Loving Parenthood

 I was reminded of something about myself today by someone who is very dear to me—I loved being a parent. I use the past tense incorrectly since I am still a parent and will never stop being one, but you know what I mean. My kids are all grown up so my parenting duties are much curtailed, but back when we were in the midst of it, Pam and I loved everything about being parents and having kids…and still do.

Was it demanding, frustrating and overwhelming at times? Yes, yes and yes. Did the responsibility of it all seem burdensome? Of course. Did we struggle with feelings of inadequacy most of the time? Probably. But the magical part of it was that with the passage of time, those moments of frustration fade from your memory. What is left is a treasure trove of wonderful moments.

Being a Grandparent is like being a regular parent, but without the demands and frustrations, and with none of the responsibility! It’s the greatest gig in the world.

But the more I think about this the more it occurs to me that what I really enjoy is supporting and encouraging younger people. My own kids were young, new to everything, largely helpless. It was up to Pam and I to provide for them and teach them the best we could about the world, about what being a human being was all about. If we had thought more about what a huge job that was we might have been paralyzed by fear of failure. As it was, we were so exhausted most of the time we didn’t have the energy to waste on too much navel gazing. We just prayed and trusted them to God’s care…and made sure they were wearing clothes whenever they left the house!

Now that they are grown up we still feel that our job is to support and encourage them as they struggle through the same challenges that we overcame and some that we never encountered all those years ago. When a grandchild comes along our job is exactly the job that our parents performed for us back when our kids were babies. How can we help? What can we do?

But beyond being a parent and a grandparent, there’s also the privilege I have as a retiree with lots of time on his hands. I get to look around me at church and in my neighborhood and see young men and women, many of them with small children of their own and ask myself, How can I encourage them? I know what they are going through. I remember how hard it was some days. So, I bide my time and wait until I catch them doing something really smart and that’s when I take them aside and say, Dude, you are killing it right now. What an amazing job you’re doing! I remember every single time when an older adult did that for me when I was younger and just trying to figure it out. It made me feel like a million bucks that someone had noticed that I wasn’t a complete screwup. Now that it’s my turn to do the encouraging I’m finding that it’s a target rich environment out there if you’re paying attention. There are lots of young people out there killing it. Take the time to notice, come along side them and let them know that you see them.