The Wedding.....Part One

Five days have passed. I am no longer exhausted. Enough time has passed to gain perspective but not too much time that I’ve forgotten anything, so I guess it’s time for a wedding blog.

The wedding of Patrick Dunnevant and Sarah Upchurch was a combination of loveliness and catastrophe...heartwarming beauty and three ring circus. There were times where I wondered what could possibly go wrong next, but other times when I was so proud of them both I could hardly stand it. To tell the story of this crazy yet glorious weekend, I will have to break it down into chapters, which means that this blog might be rather long. But bear with me...I need to get all of it down. One day I will read this to their children who will not believe a word of it.

CHAPTER ONE.....SAM

The guy on the left is Sam Isaacs. He has been Patrick’s friend since they were five. We love Sam primarily because he’s always been a mess and good for a hilarious story or two. On this weekend, of course, he didn’t disappoint. His Thursday flight from Richmond on Allegiant Airlines was unceremoniously cancelled. No other flights could be had so Sam decides to just rent a car and drive through the night. There was a credit card foul up that made that a fiasco and delayed their departure until 10 pm. Then, ten minutes after leaving the airport in their rental car, the check engine light comes on!! Of course it did! Sam missed the bachelor party, but rolled in just in time for the rehearsal dinner. In route, his delightful fiancée had to plead with their hotel to re-book their reservation which they had mistakenly cancelled. All in a day’s work.

CHAPTER TWO...Replacement Bridesmaid

One of the life lessons I have learned from this weekend is the importance of family and friends. In particular, those special people who can be depended on in the clutch. At every turn, when something had gone terribly wrong, some incredible friend would step up and save the day. These people were super heros to us...all weekend. One of them was this beautiful girl standing next to the stunning bride...

So, one of Sarah’s bridesmaids informed her...18 hours before the wedding...that she was ill and would be unable to make it to the wedding. (No, I am not making this up.) This news was received right before the big visit to the nail salon for the prenuptial manicures. A debate began. Should she ask another friend? Should she just go with one less bridesmaid? Would the pictures look unbalanced? Would whichever friend she asked feel slighted that she was only being asked to be a backup? In other words, this was the type of situation that no bride should be dealing with 18 hours before her wedding. Then, the best man, Matt Adrian’s girlfriend, Yoanna, who Patrick had introduced to Matt a couple years 
ago, stepped up. I’ll be your bridesmaid! Let’s get her dress from her and take it up a little. It will work perfectly! And just like that, Sarah now had a replacement bridesmaid, one who truly loved her in word and deed. I will never forget the heartfelt speech she gave at the rehearsal dinner. Matt...don’t let this one get away!


CHAPTER THREE...The Leaning Arbor of Ruby

Sarah’s father, Andy, had designed and constructed an arbor for the occasion, which had to be assembled on site at 7 AM, day of, after which the florist would decorate it with flowers and greenery. However, when we arrived at 9:00 am, the arbor was being propped up at its base with a ten pound bag of cat litter. Now, I’m not known as someone who is necessarily in tune with wedding stylistics, but even I knew that a bag of cat litter didn’t match the color scheme of this event! The trouble was that without the offending bag of litter, the arbor would list badly starboard. Upon seeing this, the first rumblings of panic arrived in my stomach. Pam calmly got on her phone and did the only thing any of us know to do when something like this happens...call Ron Roop. My brother in law is one of those guys who always seems to know how to fix stuff. He always just happens to be carrying a slide rule and adjustable wrench around in his pocket when you need one. Although he was about to step into the shower when he got Pam’s call, five minutes later, there he was, bungee chords and fishing line in hand, working his miracles...

CHAPTER FOUR... “I’ll do anything for you”

Lots of people say these words. Only a special few actually mean them. Becky Baldwin is one of those people. Becky and Pam have been close friends for thirty years or more. Back in the day at Grove, people would get them mixed up, they looked and acted so much alike. Of course, Becky and her daughter Kelly, a life long friend of Patrick, made the trip from Richmond. The two of them wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Anyway, during the chaos of the wedding day, it was discovered after the service that Patrick had left something very valuable at his apartment that morning...the flash drive that contained the slideshow of pictures that was to play during the reception! When this news was relayed to my wife, Becky was standing there with her and immediately said, “Patrick, give me the keys to your place. Kelly and I will go get it!” Pam protested...”Becky, it’s all the way across town! You don’t know your way around this crazy city, and you will miss the reception!” Becky smiled and said...”Pam, I would do anything for you. Now, you leave this to us!” With that, the two of them screeched out of the parking lot and disappeared....

Yeah...that’s them, recording their heroics with a selfie at the scene. They made it back with the flash drive in record time, saving the day. 

TO BE CONTINUED........

Pictures From Nashville

Thought maybe my readers would like to see some photographs of some of the key places and players involved in this weekend’s festivities...

Here’s a picture of the Venue...

Had a chance to tour our caterer’s facility yesterday. Was particularly impressed with their kitchen...

The staff certainly seemed like a cheerful bunch...

Oh...and here’s a shot of the nice Air B&B where we’re staying...

Time For Some Fun

Made the 9 hour, 600 mile, rain-soaked road trip to Nashville, then met the happy couple over at Patrick’s apartment where the fair Sarah had cooked us a delicious dinner. Most of the evening was spent looking over the mounds of wedding gifts stacked against every available wall...these kids need a bigger place!! Then Sarah and Pam started geeking out with their dueling organizational spreadsheets like two accountants pouring over payroll at the end of the month. Between the two of them, this wedding has been planned out to within an inch of its life. There are looses ends left to tie down, a couple of logistical odds and ends to button up, but things look to be falling into place quite nicely. Finally, it would appear that the fun is about to begin. For example...

Aside from an eleven o’clock meeting at the Venue this morning to iron out a couple of things, today is a free day. Maybe a lunch trip to Hattie B’s might be in the offing? Paula, Ron and Ryan will roll in this afternoon, so maybe dinner out at some appropriately Nashvillian establishment. I will get a grueling workout in at some point today so I will still be able to fit into my suit Saturday morning!

Tomorrow will be so much fun! While the ladies are all out getting their nails done, or some such thing, a large herd of wedding related guys will be gathering for brunch at this very cool place...

Yes...the Pfunky Griddle is a Nashville institution. I first ate here back in Patrick’s undergrad days and fell in love with the place. It’s a breakfast joint inside what used to be someone’s rambling and cramped rancher. Now it’s a rambling and cramped restaurant. Each table features a huge Griddle in the middle of the table upon which customers are expected to cook their own breakfast. This is a great concept...lure people into your business, take their money, and make them do the work, while eliminating most customer complaints...Customer: This pancake is undercooked!! Waiter: Try harder! 

Then, this roving band of wedding guys will head over to this very cool place...

This is Topgolf, an upscale, supercharged driving range/bar which also serves pub-grub. The golf balls are equipped with microchips that immediately inform you, in unsparing detail,  just how horrible a shot you hit! Looks like a blast. The best part is the fact that each hitting bay is climate controlled...the two most wonderful words in the English language for anyone who lives south of the Mason Dixon Line after May 1st.

Then we will retreat back to the hotel, freshen up, and head over to the Loveless Cafe for the rehearsal dinner. 

All in all, a super cool 48 hours.

Lucky Me

This boy...

Isn’t really a boy anymore...

But, he’s still my son...

Yes, there can be no doubt about that...

And this weekend he’s getting married...

Lucky me.

A Very Big Weekend

Tomorrow morning, Pam and I will make the 600 mile drive to Nashville, Tennessee for what seems like the hundredth time. But this time will be special. Our car will be packed with something more than just our luggage and essential trip food like Cheeze-Its and Mentos. This time there will be boxes and boxes of vitally important wedding knickknackery, including but not limited to...gift bag ingredients, rose gold forks(?), assorted rehearsal dinner decorative finery, random wedding gifts, a brand new Apple computer for a friend who is so cheap he had the thing shipped to me to save having to pay the exorbitant Tennessee sales tax (but because the friend is Deen Entsminger, I will be compensated with free beer at The Saucer), and my wife’s beautiful but temperamental wedding dress which wrinkles if looked at sideways! I feel like maybe I should attach a sign to the back of the car saying: WARNING: Occupants of this vehicle are in the middle of wedding preparations. Approach with extreme caution!!

The weather forecast for the week is nice. Says on my weather app that Nashville will be 95, hot and humid for the foreseeable future. Perfect.

The first thing on the agenda when we arrive will be meeting with the happy couple for dinner and a planning session of some sort. Then, Thursday, we will make a trip over to the venue to check it out for the first time, and meet the owners who I recently insulted in an angry, sarcasm-filled e-mail. That should be fun!

Friday will be devoted to manicures, pedicures, some kind of guys outing which I have not yet planned, and finally the rehearsal dinner at the famous and ironically named, Loveless Cafe.

Saturday is the big day. Patrick and Sarah will be wed by mid-morning. A delightful brunch will be served. The entire thing will be over and done with by 2:00 in the afternoon, after which we have no idea what the plan is because at that point Pam and I will have sworn off any plan making for the duration. Instead of driving back on Sunday, we are taking that day off to regroup. We will drive home Monday after a day of rest.

So, that’s the plan. Most everyone in the family will be there, some coming all the way from California. The best part will be having everyone together. All the expense, planning, and attention to a thousand details will be worth it. It always is. 

I’m tempted to ask you to wish us luck. But it occurs to me that we don’t need luck...because we have Pam!

Love Your Enemies?

The owner of the Red Hen in Lexington, Virginia recently asked White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Saunders to leave her establishment because she found her political views and her association with Donald Trump offensive. Her decision to deny her service has once again divided the country between those who accuse her of intolerance and bigotry and those who applaud her for standing up to a bully who works for a bully. Some commentators have pointed out that Donald Trump’s vulgar tone and demeaning comments towards his political enemies has unleashed a similar backlash. Now, Maxine Waters is on record fanning this new confrontational phase of our political disagreements, encouraging everyone to publically harass all members of the Trump administration, denying them public accommodations whenever the opportunity arises.

This will not end well.

Meanwhile, as if on cue, my pastor preached a sermon for this particular moment and blasted me between the eyes with a particularly stark and uncomfortable passage from the Sermon on the Mount...

“You have heard it said,’Love your neighbor and hate your enemy’. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your father in Heaven. He causes the sun to rise  on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the just and the unjust. If you love  those who love you, what reward will you get? are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?”

Jesus Christ, Matthew 5: 43-47

With this statement, our Lord and savior introduced the only truly revolutionary idea in the history of the world...love your enemies. He makes no exceptions, offers no categories of enemies which might be exempt. He doesn’t even deny that enemies exist. He just commands us to love them. It’s disturbing to hear because it condemns us...all of us. We are no good at this. We much prefer revenge and hatred. 

Then my pastor made a couple of statements which I will try to accurately paraphrase...

“This is a large church with a wide range of political opinions. I know many of us who voted for Hillary Clinton, and many others of us who voted for Donald Trump. And, by saying that I know what thought just popped into many of your minds...’How can you be a Christian and vote for _________?? If that’s you...stop it. Don’t go there. One of the highest goals of discipleship is preventing hatred from growing in the human heart...”

Tribalism is the degeneration of human organization which reduces every encounter down to us vs. them. This leads to the concept that the friend of my enemy must become my enemy. Eventually, when life is lived in this way, we no longer are able to see our enemies as human beings. Once that happens, the door is wide open to every kind of cruelty.

In 2018, we find ourselves in a scary place. For me, it no longer matters who started it. Which side is more responsible for the growing hatred and animosity seems very much beside the point. After all, the audience on that hillside in Galilee all those years ago were people living under the brutal occupation of Roman soldiers. They all knew who the aggressors were, and still...Jesus implored them to abandon their hatred, and choose love. That’s an astounding request and must have seemed impossible to Jesus’ audience, no less impossible to us. But, if we are to survive this place in our history...it’s our only hope.

Pierre and Me

I’ve noticed that over the years people have stopped getting married in churches anymore. It’s not necessarily a religious thing, it’s more the fact that the carpeting clashes with the bridesmaid’s dresses, or that churches don’t have the right aisle structure or some other aesthetic isn’t quite right. Instead, couples have started getting hitched out on somebody’s farm, in a renovated barn. Others choose some converted warehouse which has been relabeled, industrial chic, and marketed as a wedding venue. Still others find an old manor house with a picturesque gazebo overlooking a grand vista somewhere. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with any of these choices. There’s no law that says you can only get married inside of a church building. However, the rapid inflationary trajectory of the cost of weddings is directly related to the abandonment of the Church wedding. The explosion of the wedding venue industry has turned weddings into a seriously big business. With this in mind, what follows is a fictionalized composite of one father’s experiences through the planning and execution of two such weddings. Events and conversations depicted here may or may not have actually taken place, and are representative of general themes only, not of real people or events...except when they are.

Pierre: Welcome to The Bluff at Xanadu, the premier wedding venue for only the most romantic couples!

Me: Whoa!! Settle down, Pierre. We’re just looking right now.

Pierre: Then you’ve found what you need. There’s no need to  look any further. You have found the perfect venue for your daughter’s big day.

Me: I’ll be the judge of that. This place looks like a giant empty room. What am I missing?

Pierre: The Bluff at Xanadu is a blank canvas onto which your daughter can paint her dreams. Our minimalist approach allows for the greatest level of customization, making each wedding a unique event.

Me: How much does it cost?

Pierre: A mere $10,000.

Me: Are you kidding? That’s great! Every other place we’ve looked at is twice that! What’s the deal?

Pierre: At The Bluff, we pride ourselves on our competitive pricing.

Me: Where do I sign??

Pam: Wait a minute dear...I have a few questions.

It’s at this point in the process that I’m reminded of just how overmatched I am by my wife when it comes to...how shall I say...um, thinking things through. That is to say, I’m clueless about the details of anything, and Pam’s brain is the place where the details of life live.

Pam: I don’t see any tables or chairs anywhere.

Pierre: Tables and chairs can be rented from our sister company, Xanadu Fulfilled.

Pam: Is there another room for the reception. I only see this one big room.

Pierre: No, after the ceremony, your guests will be escorted out into the veranda for cocktails while our expert and efficient staff transform this space into a reception room. It’s actually breathtaking to watch. We call it...the great room flip.

Pam: I see. What about the lighting? It seems rather stark.

Pierre: No worries, we offer a wide range of lighting options, everything from subtle amber to the great white way, and of course our neon night’s package..all for a slight upcharge.

Me: Wait...we have to pay extra for lights?

Pierre: A nominal charge...and well worth it, I must say, to set just the right ambient tone. There’s nothing worse than having the wrong lighting.

Me: I can think of something worse...having to pay for lighting.

Pam: I notice that there are two giant video screens in the room. I assume these are for slideshows of the bride and groom?

Pierre: Yes! And for a technology hookup fee your photographs will be displayed on only the highest HD resolution screen in the industry, absolutely cutting edge!

Me: Wait...a technology hookup fee? What the....

Pam: I notice that the veranda has no ceiling fans. Since our event will be in the middle of the summer, it might be quite hot, and with over a hundred people milling about our here for perhaps an hour, I’m concerned about the heat. Will you provide some oscillating fans to provide some cross ventilation?

Pierre: You know...I don’t think we’ve ever been asked that question before. I mean the veranda has a roof, so it’s not like your guests would be standing out in the sun. But, if you insist, I’m sure that Xanadu Fulfilled can rent you a fan or two.

Me: We have to rent fans???!!!

Pam: Honey, calm down.

Me: What about the bathrooms? Will there be toilet paper, or will we have to rent that too??  

Pierre: Only the finest four-ply, imported toilet paper from Singapore is included at no extra charge.

Me: As Ronald Reagan once said...Trust, but verify...so I want to see these bathrooms.

Pierre: Certainly...second door on the right.

Me: Wait a minute...these are pay toilets!!

Pierre: The Bluff at Xanadu is an environmentally-sensitive site. We try to limit, where possible, the overuse of water and have found that adding a charge for bathroom services helps people to make more rational decisions on how often they use the facility.

Me: But, there’s an ATM machine in here? How much are these toilets??

Pierre: $10 per flush.

Me: Are you freaking kidding me???

Pierre: We do offer senior citizen discounts, as well as quantity discounts, for the heavy drinkers in your party.

Pam: Pierre, according to my calculations, the cost of your venue has now doubled from your original price of $10,000.

Pierre: And aren’t the memories you will make here worth any price??