Proof of Life

I’m sitting alone in the lobby of the Hampton Inn, choking down really bad coffee, trying to psych myself up for a 9 hour drive back home. My body is a collection of sore, aching joints and unidentifiable pains brought on by three days and nights of loading and unloading, packing and unpacking, and lots of yard work. In addition, a dozen 35-40 minute commutes from southwest Nashville to northwest of Nashville, has taken a toll on the nerves. Nevertheless, it was a productive weekend. The kids are all moved in to their lovely new house. Now the really hard part comes as they must sort through the rooms filled with boxes, and transform the place into a home. At some point, pictures will follow. For the moment, this short dispatch will have to serve as evidence that Pam and I survived and are on our way home to Short Pump.

News of the Ordinary

I haven’t posted much here of late, at least compared to my normal output, not because there hasn’t been anything to write about but rather because I have been distracted by other pursuits. Business has been brisk, and the novel I’ve been working on for nearly two years now has been pouring out of my head in torrents after having been reduced to a trickle for months. Last night I wrote a lot because Pam was at a meeting with friends, leaving me on my own for dinner. Since I didn’t feel like going out anywhere I opened the fridge and threw some things together…

There was ham left over from Easter dinner. Accordingly, I opted for a ham sandwich on a toasted English muffin with cheese. To this I added three left over deviled eggs and a helping of Fritos. To round out the meal I decided on heating up three flour tortillas, spreading peanut butter and marshmallow fluff meticulously throughout and rolling them up to resemble cigars…for dessert, washing it all down with a Stone IPA. I’m not sure where this meal would have landed on the food pyramid, or whether of not there was any nutritional value involved, but it was delightful.

What was not delightful was what greeted me this morning on the Drudge Report:

These are the news stories deemed of most interest by this famous aggregator. Take a close look. Not a word about the ongoing war in Ukraine, but everything you could possibly want to know about a washed up actor’s defamation trial. There’s a breathless update about the British Prime Minister’s latest troubles, and the disturbing news that Prince Harry has decided that what America needs is the most pampered and entitled refugee in history. 

It is easy to look at this and come to the conclusion that you live in the most unserious nation on Earth. But the truth is that the vast majority of my fellow citizens never read the Drudge Report. Although more of them know who Johnny Depp is than can name their Senators, the fact is that most of us are not the deranged narcissists that social media tells us we are. We are busy working, raising our families, volunteering our time, buying groceries, bringing all the plants inside the garage to protect them from a late frost, and helping our grown kids move into their first house. But can you imagine how boring it would be to pull up a news aggregator site with those stories splashed across the headlines?

Happy Easter

It would be very difficult around my house to escape the fact that today is Easter Sunday…

He is Risen…

Hire a Professional

Ahh yes, April 15th. Tax day, the day that we are held to account for calling ourselves American citizens, whereby the price of that citizenship is set. Forty years ago, I was given maybe the best piece of advice I ever received from Dean Horger, a gentlemen not known for dispensing particularly good advice, who said to me, “Dunnevant, if you’re smart you’ll get an accountant to do your taxes for you. I know a guy.”

At the time, it was quite debatable whether or not I was “smart”, but I took Dean’s advice and called his guy…Carl Woo. As a consequence of that call, I haven’t prepared a tax return in over four decades now and wouldn’t know where to start. I often have thought that if some unfortunate accident or illness were to befall Carl, I would be forced to leave the country, forfeit my citizenship and go into hiding. On the downside, I have paid the man a small fortune over forty years. On the upside, he has saved me countless hours of grief, outbursts of profanity, peptic ulcers and mountains of money. Take 2021 for example:

2021 was an unusually profitable year for Dunnevant Financial, made so by a particular transaction upon which I knew that a capital gains tax would become due. As a result of this transaction, I made intentional increases in the amount of taxes I pay the Feds and the Commonwealth of Virginia each month. In addition, to minimize the impact of this transaction on my tax bill, I increased the amount I contribute to my SEP plan, church etc…Even with these moves being made, I had a gut feeling I might still owe a little bit. There was perhaps an outside chance that I might get a small refund, but the chances weren’t good. I made these assumptions solely on instinct since I have no idea how Carl does what he does. All I know is what I earn and what I pay and after forty years you get a feel for these things. A side note—I am not one of those guys who hates paying taxes and feels put upon on April 15th every year. On the contrary, I kinda like safe streets that are paved and well lighted, schools that aren't falling down, a functioning legal system etc, etc. So, as a general rule I have never gone in for Byzantine tax avoidance schemes. I’ve always told Carl, I want to pay every dollar of taxes that I legally owe…but not a penny more.

So, I nearly fell out of my chair yesterday afternoon when I got a two sentence email from the estimable Mr. Woo:

Federal and VA refund of $**,*** and $*,*** respectively.  Will mail returns to you.  attached are the efile authorization.  you and Pam can sign and return at your convenience via email or fax 804 ***-****.  we have filed extensions so no rush.

 

Carl

So, the lesson here is pretty simple. If you are a young business owner out there struggling to establish yourself in the world, find yourself a young accountant who will grow along with you. Hire him. Pay the man or woman the money. Turn your taxes over to a professional. Rid yourself of the headaches and perpetual frustration. In this world you get what you pay for. Then forty years from now you too will be planning on naming a wing of your lake house after your accountant.

A Night in the Life

My new “get better sleep routine”.

7:30 pm. Bring up Nationals game on MLB app. Bemoan lack of clutch hitting.

7:45 pm. Start searching archives for terrible Dad Jokes to send to long suffering friends and colleagues.

8:30 pm. Work on latest chapter of novel.

9:30 pm. Take 10 mg Melatonin pill

9:30 pm. Continue writing.

10:00 pm. Escort Lucy outside for famous Last Pee perambulation.

10:02 pm. Encourage Lucy to consider doing her business at some point soon.

10:04 pm. “While we’re young, Lucy…while we’re young!”

10:15 pm. Instruct Alexa to “Turn out the den lights.” Freak Lucy out!

10:25 pm. Perform nightly hygiene routine.

10:30 pm. Climb into bed. Ten minutes later, sound asleep.

3:50 am. Eyes pop open. Glance at clock. Heavy sigh. Nearly break neck tripping over Lucy in route to the bathroom.

4:00 am. Get back into bed, followed closely by Lucy who now wants to sleep where my feet are supposed to be.

4:15 am. Tossing and turning while listening to Pam enjoying the deep sleep of the just.

4:20 am.  Give up on sleep and head downstairs to empty dishwasher, make coffee and write this stupid blog.

Newest Listing in Wythe Trace

I’m beginning to think that the housing market is getting out of hand…

NEW LISTING in fashionable Wythe Trace. $349,000.

Cash offers only.

Inspection waived.

Buyer pays all closing costs.

Title doesn’t necessarily convey.

Great curb appeal.

Did It.

This morning I read the last chapters of Revelation, completing the 90 day reading plan. There was a much more efficient and tech-savvy way to keep record of my progress of course, but I am irredeemably old school in this regard, preferring as I do the one page tally sheet where I can highlight each day’s reading with a yellow marker. Most days I read, but occasionally I took advantage of the audiobook app on my cellphone. I started out using The Message version of scripture and indeed used it more than any other over the 90 days, but whenever certain books like Psalms came up, I reverted back to the King James because of the beauty and familiarity of the language.

What did I learn? Many things, actually. Most I already knew but needed a reminding. Some things I had never noticed before in previous readings. Some of what I read was disturbing, uncomfortable words to hear in the 21st century. I read things that were profoundly beautiful and soothing, other things that felt like a rebuke. The one thing that strikes you about the Bible is how vulnerable are the heroes. All of the saints and mighty characters of the Old and New Testament are presented in all of their flawed humanity. King David’s bravery and love for God is clearly conveyed, right along side his adultery, murder and cowardly treachery. Moses and Abraham were presented as the powerful men of faith that they were, but we were also told of their missteps, their lying and disobedience. In Jesus’ disciples we see men who were painfully dim-witted, often petty, and nearly universally uneducated, making their heroic deeds post-resurrection seem like maybe the most miraculous thing in all of scripture. In other words, the entirety of scripture seems brutally honest in the extreme. Lest we be tempted to venerate someone, we are told of their worst possible moment, cutting them down to size. This feature of the Bible is encouraging to me and always has been. Perfection of character is not a requirement for approaching God. Good thing.

There are plenty of themes that run throughout all 66 books. Here are just a few I picked up:

- God hates the prideful

- God has a heart for the sick, widows, orphans and the poor and expects us to look after them

- The Law was designed as a guide for human flourishing, keeping the Ten Commandments are still the best way to avoid poverty and human suffering.

- Anything God creates, human beings ultimately screw up.

- No matter how much we screw up, God has bottomless reservoirs of compassion.

- Forgiveness is the most vital ingredient for human happiness and the most difficult to both give and receive.

- The concept of grace is perhaps the most beautiful thing in all of creation.

- There’s a lot of messed up stuff in the Bible…human beings are nuts!

Yes, there are many more themes in the Bible and many of them are of far greater theological importance than these I have listed, but these are the ones that jumped out to me…this time.