The only good thing about Election Day is the blessed relief we will all now get from the relentless attack ads that have bombarded us from every communication medium for the past month. Whether you’re watching TV, listening to the radio or scrolling online, they’re everywhere warning me about the pending end of civilization if so and so gets elected. Of course, they’ve been warning me for the past forty years or so…and we are still here.
The past several election cycles I have faced a dilemma. I wake up each Election Day vowing to skip it, my patience with the process having been exhausted, my tolerance for accomplishment-free career strivers at an end. Why in the name of all that is holy should I reward any of these morons with the validation of a vote?
But then I will read a post by someone waxing poetic about democracy and the privilege we have that much of the world longs for. I hear reminders of the sacrifices made by prior generational heroes who fought and died for these first principles. Of course they are right. I consider voting but one of many civic duties, paying taxes, obeying the law and volunteering as the others. But our politicians and our current climate of buffoonery make voting so freaking difficult.
So…I will drag myself over to Short Pump Elementary School, make my way past the last minute campaign volunteers handing out sample ballots, marveling at their enthusiasm. I will waltz right in since there won’t be a line—it’s not just me, people. I will identify myself by handing my driver’s license to an elderly woman who will verify that I am who I say I am. How, on earth can this be controversial? Then I will enter the little semi-private half-booth where I will begin examining my meager choices. Do I vote for the crazy woman or the insufferably condescending one? Do I vote for the guy who wants to deny raped women abortions or the woman who wants to defund the police and can’t tell me what a woman is? These are just a few of the many horrifying accusations I have seen and heard leveled at the men and women on this ballot over the past 30 days…exactly the sort of thing that makes you want to fly the flag and thank God you live in America…right?
I will stand there in my befuddled state trying to make serious choices between ridiculous candidates. I don’t even know how many races are to be decided. I know the big three but there are others that I am not as familiar with. I will do my best to muster the internal fortitude required to cast a vote. I’m sure something will come to me. Probably won’t vote in all the races. There’s no law against being selective. I’m sure there will be at least one of those question votes in there somewhere—“Should the citizens of Henrico County fund a brand new Casino where Deep Run Park currently is located by selling bonds?”—or something like that.
Once I’m done, I’ll slip past the kind gentlemen handing out I VOTED stickers. I won’t take one. No point in bringing attention to such an embarrassment. The words of the late great P.J. O’Rourke come to mind, “Don’t Vote!! It only encourages the bastards.”
Please don’t misunderstand. I love America. I consider myself lucky to have been born here. I believe in our first principles and am proud of our history and all we have accomplished. But we are also a hot mess at the moment. Despite the great lengths our politicians go every election year to depress and dismay us, we still abide not because of them but in spite of them.
No comments:
Post a Comment