Every now and then I feel the need to write a post about something that annoys me, a personal grievance I harbor in my worst moments. It’s a minor irritant at best but that doesn’t mean it’s not super annoying. Here goes…
Most days during my retirement I make the drive from my house in Short Pump to Hope Cafe. It’s a 6 mile trip down Pump Road and Patterson Avenue. I usually make this drive around 8:30 or 9:00 in the morning. If you are familiar with this drive you know that both Pump and Patterson are four lane, divided highways. The traffic is never bad, some days busier than others, but never bumper to bumper. The speed limits vary along this route from 25 mph in the Godwin school zone to 55 mph when you cross into Goochland County on Patterson.
At this point it is only fair to mention that I’m not exactly what anyone would call a cautious driver. I have always viewed speed limit signs as suggestions. Generally speaking this means when I see a sign that says 45, I’m usually going 52. Nothing egregious mind you. (We won’t talk about my average cruising speed on the interstate going to Maine.)
What I am about to describe happens every single day, without exception. If it was an occasional annoyance I could just chalk it up to chance. No, this is an epidemic. At least twice per trip the following situation plays out…
I’ll be driving along minding my own business at a 52-55 mph clip when I will notice a line of cars tapping their brakes in the lane ahead of me. Then I will watch several of them swerving into the right lane. What’s the problem? I’ll tell you what the problem is—there’s some moron going 30 mph in the left lane!! Are they in the left lane because they are about to make a left hand turn? Noooo. They simply prefer the left lane, the passing lane for their meandering. When I finally am able to pull up along side the offender I already know what I will find. 95% of the time it is an octogenarian, eyes barely peering over the steering wheel which they have in a death grip. It is more often than not a woman, only because I imagine there are far more octogenarian female drivers than male since they outlive us. When this happens—again, EVERY MORNING—I must reign in my indignation. I was always taught to respect my elders and one day I will be an octogenarian motorist, which I’m sure is going to terrify my adult children. But if that happens I will probably be like my grandfather who had his driver’s license taken away at age 85 because he was clocked going his age the wrong way down route 29!!
But, this isn’t even the worst part about this business. Yes, the older drivers are super annoying. But the worst is when you pull up along side the moron in question and discover that it’s not Granny Bluehair. No, it’s a 30 year old working the steering wheel with his knees so he can devote both hands to the typing of a super important text message that can’t possibly wait. I would like to be able to say that when I am presented with this particular scenario, I maintain my composure, remembering that I am a Christian man who has been taught to love his neighbor since I was a child. Unfortunately, I have been known to attempt to start a conversation with people like this by using the turned up palm gesture, a horrified facial expression and shouting, “DUDE!!!!!?????”
Yeah…so that’s my personal grievance for the day.
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