Monday, October 9, 2023

The Gauntlet Chronicles

Long time readers of The Tempest have had to endure many glowing testimonials of our many Maine adventures over the years. I have written of the idyllic tranquility, the fresh air, the off the hook food and the enchanting vistas. I have regaled you with a thousand photographs of us in varying degrees of frolic, smiles plastered all over our faces. Most of you tell me how much you love the stories and pictures but I’m sure that there are at least a few of you who get tired of the Garden of Eden shtick. For all those in the latter category—this blog is for you.

So far, our Fall 2023 Maine trip has been a comedy of errors, none of which have been funny. I use the term “so far” with great care since there are five days remaining in this misadventure and I don’t want to further jinx what has so far been a woe begotten mess.

Saturday, Sept. 23rd.
We arrive after a deceptively easy two day drive to our camp, the ironically named Vacationland, where we both casually noticed a missing paving stone at the stairway entrance. I made the prophetic observation, “Hmm..that’s a tripping hazard.”


Tuesday, Sept. 25th
Pam fulfills the prophesy by catching her toe on the stone, face planting on the flower bed’s border stones, breaking both bones in her left wrist, scratching her face, chin and chest while knocking her teeth temporarily out of alignment. 

Thursday, Sept. 27th
After two days of hospital visits, pain and angst, Pam undergoes surgery where she receives parting gifts in the form of a stylish, cutting edge metal plate inserted permanently in her wrist along with several screws to hold it in place. We spend the following four days dealing with this new reality meaning that our first full week of vacation turned out to be the opposite of everything that term is supposed to mean.

Saturday, Sept. 30th
The cavalry arrives in the form of Paula and Ron Roop, who thought they were coming to Maine for all the usual reasons only to discover that their real job was now cooking and helping me take care of my disappointed and traumatized wife. I should say at this point that Pam limited her “disappointed and traumatized” moments to one or two brief tearful minutes per day. The rest of the time she was an amazingly brave and resilient patient.

Friday and Saturday, Oct. 6-7
Some tropical storm rolls into Mid-Coast Maine dropping 2-3 inches of rain which transforms our formerly useless dock into a completely useless one. Now, in  addition to the mud-guarded quagmire guarding the approach to the dock, we had water blocking all other available angles of approach. Luckily for us, the next door neighbors had a natural boat entry style beach area where I could with great care manage to get my kayak into the water without incident. Unfortunately after the rain, that too was rendered unsafe, which I observed first hand when on…

Today, Oct. 9
…I unsuccessfully attempted to exit my kayak after a morning fishing trip. The incline was too steep, the grass too saturated with water which resulted in me and all of my gear being unceremoniously deposited into the very cold waters of Hobbs Pond. While this was happening everything seemed to move in slow motion. Instead of being angry and thrashing about like a lunatic I was strangely calm and methodical. After all, no bones were broken, nobody was there to witness this embarrassment, although had a video been taken of the entire affair it surely would have gone viral. It seems appropriate to point out that the fishing trip was not a total loss since I did catch this guy…


Our trip has not been a total loss. Nobody has gotten COVID. So far this entire trip has been vomit-free. We’ve got THAT going for us. Oh, and war broke out in the Middle East, which seems entirely appropriate at this point. I can’t wait to see what God has in store for us on our drive home.

On a positive note my big sister Linda and her husband Bill arrived for their first Maine trip. They are staying on a different lake with Ron and Paula. We drove over to their camp last night for dinner and had a wonderful time. Tonight the plan is for the four of them to make soup and bring it over here. As fate would have it, we have now discovered a foul odor coming from downstairs where a dehumidifier used to be. Its not there anymore because it stopped working about the time we arrived. We have finally discovered why it had been placed inside the downstairs bathroom, even though there was a fully functioning dehumidifier in the great room downstairs. We will do our best to mask the smell by dinner time tonight. Hard to describe the odor…its kinda like good luck gone bad!







No comments:

Post a Comment