes or so you look up and find that you’re at the corner of Lauderdale and Church wondering how you got there. By the time you make it back to the house, you’ve been gone an hour and five minutes and travelled 5.5 miles, if your Apple Watch can be believed. You are out of breath, fatigued and sweating like a politician in church. Once you catch your breath you discover that you ran 3 miles and walked two and a half, but you are forced to take the app’s word for it because you honestly don’t remember many of the details. Where was your brain during the last hour? Nowhere, apparently. When I walked in the house and sat back down at the computer, literally nothing had changed. But, I felt so much better.

This morning I’m paying for it all. Both hips and one knee are stiff and aching. In less than a month I will turn 64 years old. I text a friend to ask if I’m getting too old for these sort of frantic runs. He assures me that I’m not. I step on the scale this morning and discover that I have lost not one ounce of weight. One of the cruelties of aging is the staggering indifference your body has towards exercise. Ten years ago, this sort of run would have made a considerable dent in the bathroom scale. Now, it just laughs back at you.

Witness

This is what was waiting for me this morning in my inbox. I publish them here as a reminder of what life is like for the Ukrainian people today. Yes, I know that if I search long enough I can find equally inhumane treatment of people all over the world from Africa to Asia and everywhere in between. Yes, I know that there are homeless people everywhere, even here. Yes, yes…

But there is something especially disturbing about seeing innocent people fleeing their own homes because of a hostile invasion by the kind of nation that doesn’t hesitate to open fire on fleeing refugees. Enough with the moral equivalence arguments. It doesn’t diminish the suffering of one group of people to acknowledge the suffering of others. There’s trouble all over…and it’s all terrible.

But, we are all witnesses to this.

Compassion That Never Fails

It has been a disjointed week. My thoughts have resisted any attempts at organization, they have become ungovernable. This tends to happen to me in moments of upheaval and confusion, and nothing is as confusing, nothing produces more upheaval than war. Images of charred and smoldering buildings are jarring. Pictures of exhausted refugees, their faces etched with fear and anger do the mighty work of transforming your own troubles into trivialities, nothing more than unserious annoyances. Suddenly, being asked to wear a mask for five minutes seems like something you can’t believe we were petty enough to fight about just a few weeks ago. You see a picture of some old man kneeling in front of a column of Russian tanks outside of Kharkiv and you feel like a pampered coward for bitching about having to pay 4 bucks for a gallon of gas. Perhaps the dividing line between real problems and fake ones comes at the end of the barrel of an AK-47.

In the midst of all this upheaval, my 90 day read through the Bible brings me here this morning, to the obscure book of Lamentations where I read this:

“It is because of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, Because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: Great is thy faithfulness”

Ironic, I think, to read such a beautiful verse at a time of such ugliness. In the midst of my confusion I wonder where God’s famous mercies are for the people of Ukraine? Then I think of the unprecedented outpouring of support for the Ukrainian people that has spread over the globe in the last ten days. I see the video of the airport terminal in Berlin where German citizens descended, carrying signs offering one, two, even three bedrooms of their homes for Ukrainian refugees who they had never met. I see this transforming of the human heart, this extension of mercy for the stranger, the foreigner received with kindness and these verses come alive. They give me renewed hope that the best, the most tender mercies, can be drawn out of our cold hearts at the worst possible time. Sometimes we need to stare evil straight in the face in order to be stirred out of our complacent self-obsession. Thanks largely to the internet and the instantaneous, unfiltered images that come with it, the war in Ukraine is reminding us that modern man with all of our juvenile assumptions and modern sensitivities has not revoked human nature. We are still children of wrath. We are still consumed by jealousy, envy, selfishness and pride. What hasn’t changed in the brave old world of the 21st century is the Lord’s mercies. They are still new every morning. They still never fail. He is still faithful.

If only we were. If only our compassions never failed.

Is THIS The One?

Having been in the market for a lake house in Maine as long as we have means that you become well acquainted with a number of real estate selling apps like Zillow and Redfin. Every day of your life for going on three years now Pam and I receive dozens of new listings that allegedly meet our search criteria. Only, this last part isn’t entirely true. Actually, it isn’t anywhere near true. Our search criteria clearly states that we are looking for a Lake front cabin within a 45 minute radius around the town of Camden, Maine. So, imagine our surprise and agitation when we are constantly bombarded with anything but what we are looking for. Take this beauty that landed in Pam’s email inbox today…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, for a mere $327,500 we could be the proud new owners of this…church.

This magnificently inappropriate property has the advantage of having been continuously held by the same owner since 1883! The description of the place assures me that it has been “meticulously cared for and updated as the years have gone by and is ready for its new owners to use it in any way they see fit. The Winthrop Center Friends Church has been lovingly maintained for nearly 150 years!!” Although this particular property is nowhere near a lake and sits an hour and eleven minutes away from Camden, it does already come with what may end up being a crucial feature as we enter our golden years…it’s handicap accessible. But, that’s not all, below I have listed some of the many unique features of the soon to be former Winthrop Center Friends Church…

Right inside the front door in the spacious foyer there’s the one thing that I have always secretly wanted in my house… a bell rope.

Just in case you didn’t notice, this church comes complete with a working bell on the roof. Imagine how quickly we would ingratiate ourselves to our neighbors by yanking on that rope every time we walked past!

Talk about your spacious kitchen, this baby comes with a double stove and two refrigerators. Its almost as if the previous owners had to feed an army.

And from the looks of this dining room table, I’m sure of it!

And what could possibly be better for after dinner entertainment than a pipe organ concert?

While this enormously spacious family room would require a couple moving vans full of furniture, on the positive side you would never ever feel cramped again, plus the room comes with its own echo, at no extra charge.

This upstairs apartment features two stunning windows, lots of natural light and thoughtfully a second access point to the bell rope just in case you get a hankering to give the old guy a ring but don’t feel like walking back downstairs.

When you count the upstairs, the attic and the full basement, this baby offers you just under 10,000 square feet to let your imagination run wild. Thinking about hosting the family for the holidays? No worries since this place comes with a paved parking lot big enough for a regulation hockey rink…

Shopping for a Maine lake house requires two qualities in equal measure…patience and a sense of humor.

A Retrospective

One of the benefits and drawbacks of being in your 60’s is the opportunities it gives you to reflect back on your life and take stock of your successes and failures. After all, once you’re 63 or so, you actually have lots of life to examine. You’ve finished some things that younger people are just starting. I’ve already raised two kids and unleashed them on the world. I’ve built a business and made it work for 40 years. I’m on my third Golden Retriever. I survived open heart surgery at 45 and a host of other setbacks without giving in to excessive cynicism or bitterness. I married the right woman and am still in love with her and her with me against all odds. This is not to say that I didn’t make mistakes along the way. On the contrary, perhaps my most valuable skill has been the ability to overcome those mistakes, the miscalculations, the occasional poor choices, the lapses in judgement that are the byproducts of every active life.

A while back I had a friend ask me what I thought the secret to my relatively successful life has been. I think he was hoping for a recipe, a secret sauce, some clever one sentence formulation that could fit on an index card, something he could memorize and repeat as a mantra. Unfortunately I had no good answer for him, primarily because it is an impossible question. What role does fate or luck play in the story? I don’t think I actually know the complete and accurate answer to any question that seeks to get at the secret of success. First of all, its not a secret. There are thousands of men and women far more notable and successful than me who have already told their stories. However, I do think that some things work for some people but not others. There are many routes to success, some more noble than others. Some harder than others. Some people because of education, environment and aptitude have to overcome so much more than others who might have entered the world with the unearned advantages of wealth, class and race. Yet, there are countless stories of people born wealthy who ended up as dumpster fires. Equally, there are legendary tales of Horacio Alger over-comers who started with nothing yet ended up spectacularly successful. So, as the kids like to say…it’s complicated.

But, I have been giving this some thought, particularly since I entered my 40th year of business. I have tried to make a list of the things, ideas, and people who have contributed to keeping me out of jail and poverty. I’ve come up with many things, some that I had almost forgotten from so long ago. I’ve decided to write them down and share them with this audience. But before I proceed, a word of caution.

Many of the items on this list might not work for everyone. Although I do believe in the universal, transcendent nature of many truths, experience has taught me that there are exceptions to just about everything. Another thing, I don’t want to present myself as some sort of paragon of virtue. I have more than my share of flaws. At the same time, there is nothing quite so off-putting as false modesty. I have come to believe that my story, flaws and all, might be helpful to someone out there just starting out in the adult world, and the older I have gotten the more important I think it has become to help others do well and live well. So, I present what follows as a list of things that have worked for me. Do with them what you will. They are listed in no particular order of importance. 

1. Family. My parents were not wealthy. Neither are Pam’s. When my parents both passed away there was very little of monetary value bequeathed to me. It will be the same when Pam’s folks pass. When I was growing up we didn’t have a lot, although I never considered myself poor. However, I never once doubted two crucial things from my childhood, my parents loved me and they loved each other. This, I was absolutely sure about. This gift was of incalculable worth. It made me feel safe and secure. It allowed me to develop a positive self image—I knew I was valuable because I came from a house full of people who loved and cared for me. They gave me the gift of a hierarchy that was simple and undisputed. They were in charge. They were the boss of me. They set rules and expected them to be followed. Although I didn’t always obey, and their rules could be inconvenient and irritating, it was comforting to know that there were rules. I desperately needed them.

2. Manners. I’m not totally sure that I’m using the right word here, but manners will have to do. My parents taught me a long list of behaviors that I was expected to master. These were things that I never would have stumbled upon by accident one day, these were things that I had to be taught, and my mother especially was an unforgiving teacher. Most of them concerned how we were to speak to people, especially adults. Yes Sir. No Ma’am. Thank You. Please. May I? Mister, Miss, Mrs. Look people in the eye when speaking to them. Always eat what is put in front of you when at someone else’s house. But aside from all these rules there was also the issue of respect for all human beings. My parents made sure at a very young age that I was disabused of the notion that I was better or worse than anyone else. “God created all of us in his own image,” they would always say. “Just because someone has money and dresses better than you doesn’t mean they are better than you. And just because someone may be from another country or from another race doesn’t mean that they aren’t as good as you.” Some of what I was taught, especially by my dad might sound outdated and misogynistic to modern ears, “Son, never hit a girl. Never raise your hand against anyone weaker than you. Always open a door for a lady.”

3. Effort. My dad had a saying, Anything worth doing is worth doing well. I soon discovered the truth of this when it came to sports. You can coach someone to become a good ballplayer, but you can’t teach someone how to hustle. There is a long list of things in life that we can’t control. Effort is the one great exception and the greatest equalizer in all of life. I was told over and over when I was a kid that more often than not the person who wins in this life is the person who wants it more. I grew up believing that I might get out-thought, out-smarted and out-maneuvered, but I should never ever get out-worked.

4. Education Never Ends. I wasn’t a great student at any level, grade school, high school or college. It bored me and I was impatient to get started and felt that sitting in a class all day was an obstacle to overcome. But I quickly learned that if I was going to make anything at all of myself I was going to have to constantly expand the universe of knowledge at my disposal. For that reason I have been a lifelong reader of nearly everything I can get my hands on. I have found that knowing more about the world and everything in it helps you to appreciate life and its boundless possibilities. It also builds within your heart an empathy for others. It helps you develop courage when you read of the courage of others, strength when you learn of the strength of others. It brings a greater perspective about life, helps you to become a better, more well rounded human being.

5 Faith. My parents introduced me to the Christian faith when I was very young. As I grew in my knowledge and understanding of that faith it began to inform the way I chose to live. It still today is at the core of how I see the world and how I understand my place in it. It has taught me the importance of taking care of the downtrodden. It has instilled in me a sense of responsibility for my neighbor not just my own narrow self interest. It has supplied me with guardrails to stay between if I want to live a productive life, don’t commit adultery, honor your parents, don’t steal, bear false witness against others, and a host of others. It has given me an understanding that there are much more important things in this life than my own wants and desires. I am placed in this world to be a blessing to others. I am here to be the hands and feet of Jesus whenever I can. I am asked to deny myself, take up my cross and follow Christ, a lot harder to do than to say, but a noble and worthy goal. I am one of the most imperfect and inconsistent Christians I know. I have a nasty temper, my language can be rough, I have a sometimes irreverent sense of humor and an argumentative manner. But the love and grace of Jesus has covered me in a blanket of forgiveness, so I press on because his mercies are new every morning.

6. Generosity. I honestly believe that whatever success God has allowed me to experience has one main goal attached to it and that is to free me up to be more generous with each passing year. Actually I’m absolutely positive about this fact. It’s the only thing that makes sense. There is no greater thrill than to be able to help someone who is struggling, especially when its through no fault of their own. To be able to give, to help, especially without them knowing about it is as great a feeling as there is in this life. The more you give, the greater you feel, and the greater you feel the more you want to give.

Ok, this is my list. Every one of them has been important to me and each of them has played a role in any success I have been able to enjoy in my life. But, here’s the thing. None of them are easy. All of them are difficult to stay good at, each are easy to forget. I haven’t always practiced what I am preaching by publishing this list. But this is the standard I have tried to reach for. Some days are better than others. Some years are better than others. No matter, these are the stars upon which I map my course.