Miley Cyrus and Will Smith

This is the photograph that greeted me yesterday morning when I opened my laptop. The MTV awards show had taken place on Sunday night and as is routine for this particular showcase of the very latest trends in vulgarity, former teen Disney star Miley Cyrus had disgraced herself on stage. This was the reaction of the Will Smith family.

I haven't quite known what to say or even think about Ms.Cyrus' performance. Considering the venue, I don't consider it all that unique. Honestly, I haven't watched any awards show, much less this one in a very long time. I take it as a given that an awards show celebrating contemporary music would just be too embarrassing to endure, not to mention too depressing. But, there must have been something different about this Cyrus thing because even reliably libertine celebrities seemed turned off. So, I hunted around YouTube until I found the clip. I watched her entire performance and felt nothing but anger and disgust...at her father. Billy Rae Cyrus, that one hit wonder country singer from twenty years ago spent all of his daughters childhood trying to be her "best friend." He indulged her every whim, denied her nothing and in so doing created this narcissistic train wreck I saw prancing around the stage in a vinyl bikini. She had the look of someone who hadn't been said "no" to by anyone in the last ten years. There she was laboring under the illusion that sticking out her tongue at spastic angles and gyrating her backside wildly in front of a 35 year old married man made her look sexy. The giant form hand that she constantly used as a sexual prop only added to the embarrassment, making her look not provocative, but silly. So while all of this was going on, what did dear old Dad do? He took to Twitter to say how much he loved the performance and to remind us all to pray for world peace. Meanwhile, the Muslim world watching this display is confirmed in their belief that the West is beyond redemption.

Which brings me back to the picture of the Will Smith family. Everyone is holding up this photograph as proof that Will Smith was horrified by what he saw. Maybe he was. But when I saw it, I thought, "What in the world was Will Smith thinking buying front row tickets to this event for his children??" He's a sharp guy, he knows what goes on at the MTV music video awards show. I'm sorry that his kids had to see such a disgusting display, but this one is all on Dad.

Give War a Chance

 The big news this week appears to be the deteriorating situation in Syria. With each passing day since last week’s gas attack in Damascus, the war drums have been beaten by conservatives and liberals alike. Pressure is being applied on our government to “do something.” The “international community” is said to be up in arms. Even the French have made noises about dusting off their old bolt action rifles, you know, the ones that they threw to the ground at the first whiff of diesel fuel from Nazi tanks back in WWII?

Our President clearly doesn’t want to get involved in another Middle Eastern blood bath. He’s probably playing cards somewhere in the White House right now trying to avoid running into John Kerry, and in his defense, who wouldn’t? But, one gets the feeling that the pressure will become too much, and he will eventually order some sort of cruise missile launch. Maybe this will satisfy the “do something” crowd, but maybe it won’t. My question would be, if you decide to launch cruise missiles, at whom do you aim them? Which side of this civil war represents America’s interests?

Bashir Assad is a very bad man with a hot British wife. By all accounts he is classic despot who cares little of his own people and has a particular hatred of the Jews. In this way he is much like half of the despots on the African continent, and would fit in nicely among the thousands like him long dead and burning in hell. The Rebels on the other hand are a conglomeration of jihadists, Muslim Brotherhood wannabes, anti-Semites, anarchists who love watching things explode and the occasional Syrian nationalist yearning to be free. John McCain thinks they’re swell. So, I suppose we’re on their side.

But, before we fire up our military response, I would like someone to tell me what vital American interests are at risk here? Is Syria a major oil producer? No. Do they provide us with some product or service that we can’t live without? No. Is Damascus a top tourist attraction for major donors to the Democratic party? No. Then, why in the name of James Monroe are we about to start lobbing bombs at them?? When the African genocides in Darfur and Ruanda were blazing hot and in the midst of killing a million people, I don’t recall any American military intervention. What makes Syria with its “mere” 100,000 casualties so special? Is it because they are so close to our ally Israel? So what? I’m pretty sure that the Israeli military is more than capable of handling the Syrians, especially since they are busy killing each other!

No, no, a thousand times NO! What’s going on in Syria is none of our business. If we wonder why the people in the Middle East hate us so, we need look no further than the Made in the USA sticker on that unexploded shell that accidently hit the hospital which the Rebels were using as a headquarters. The videos of dead children’s body parts strewn through the streets of Damascus will go viral and we will get treated to more charming footage of enraged Arabs burning the American flag. I say, if they want to have a civil war, they don’t need our help. In fact, we had a civil war once. We killed each other to the tune of 600,000 dead. Our enemies gleefully watched and our friends had the good sense to stay out of it. We ended slavery and are a better nation because of it.

Give war a chance.

In Defense of the Millennials

In recent years it has become somewhat of a national sport for people my age to rag on the “Millennials,” that generation of Americans between the ages of 21 and 30. They are said to be a bunch of entitled, pampered, crybabies, living rent free in their parent’s basements who spend all day playing video games and whining about how hard they have it, emerging only for the occasional Occupy Wall Street rally. Well, it has been either my good fortune or some cosmic accident, but I have never met anyone that age fitting that description. In fact, my experience has been quite the opposite. Because of my involvement working in a church youth ministry for ten years back in the day, it has been my privilege to meet hundreds of millennials, and frankly, I’m getting a little tired of the stereotype.

I can start with my two kids. My son, age 24 is working two jobs putting himself through graduate school in Princeton, New Jersey. My daughter did the same at Wake Forest where she earned her degree in English Literature and is now working feverishly decorating her new 7^th grade classroom at Moody Middle School preparing for the onslaught of 100 skulls full of mush that will descend upon her in a couple of weeks baptizing her with fire as a new English teacher.

But, it’s not just my kids. When I look at Facebook, I learn what has become of the hundreds of kids I taught in church, and it is truly inspiring. I see two young men who became missionaries, one in China, the other in Poland. I follow a couple of young women who have gone overseas to volunteer, one in Thailand, the other all over as a participant in the World Race. I see the beautiful pictures of adorable children produced by young couples happily married and gainfully employed. I see a news producer in Kentucky, an Architect in South Carolina, teachers in Charlotte, Nashville, San Diego, and even Minot, North Dakota. I see a Doctor in Birmingham, a chemist in Danville, an engineer and an IT consultant in Richmond. I see a youth minister in Burke, Virginia, and an accountant in Atlanta, Georgia. I know a social worker in Jackson, Tennessee, and an add man in Raleigh, North Carolina. I’m absolutely sure that each one of these young people has their share of problems. But I’m equally sure that they are battling through them like all of their ancestors did before them. They are all working, paying taxes, and contributing to their communities. I see each of them as a tremendous source of encouragement about the future, and I’m growing weary of hearing their generation impugned by a bunch of self satisfied 50 year old Boomers who have done their best to screw up the world that these kids are inheriting and will someday have to run.

Are there a bunch of 25 year old losers out there living rent free in their parent’s basements? Sure. Probably about as many as there are 55 years olds busy spending their parent’s inheritance on tummy tucks and face lifts. Each and every generation has its share of reprobates. Don’t worry about the Millennials, these kids are alright!

Trayvon Martin vs. Chris Lane

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The Wedding Planning Saga Begins

My daughter will be getting married next July. So this past week the hunt for a “wedding venue” began in earnest, transforming my life into a scene from Father of the Bride. I sat quietly in the corner of rooms as my wife, sister and daughter began discussing the byzantine complications associated with picking the perfect location for the big event. Finally, after a vigorous and comprehensive internet research jihad, the candidates were narrowed to four finalists. This past Saturday, the three of them left the house for an all day tour. A week and a half later, we have a winner.

I must say that the wedding venue business may very well have the most arcane pricing structure of any business in the history of commerce. Trying to find out exactly how much the thing is going to cost is like trying to guess how many Skittles there are in a fish bowl. The only reliable answer seems to be, “This will cost somewhere in a range between $13 and $65 thousand dollars.” Ok.

Here’s how it works. The perky and uber-friendly event planner/sales gal extols the virtues of “The Veranda on the James”, or some such pretentiously named place with glowing words like “elegant, ambiance, dreamlike and unforgettable.”  Then she wraps up her virtuoso performance with, “And you can have all this for a mere $30 per person!” Pam quickly does the numbers in her head, 200 guests times $30 per person, why, that’s only $6000!  Visions of our beautiful daughter walking down the rose covered walkway leading to the Victorian gazebo overlooking the river begin dancing through her head. She’s about to sign the contract and plop down the deposit when she discovers that there are a “few extras” that she might want to consider first.

While $30 per person would indeed pay for a perfectly lovely event, these “extras” will make the difference between ordinary and memorable. She learns that the food included in the $30 intro package isn’t enough to satisfy a hummingbird on Weight Watchers. $30 buys your guests a plate of carrot sticks and low fat ranch dip as an appetizer, followed by an entrée of beans and franks. Of course, if you want your guests to have knives, forks and spoons with which to eat this feast, you’ll have to pay a $5 per guest “utensil fee.” Drinks include one small bottled water per guest. Other “extras” include $2 per guest for chairs, $3 per guest bathroom access fee, and $1 per person rice allotment. Pam soon realized that the $30 intro package was akin to paying $1,000 for a lake house in Maine only to discover that electricity and plumbing are an extra $699,000.

After the full impact of this particularly horrific sticker shock wore off, Pam, and Kaitlin got down to the serious business of decision making. Pros and cons were placed on spreadsheets, numbers were crunched, calls made, e-mails sent, credit lines secured, until finally last night after dinner the light bulb flashed over Kaitlin’s adorable head. YES!! The decision was made, at a reasonable price, everyone including me is happy, so now we can move on to the easy part of…… finding a dress.

Warrantless Cell Phone Searches?

Here’s a question to ponder on this Tuesday morning. If the police arrest you, should they have the right to confiscate and remove evidence from your cell phone without a warrant?

Before law enforcement officials can enter your home searching for evidence of a crime, they first must obtain a search warrant from a judge, in keeping with the Fourth Amendment’s guarantee that citizens should be “secure in their persons, houses, papers and effects against unreasonable searches and seizures.” But should “papers and effects” now include cell phones?

The Obama administration will ask the Supreme Court today to consider allowing “warrantless cell phone searches”.  The case in question involved a man arrested by police in Massachusetts because they thought he was trying to sell crack cocaine. After the arrest, the police took his cell phone, and found information that led to the discovery of a house full of drugs and cash. The defendant appealed his convictions under the “fruit from the poisonous tree” doctrine that states that evidence seized illegally cannot be submitted in court.

So, what do you think?

If I were ever pulled over by the police because of suspicious behavior and they were to confiscate my cell phone, they would be quite disappointed. What they would find would be a multitude of dog pictures, a Words With Friends app, a bunch of stock market update things, an up to the minute baseball score gizmo, and a boat load of deleted credit score and Canadian pharmacy emails. But, on the other hand, my smart phone does everything that my work laptop does except screw up printing jobs. An enterprising cop could eventually find my payroll downloads, bank account balances, private communications with my wife etc.. Today’s cell phones are where we keep every vital thing to which we need unfettered access. It is in many ways the modern version of the filing cabinet in the attic, something that used to be protected by the Fourth Amendment.

I’m sure that the administration lawyers will yammer on about terrorism or how this is vital as a crime fighting tool. Then they will make the tired claim about how it is very rare that a cell phone is searched anyway, and the only people who should fear such a seizure are the guilty.

What is the deal with Presidents and their hatred of warrants anyway, first Bush and now Obama? Oh well, once again that pesky Bill of Rights is getting in the way of the State and its never ending battle to control us. Damn that James Madison!!

The trend line on these matters is running against “us”. More and more courts are buying in to the arguments of the “security state” so my trick knee tells me that the Supremes will rule in favor of big brother on this one. But, we probably have nothing to worry about since the vast majority of us are innocent, right? I mean, it’s not like the police would ever abuse this new power. In fact, just the other day my President assured me that all of this hand wringing about the NSA eavesdropping on private phone conversations was all hog wash. Just because the NSA has the capability to listen in to our calls doesn’t mean they would ever do it, he explained. I’m sure it will be the same with this cell phone thing. No worries.

A Lot of 'Splaining To Do

In the old I Love Lucy TV show, whenever Lucy got into trouble, Ricky would fold his arms across his chest and in that thick Cuban accent say, “Lucy, you’ve got a lot of ‘splaining to do!”

 Senator Rand Paul introduced a bill a few weeks ago to suspend all United States aid to the Egyptian military. The bill managed to do something that is virtually impossible in Washington D.C. anymore. It managed to unite Democrats and Republicans, going down in flames 86-13, as one senator after another rose to denounce the “dangerous naiveté” of the junior senator from Kentucky. “It would be a terrific mistake,” John McCain intoned, “for the United States to send a message to Egypt: you’re on your own.”

Now practically every senator who voted against the bill is in full ass-covering mode as they watch CNN and FOX and see Egyptian tanks rolling over unarmed protesters. As the streets of Cairo run red with blood, Senator Paul made another statement to the press:

“This is something that those who voted in Congress will have to live with. The question is: How does their conscience feel now as they see photographs of tanks rolling over Egyptian citizens?”

For his part, Senator McCain seems to have had an epiphany of sorts since he now thinks that all military aid should be cut off immediately. Although the President yesterday did cancel an upcoming joint military exercise with Egypt, he refused to cut off the 1.3 BILLION dollars worth of military aid that flows to them unabated, warning that the United States cannot afford to “lose our influence” in Egypt. To which Senator Paul replied:

“For those who think that more weapons is engaging us with the Egyptian people, ask an Egyptian. When you’re protesting in the streets and you get run over by an American tank, you’re not going to be appreciative of American engagement.”

I am fully aware of the fact that Senator Paul is very much a mixed bag. He is relatively inexperienced, confused about some things, flat wrong about others. But, ladies and gentlemen, when it comes to American foreign policy, I haven’t heard an American politician this willing to tell the truth about our wrongheaded bumbling in a very long time. My hat is off to him, and if he wants to throw his hat in the ring for 2016?  Well, let’s just say there will be some very interesting debates, and some mighty nervous candidates with a lot of ‘splaining to do.