Administrative Assistant Day

Today is Administrative Assistant Day, or rather yesterday was. Luckily for me, the estimable Kristin Reihl was off yesterday since I naturally forgot. For the past eight or nine years (maybe ten), it has been Kristin’s job to see to it that I not forget stuff. No one in America has more job security than Kristin Reihl. A few observations are in order.

Kristin is very much a no nonsense, self-starting, blunt instrument kind of person. Never will she use long flowery sentences when telling me of one of my many mistakes when a simple, “You’re dumb” will suffice. Others will know her as the fiery red head unofficial mayor of Ashland, but around here she is known as the woman who keeps Dunnevant out of jail.

Over the years I have noticed something kinda creepy about her though. Although Kristin and Pam are so different in so many ways, there is an almost cosmic connection between the two when it comes to an alarming number of things. I will start describing something I did or plan to do and she will flash me one of her famous eye rolls and blurt out almost the exact words that Pam blurted out when I described it to her the previous day! In other words, when it comes to my sketchy ideas, the two of them form a monolithic alliance in opposition to me! Its almost like a conspiracy, if I must say so. It goes something like this:

Me: So, I decided to cut the grass, then go for a four mile run on the hottest day of the year yesterday.

Pam: You are an idiot.

Kristin: You are a f***ing idiot

But, aside from this annoyance, Kristin has proven her worth to me a thousand times over since the day I hired her. Pam lives in constant fear that one day Kristin will decide to quit. So do I.

Seriously, it is a rare thing to have an employee who turns out to be a dear and trusted friend. Lucky me.

Order

Spend four days helping your kids move into their new house and you learn some things about yourself. For me it was this…I had no idea how much I crave order.

The process of purchasing a home, then moving clear across town from an old apartment to a new place is one of the most stressful things any couple has to go through, especially when you are first timers. My kids handled it beautifully, at least on the outside. They were level headed and composed throughout. One thing that helped in this regard was the absolutely gorgeous Chamber of Commerce weather we enjoyed all weekend long. Delightful breezes, sunny skies and perfect temperatures made all the traipsing up and down stairs much easier than it would have been if it were 90 degrees and humid. But, its a grind, man. The older I get the less able I am to deal with the never ending parade of…stuff…and the boxes that come with it. As of this hour, only one of the 16 million of them has gone missing, one filled with valuable electronics—naturally. I have no doubt that it will turn up eventually. 

We have gotten a couple of pictures from them showing us their organizational progress, here a recognizable office has taken shape, there a tidy bedroom. They are plugging along.

It was only after the nine hour drive home when I walked into my own house that I noticed it…the palpable relief I felt when each room I entered was perfectly in order with no boxes in sight, no evidence of transition anywhere, everything settled. That, and the wildly enthusiastic greeting I received from Lucy, settled my mind and soul. Perhaps you don’t realize how much you value order until you experience its absence for four days. Although the routine of my life may not always be perfectly ordered, disruptions being as dependable as the tides, at least my house is, something that I have now discovered is vital to my sense of well being.

Another thing I have discovered? I am no longer capable of doing 100% of the driving on our many long car trips. Cramping hamstrings combined with sleepiness forced me to relinquish the wheel for a couple hours both ways. Grrrr…

And now this…a friend of ours who has been valiantly fighting an illness has made the decision to call in hospice. We have watched his noble battle via Facebook for quite a while and have marveled at his bravery. He fought the good fight. May God bless him and his family.

Proof of Life

I’m sitting alone in the lobby of the Hampton Inn, choking down really bad coffee, trying to psych myself up for a 9 hour drive back home. My body is a collection of sore, aching joints and unidentifiable pains brought on by three days and nights of loading and unloading, packing and unpacking, and lots of yard work. In addition, a dozen 35-40 minute commutes from southwest Nashville to northwest of Nashville, has taken a toll on the nerves. Nevertheless, it was a productive weekend. The kids are all moved in to their lovely new house. Now the really hard part comes as they must sort through the rooms filled with boxes, and transform the place into a home. At some point, pictures will follow. For the moment, this short dispatch will have to serve as evidence that Pam and I survived and are on our way home to Short Pump.

News of the Ordinary

I haven’t posted much here of late, at least compared to my normal output, not because there hasn’t been anything to write about but rather because I have been distracted by other pursuits. Business has been brisk, and the novel I’ve been working on for nearly two years now has been pouring out of my head in torrents after having been reduced to a trickle for months. Last night I wrote a lot because Pam was at a meeting with friends, leaving me on my own for dinner. Since I didn’t feel like going out anywhere I opened the fridge and threw some things together…

There was ham left over from Easter dinner. Accordingly, I opted for a ham sandwich on a toasted English muffin with cheese. To this I added three left over deviled eggs and a helping of Fritos. To round out the meal I decided on heating up three flour tortillas, spreading peanut butter and marshmallow fluff meticulously throughout and rolling them up to resemble cigars…for dessert, washing it all down with a Stone IPA. I’m not sure where this meal would have landed on the food pyramid, or whether of not there was any nutritional value involved, but it was delightful.

What was not delightful was what greeted me this morning on the Drudge Report:

These are the news stories deemed of most interest by this famous aggregator. Take a close look. Not a word about the ongoing war in Ukraine, but everything you could possibly want to know about a washed up actor’s defamation trial. There’s a breathless update about the British Prime Minister’s latest troubles, and the disturbing news that Prince Harry has decided that what America needs is the most pampered and entitled refugee in history. 

It is easy to look at this and come to the conclusion that you live in the most unserious nation on Earth. But the truth is that the vast majority of my fellow citizens never read the Drudge Report. Although more of them know who Johnny Depp is than can name their Senators, the fact is that most of us are not the deranged narcissists that social media tells us we are. We are busy working, raising our families, volunteering our time, buying groceries, bringing all the plants inside the garage to protect them from a late frost, and helping our grown kids move into their first house. But can you imagine how boring it would be to pull up a news aggregator site with those stories splashed across the headlines?

Happy Easter

It would be very difficult around my house to escape the fact that today is Easter Sunday…

He is Risen…

Hire a Professional

Ahh yes, April 15th. Tax day, the day that we are held to account for calling ourselves American citizens, whereby the price of that citizenship is set. Forty years ago, I was given maybe the best piece of advice I ever received from Dean Horger, a gentlemen not known for dispensing particularly good advice, who said to me, “Dunnevant, if you’re smart you’ll get an accountant to do your taxes for you. I know a guy.”

At the time, it was quite debatable whether or not I was “smart”, but I took Dean’s advice and called his guy…Carl Woo. As a consequence of that call, I haven’t prepared a tax return in over four decades now and wouldn’t know where to start. I often have thought that if some unfortunate accident or illness were to befall Carl, I would be forced to leave the country, forfeit my citizenship and go into hiding. On the downside, I have paid the man a small fortune over forty years. On the upside, he has saved me countless hours of grief, outbursts of profanity, peptic ulcers and mountains of money. Take 2021 for example:

2021 was an unusually profitable year for Dunnevant Financial, made so by a particular transaction upon which I knew that a capital gains tax would become due. As a result of this transaction, I made intentional increases in the amount of taxes I pay the Feds and the Commonwealth of Virginia each month. In addition, to minimize the impact of this transaction on my tax bill, I increased the amount I contribute to my SEP plan, church etc…Even with these moves being made, I had a gut feeling I might still owe a little bit. There was perhaps an outside chance that I might get a small refund, but the chances weren’t good. I made these assumptions solely on instinct since I have no idea how Carl does what he does. All I know is what I earn and what I pay and after forty years you get a feel for these things. A side note—I am not one of those guys who hates paying taxes and feels put upon on April 15th every year. On the contrary, I kinda like safe streets that are paved and well lighted, schools that aren't falling down, a functioning legal system etc, etc. So, as a general rule I have never gone in for Byzantine tax avoidance schemes. I’ve always told Carl, I want to pay every dollar of taxes that I legally owe…but not a penny more.

So, I nearly fell out of my chair yesterday afternoon when I got a two sentence email from the estimable Mr. Woo:

Federal and VA refund of $**,*** and $*,*** respectively.  Will mail returns to you.  attached are the efile authorization.  you and Pam can sign and return at your convenience via email or fax 804 ***-****.  we have filed extensions so no rush.

 

Carl

So, the lesson here is pretty simple. If you are a young business owner out there struggling to establish yourself in the world, find yourself a young accountant who will grow along with you. Hire him. Pay the man or woman the money. Turn your taxes over to a professional. Rid yourself of the headaches and perpetual frustration. In this world you get what you pay for. Then forty years from now you too will be planning on naming a wing of your lake house after your accountant.

A Night in the Life

My new “get better sleep routine”.

7:30 pm. Bring up Nationals game on MLB app. Bemoan lack of clutch hitting.

7:45 pm. Start searching archives for terrible Dad Jokes to send to long suffering friends and colleagues.

8:30 pm. Work on latest chapter of novel.

9:30 pm. Take 10 mg Melatonin pill

9:30 pm. Continue writing.

10:00 pm. Escort Lucy outside for famous Last Pee perambulation.

10:02 pm. Encourage Lucy to consider doing her business at some point soon.

10:04 pm. “While we’re young, Lucy…while we’re young!”

10:15 pm. Instruct Alexa to “Turn out the den lights.” Freak Lucy out!

10:25 pm. Perform nightly hygiene routine.

10:30 pm. Climb into bed. Ten minutes later, sound asleep.

3:50 am. Eyes pop open. Glance at clock. Heavy sigh. Nearly break neck tripping over Lucy in route to the bathroom.

4:00 am. Get back into bed, followed closely by Lucy who now wants to sleep where my feet are supposed to be.

4:15 am. Tossing and turning while listening to Pam enjoying the deep sleep of the just.

4:20 am.  Give up on sleep and head downstairs to empty dishwasher, make coffee and write this stupid blog.