Tuesday, November 1, 2022

Ignorance of the Law is no Excuse

Pam and I have lived in the Wythe Trace subdivision in Short Pump, Virginia for over a quarter of a century. In all that time I have never known how to refer to my neighbors. Are we Wythe Tracers, Wythe Tracians or should I go with the Old Testament Wythe Tracianites? Whichever it is, all residents of this fine community should pay attention to the following public service announcement.



Henrico County’s finest have posted a new speed limit on our beloved Pump Road from the intersection at Broad Street all the way to the intersection at John Rolfe Parkway. I am told by reliable sources that ignorance of the law is no excuse, so proceed with caution. I assume that the purpose of this new speed limit is to lower the actual speed that people drive on this section of Pump Road from 55 to 45. If they really expected us to drive 35 they would post a speed limit of 25, but that’s just ridiculous. I tried driving 35 on this stretch yesterday and I felt 85 years old, but the law’s the law. 

So, just to be clear, Henrico County has now a major road in the west end which when driven from Broad Street all the way to Patterson Avenue features three different speed limits, 45, 35, and two different school zones that when flashing mandate a 25 mph limit. Good luck.

On another note, as I was returning from my record breaking 4 mile run* yesterday morning, I happened to notice the new message recently added to the North Gayton Baptist Church sign. Incidentally, what is it with Baptist churches in this town? Here’s North Gayton Baptist sitting proudly on Pump Road, nowhere near North Gayton, while Grove Avenue Baptist stands squarely on the corner of Ridge and Parham?! But, I digress. What I wanted to point out was the message on the sign…


What a beautiful truth. An Amen is in order, I think. Well done.





* 37:12, average pace of 9:17

Monday, October 31, 2022

Halloween

Ok…Halloween. Here is my sure to be unpopular take on what used to be a delightful children’s holiday, but has morphed itself into just another day that grown adults have managed to co-opt. First, the fun part.

Our neighborhood has a Halloween parade. All the adorable kids in their costumes gather at the corner of Center Ridge and Summer Stream around 5 o’clock. Then they march themselves all through the neighborhood before ending up in our culdesac where the HOA has set up tables filled with 25 pizzas from Dominoes which I have been tasked with picking up in time for their arrival. I am told that there will be over 100 of us in attendance. To guard against untimely rain, two beach pavilions will have been erected. After everyone has eaten, the trick-or-treating begins. Ever since COVID our neighborhood has gone to the curbside distribution of treats whereby you place candy in individualized bags on tables at the end of your driveway. That way, their little filthy hands don’t get thrust into a communal treat bowl. Many of us decorate our tables with Halloween gear and set up our solo-stoves behind us and make an evening of it. Its awesome. The kids look amazing and we get to chat with some of the parents at the same time…one of the few COVID outcomes that was actually wonderful. Of course, Pam being Pam, she has a special section of our table dedicated to peanut-free treats, and special bags for Cash, Kennedy and Boo from next door which somehow gets filled with not only traditional candy but all manner of other trinkets. Good Lord how we spoil those three.

So, that’s the part of Halloween that I love. The rest of what it has become is embarrassing. I look on Facebook and see an endless stream of pictures of adults decked out in all manner of outrageous costumes, attending adults only parties. Celebrities are the worst, some of them even showing up dressed in some ridiculous costumes to parties that weren’t even costume parties! Then there are the attention hogs that intentionally dress in offensive and prejudicial outfits designed for maximum outrage in order to grab attention and hits on their Instagram accounts. Then, this morning I read of the 150 dead South Korean Halloween partiers killed in a stampede. Look, I’ve got nothing against having a good time, but when I see 50 and 60 year olds dressed up either as Sponge Bob SquarePants, or some couple decked out to look like a prostitute and a priest I think, Good Lord, folks! Give Halloween back to the kids and grow the hell up.

But, thats just me.

Saturday, October 29, 2022

Friday, October 28, 2022

The Perfect Blogpost for a Dreary Friday

On this dreary Friday morning I will ignore the many problems of the human condition to concentrate on one of its joys, the Dad Joke.

Two cowboys were lost in the desert when they saw a tree in the distance covered in bacon. One cowboy says to another, “A bacon tree! We’re saved!” He runs as fast as he can to the tree only to die in a hail of bullets. Turned out to not be a bacon tree at all.

It has a ham bush.


Lionel Messi was fussing at his son for his filthy looking room. The boy said that it wasn’t his fault.

“I can’t help it that I’m a little messy.”


Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd broke into a distillery one night. Daffy picks up a bottle and asks Elmer, “Is this whiskey?”

Elmer answered, “Sure its whiskey, but not not nearly as whiskey as wobbing a bank.”


My wife is all mad at me because I dripped ceiling paint on the floor.

Now I’m just walking on eggshell.


I used to think that my Chiropractor wasn’t any good.

But now I stand corrected.


Last night I called the child abuse hotline.

A six year old answered the phone and told me I was ugly.


Breaking news from the world of sports: The New York Yankees are relocating to the Philippines.

They are going to be called the Manila Folders.


According to the CDC, what is the most popular vaccine in the ghost community?

…boooo-sters.


My brother, the electrician, just had gender reassignment surgery.

Now I have a trans-sister.


I went to visit my Psychiatrist yesterday and after thirty minutes he told me I was crazy. I told him I needed a second opinion.

He said, “Alright…you’re ugly too.”











Thursday, October 27, 2022

The Crisis in Public Education

I am a product of the public school system in this country, having graduated from Patrick Henry High School in Hanover County, Virginia in 1976. Both of my children are products of the public school system. I have never been a big fan of Christian schools, private schools, or home schooling, although I understand why some people make those choices. For me, there was no other choice. My parents couldn’t afford anything besides public schools. When my kids came along I could afford other options but never seriously considered any of them. It helped that the local schools were terrific. Perhaps if I lived in the middle of Camden, New Jersey I would have made different choices.

Full Disclosure Alert: I come from a family of several educators. My wife, my daughter, my sister, and one of my nieces have all been neck deep in the public school infrastructure for many years. So what I write here is in part influenced by their experiences. I should also admit that when I matriculated at the various schools available to me as a kid—Elmont Elementary, John M. Gandy, Liberty Jr. High then Patrick Henry High School—I wasn’t exactly what anyone would call a model student. I was an underperforming, mischievous goofball who was far more interested in girls than grades, as my many trips to the principal’s office would prove. But, I learned a lot and many of my teachers along the way made positive impressions on me, some life-long.

So, my devotion to public schools does not come from an idyllic experience, but rather, I believe that public schools are essential to the formation and sustenance of the Republic in ways that expensive private schools, parochial schools and even home schooling could never be. A foundational, quality education available to everyone is the surest and most proven tool to fight poverty, crime and a host of other societal plagues. We all benefit from a well educated citizenry, people who have been given the foundation of knowledge and understanding of the world.

But it doesn’t take an Education Department Bureaucrat to see that public schools are in deep, deep trouble. Since the onset of COVID, and uninterrupted since, some of the best teachers in the business have chosen to leave the profession. Teachers that were anywhere close to retirement bailed. To make matters worse, the number of new candidates has dried up. Fewer and fewer college students are choosing teaching as a career, and it’s not hard to see why.

I will not attempt here to diagnose what ails education in this country. I am not qualified, for one thing. For another, there are so many problems I wouldn’t even know where to start. However, I would like to concentrate on one area that is a universe away from how things worked 50 years ago when I cut my destructive path through Hanover County’s school system. The problem as I see it is perfectly summarized by this:



Although my parents had plenty of problems with my teachers back in the day, they never ever shared them with me. Mom and Dad formed a united front when it came to me and my uninspired scholarship, so if I was having a problem in class it was 99% my fault. In the Dunnevant home, our teachers were long suffering angels for having to put up with our laziness, etc. In other words teachers and our schools were held in a position of honor and authority by my parents, which filtered down to us. This simply does not exist any longer. There are a million reasons, but the underlying fact is undeniable. If little Johnny is struggling at school, too often parents take the position that it is the teacher’s fault. The louder they complain, the more likely it is that the administration will back the student and his bitching parents over the teacher. This is not true in every school or in every case, but it has happened often enough to make it clear to many teachers I’ve talked to that nobody has their backs. 

But as frustrating as this must be and as harmful as the breakdown of classroom discipline has become, its not as bad as the constant moving of the goalposts being forced upon teachers and schools by the mismanagement and bumbling incompetence of the education bureaucracy that has grown up over local schools like mushrooms after three days of rain. There are bloated central offices, reinventing the wheel literally every couple of years in everything from reading to math. Then there are the federal bureaucratic kingdoms mandating outcomes on local schools without providing workable guidance or funding. Finally, local school boards have been taken over by politicians instead of educators. Its a wonder any competent teacher stays on the job. Of course one of the worst things that can happen to a really good teacher is for them to win some kind of Teacher of the Year award. What that amounts to is an increased work load for two full years as they struggle to teach their classes while performing all of the TOY responsibilities, all in exchange for some $500 or $1,000 stipend. In the business world that would be considered laughable. In education, its like every Tuesday.

We have a problem on our hands as a nation. If public schools continue on their present course they will be virtually gone in twenty years, replaced by home schooling, the rich private academy, and some charter/for-profit enterprise hybrid. The only remaining public schools will be in the poorest neighborhoods, producing predictably pathetic outcomes. Something has to be done. We need to attract gifted teachers into the business. That can’t be done solely by raising the pay; it will also require a new level of respect and support. We need to stop tying the hands of administrators by allowing them to enforce classroom discipline. And parents need to stop coddling their children with the false message that they are special and deserve nothing but the best. They, in fact, deserve nothing but a decent education and a chance to succeed. That only happens when they work hard, apply themselves and respect the only authority that matters when they are in class … their teacher!

Monday, October 24, 2022

There’s an Election?

I find myself in a brief baseball hole since the World Series doesn’t start until this Friday. This allows me to think about other stuff, so I better take advantage of this four day window.

Ok, so there’s an election coming up. The reason I know this is because I can’t avoid the political banners and signs that festoon nearly every major intersection in the west end. But for the life of me I couldn’t tell you a single candidates’ name. I could probably pick a couple of them out of a lineup because I would recognize their faces from the banners, but I couldn’t put a name with a face if my life depended on it. Another weird thing is that although every time I find myself at one of those west end intersections I am careful to read every word of the signs, I have not yet been able to identify which political party these candidates are aligned with. Nowhere on the signs is there any such admission. Honestly, I don’t blame them one bit.

Not only can I not put names with faces or know which party they represent, I must admit that at this point I don’t even know what office they are running for. Partly, I blame my appalling election illiteracy on spending eight of the past sixteen weeks in Maine. I do know that up there Former Governor Paul Lepage is running against a woman with blond hair…so I got that going for me. But as far as the political contests in the Old Dominion, I am hopelessly uninformed. Here’s what will happen. I will enter the voting booth on Election Day and be presented with several names with D’S and R’s next to them with the occasional L or I. Then, the ballot will tell me what office they are running for and I will make my choice based on basically zero information. So, the question is, should I vote at all?

Is it good for democracy for everyone to cast a ballot or just people who have taken the time to study the issues and candidates? What about a guy like me who long ago soured on politics to the point where his distaste for it has rendered him apolitical and apathetic? Should I cast a ballot, or let those with passionate convictions one way or another have the floor?

In the five days or so before Election Day I will receive a barrage of slick one page ads in the mail telling horror stories of what will befall the Commonwealth if so-and-so gets elected. Then the airways will be filled 24/7 with ads as each party spends all the money they raised over the past two years trying to scare the hell out of me. Nevertheless, I was always taught by my parents and most of my teachers in high school that it was my sacred duty to vote, my responsibility to participate in the franchise. So, I will vote. Maybe I’ll write in someone. I won’t vote for anyone who is running unopposed and I won’t vote for anyone with misspelled words or missing punctuation in their last minute mail appeals. I mean, I do have a few standards.


Friday, October 21, 2022

Its Friday. Are You Golden Yet?

When I was pulling out of my driveway Monday morning my neighbors, Jamie and Stu, were walking their kids to the bus stop. I rolled the window down to say hello and Jamie replied with a voice that sounded like something you would hear in a tuberculosis sanatorium…three octaves low and as raspy as a two pack a day smoker. I delicately observed, “Good Lord girl, you sound horrible!” Then she said something very cool. In fact, I am stealing it and using it for motivation. 

She said, “I’ve got to get better because we have family portraits this weekend. My plan is to be…golden by Friday.”

Golden by Friday. That sounds like a plan. I know what some of you are thinking. But what about the rest of the days of the week? Shouldn’t we be golden every day? Puhleeze. Most Mondays its all I can do to remember to put my contacts in. And don’t get me started on the occasional sense of despair that comes with certain Wednesday mornings. No, what I like about this golden by Friday thing is the two things it suggests. First, that there is a plan of improvement, that life is a process and there’s a goal. And second, its optimistic. The plan isn’t to be ok by Friday. No, the expectation is to be golden. That’s a high bar.

So, there you go people. Let’s all work on becoming golden by Friday.

One more thing. Any parent of multiple kids knows all about sibling rivalry. Anyone with brothers or sisters also knows about sibling rivalry. But now, thanks to baseball, there is scientific evidence that attests to its existence. A couple days ago something happened in the Phillies v Padres game that had never happened before. A pitcher for the Phillies, Aaron Nola had to pitch to his older brother Austin for the Padres. As Austin walked to the plate, the camera caught the boy’s parents in the stands. The Dad was wearing both teams’ jerseys! In his first appearance, Austin made an out. The second time up he got a hit. But here’s what some statistician discovered. Aaron Nola had thrown over 10,000 fastballs in his career up until facing his brother in that game. Only 9 times did one of his 10,000 fastballs reach 96 miles per hour or higher. 3 of those 9 times were against his brother!!

Have a good Friday everyone, and if you aren’t quite golden…go for silver.