Friday, at long last, is here. These are the sort of weeks that try men’s souls. You’re just trying to limp over the finish line, a week that you must simply endure because there is no alternative that doesn’t involve assuming room temperature. I don’t know about you, but whenever something monumentally disturbing happens in the world I go through several stages. First, I feel overwhelmed. Then I start scrambling for information, trying to wrap my head around events. Then I begin battling the thing. But after a while with me, its always the same, I get angry and defiant. Who the hell does this Coronavirus thing think he is coming in here and throwing my world into chaos? I’m not gonna stand for this a minute longer! I’m gonna...It’s always been my pattern. After a while I get tired of being frightened and simply get annoyed. That’s when I start cracking jokes. To some it might seem inappropriate for the gravity of the moment. Too flippant and unserious. That’s fair. But for me its my best defense. If I can make fun of something, make light of a dark thing it makes me feel empowered. This thing will not win. I will make it the brunt of jokes and bring it down to size.
We will survive this. Eventually we will get a handle on the virus and it will recede from our lives. Eventually, markets will regain their footing. When? How long will it take? I don’t know. Nobody knows. But let us not give in to despair. Let us not take on the posture of the helpless victim. Let us regain our swagger, even if it’s wearing a mask...
I got a call today from some guy trying to sell me a coffin.
I said, “that’s the last thing I need.”
Today I was at the bank when two men walked in wearing masks.
I was so relieved when I discovered it was just a bank robbery.
What happened when the cannibal was late for the dinner party?
He was given the cold shoulder.
Imagine the Titantic with a lisp...
It’s unthinkable.
I got Yakuza and Suzuki mixed up the other day.
Now I’m in trouble with the Japanese mafia.
What do you call a Petri dish of Coronavirus?
A cancel culture.
Because of the Coronavirus, the NHL season is on ice.
What do you do with a chemist with the Coronavirus?
If you can’t Curium or Helium you must Barium.
Did you hear that Tom Hanks has Coronavirus?
BIG news. I sure hope he doesn’t castaway his career...
What do you call a You-Tuber with the Coronavirus?
Just another influenzer.
Last night my cat started with a cough.
I’m afraid he has caught the...purrrrona virus.
I took a viagra pill yesterday morning and it got stuck in my throat.
I had a stiff neck all day.
Did you hear that cows can give you the Coronavirus?
It’s fake moos.
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