It’s 40 degrees and raining in Short Pump for like the 28th day in a row. Practically everyone I know is grieving a dear friend who’s viewing is coming up tomorrow, with the funeral service on Monday. In other words, this weekend promises to be the low point of 2019. Accordingly, I am forced to fight back with one of the few weapons at my disposal...cringe-inducing Dad Jokes:
1. I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
2. Need an ark?
I Noah guy.
3. I’m positive I just lost an electron.
Better keep an ion that.
4. How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies and on side, then he lies on the other.
5. What do you call a super articulate dinosaur?
A Thesaurus.
6. What superlative did Robert E. Lee win in high school?
Most Likely to Secede.
7. How did the Native Americans get to America first?
They had reservations.
8. I have a phobia about over-engineered buildings.
It’s called a complex complex complex.
9. Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore..,
But he certainly had a hand in it.
10. What do you call children who are born in whorehouses?
Brothel sprouts.
11. The guy who invented throat lozenges died last week.
There was no coffin at the funeral.
12. What happened when the semi-colon violated grammar laws?
He was given two consecutive sentenses.
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