Irony and Unintended Consequences

How ironic that on the 50^th anniversary of MLK’s “I have a Dream Speech,” our President will be speaking at the very same time that he is scrambling fighter jets and bombers to rain down destruction on Syria, a country that hasn’t attacked or invaded us and with whom we have very little trade or interaction. The reason given for this action is that chemical weapons have been used in that country’s civil war and our intelligence services are pretty sure that Bashir Assad was behind it. I say “pretty sure” because this morning brings news that the intelligence we have connecting Assad to the chemical weapons attack is “not a slam dunk.” For instance, we aren’t totally sure who controls the chemical weapons stockpile in Syria or for that matter, where they are  located, and at this hour there remains no solid evidence linking Assad himself with the order to use them.

Now, back when Barack Obama was a US Senator from Illinois, it was exactly this sort of thing that sent him into high dudgeon when George W. Bush was in the White House. “The President does not have the power under the Constitution to unilaterally authorize a military attack in a situation that does not involve stopping an actual imminent threat to the nation,” he intoned back in 2008 as a candidate for W’s job. Vice-President Biden went even further back then, claiming that if Bush went to war in Iraq without first getting approval from Congress it would be grounds for impeachment. Of course, it certainly isn’t news when a candidate for President says one thing on the campaign trail, and dramatically changes his tune after he gets his first daily intelligence briefing as President, but still, at the very least, both of these men seem to owe old George an apology.

Just a thought before I wrap this up. What happens if one of the bombs floating down from 35,000 feet happens to land smack dab in the unknown location of Syria’s chemical weapons stockpile, spewing deadly gas throughout Damascus killing thousands of innocent people? Will our President be brought up on war crimes charges at The Hague? Will he have to return his Nobel Peace prize?

God save us from the unintended consequences of our folly.

What Do The People Really Want?

On Monday morning I wrote about the very real probability that the United States was about to open military hostilities with Syria. The readership of this blog responded with a collective yawn, a few scattered page views. Yesterday, I wrote about a raunchy performance by Miley Cyrus at the MTV awards show and everything blows up, the most page views I’ve had in over a year. Apparently, even at a sleepy back water media outpost like The Tempest, sex sells.

Everyone I know complains about the media. It’s too biased; it’s too infatuated with the sensational, too enamored with flash, while ignoring “real” news. After writing a blog for nearly three years now, I can say without hesitation that, while the political and cultural bias of the media is a reflection of them, their promotion of the sensational is a reflection of us.

If this blog was my living, if I depended on page views for my income, in order to survive I would constantly have to write about the salacious. It is guaranteed to attract readers… period. Works every time. The fact is that people aren’t interested in the federal budget deficit. They aren’t interested in government corruption, malfeasance, or the erosion of our Fourth amendment rights to privacy. They don’t even seem all that concerned about our participation in yet another military adventure in the Middle East. But let a twenty year old spoiled brat shake her bottom on an awards show and all of a sudden Americans snap to attention.

Let me be clear on this. When I say “Americans,” I’m talking about myself too. When I click on the Drudge Report or the Huffington Post, I too tend to be drawn to the most provocative story. When I’m browsing through the first page of the Wall Street Journal, what do I read first, the story about the possible nominees to replace Ben Bernanke at the Fed, or the latest embarrassing sexual depravity to be unearthed about Anthony Weiner? Too often, it’s Weiner. Which one of these stories will have the biggest impact on our nation and actually affect my daily life and prosperity? Seeing as the Chairman of the Federal Reserve is the most powerful man/woman in the world, the answer is self-evident, but my eyes can’t resist the dirt on Weiner.

Maybe it’s all a giant conspiracy. Maybe the big shots in the media think that if they can keep us all excited and exercised about Miley Cyrus, Anthony Weiner, Alex Rodriguez and Lady Gaga, we won’t notice that the wheels are flying off the country and we’re headed for the Grand Canyon.

Bread and circuses.

Miley Cyrus and Will Smith

This is the photograph that greeted me yesterday morning when I opened my laptop. The MTV awards show had taken place on Sunday night and as is routine for this particular showcase of the very latest trends in vulgarity, former teen Disney star Miley Cyrus had disgraced herself on stage. This was the reaction of the Will Smith family.

I haven't quite known what to say or even think about Ms.Cyrus' performance. Considering the venue, I don't consider it all that unique. Honestly, I haven't watched any awards show, much less this one in a very long time. I take it as a given that an awards show celebrating contemporary music would just be too embarrassing to endure, not to mention too depressing. But, there must have been something different about this Cyrus thing because even reliably libertine celebrities seemed turned off. So, I hunted around YouTube until I found the clip. I watched her entire performance and felt nothing but anger and disgust...at her father. Billy Rae Cyrus, that one hit wonder country singer from twenty years ago spent all of his daughters childhood trying to be her "best friend." He indulged her every whim, denied her nothing and in so doing created this narcissistic train wreck I saw prancing around the stage in a vinyl bikini. She had the look of someone who hadn't been said "no" to by anyone in the last ten years. There she was laboring under the illusion that sticking out her tongue at spastic angles and gyrating her backside wildly in front of a 35 year old married man made her look sexy. The giant form hand that she constantly used as a sexual prop only added to the embarrassment, making her look not provocative, but silly. So while all of this was going on, what did dear old Dad do? He took to Twitter to say how much he loved the performance and to remind us all to pray for world peace. Meanwhile, the Muslim world watching this display is confirmed in their belief that the West is beyond redemption.

Which brings me back to the picture of the Will Smith family. Everyone is holding up this photograph as proof that Will Smith was horrified by what he saw. Maybe he was. But when I saw it, I thought, "What in the world was Will Smith thinking buying front row tickets to this event for his children??" He's a sharp guy, he knows what goes on at the MTV music video awards show. I'm sorry that his kids had to see such a disgusting display, but this one is all on Dad.

Give War a Chance

 The big news this week appears to be the deteriorating situation in Syria. With each passing day since last week’s gas attack in Damascus, the war drums have been beaten by conservatives and liberals alike. Pressure is being applied on our government to “do something.” The “international community” is said to be up in arms. Even the French have made noises about dusting off their old bolt action rifles, you know, the ones that they threw to the ground at the first whiff of diesel fuel from Nazi tanks back in WWII?

Our President clearly doesn’t want to get involved in another Middle Eastern blood bath. He’s probably playing cards somewhere in the White House right now trying to avoid running into John Kerry, and in his defense, who wouldn’t? But, one gets the feeling that the pressure will become too much, and he will eventually order some sort of cruise missile launch. Maybe this will satisfy the “do something” crowd, but maybe it won’t. My question would be, if you decide to launch cruise missiles, at whom do you aim them? Which side of this civil war represents America’s interests?

Bashir Assad is a very bad man with a hot British wife. By all accounts he is classic despot who cares little of his own people and has a particular hatred of the Jews. In this way he is much like half of the despots on the African continent, and would fit in nicely among the thousands like him long dead and burning in hell. The Rebels on the other hand are a conglomeration of jihadists, Muslim Brotherhood wannabes, anti-Semites, anarchists who love watching things explode and the occasional Syrian nationalist yearning to be free. John McCain thinks they’re swell. So, I suppose we’re on their side.

But, before we fire up our military response, I would like someone to tell me what vital American interests are at risk here? Is Syria a major oil producer? No. Do they provide us with some product or service that we can’t live without? No. Is Damascus a top tourist attraction for major donors to the Democratic party? No. Then, why in the name of James Monroe are we about to start lobbing bombs at them?? When the African genocides in Darfur and Ruanda were blazing hot and in the midst of killing a million people, I don’t recall any American military intervention. What makes Syria with its “mere” 100,000 casualties so special? Is it because they are so close to our ally Israel? So what? I’m pretty sure that the Israeli military is more than capable of handling the Syrians, especially since they are busy killing each other!

No, no, a thousand times NO! What’s going on in Syria is none of our business. If we wonder why the people in the Middle East hate us so, we need look no further than the Made in the USA sticker on that unexploded shell that accidently hit the hospital which the Rebels were using as a headquarters. The videos of dead children’s body parts strewn through the streets of Damascus will go viral and we will get treated to more charming footage of enraged Arabs burning the American flag. I say, if they want to have a civil war, they don’t need our help. In fact, we had a civil war once. We killed each other to the tune of 600,000 dead. Our enemies gleefully watched and our friends had the good sense to stay out of it. We ended slavery and are a better nation because of it.

Give war a chance.

In Defense of the Millennials

In recent years it has become somewhat of a national sport for people my age to rag on the “Millennials,” that generation of Americans between the ages of 21 and 30. They are said to be a bunch of entitled, pampered, crybabies, living rent free in their parent’s basements who spend all day playing video games and whining about how hard they have it, emerging only for the occasional Occupy Wall Street rally. Well, it has been either my good fortune or some cosmic accident, but I have never met anyone that age fitting that description. In fact, my experience has been quite the opposite. Because of my involvement working in a church youth ministry for ten years back in the day, it has been my privilege to meet hundreds of millennials, and frankly, I’m getting a little tired of the stereotype.

I can start with my two kids. My son, age 24 is working two jobs putting himself through graduate school in Princeton, New Jersey. My daughter did the same at Wake Forest where she earned her degree in English Literature and is now working feverishly decorating her new 7^th grade classroom at Moody Middle School preparing for the onslaught of 100 skulls full of mush that will descend upon her in a couple of weeks baptizing her with fire as a new English teacher.

But, it’s not just my kids. When I look at Facebook, I learn what has become of the hundreds of kids I taught in church, and it is truly inspiring. I see two young men who became missionaries, one in China, the other in Poland. I follow a couple of young women who have gone overseas to volunteer, one in Thailand, the other all over as a participant in the World Race. I see the beautiful pictures of adorable children produced by young couples happily married and gainfully employed. I see a news producer in Kentucky, an Architect in South Carolina, teachers in Charlotte, Nashville, San Diego, and even Minot, North Dakota. I see a Doctor in Birmingham, a chemist in Danville, an engineer and an IT consultant in Richmond. I see a youth minister in Burke, Virginia, and an accountant in Atlanta, Georgia. I know a social worker in Jackson, Tennessee, and an add man in Raleigh, North Carolina. I’m absolutely sure that each one of these young people has their share of problems. But I’m equally sure that they are battling through them like all of their ancestors did before them. They are all working, paying taxes, and contributing to their communities. I see each of them as a tremendous source of encouragement about the future, and I’m growing weary of hearing their generation impugned by a bunch of self satisfied 50 year old Boomers who have done their best to screw up the world that these kids are inheriting and will someday have to run.

Are there a bunch of 25 year old losers out there living rent free in their parent’s basements? Sure. Probably about as many as there are 55 years olds busy spending their parent’s inheritance on tummy tucks and face lifts. Each and every generation has its share of reprobates. Don’t worry about the Millennials, these kids are alright!

Trayvon Martin vs. Chris Lane

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The Wedding Planning Saga Begins

My daughter will be getting married next July. So this past week the hunt for a “wedding venue” began in earnest, transforming my life into a scene from Father of the Bride. I sat quietly in the corner of rooms as my wife, sister and daughter began discussing the byzantine complications associated with picking the perfect location for the big event. Finally, after a vigorous and comprehensive internet research jihad, the candidates were narrowed to four finalists. This past Saturday, the three of them left the house for an all day tour. A week and a half later, we have a winner.

I must say that the wedding venue business may very well have the most arcane pricing structure of any business in the history of commerce. Trying to find out exactly how much the thing is going to cost is like trying to guess how many Skittles there are in a fish bowl. The only reliable answer seems to be, “This will cost somewhere in a range between $13 and $65 thousand dollars.” Ok.

Here’s how it works. The perky and uber-friendly event planner/sales gal extols the virtues of “The Veranda on the James”, or some such pretentiously named place with glowing words like “elegant, ambiance, dreamlike and unforgettable.”  Then she wraps up her virtuoso performance with, “And you can have all this for a mere $30 per person!” Pam quickly does the numbers in her head, 200 guests times $30 per person, why, that’s only $6000!  Visions of our beautiful daughter walking down the rose covered walkway leading to the Victorian gazebo overlooking the river begin dancing through her head. She’s about to sign the contract and plop down the deposit when she discovers that there are a “few extras” that she might want to consider first.

While $30 per person would indeed pay for a perfectly lovely event, these “extras” will make the difference between ordinary and memorable. She learns that the food included in the $30 intro package isn’t enough to satisfy a hummingbird on Weight Watchers. $30 buys your guests a plate of carrot sticks and low fat ranch dip as an appetizer, followed by an entrée of beans and franks. Of course, if you want your guests to have knives, forks and spoons with which to eat this feast, you’ll have to pay a $5 per guest “utensil fee.” Drinks include one small bottled water per guest. Other “extras” include $2 per guest for chairs, $3 per guest bathroom access fee, and $1 per person rice allotment. Pam soon realized that the $30 intro package was akin to paying $1,000 for a lake house in Maine only to discover that electricity and plumbing are an extra $699,000.

After the full impact of this particularly horrific sticker shock wore off, Pam, and Kaitlin got down to the serious business of decision making. Pros and cons were placed on spreadsheets, numbers were crunched, calls made, e-mails sent, credit lines secured, until finally last night after dinner the light bulb flashed over Kaitlin’s adorable head. YES!! The decision was made, at a reasonable price, everyone including me is happy, so now we can move on to the easy part of…… finding a dress.