Wednesday, February 13, 2019

Leaked Notes From Northam Staff Meeting

Notes from Ralph Northam’s senior staff meeting at the Governor’s mansion Tuesday morning, the 12th of February 9:00 am...


Governor enters meeting in high spirits, no doubt buoyed by overnight polling that shows his approval rating steadily rising among African Americans...calls the meeting to order with, Yo! You feelin’ me?.....Asks if someone can find him a Cliff Notes version of Roots, claiming that the book is..like reading the freaking phone book.....Gov. then presents a list of brainstorming thoughts he has come up with of ways that he can lead a State-wide conversation on race that can restore his good name...

* Order Executive Mansion chefs to institute Soul Food Saturday’s, where only African American inspired dishes are served

* Floated idea of hosting State dinner honoring all of his favorite African American singers and actors like Smokey Robinson and Sidney Poitier. (It was then suggested that the Governor might want to consider younger, more current stars. He agreed and suggested perhaps Mr. T and Gary Coleman)

* Floated the advisability of hiring Jesse Jackson as a consultant and liaison to the African American community.

* order rainbow colored t-shirts for all staff emblazoned with...I’m Down For The Struggle on the front and We Shall Overcome on the back

Several senior staff suggested that while all of these suggestions were very interesting, that perhaps more concrete and practical things should be done through the advancement of an agenda that might actually help address the real concerns of the African American community like education and job opportunities.....Governor rolls eyes and declares, Come on people, this is no time to get bogged down in the policy weeds. We need to keep our eyes on the prize and that prize is my  ego and my legacy. If you people think I’m gonna let one bad photograph tarnish my image as a good liberal, you all have another think coming. No, what we need are grand symbolic gestures that are photo-opp worthy. So, lets all hunker down and make it rain up in here with some ideas, yo?!

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