Two cowboys were lost in the desert when they saw a tree in the distance covered in bacon. One cowboy says to another, “A bacon tree! We’re saved!” He runs as fast as he can to the tree only to die in a hail of bullets. Turned out to not be a bacon tree at all.
It has a ham bush.
Lionel Messi was fussing at his son for his filthy looking room. The boy said that it wasn’t his fault.
“I can’t help it that I’m a little messy.”
Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd broke into a distillery one night. Daffy picks up a bottle and asks Elmer, “Is this whiskey?”
Elmer answered, “Sure its whiskey, but not not nearly as whiskey as wobbing a bank.”
My wife is all mad at me because I dripped ceiling paint on the floor.
Now I’m just walking on eggshell.
I used to think that my Chiropractor wasn’t any good.
But now I stand corrected.
Last night I called the child abuse hotline.
A six year old answered the phone and told me I was ugly.
Breaking news from the world of sports: The New York Yankees are relocating to the Philippines.
They are going to be called the Manila Folders.
According to the CDC, what is the most popular vaccine in the ghost community?
…boooo-sters.
My brother, the electrician, just had gender reassignment surgery.
Now I have a trans-sister.
I went to visit my Psychiatrist yesterday and after thirty minutes he told me I was crazy. I told him I needed a second opinion.
He said, “Alright…you’re ugly too.”
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