Wow! Look What I Won!?

When I woke up yesterday morning I immediately consulted my handy dandy weather app. I was to be fielding a team in a charity golf tournament at noon and wanted to know how to dress for the event. Sunny with high temperatures in the upper 60’s, it boldly stated. I chose shorts and a short sleeve golf shirt and only at the last minute decided to bring a long sleeve pullover thing just in case the wind picked up. This last minute decision probably saved my life. In my forty plus years of playing the game of golf, I have never played in wind like we had yesterday...the kind of wind that had flagsticks bent nearly at 45 degree angles...the kind of wind that had hats and trash scattered all over the place. In other words...a normal day in Scotland.

As one would expect, the conditions played havoc with my game. I have the kind of golf game that requires nearly perfect weather conditions, the precise alignment of planets, and the proper convergence of karma and feng shui to flourish properly. Needless to say, yesterday, my feng shui had left the building. Essentially, my team only had three functioning players, and luckily for me, I chose wisely. Mike, Scott and Renee were all on top of their games, and the 62 we shot was good for a tie for fourth place out of 22 teams.

Then, it was time for that hardy perennial of charity golf...the raffle. I had purchased two tickets and was unduly hopeful, considering my miserable golfing performance. But, perhaps since I was so unlucky at golf, I would strike raffle gold. Sure enough, my number was called, but in all the chatter and clanging of a hundred wind-crazed golfers, I didn’t hear what it was that I had won. I had my eye on that shiny new Titleist driver, and that set of Ping irons. I bounded to the front with great expectations, only to discover that I had won this...

Imagine how ecstatic I was to discover that I had won...a pair...of really high tech hearing aids...or maybe two nasal probes...or perhaps a couple of remote controlled quarter notes? No, soon I was informed that I was the proud owner of AirPods. As soon as I got home I presented them to my wife as an early birthday present, since there isn’t a way in hell I was ever going to be caught dead with these things dangling from my ears. She was thrilled and informed me that these things are quite expensive and currently all the rage.

Oooo-k.