Enthusiasm Deficit

We have a bit of a Christmas problem here at the Dunnevant house. That Chinese/Mexican tree Pam bought several days ago? It’s still in the box, and the box is still in my living room...taunting me.

There it is. We both have spent the last four days walking around the thing, never speaking of it, as if it’s invisible. Buddy the Elf would be appalled at our lack of Christmas spirit. I hear that Friday evening is supposed to be a miserably rainy affair. We have tentatively agreed that this might be a good night to open the box.

It’s funny how the entire Christmas enterprise changes once the nest empties. The urgency has completely disappeared. It has taken us a week to get the candles in the windows...and even that has been an ordeal. Last year we spent the money on those fancy candles that come on and turn off at pre-set times, only to discover this year that half of them no longer work! And, of course, no stores within a hundred square miles of our house have any in stock. So, Pam ordered replacements online someplace and had them shipped in. Now there are two candles that can’t seem to get with the program, refusing to turn on and off with the rest of their breathren, frustrating my wife to no end. Just what we need...a couple of renegade, malcontented Christmas candles.

Automatic Timer, it claims...right on the box...8 hours on/16 hours off, it promises. But, then I notice on the back of the box down at the bottom those three ominous words...

Made in China. Where are tariffs when you need them? Wait...what’s this Choking Hazard business? How can a seven inch long plastic object with a four foot long electric chord be a choking hazard? I mean, I get the-This is not a toy thing- but, choking hazard?? Maybe if you’re like a giraffe or an elephant...but how could a child possibly choke to death on a Christmas candle? Now, I can see a kid electrocuting himself maybe. My son, back in the day, happened to unscrew the bulb on one of theses things one year when we weren’t looking (which, around Christmas was all of the time!). The next thing we know, he sticks his finger down in the place where the bulb used to be, and discovered the awesome power of electricity for the first time. He walks into the kitchen with his little blackened fingertip in the air and said...Christmiss candle hurt you!! That’s back when Christmas was fun! Good times...