COVID Madness

So, yesterday Pam and I received an email from our intrepid real estate people at On The Water In Maine. The owner, Tiffany Ford, had clearly labored carefully over this particular email since it was her attempt to share with us the final edict from the Governor of Maine with regards to the rules for out of state visitors. Tiffany’s frustrations were evident throughout as she tried her best to explain the unexplainable. The upshot of the Governor’s ruling will be a severe blow to her business and she knows it. 

I will not publish the entire email here but I will summarize it’s salient points, which I believe to be sand-poundingly ridiculous. What follows is a perfect example of government overreach, cover your ass bureaucracy, and anti-scientific reasoning made to look like prudence. Here goes:

If I plan on vacationing in Maine I will have to self quarantine for 14 days, a shelter in place order that prohibits even trips to the grocery store. If we desire food and groceries we must avail ourselves of limited delivery services. Since the majority of rentals with On The Water In Maine are less than two weeks, this would mean that all out of state visitors to the state would be faced with a very quiet and isolated vacation. However, the good Governor, in her grace and wisdom has offered us an olive branch. If we desire to avoid the two week quarantine we can get tested for COVID no later than 72 hours before our arrival in the State. If the test is negative, we can skip the quarantine!! But here’s the sand pounding sophistry part...nobody in Maine is authorized to demand to see our negative test while we are there because of...HIPAA laws. When I say nobody I do mean nobody. Not the cops, not our rental agency, not anyone who owns a restaurant or store that we are about to enter. The results of our COVID test then will be our little secret. So the entire project will be based on the honor system. Let’s set aside for a moment the worthlessness of such an exercise and turn our attention to the science involved here. If someone gets a negative test for COVID, all that tells us is that he or she did not have the virus on the day they were tested. It provides no such reassurance that he or she may not have been exposed to the virus during the long trip to Maine. Any number of  virus-y things may have happened during the 72 hours after the negative test was acquired. Moreover, while we are in Maine, we might pick up COVID while pumping gas, eating a lobster roll, or standing in line at RiverDucks Ice Cream. So, what public health purpose does this totally confidential, 72 hours old negative COVID test serve the State of Maine, other than making her Governor look like a loopy gasbag? 

It should be noted that the entire State of Maine has had fewer cases, hospitalizations and deaths than....Henrico County, making these draconian, business-crushing mandates especially hard to comprehend.

What has been my response to Tiffany Ford and my friends at On The Water In Maine? I fired off the following email late last night...

Tif,

 Pam and I have read through this email which I’m sure was very difficult for you to have to write. My wife will reply with more detailed thoughts, but I wanted to answer myself as well, since I have plenty to say.

First of all, we have no intention of cancelling our reservation. Although it is very clear to me that your Governor clearly does not wish us to come to Maine, and will be extremely distressed if we do, my answer to her is an emphatic, “NO.” I will not cancel my four weeks in Maine. There are many reasons why, not the least of which are the many many fine businesses that we have grown to love over the years in the Camden area to which our cancellation would do great harm. The Smiling Cow, Once Upon a Tree, Hazel’s, The Waterfront, Camden Deli, The Droughty Bear, Riverducks ice cream, and...On The Water in Maine.  We both know how important the short tourist season in Maine is to these and many other wonderful businesses in the Mid-Coast area. To bail on them because of this nonsensical government overreach would be unconscionable. Also, our July in Maine isn’t just a vacation, it is a crucial part of our lives and the lives of our family. The central role that OTWIM has played in so many of these trips has been something that we highly value. Your great care an attentiveness to our needs while we are up there has made everything so much easier and care free. There’s simply no way we would back out on ourselves OR you.

So, we will get tested and go about our lives. We will obey all the rules for social distancing and mask wearing. But we will NOT back away from our commitment to come to your beautiful state, despite your Governor’s wishes.

God Bless,

Doug

Fearing The Lion

I am contrarian by nature. I was born contrary and it’s gotten worse through the years. 2020 is not a good time for contrarians. If you’re the type of person who always feels bad for the Wildebeest, not because he’s always being pursued by the lion but because he has to stay squarely within the herd in order to survive, then the last three weeks has been a discomforting experience. Examples abound:

- At the beginning of the Coronavirus, I was uncomfortable being ordered into the confines of my home by a State-mandated quarantine. The mandate rubbed up against my sensitivities as a free man with agency, making me feel like the hapless Wildebeast. Compliance with the edict was difficult for me and although I followed the instructions laid out for me by the authorities, I did so under official, if silent protest.

- Now, with the murder of George Floyd and the resulting banishment of COVID-19 from the headlines and airwaves, it seems like suddenly everyone has decided that the virus no longer exists. I walk through stores surrounded by mask-less citizens who roll their eyes dismissively at me as they hurry past, much closer than the suggested six feet. So, just about the time that everyone around me seems ready for a robust game of Twister, I’m now suspicious that we have all gone for the headfake, exposing ourselves to imprudent risk from a virus that hasn’t gone anywhere, is still killing people, and for whom there is still no cure. 

- Several years ago when practically everyone I knew was defending Confederate Statues as beautiful art and part of the fabric of the history and attraction of Richmond, Virginia, I began to question if they might be more appropriately displayed somewhere else rather than Monument Avenue. The racial makeup of the city and the message that the prominent display of men who fought for, among other things, the preservation of slavery might be suggesting to African Americans played a big role in my change of viewpoint. Now, the wholesale, lawless dismantling of these same statues with the tacit approval of law enforcement strikes me as wrong. In other words, now that more people have come around to my way of thinking, I am uncomfortable with the process.

- At a time when the entire country seems to have awaken to the persistent reality of racial injustice, I find myself in agreement with this new awareness. I freely admit that being born white in America has benefits, indeed, conferring on white people like me some privilege that black and brown people do not enjoy. Each day brings new admonitions on Facebook and elsewhere informing me of my privilege and how it needs to be checked. Advice memes have popped up addressed to white people, advising us how to and how not to interact with our black friends. I have found many of these suggestions helpful and indeed enlightening.

- I also, simultaneously, find myself resisting some of the new chic thinking on race. The blank, black box that many people displayed on Facebook last Tuesday is exactly the sort of thing that a contrarian like me hates. Again, the Wildebeest. Listen, I didn’t tie yellow ribbons around my mailbox when our embassy in Tehran was overrun, I didn’t display an American flag in my yard after 9/11. I just don’t do hashtags out of stubbornness, I suppose. But, although I acknowledge that white privilege exists, I refuse to go along with the notion that it defines me. Yes, being born white brings privileges with it, but not as many privileges as being born rich does. Although being born super smart is nice, it doesn’t guarantee either success or happiness. The world is teeming with miserable smart people. Neither does the fact that I was born white explain away every success I have enjoyed. Some of it was a result of good parents, a measure of self discipline, a work ethic, and an unwillingness to accept defeat. In addition, admitting that America suffers from racism and that some of that racism is indeed systemic does not mean that I have to accept the notion that the entire American experiment is a fraud, designed exclusively for the purposes of establishing and promoting white supremacy. Every episode of cultural upheaval has moments of overreach. This sort of reductionism is an example of such overreach. I wholeheartedly reject it, which in my opinion does nothing to lessen my desire for constructive change.

All of my life, I have resisted any new fashion or idea which starts to sweep the nation and culture. The more something starts being promoted as the next big thing, I find myself drawn to the counter argument. It’s exactly why I have always been attracted to the Gospel of Jesus Christ while being repelled by most of the churches who claim to represent him. You will search the annals of history all of your life and not find anyone as counter cultural and revolutionary as the Son of God. Equally, you will find it very difficult to find an institution so invested in the status quo as many churches. It is a paradox.

If I had been born a Wildebeest, I would have hated the herd. The strict conformity of such an existence would have driven me nuts. So, yeah...I would have been the one who decided to drift away from the pack to check out that cool looking bush in the distance. You know what happens to him. So, I get it. My opinions here might bother some of you. But, you can’t live your entire life fearing the lion.

My Missing Opinions

Preparing to leave your life behind for a month takes a lot of planning, coordination and hard work. It’s not easy to walk away from a business for a month. So, generally speaking, the weeks leading up to a month long vacation are jam packed with the tyranny of the urgent sort of things. That’s where I’m at now. I know, I know...poor, poor, pitiful me, right? The only reason I bring this up is as explanation for why I have been largely silent on a number of momentous, if bizarre, topics in the news of late. I have withheld comment mostly because I haven’t had the time to do enough research to comment intelligently, but partially because I’m tired of opinions of any kind. 

Looking back over what I just wrote there is a totally unintended joke hiding in that last paragraph. “I haven’t had time to do enough research to comment intelligently.” Holy crap, that’s hilarious. This is 2020 social media...since when is research a prerequisite for anything?

Be that as it may, I’m old school enough to think that I should at least dig a bit deeper than a meme-level understanding of a topic before I dive in with a take. Therefore, I have had nothing to say about:

Defund The Police

Seattle’s Autonomous Zone

The wholesale tearing down of monuments by night in my city and other cities around the country and indeed the world.

I’m not likely to write about any of these things in detail anytime soon. We leave exactly two weeks from today, so time for reflection will be in short supply. Once I get to Maine, a blessed cone of silence will descend over me, which will allow very little extraneous interference in. There will be no television. No newspapers except the Village Soup and the Camden Herald, the two local beacons of all news that’s fit to print. Yes, I will have internet, but mostly that will be used to keep a lifeline of connection to my business and clients open, in case of emergencies. Occasionally, especially during then first few days of adjustment, I will follow world events via my cell phone. But as the days go by and Maine begins to sink its talons into me, I will lose interest in anything that doesn’t involve fishing, swimming, eating, writing and the grandeur of God’s creation. So, that doesn’t leave a lot of time to form opinions. Consequently, the world might have to get along without Doug Dunnevant’s view of whether or not defunding the police is just another groovy revolutionary-chic catch phrase typical of the loopy left, or actually an idea with public policy merit. 

Somehow, I believe that the Republic will survive without this Blogger’s insights.

The Power of a Photograph

So, I told you about my big brother falling down a flight of stairs a couple of weeks ago. He broke his glasses, and was very sore for a few days, but luckily didn’t break anything. The problem has been that he has been in quite a bit of pain ever since the fall, raising concerns with his doctors. On their advice, he went for an MRI the other day to see if there was something else going on. The Doctors needed to rule out any cognitive impairment, a tricky proposition with we Dunnevant men since it is so difficult to tell. Are we cognitively impaired or just plain weird? There isn’t an MRI machine in the world powerful enough to answer that question. Nevertheless, there he was yesterday laying in one of those open MRI machines, since the big baby couldn’t handle the regular kind. Anyway, instead of finding mental problems they discovered he had sustained a torn rotator cuff. Well, I thought, no dang wonder  he’s been in so much pain! Poor guy. There’s no pain like rotator cuff pain, not to mention the fact that now he’ll have to give up his dream of making it to the big leagues as a flame-flowing closer for the Nationals.

Over the past couple of days I have come across two amazing photographs. The first was a picture of the recent Black Lives Matter protest in Hollywood, California.

My reaction upon seeing this was, “Ok, if we don’t see a huge surge in Coronavirus cases in Los Angeles in the next three weeks, I’m going to demand some answers from the folks at the CDC and WHO!!”

Then there’s this...

Yes friends, this is the mother of all photo ops, a picture so run through with symbolism and pathos it boggles the mind.  Democrats taking a knee just outside the Congressional cafeteria. I’m told that they held this pose for 8 and a half minutes, the same amount of time that George Floyd had to endure a knee to the throat from that racist Minneapolis cop. 

I’m sorry. I just can’t. I think that if Webster’s ever publishes a completely illustrated version of their famous Dictionary, this photograph will serve as the definition of pandering. I mean, it’s perfect. Except, what’s up with...who is that, Jerry Nadler...the white dude standing up? What’s his story? What, you got a bum knee or something Jerry? The nerve of that guy!!

Oh...and Nancy has got a lot to learn about how to wear a face mask.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking. Doug, aren’t you being a little harsh? Aren’t these Democrats just trying to do the right thing here, strike the right conciliatory tone in contrast to Trump’s nihilistic blather? Sure, there’s always that possibility. But everything in my 62 years of education, training and experience practically screams at me that this was a focus group tested publicity stunt. The good news is that at least during these eight and a half minutes, these men and women weren’t up to any legislative mischief. Well Doug, you’re just a cynic, then. Well, if by cynic you mean that I generally question the integrity and sincerity of the political class, and believe with all my heart that their primary motivation is their own self interest, then yes. I am a cynic. But I didn’t come by my cynicism by chance or some quirk of fate. It has been earned by a half century of duplicitous, self dealing men and women from both parties who have attempted to manipulate me with such photographs.

Speaking of stagecraft propaganda photo ops...

Alec, I’ll take “books Trump has never read” for $1000.

One more for the Webster’s Illustrated Dictionary...under despicable...

Famous People and Twitter

I have been shocked at the number of people who have lost their jobs and reputations over the past few weeks over comments made over social media platforms that have suddenly become lethal. It’s really not a new phenomenon, but has gained momentum in this post George Floyd world. Some have decried the First Amendment implications and the Brave New World thought police nature of it all. Others have pointed out that the First Amendment protects us from governmental suppression of free expression, but does not shield us from the consequences of the words we speak. Fair enough, but something tells me that this will feel like a distinction without a difference to the guy who gets crucified over a remark that three weeks ago wouldn’t have raised an eyebrow...see: Brees, Drew.

But, then it occurs to me that this very blog is probably chocked full of ill-considered ideas, phrases, and expressions that could destroy me if I were a public figure. The Tempest is over ten years old. I have written over 2000 posts, a whopping 1,300,000 words covering every topic imaginable. I have no doubt that there are plenty of inappropriate, over the top insensitive remarks on any number of hot topics. Heck, I even had a two part argument with myself over gay marriage back in the day. I shudder to think how that would have gone over in this environment. The thing is, I also have no doubt that I have been wrong about a lot of things I’ve written about. The Doug Dunnevant of today would probably take issue with the Doug Dunnevant of 2013. But, that’s the nature of the human experience. We grow and mature and our opinions change, hopefully for the better. We discover new information and make changes in our views. We meet someone who brings a fresh perspective on an issue that helps us understand better. For Christians like me there’s also the influence of the Holy Spirit, as he whispers to us, a whisper that we often don’t hear because of our stubbornness, but when we do changes how we see and understand the world. So, I will offer no apologies for what I have written here. It was an accurate and honest reflection of what was in my mind and heart when I wrote it. To the extent that it may have been boneheaded and tone deaf, well...that’s how we roll as human beings, ever striving ever changing, ever edging closer and closer to the truth.

But seriously? If I were a famous person? I would run away from Twitter, Facebook, Instagram so fast it would make your head swim!!

T-18

Monday morning. Another week of to-do lists, appointments and commitments to honor. The week starts with glorious weather, a big help.

Meanwhile, my country is still convulsed by protests, statue toppling, and now streets being painted with giant yellow letters promising to DEFUND THE POLICE. It’s my opinion that if we’re going to start defunding stuff we should start with the Commerce Department, then work ourselves down to the police, but I suppose that’s a subject for another day. I shouldn’t quibble. This is the first time I’ve heard hardly anybody in the public square come out for defunding any part of government since the 1980’s. Progress.

We haven’t talked much about COVID for over a week now. Good and bad. Good because the relentless wall to wall doom and gloom with regards to the virus was suffocating. Bad because despite the fact that we are no longer talking about it as much, it’s still out there, people are still dying and there’s still no vaccine.

Then there’s Wall Street. I do this for a living and I still can’t explain the unexplainable. I get this a lot, “Doug, with all of this turmoil and chaos how can the stock market be going up??” My answer is usually something technical and complicated like, “Beats me.” The only thing I should point out about the stock market is the fact that there’s a big difference between the economy and the stock market. Sometimes they move in tandem, often times they do not. Additionally, stock prices are leading indicators, not lagging indicators meaning that the market for equities is set by what traders see in the future, not what is happening now. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the extent of my expert opinion on this subject that I am willing to share on this blog for two reasons. First, I started this blog ten years ago as an escape from my real job, and second, the quickest way to bore people to tears is to start talking about economics.

At the Dunnevant Compound it is T-18 days until Maine launch. All systems are not go. There are a world of details to attend to before the great adventure can begin, not the least of which is staying healthy. All I ask the rest of the Country is to try to hold itself together for just 18 more days. Once Pam and I are safely ensconced in our lake house, you are free to do whatever the next crazy thing you have in mind happens to be.

Too Soon?

Often on Fridays, I have taken a break from the momentous conflicts and catastrophes of our world to offer really terrible jokes for all of you to moan and groan over. It’s my way of reminding everyone that no matter how despicable a place this world has become, awful Dad Jokes are still quite exquisitely funny. This particular Friday morning caused me to hesitate. Is it the right time and place to be posting cringeworthy attempts at humor while all around us, man’s inhumanity to man is on the march?

After careful consideration, I have determined that it is the perfect time for what follows. These jokes are so bad they have the power to unite us all: black, white, liberal, conservative, Republican, Democrat, carnivore, vegan, devout, pious, straight, gay, married, single, Boomer, Millennial, yankee, southerner, even dog and cat..in a collective eye roll.

What happened to Bullwinkle when he was pulled over for speeding?

He was charged with a .....moosedemeanor.

The police found a chickpea that was smashed.

But after looking at the evidence, they have ruled out....hummuscide.

What do you call it when someone hates riding to work with his coworkers over the Chesapeake Bay Bridge?

Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.

What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn’t moved a muscle in a year?

A Trophy.

I had a dream last night that I knighted an electric fish.

It was Sir eel.

Mike Tyson gifted little metal cups to his friends.

When they asked what it meant, he said it was a thimble of friendship.

They say that Argentina is cold.

But actually it would be more accurate to say that it borders Chile.